It's So Weird To Me That Everyone On This Website Is A Human Person Outside Of Their Weird Internet Niche

the fact that Donald Trump will die in my lifetime is a very comforting thought

Crowley: *casually sitting in a burning car*

"Ah, excuse me. Sorry to bother you. I seem to have got slightly lost. Tadfield Air Base?"

Old man:

Crowley:

Old man: "Second on the right."

Crowley: "Thanks."

Old man: "...your car is on fire."

---

Does the fact that neurotypicals exist weird anybody else out? Like, there are thousands of disorders out there and you don’t even have one of them???????

THE ICONIC POST! I FINALLY CAME ACROSS IT!

remus, angrily: ARE YOU- sirius: fucking remus: KIDDING ME, YOU- sirius: fucking remus: PIECE OF- sirius: shit remus: I HOPE YOU- sirius: fucking remus: TRIP, OVER YOUR- sirius: fucking remus: LACES james:........what the hell was that? sirius: lily has forbidden remus to swear, so I'm helping him out a little bit

Every now and then I'm reminded Real People with Actual Jobs use tumblr and I've always been legitimately curious what all you weird adults are up to when you're not on this site and with tumblr's New Poll Feature I can finally get an answer! (or the closest approximation of an answer possible with only 10 available options h a)

---

List of smut prompts

“So how do you want me to fuck you?”

“I’m not sharing you with anybody. You’re mine, and mine only, and I’m going to make you remember that.”

“That’s sweet and all but do they touch you the way I touch you? Fuck you the way I fuck you? Mm, yeah, didn’t think so.”

A softly spoken, “Want you to fuck me like you mean it.” 

“Let me take care of you, yeah? I’ll do the work.”

“Gonna fuck you until the only word you remember is my name.”

“Can I… can I touch you?”

“My God, you’re so fucking gorgeous like this.” 

“Can I— can I please touch myself?”

“Wanna see how you look when you come undone under me.” 

“I’ll make you feel good, I promise. Just trust me.”

“You sound/taste/feel/look so fucking good.”

“Oh God, you feel amazing, baby.” 

A whispered “Please” slipping out of kiss bitten lips. 

“Mine. All mine.”

“You drive me so insane, you don’t even know.”

“I love getting to know you like this.” 

“You. Me. Bed. Clothes off. Now.” 

“Is this okay?” 

“How much do you want this?”

“Doing so good for me, sweetheart.” 

“Shh, just a little more…” 

“You’re taking me so well, baby.”

“Say please.” 

“I want you in all the ways you’ll let me have you.”

“Tell me how you want me.”

Soft whines and whimpers; held back noises because they don’t want anyone else hearing them; a plea for more without the use of words. 

“Oh, I can think of many ways to shut you up right now.” 

“Wanna hear you beg for it, yeah?”  

“Where do you want me to touch you?” “I don’t know and I don’t care — I just want your hands on me. Please.”

“P-please just”—a sob—“I just need you to fuck me.” 

“Need/want you in me.”

“Beg and maybe I’ll think about it.”

“Not so fast, bun.” 

“So… You touch yourself to the thought of me? I’d like to see that in action.”  

“Want your fingers in me.” 

“Now, why don’t we teach you a lesson?” 

“Touch yourself for me.”

“Tell me how you like/want/need it.” 

“I wanna taste you on my lips again.”

It’s the gentle and soft touches which send shivers skittering down their spine. 

“Rough or gentle?” 

“Fuck, look at you right now…”

“You’re really messing with my head here.”

“Fuck, just touch me already! Just— just do something!” “Not so fast. We’ve still got the whole night/day ahead of us.”

“Wanna feel you against me.”

“Don’t wanna come until I feel you in me.”

“Clothes on or clothes off?” 

“All yours. Only yours.”

“How about we put that pretty mouth of yours into good use, hm?” 

“Fuck, I need/want you so bad.”

“I want you to say my name like that again.” 

