I’d Like To Disappear For A While. I Don’t Want To Talk To Anyone. I Don’t Want To Know Anything.

If your hand can move through my body and touch my heart, what would you feel emanating from it?

Sorrow and emptiness in the dark black spaces hallowed out where loved ones were lost and their seats are empty? Telling you I'll never be the same person I was before those losses.

Hypervigilance which has my heart in a constant state of alert for potential threats around me from past traumas? Always aware of my surroundings. Compassion and Empathy in great vibrations through your fingertips telling you I often put other people's feelings ahead of my own?

Avoiding conflicts to save any bad feelings to the other person, keeping my feelings to myself often to keep the peace, even if that means sacrificing what I truly feel and want. Overly understanding and kindness you feel moving in slow soft waves over your hand-so others don't feel how I've been feeling, and it can turn their whole day around into a smile?

Welcoming pure love telling you I made a home for you in a special stained-glass colored place in my heart so I can always embrace you there? Innocence beaming that's almost childlike swinging high on a swing in the golden sunshine, holding a yellow dandelion flower in my hand as my feet can almost touch the clouds in the blue sky without a care in the world?

Romance that makes my delicate feminine soul look like pink pastel hues, and feels like a white doily lace on an old antique side table with an ivory Tiffany lamp warmly illuminated by the light through the drapes?

Passion searing hot red flames with heat that would scorch you until you learn to tame and control it till it surrenders to you? Desire and sensuality in the corners ready to lure you with the look of my eyes and a devilish smirk in my smile?

All that you can feel with just one touch. One graze of your fingertips sliding down as your hand is cascading through.

So Fu*k my soul and feel me entirely- to know me completely, honestly, and wholly with you in it.

-©️ Abdullah.

It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. Both helped shape me into the person I have become.

Having a good heart is a gift that many may overlook in today's fast-paced, competitive world. In the face of hardship or mistreatment, it can be tempting to let bitterness and cynicism take root. But the truth is, kindness and generosity are never wasted. When you extend love and empathy to others, you create a ripple effect that often comes back to you in ways you can’t always predict. Life has a way of rewarding those who stay true to their core values, even when it's difficult. A compassionate spirit is like a seed planted in fertile soil; it may take time, but the fruits of kindness eventually flourish in ways you might never expect.

Never regret being the person who shows kindness, even when it seems unreciprocated. That energy, that goodness, will circle back to you in ways that go far beyond what you can imagine. Whether it's through meaningful connections, unexpected opportunities, or the simple joy of knowing you've made a positive difference in someone's life, the universe has a way of multiplying your good deeds. So continue to walk with an open heart, knowing that every act of kindness is an investment in a future full of rewards—sometimes in the most surprising and beautiful forms.

— Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

You’re in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to make good memories.

Not to be constantly upset, to feel hurt or cry.

Choose the relationship that’s going to lead growth within yourself and your love for one another.

#Abdullah #AbdullahBook #KittyCat

He was fluent in me.

In every way.

He rode my highs and my lows, and the waves that came crashing upon me almost drowned me.

He knew how emotionally deep feeling I can be, and how I overthink often to the point of anxiety.

He knew when I was quiet, I was in deep thought or upset about something and holding it in.

He knew when something was bothering me and filled me up with stress, I hardly ate.

He knew I was a very strong person, but also broken with many cracks deep as caverns, and cracks that are healing and mending.

He knew my eyes spoke more than my lips ever could. He knew my eyes can speak a language of their own only for him. A language he loved gazing at.

He knew my body even as he was in a meeting with his eyes closed, picturing me laying on the bed with that black lacy number he liked. He knew every inch, every curve, every line of my body in memory.

He knew how to make my body rise and fall, and quiver only for him. How to make me purr and scream at the same time.

He knew when to be soft with me, and when to not be so gentle.

He knew when I needed to talk about something on my mind, and when I needed to just be held as if there were only the two of us in the world.

He knew I always had a hard time falling asleep, but once sleeping-was hard to wake me up.

He knew I hated change and don't take it well. Even with choosing restaurants, ordering meals, or picking TV shows. The familiar felt much more comfortable and safe than the risk of something new.

He knew when something was wrong just by my voice or how my eyes looked at him, and I didn't even need to say a word.

He knew when I was stressed, I cleaned.

He knew my humor was dirty and sarcastic, yet childlike. And he knew I loved to laugh and make people laugh- because in depression-you know what it's like to not feel.

He knew I loved consistency, from the 'good morning' to the 'goodnight', to show me I was on his mind from sunrise to sunset.

He knew my walls were built higher and higher over the years due to traumas, loss, and pain- not to keep people out, but to protect myself and not burden others. Walls only He knew how to climb and navigate.

He knew how to protect me physically and emotionally, even from myself and my own anxiety filled mind.

He knew how I liked to be touched...and licked.

He knew how I loved laying my head on his chest because it's the safest place to be at times.

He knew when I tell him I love him, it's not just those words. It's also in me saying -'let me know when you get home okay', and drive safe'.

He knew the electrical currents to my mind, and the road map to my soul.

He knew it all. Every part, every inch of me. But most of all.

He loved me for me...accepting my rationalities, irrationalities, complexities, and my simple.

Loving you completely for all you are...the good and easy parts, and the dark and crazy parts- will come very natural and easily to the one who truly and genuinely loves you. It will come harder for one who doesn't. If you're lucky, you'll find 'the one'... like I did.

“Don't love deeply, till you make sure that the other part loves you with the same depth, because the depth of your love today, is the depth of your wound tomorrow.”

Our Lord! Grant us the good of this world and the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire. ~2:201

Rabbana atina fi dunya hasanatan wa fil akhirati hasanatan wa qina adhaba an-nar.

ربنا آتنا في الدنيا حسنة وفي الآخرة حسنة وقنا عذاب النار

Trees know when we are close by. The chemistry of their roots and the perfumes of their leaves pump out change when we're near... when you feel good after a walk in the woods, it may be that certain species are bribing you.