There Are (probably) Emojis For Every Country In The World

James : I’m quick at math. Sirius: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? James : 24. Sirius: That wasn’t even close. James : But it was quick.

Limits of the Human Body

Body Heat = 107.6 F

Cold Water = 40 F

Hot Air = 300 F

High Altitude = 15,000 ft

Starvation = 45 days

Diving Depth = 282 ft

Lack of Oxygen = 11 minutes

Blood Loss = 40%

Dehydration = 7 days

3. “Bite her Hip”

Nancy Wheeler x Fem!Reader

꒰Caught + Hate Sex꒱ - 1.8k

• enemies, some plot, getting caught masturbating, mutual fingering, cursing each other out while fucking, mean!Nancy, mean!Reader

kinktober m.list

The assumption that Nancy Wheeler was a priss was not wrong, not in your eyes at least. She was self centered, stuck up, and generally unlikeable with how she treated your friends. They always eventually warmed back up to her even after she treated them horribly. The catch with you is that you did not. You had no need or want to be her friend and you made that known.

Sure, when Vecna tries to cross into your world you help save each other, but that means nothing. You only spoke to each other when you needed to and that was precisely the only reason why you two were currently talking. Being the sharpshooters of the group you two often were paired together to stop whatever monster was hunting you down this time.

Now, with the end of the world, you were forced to hole up in a dilapidated cabin on the outskirts of Hawkins. Calling it a cabin was a stretch of the word. You would have preferred Hopper’s cabin with the man made, mind flayer made, skylight. However, this was on the other side of town where the two of you stayed, communicating with the group over walkies and keeping an eye out of your own. God knew you couldn’t trust the military, so why not guard the town on your own?

The kids went to school, hell, you should have been in college now, but this was a joint effort. No matter how much you hated Nancy, the pair of you were in it together. Once a week you got visits from the others, switching visitors out to keep them in low numbers to not to draw attention. It made things…interesting. 

By now the loud arguments had mostly died out, but the petty arguments stayed. Things were still escalated by the quiet, an everlasting tension between the two of you though. You would be lying if part of the anger didn’t come out of horniness. Could you blame yourself? You had been stuck here for months without so much as being able to masturbate.

To say you were backed up wouldn’t be an understatement. Yes, Nancy had a boyfriend for a bit but Jonathan was…Jonathan, so yeah she was backed up in the sex department now too. Both of you were at odds, so worked up yet never daring to tell the other person. So what else did you do but calculate how many minutes Nancy took on patrol so you could finally get off?

It was a short amount of time, but you had been so worked up that you were sure you could also finish just as quickly. The moment Nancy was out the door you were stripping yourself of your pants and underwear. Rationally, you should have at least kept them near you, but you were deliriously horny, only thinking clearly enough to put a towel under your hips. The mere thought of being able to finger yourself had you wet all morning, not wanting to leave evidence behind.

As you sat back on the bed two of your fingers sweeping through your folds to gather the arousal that had long pooled there, coating them in your warm slick. You didn’t have to work yourself up to easily push your fingers into your pussy. The relief was immediate, a huff leaving your lips when you crooked your two fingers up, petting the warmth of your walls. Your other hand slid down your stomach to part your folds, rubbing at them as you slid your fingers out.

Strings of arousal kept them connected when you spread your ring and middle finger apart. Pressing them together again, you thrust the tips back in quicker this time, the middle finger of your other hand finding your clit. You pressed down, drawing tight circles on the bud as you started to thrust your fingers in and out.

Your moan bounced off the room, drawing the attention of Nancy who had just made it back home. Her patrol hadn’t even begun when she could barely make it off the property due to leaving her jacket back in the cabin. Nancy’s brows furrowed, pressing against the wall of the open door. The slick sounds of your cunt let her know what you were doing.

Her eyebrows met together as she whirled around the corner, seeing your legs spread, fingers deep in your cunt. “Are you kidding me!?” Nancy’s shrill voice shattered your pleasure. “On the bed!” You groaned out of annoyance, dropping your head back onto the flat pillows. “Why aren’t you on patrol?” Your legs fell down from having your feet planted on the bed, knees knocking together.

Nancy circled the bed, folding her arms. “I needed my jacket,” she stated bluntly. Rolling your head to the side, you smiled sarcastically. “Then get it and leave.” Stubbornly, Nancy wanted to stay. “No.”

“No?” You snorted, pressing on. “Are you going to stand there and watch me?” Nancy scrunched her nose up, looking at you down the bridge of it. “What? No!” She insisted, while she stood over the side of the bed. “It’s not my fault you’re using our bed to..to…” A laugh answered her, your grin getting under her skin.

“To finger myself? Hey, I have needs.” The feeling of you leaking over your fingers became harder to ignore, the smell of your arousal filling the air. “So do I.” Nancy shot back. You tilted your head, mocking her. “So do something about it.” The words settled in her brain and she jerked back. “Right here?”

“Right here, right now.” The urge to fight her swiftly blurred into the urge to fuck her. Nancy’s brows raised in shock, subconsciously taking a step closer to the mattress. Her knees pressed into the plush of it, her eyes trained on your face. “Really?” You nodded, leaning back as you spread your legs again.

