A Story Doesn't Exist Unless It's Told.

What happens when you don’t find that right person? Do you just spend the rest of your life in a relationship where the conversation isn’t great, everything isn’t perfect, but it’s nice and sweet?

It's only because of their stupidity that they're able to be so sure of themselves.

If depression has a color it wouldn't black. It would be dull muted gray.

Black makes a statement.

It's solid, not allowing any light in. It's bold. It's loud. It's in your face. It's like the infinite night sky. It's lovely sin in lace.

Muted gray isn't any of those things. It's dull. It's numb.

It's soft background white noise. It's pale and not blatantly seen.

It blends into the scenery without other people even noticing.

It still lets some light in. It's nothing. It says nothing. It's just there-existing. Lifeless and drained of all life, spirit, color, and the essence of who you are. You lose your identity. You lose your personality.

In depression, you lose everything that makes you-you.

You're muted gray. And that's okay. In time, you'll heal little by little, getting yourself out of the monotone darkness you know so well. You made a bed there. You're comfortable there. Safe. But don't stay there. Even though it feels like home. It's not. It's a big grey-black veil over your real self. Your soul. Once you start healing, you lift the veil up little by little....letting light in.

As months and years go by, you've healed in many little steps that add up to a huge change in you. You're still in depression, but nowhere near as deep as you were. You remember how you were back then, and you see how much you healed for the better.

You see you're not staring at walls or patterns on drapes, or blankly staring at the floor. You're not closed off, you're not as quiet, you're smiling more, laughing more, engaging more, doing more activities you used to love and enjoy, being more sociable, and overall just being the real YOU.

You see more of your old personality shining through. THAT'S when you see the difference in you. You're not 100% healed by any means. But you've made strides. More and more...seeing your old self there in the distance in the field.

Go get her. She needs you back.

This goes to .....

I still love you, but I’m setting you free.

You know how deeply I cared for you, don’t you?

You must know how many silent tears I shed, how many nights I wished you’d realize that indifference wounds more than words.

I never asked for much—just to be seen, to be felt, to be loved the way I loved you.

But instead, you made me feel invisible, even when I was right beside you.

I still love you, but that love no longer chains me.

It no longer keeps me stuck in a one-sided battle—where I was the only one trying, hoping, believing.

I won’t ask for your time anymore.

I won’t ask for your attention anymore.

I won’t ask for love anymore.

I won’t ask for honesty anymore.

I won’t ask you to choose me anymore.

I won’t ask for anything anymore.

I’m letting you go—not because I stopped caring, but because love was never meant to be this painful.

Maybe one day, you’ll understand what you lost.

But by then, I will be somewhere far away —where love is not pleaded for, but given freely.

Abdullah.

Happiness is holding someone in your arms and knowing you hold the whole world.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

Every night when I go to sleep I am grateful that I am one day closer to being with you again.

I miss you more than anyone can comprehend.

#Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

"Did he know me? Yes. More than anyone. He knew the storms in my eyes and the trying too hard smile. He knew when the tears were welling up in my eyes that I was trying to hide, and the pain behind my smile. He knew the looks from my hazel green eyes. The look when I was nervous or anxious about something. The look of a dirty joke or sarcastic humor in rebuttal to what he just said. The look I gave when I was goading and riling him sensually, erotically, that I only know how to do. The look of me wanting him to take me over and over. With his lips pressed against mine as one hand was on my neck and the other with a fistful of my long hair. That glaring daring look as I stared up at him as he did. He knew my flirtatious look with a side little grin I gave him that made him sit back in his chair in awe as he's sitting next to me at dinner.

He knew my far away stare when I was in deep thought or something was bothering me. Concentrating on patterns on drapes and rugs, or the sky outside the window. He knew when I was quiet-something was really bothering me. And some of those times he knew I was quiet because I never liked confrontation. But he urged me to talk about it to be open and honest as we always are. He knew when I was teasing, talkative, and joking with him- I was having a good day. But when little things got to me and I was being short, and not as talkative...a storm was brewing inside me ready to turn into a maelstrom. That he only knew how to calm by the way.

He knew it all. He learned me. And learned me well like no other. He loved all of me. My happiness, my pain, my scars and traumas, my comical side, my inner child, my light and thinking positive, my sadness and grief, my darkness and erotic cravings & sensuality, my empathy and understanding, my strengths and my weaknesses, me feeling everything so very deeply and over-thinking so many things. He loved every part of me. I showed him all of me.

I never showed anyone all of me before. But he got it all. I felt safe with him. Protected. Safe not only physically, but emotionally. That's deep intimacy. Talking. Communicating with words, looks, or a single touch. Learning someone so deeply that you know them as well as they know themselves. Open, raw, and honest together.

Fully knowing each other inside and out where you become two souls perfectly fitting together. And I knew he loved me so deeply that it encompassed him. He showed me in many ways. Ever so loving, and some so dark you'd either blush or gasp. And me? I know the real him. The part of himself he doesn't show anyone. I loved him with every fiber of my being, and I gave him everything I had in me. While wearing that classy yet sensual navy off the shoulder sheath Couture dress he loves so much, in heels and a diamond necklace & bracelet to match, with a toy hidden secretly away where no one can see, as he held the remote.

Take off your clothes, we need to talk. Would fix me right now.

To love is human. To feel pain is human. Yet to still love despite the pain... is pure angel.

- Rumi

When you wake up, before getting out of bed, close your eyes and whisper to yourself, “Thank you for the gift of this new day.”

You woke up. This is a new day. You can use the teachings from yesterday to make new decisions, take aligned actions, and use your breath to live fully in the moment.

Your breath is your superpower. It keeps you alive.

So use today like this:

When you begin feeling overwhelmed and stressed, simply pause, take a few breaths, connect back to the moment, and begin again.

(Life is a gift. Wake up every day and realize that.

#Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.