“Aren’t you desperate?” 

“Only I get to ruin you like this, you hear me?”

“Only I get to touch you like this, okay?” 

“Patience, love. We’re getting there.” 

“Look at your reflection. Look at how gorgeous you are. So fucking gorgeous when I’m fucking you like this. So pretty for me, and only for me.”

“Be good for me.” 

“You want to come?” “Y-yes, I— please—” “Hm, but do you really deserve to?” 

“You like that, don’t you?” 

“Let’s make your thoughts a reality, yeah?”

“Imagine how amazing you’d sound when I’m fucking you senseless.” 

“I’ll fuck you so good, I promise.” 

“I can taste myself on your lips and it’s messing me up real bad.” 

“You look like a mess and I love it, because I’m the one who made you like this.” 

“You’ve got me all hot and bothered.”

“You don’t get to touch yourself until I say so.” 

“Always so needy for me, aren’t you? Can’t help yourself, can you?” 

“Please let me come.” 

“I-I promise I’ll be good.” 

“How are you feeling?” 

“God, you feel so good around me.” 

“So wet/hard for me already, huh?”

“You good?”

“Mm, always so impatient for me, aren’t you?”

“Do I turn you on that much?” “You don’t even fucking know.” 

“You wanna take control?”

“Let me ride you.”

“Behave.” 

“F-Fuck, I don’t think I’m gonna last long if you keep doing that.” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone more.” 

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Stop fucking teasing me and get to it already.” 

“Oh, the things I’d do to you if we were alone right now…”

“Th-There are people outside this door—” “Well, this isn’t about them, is it?” 

“Look at you, squirming under me, all flushed and pretty looking. Can’t even take a little teasing, can you?”

“Yeah, but they don’t fuck you the way you deserved to be fucked, do they?” 

“Might I remind you that these walls aren’t sound proof.” 

A softly exhaled, “I don’t think I can ever get enough of you.” 

“Do you know how much I love seeing you like this?” 

“How do you want me to touch you?” 

“Let me show you how much I mean what I say.”

“Gonna make sure you don’t forget about tonight.” 

Whispered praises against the other’s lips, which are met with soft whimpers and moans. 

“Need me to remind you on what happened last night?” 

“Oh, sensitive there, aren’t we?” 

In a hoarse whisper, “Fuck, you’re killing me here.” 

“But you think about me when they’re fucking you, don’t you?” “I… That’s not true.” 

“Try not to be so noisy, yeah?” 

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” 

“Lift your hips up for me.”

“Fuck, you’re so hot when you’re bossy.”

“Look at you, coming undone before I’ve even started touching you.” 

“Stop glaring at me like you don’t enjoy me teasing you.”

“I want to be the one fucking you this time.” 

“Sweetheart, you’re so responsive to my touch.”

“I think you’d look even better under me.” 

“And I think you’d look fucking hot when you’re on top of me.” 

“Want you to ruin me.” 

“Do whatever you want with me.” 

“Just sit on my fucking face already.” 

“Who gave you permission to touch yourself?”

“What did I just say?”

“You feel so fucking good in me.” 

“You can have all of me if that’s what you want.” 

“Baby—shit—I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the bed like this.”

“Tell me if it becomes too much, okay?” “Okay.” 

“S-Stop leaving marks on my neck. I have a presentation first thing in the morning.” “Then I get to leave marks anywhere below the neck?”

“Let me make you feel good this time?” 

“You only get to watch.” “B-but—” “No buts, sweetheart.” 

“I’d fuck you right here, right now, if I could.” 

“Let’s take it back to my place.”

“Are we— are we really going to do this here?”

“Turn around.” 

“You look so cute like this, you know?” “Shut the fuck up and just fuck me already.” 

“Why’d you stop?” “Because you sounded too fucking good and so I had like, a moment.” 

“I don’t like people touching what’s mine.”

“Eyes on me at all times, sweetheart.” 