Her eyes instantly flicked to your hand nestled between your legs. On shaky feet, Nancy stepped out of her shoes, working her skirt down before crawling onto the bed. “I can’t believe you did this on our bed,” she grumbled, sitting next to you. You pulled your sticky fingers out of your cunt turning to sit up. Wrapping your fingers around the hem of her underwear, you unceremoniously pulled them down.

Nancy huffed, “No insults?” You looked up at her, arms wrapping around her waist to hoist her onto your lap. “Shut up, I’m not going to insult your cunt.” Nancy’s nose wrinkled once more at your vulgar words, but she couldn’t hide the way she throbbed, not with your eyes trained on her mound. A familiar heartbeat appeared in her pussy when your thighs moved apart, prying hers apart in the process. 

“I’m honored,” she snarked. “You should be,” you bit back, hand sliding over her hip and ass. Using the angle, you pulled her up your lap till she was toppling into you. “Careful.” Nancy scoffed in response to you, straightening herself out. 

“Oh shut up, you’re the one who yanked me forward.” You shrugged, using the closeness to slide your hand the rest of the way to her pussy. Your fingers rubbed up and down, barely dipping between her flushed lips as she shuddered. “Are you going to get to work?”

Propping your other elbow to the side, you tilted your head, looking up at her sardonically. “Give me a second.” Her grumbles only amused you as she slipped her hand between your legs, laying her palm on your cunt. “Come on.” You grunted, hips moving forward as you hooked a fingertip on her entrance.

Nancy sighed shakily, curling two fingers to press into your velvety walls. You sighed, fingers pressing into her as well. For a beat silence fell between you two, your fingers starting to scissor in her cunt. Nancy moaned, leaning forward as you fingered her.

“Shit..” Nancy exhaled. Your lips parted in surprise, “Did miss priss just curse?” Her fingers hooked suddenly to the side causing you to jolt with a sharp moan. “Careful.” She threw your words back in your face, her fingers relaxing to follow your movements. Each time your fingers swirled in her cunt or rubbed against her sensitive walls she would copy the movement with her own fingers.

You learned her pattern, starting to quickly thrust your fingers in and out. The heel of your palm smacked against the end of her slit, cream making her pussy obscenely loud. Nancy moaned, head rolling back as she sped up, mouth perpetually open.

Your chuckle was suddenly easy on her ears as your fingers were buried knuckle deep in her. “Is that all you needed? To get fingered so you’d chill the fuck out. Guess you aren’t a prude, just a horny, frigid bitch.” Nancy’s hips hit your thighs as she started to bounce, her fingers giving you punishing curls. “Guess you aren’t so much a bitch but a slut,” she argued.

The argument didn’t even make sense but you had to fill the silence with something else than the squelches of your cunt drooling over her fingers. “At least I’m a thoughtful one. I put a towel under me.” You grinned up at her as she finally looked down at you.

Without dignifying you with a response, Nancy leaned down and smashed your lips together. Taking your surprise in stride, she bit your bottom lip desperately. You whined, walls clenching around her. “Oh fuck.” You grunted, surging forward to tug her lower lip into your mouth.

You sucked on it harshly when her thumb found your clit. As she stimulated it, you haphazardly continued ramming your fingers up, hitting her sweet spot with every thrust. “Such a bitch,” you huffed, hurtling towards the edge.

The vitriol energy filled the room again as you both neared finishing. “Slut,” she responded. “Cunt.” “Tramp.” A second later your free hand was gripping into her hip. “I’m going to-“ “Me too,” she whined. Both of your pussies tensed, spasming as you came at the same time.

Your open mouths bumped into each other, breaths being exchanged as you moaned in tandem. “Ohmygosh!” Her voice cracked, lips seeking yours out. You pressed your lips to hers, slowing down, gently rubbing inside of her. Compared to you, Nancy’s fingers stilled entirely allowing you to lay down and roll onto your sides.

Nancy panted, cunt fluttering around your finally still fingers. “That was…” You closed your eyes, “Don’t talk.” It was half-joking, earning a sharp glare from Nancy. “Average,” she snipped out a lie. The corner of your mouth twitched upwards. “Could say the same.”

The two of you laid there, drowning in the feeling of finally cumming after months of deprivation. “Want to go again?” Nancy nodded, “You’re on top this time.” You shifted your hips, clenching your walls around her fingers as you moved to sit on her lap. 

“So fucking bossy.”

tags: @babybatlover, @starrgurl46, @wowzers-07, @nenukkjhj, @morgan0lw21, @kinokomoonshine, @slut4ddn, @adventures-of-impala, @shesadilema13

Every now and then I'm reminded Real People with Actual Jobs use tumblr and I've always been legitimately curious what all you weird adults are up to when you're not on this site and with tumblr's New Poll Feature I can finally get an answer! (or the closest approximation of an answer possible with only 10 available options h a)

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 

most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 

im not a pissbaby

@xandershifts how dare you hide this in the tags where I can't reblog it.