Bitter Expectation

i have a monster with me. i have kept the darkness locked inside. the fear of surviving in this world is more deeper than the fear of this monster that lives within me. i am more scared to live than to die. i don't want this monster to leave, it kept me alive. i just wish i could feel alive again and not let it feed on my soul. this world is as cruel from under as beautiful it is from above. let me escape this world and run somewhere where there's no sign of existence of mankind.

~scream of my soul

-august/fictionflaws

what makes one weak.?

- their thoughts.

December 1, 1928 The early diary of Anaïs Nin, 1903-1977

he wrote poetry all over my skin

and i fell in love as he went on

we played stupid silly games

till it was the time for dawn

in the darkness of night

everything was full of ecstacy

there happened many things

with starry sky and you and me

your hands are intimidating

and how sensually you speak

caramel brown eyes

conspicuous, alluring physique

that moment was perfect

and how you did me undress

your face was bright as city lights

i didn't want to see anything else

-august

there's always something i hide, something i whisper to myself at middle of the night.

-august/fictionflaws

When Celine in before sunrise said, “I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away.”

When Praveen Shakir said, “sabse nazar bacha ke wo mujhe kuch aise dekhta, ek dafa toh ruk gai gardish-e-mah-o-sal bhi.”

And Jaun Elia said, “Jab uska deedar hota hai, dil ko sukoon milta hai, Aankhon me uski tasveer sajti hai, yaadon ka ghar ban jata hai”

And Faiz Ahmed Faiz said, “teri surat se hai aalam me baharo ko sabaat, teri aankhon k siwa dunia me rkha kya hai”

~august.

when i turn off the lights

I'll not run but stand there

so the ghosts can take me

and wipe away my tear

oh how i dare to be that

i should be scared instead

but that's not me

and i will rather choose be dead

when the ghost comes near

i will ask it something

are you real.?

or are you too pretending.?

"i am too heartless", I'll say

but with skin and bones

and you're void darkness

like everyone knows

yet i could feel you shivering

just as frightened as me

you and i are no different

we are tied, even when we're free

~august/fictionflaws

my heart, buried in the woods of anguish and forlorn. the restless game, should i keep it in or let go? in the labyrinth of tears i lost the battle. my mind, weeps in solitude impotent of surviving. blabbering to stars and staring into space. my body, covered in blood of my assassinated soul. cuts and bruises bleeding wounds what keeps me alive? a speck of hope.

~august/fictionflaws

Whole New World