“I wanna eat you out so fucking bad.” “Then why don’t you?”

“Spread your legs for me.” … “Spread them wider.” 

Hands firm on their thighs, keeping them from snapping them shut. 

“I’m not done with you yet.” 

A whispered, “Then come for me,” right next to their ear after they beg for release through tears and soft whimpers, because they’ve been edged for way too long. 

“Admit it — you want this as much as I do.” 

“I’ll be honest: I get off to the thought of you.” 

“No one does it like you.”

“Christ, I wanna fuck you so bad.” “You’ll get to do that once we get home.” 

“I want you in the most sinful ways possible.” 

“Need a hand?” 

“Aww, how eager can you get?” 

“I want you to touch me like I’m the only thing you could ever want.” 

“Can’t— can’t you go faster than this?” 

“You like messing with my head, don’t you?” “Only because it clearly turns you on.”

“B-But what about you?” “We can worry about me later. It’s all about you right now.”

“Shit, I’m so fucking hooked on you it’s not even funny.”

“You’d sound so good begging for it.”

“Fuck, you have such a tight hold on me, you don’t even know.” 

“Don’t make too many noises or we’ll get caught.” “That’s part of the thrill.”

“I don’t care, I just need these clothes off so I can fully feel you against me.” 

“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted so badly.” 

evan and regulus like to leave bite marks all over their partners so that everyone knows that they belong to them

The Pact: Eddie Munson One Shot

Summary: As children, you and Eddie made a pact to never cross that line. But as the two of you have grown it has become almost impossible to keep. You decide to make a new pact instead. ;)

Explicit sexual content, Minors DNI, word count 3k, moved over from my old account 🖤

*******

"Eddie!" you knock loudly on the door of his trailer. His van is here so he's gotta be home.

"Eds?!" you try again, banging on the door even louder.

He's probably still sleeping. The boy doesn't wake up earlier than noon, especially on a Saturday.

You close the screen door and make your way around the trailer to his window. It's cracked slightly and the smell of weed immediately hits your nose, making you smile. He's up.

You push up on the old window, listening to the squeak as it struggles to move. "Eddie!" you shout through the crack. Again, no response.

You roll your eyes as you use all your strength to lift the window enough to crawl through. You climb in head first and tumble onto his floor. As you sit up, your eyes adjust to the dim room. You see him lying on his back on the floor, headphones on his ears, his fingers tapping away as he listens to the music.

No shirt, his tattoos on full display. Hair pulled back into a messy bun, loose curls sticking out everywhere. A pair of dark green flannel pajama pants hanging low on his waist.

Fuck, he looks good.

You watch as he brings his fingers to his lips, inhaling on the joint, releasing a cloud of smoke into the air. You tiptoe across the floor, hearing the tune of 'Dirty Women' by Black Sabbath coming from the headset as you lean over him.

His already round eyes widen even more as he sits up quickly, his head slamming into yours.

"Shit! Are you okay?" he shouts over the music still blasting in his ears. You reach out with one hand removing his headphones, leaving them dangling around his neck as you rub your forehead with your other.

"Easy Tiger." you giggle and he gives you a crooked grin. His eyes are glossed over and slightly red from his activities.

"Sorry, didn't hear you comin.” he explains, pointing towards the earphones.

"Yeah, I got that.” you smile, shoving his shoulder lightly as he scoots a little closer to you.

"Thought you were coming by tonight?" he raises an eyebrow as he stands up, holding his hand out to you. You grab his hand and he pulls you from the ground.

"My shift got canceled and I was bored." you shrug, reaching out for the joint in his hand.

"I have an idea.” Eddie says suddenly, his brown glinting. You inhale deeply on the joint and wait for him to continue. He stands there silently, eyes zoning in on your chest.

"Eddie!" you smack him upside the head bringing him out of his daze and he shakes his wild hair.

“Sorry.. I'm high." he shrugs with a little wiggle of his brows.

"Your idea?" you push.

