7even11eleven-blog - This Is Me For Now

1. Last year the doctor told me that this kind of sadness is inherited. That they have discovered that sometimes it skips a generation. That the darkness inside me did not grow from nowhere it came from somewhere. I thought to myself, that there is a reason why I have always thought my heart was an attic where I hid pieces of myself. Pieces no one ever wanted. 2. The first boy I ever chose to show this sadness to decided to take it from my attic heart and planted it inside my soul instead. It was easy for him. My soul was a garden I showed him too soon. And he decided that meant he was allowed to take anything he wanted to. 3. Every man who has dared to love me since, has stared at this dark ivy covered soul like it is a haunted house, and I have never tried to explain the thing I have always known. Because men do not have to learn how to open their own selves and lock themselves up again. They are taught to be themselves and the world will accept them better that way. We are taught to break our bodies to be loved. We are taught to confuse sex and love. 4. I knew a girl whose father left her and she took all of her love for him and ate it to comfort herself. People joked how she lived in the kitchen. No one saw her tears when she ate. 5. A friend once told me that she locked herself inside the closet when her parents fought because her father beat her mother and she wished herself into the wood, just so she knew what it was like to be an inanimate object that couldn’t hear or feel anything. 6. My mother told me, that it is the way of the world for girls to grow into women by locking secrets inside themselves. Till now I still imagine every woman I have ever met as a big beautiful house. Full of secret rooms, hiding places, once filled with innocent laughter and joy. Now slightly sad and forgotten because of all those lost places inside them full of secrets.

Nikita Gill, The House Inside Her (via meanwhilepoetry)

okay but one of those “whatever tag shows up for this word” memes for: -son -trash -dead -child -smol -hate

i love his in battle conversations

I noticed that in the last year of letters from Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens, Alexander becomes less affectionate in his letters. In early letters his goodbye’s were always:

But then in the the last several letters Alexander sends to John are but simply signed off with:

In John’s letters to Alexander he doesn’t write much affection- though it becomes obvious through the things he wrote that he really cared for Alexander. When Alexander begins to become distant he starts becoming more protective:

and begins signing off his letters with more affection and in his last letter to Alexander (that we have found) he writes one of the most affectionate things he’s ever written to Alexander

Something must of changed in their correspondence, while Alexander is growing more distant, John is growing more affectionate. The mood changed and Alexander in the last letter he wrote to John seems to have realized how much he missed John writing to him:

His partings change and instead of simply writing “adieu” he begins writing with the affection he wrote with before. It is doubtful that John ever received Alexander’s last letter. Which means John died thinking that Alexander was loosing his love for him. 

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How fortunate it is, to stumble upon someone so special, who bears a love that kills all the pain in you, that heals and restores your brokenness without asking for anything but the smile on your face to stay, in return.

Lukas W. // A love that heals (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

do u ever think about someone and ur like: i wanna take care of them so hard??? i want to be their #1 supporter especially during times when they think no one believes in them. i want to comfort them when their thoughts are too loud and i’ll stay up with them all night until they drift off into a peaceful sleep in my arms. like u just wanna b there for them???? and love them endlessly????? and give them affection and so much love that they have never received????

me: *lays down in my bed*

my entire body: YES! YES! YES THANK YOU GOD!!!!!! YES YES YES YE

Find someone who pays attention. Who runs their fingers over your every scar; and asks where each one came from. Find someone who knows how you like your coffee; what song makes you want to roll the windows down and slam on the gas pedal. Find someone who takes in your smallest details; who notices the things you thought no one ever would. And then…when you find them… Be their someone, too.

a paragraph about falling in love, deep3snplottwists  (via wnq-writers)