"Right.. the clubhouse. Let's hotbox." A slick smile spreads on his pretty lips. Every time you're together, you have to fight the urge to kiss him. To touch him. To beg him to touch you.

You had both made a pact. An oath. You were best friends. You couldn't cross that line. But now.. every year it gets harder and harder to keep it.

I wonder if he feels the same.

"Hello?” Eddie snaps his fingers in front of your face teasingly.

"Mhmm.. yeah. Let's go." you grin at him and his smile widens. He walks over to his nightstand, swiping up his little lunchbox.

You make your way outside, following the familiar trail into the woods behind the trailer park. You used to come here all the time together. Staying up, eating bags of candy and telling scary stories until Wayne would come and drag you both out.

You reach the rickety ladder leading high into the trees and glance over at Eddie, a nervous look on your face.

"When's the last time you've been up here? It looks... well, it looks like we're gonna die if we attempt this."

"Oh, we're fine. Come on. You first." he encourages, his hand landing on your waist. The small touch sends tingles down your spine.

"Why do I have to go first?" you groan, grabbing hold of the wooden plank.

"That way I can catch you if you fall." he explains, keeping his hand resting gently on your side. You take a deep breath and begin your climb.

"Shit!" you squeal as your foot slips on the third step and you fall into Eddie, his free hand lands on your ass, holding you up.

"Oops." you laugh, turning to peek at Eddie. His hand remains in place making you blush.

“Eds?" you nod towards his hand and he just smiles.

"Total accident, sweetheart. Swear." he cheeses. Your heart starts to pound in your chest. He's flirting. Shit, no... He always flirts. It's just friendly banter. Normal for the two of you. But is that all it is? Fuck.

You continue up the ladder, Eddie following close behind until you reach the top. You push the Spider-Man sheet to the side and crawl into the small treehouse. Everything looks about the same. A few new additions since the last time you've been here.

An ashtray sits in the corner, a stack of playboy and hustler magazines sprawled out, some empty beer bottles.

"Eddie Munson.." you giggle, shaking your head in mock disappointment.

Eddie plops on the dusty floor reaching out and snagging one of the magazines. "What? A man has needs."

"Ew." you joke, grabbing his lunchbox, plopping a pre rolled joint between your lips.

"What? You don't uh, take care of yourself?"

The question catches you off guard. But even more than that, his tone. It was much deeper than before. You hope your cheeks aren't as red as they feel as you meet his gaze. You light the joint, inhaling deeply, holding the smoke in your lungs a moment before exhaling.

"No, I do." you whisper, taking another toke.

Eddie watches you curiously, scooting a little closer to you in the already cramped space.

"You gonna share?" he winks at you, making your heart flutter. He's so close. All I want is to taste him. To finally give in.

"Hey, you okay?" Eddie nudges you playfully with his foot, shaking you from your thoughts. You nod sitting up on your knees in between his sprawled legs. You bring the joint to his lips and his eyes lock on yours as he inhales slowly.

You inch closer, the slight buzz from the weed making you more confident.

"Are you about to kiss me?" Eddie blurts making you pause.

"What? No!” you snort shoving his chest hard, making him fall back to the dirty floor. He coughs, the smoke filling his lungs coming out in small spurts as you move back to your spot against the wall, feeling a wild mix of emotions.

He scrambles to get back up, immediately coming to sit in front of you again. “I- uh- I wasn't gonna stop you.. if you were going to... ya know?" he mumbles under his breath.

You meet his big brown eyes, the same eyes you've looked into for years and years. There was no mistaking it. They were darker. Full of hunger. A hunger for you.

Shit.. say something. Anything. Your mind goes blank. Every part of you wanting to just kiss him.

The other part of you worried about your friendship. The whole reason the two of you made the pact.

"The pact.” you breathe.

Eddie speaks next, leaning back slightly, twisting one of his rings on his finger.

"Who do you think about when you touch yourself?" he burns lowly, his eyes searching your face.

"What?”

"Who do you think about?" he asks again, his eyes remain locked on yours.

You. Always you.

You shrug instead, keeping your thoughts to yourself.

Eddie nods slowly, taking another long puff off the joint before handing it your way. The small area was already cloudy with smoke as you both continue to add to the haze.

"It's not like we made a blood oath or something."

Eddie says after a few minutes. Both of you now feeling the effects of the high.

"We literally made a blood oath." you argue, a smile on your lips as you think back to the two of you pricking your fingers with a thumb tack.

"We were thirteen." Eddie pushes back, moving over so he's sitting right next to you. You can feel his body warmth radiating against your side. When you turn his face is only inches from yours.

"Where is this coming from?" you whisper.

"I just.. fuck, I don't know. Just, look at you." Eddie breathes out, his words making your entire body warm.

"Who do you think about?" you ask suddenly.

"I don't know what you mean." he grins widely, forcing you to ask him directly.

"When you touch yourself.. do you just think about those girls in the magazine?"

"Sometimes.. sometimes I think of someone else." he hints as his hand gradually makes its way to your thigh.

"Me?" you swallow hard, barely pushing the word out.

"Do you think about me?" he challenges, his hand resting heavily on your upper thigh.

"Yes." you admit. You knew it wasn't the drugs.

You've always wanted Eddie. But the buzz was allowing you to finally speak your truth.

You can tell he's happy with your answer, his face lighting up. His brown eyes gleaming.

"Show me."

"I don't under-'

"Show me what you do when you think about me." he cuts you off swiftly.

Holy shit. Your mind fills with wild thoughts as you take what he said into consideration. You can feel yourself throbbing at the thought. Touching yourself in front of him. Eddie's eyes watching you as you bring yourself to your peak. Would he touch himself too?

Before you can change your mind you guide your hands into your shorts, listening as Eddie inhales sharply.

"Fuck." he exhales, watching carefully as your hand meets your warmth under the material of your shorts. You close your eyes, worried that if you see him you might overthink everything.

Right now it just felt good. So good.. and you know he's watching.

"I close my eyes." you start, slowly rubbing circles around your clit. Eddie hums in response, waiting for you to keep going.

"And I see your face. I-I think about how your lips would feel.. your tongue. the sounds you would make..." you moan as you slip two fingers inside, feeling your arousal.

"What else?" Eddie rasps, his lips suddenly against your ear, his voice makes you speed up your fingers.

"I think about how you would feel inside me.. if you would be rough.. if you would.. ohh.. if you would make me scream."

"I promise I could make you scream." Eddie burns. You feel his fingers on your chin, turning you to face him. Your eyes drift open and Eddie presses his forehead against yours as you work your fingers in and out of your soaked pussy.

"I think about your fingers a lot... your rings.. I pretend my hands are yours.." you whimper, feeling yourself on the edge but not quite there.

You don't want your fingers. You want his.

"Eddie."

"You gonna cum, sweetheart?"

"I want you.. I want you to make me cum.." you whine desperately, only seconds away from your orgasm.

"Yeah?" he pants breathlessly.

"Please." you beg. He wastes no time reaching into your shorts, you remove your fingers just in time for his to replace them. His slender fingers immediately reach exactly where you need them to, curling with precision, stroking across your g spot making you cum instantly.

"Yes! Oh fuck!" you cry, your muscles pulsing around his fingers, Eddie watches in awe as you fall apart beneath his hand.

"Holy fuck.” Eddie groans deeply, slowly working you through your orgasm.

You grab him, slamming your lips into his pulling a moan from him instantly. He leans in, his body pressing you down to the floor as you tangle your hands in his hair.

Fuck.

He tastes like weed and Camel Blues as his tongue greets yours hungrily. You both kiss sloppily, soaking up this moment. After all these years, both of you finally getting what you want.

Clothes are torn off. No more hesitation as you both paw at each other, kissing and biting, the eagerness apparent from both of you. Moans and the sound of messy kisses fill the room.

"Fuck me." you plead with him as your bodies grind together, skin on skin, so close together.

"We need a new pact." he pants breathlessly, lining himself up.

"Mhmm." you moan, feeling his tip start to stretch you out.

"The new pact is that You're mine." he moans as he thrusts himself in, entering you fully, a filthy cry raining from your lips.

"I'm yours." you whimper, your fingernails digging into his back as he begins to pump in and out of you.

"We have to seal it, sweetheart." he mumbles drunkenly, picking up his pace. His size is unlike anything you've had before, your legs already shaking slightly, a tinge of pain mixed with the beautiful pleasure.

"What do you- oh!" you gasp as his teeth sink into your bottom lip just hard enough to break the skin. You feel the trickle of warm liquid dribble down your chin.

"Shit." you breathe out before returning the favor, taking Eddie's plump lip between your teeth and tugging roughly making him growl as he slams his cock into you.

"Goddamn, baby.” he groans, kissing your lips, gliding his tongue inside. A metallic taste fills your mouth as your tongues swirl together wildly, your blood mixing together in your kiss.

"Call me baby again." you whimper, rolling your hips, grinding on his big cock. He feels so fucking good.

Eddie chuckles bringing his lips to your ear as he fucks you powerfully. His cock glides in and out of your slickness, the sounds loud in the quiet of the woods.

"You like being my baby?" he murmurs in your ear.

"Yes!”

"You feel so fucking good.. so fucking good." he praises, entering you deeply with every snap of his hips. Your head falls to the wooden floor as your back begins to arch.

"There we go, sweetheart." Eddie hums approvingly as your thighs begin to tremble.

He keeps himself buried deep, rolling into you, his thick cock filling you to the brim. He thrusts into you precisely, finding your sweet spot making your toes curl.

"Eddie! R-right there!" you whine, the pleasure of someone fucking you right for the first time was unlike anything you'd felt before. You didn't know sex could feel this good.

"Gonna take care of you, sweetheart.. I got you." Eddie reassures, keeping his pace, in and out, in and out.

His lips lock onto your neck sucking harshly. You grip the back of his head, holding him to you, the feeling of his lips sucking your skin felt delicious. His fingers meet your clit, quickly rubbing circles on the sensitive nub, making your eyes roll.

"Please don't stop... I think.. I think I'm gonna..”

"Cum for me, beautiful.” Eddie demands in your ear, sending you over the edge. You pull his hair roughly as your body jolts upward, your pussy clenching around him, spasm after spasm as you flood his cock.

"E-Eddie! Ohh my god.. f-fuck!" you practically scream, Eddie loving every second of you writhing beneath him. Watching as you make a mess of his cock. You can feel your cum coating your thighs as he continues to pound into you.

His hands tangle in your hair as his lips meet yours feverishly. Your entire body is overwhelmed as you cling to him, it's almost too much but you don't want it to end. He lifts your leg onto his shoulder, the new angle making you gasp.

"You're so fucking hot." Eddie moans, the sounds coming from him are everything you imagined they'd be. Even better.

"We're gonna cum together." Eddie orders as he leans down, taking your leg with him, his hard cock somehow reaching deeper.

"Together.” you whimper, feeling him stretch you out again and again. He speeds up, slamming into you wildly, your legs shake as you grasp for him, wanting him to be as close as possible. He leans down even more, you feel the strain of your leg muscles as he bends you in ways unknown to you before.

He sinks his teeth into your neck making your eyes roll to the back of your head as your nails claw at his back, sending red streaks across his tattoos.

"Gonna cum…. wanna cum inside you.." he mumbles, his hips moving at an insane pace.

"Cum inside me, baby." you moan, completely losing all sense of anything but him as he fucks you senseless. A few more hard thrusts and you feel his cock twitch, his warm cum spilling into you as he moans your name.

"Fucking Christ." he laughs breathlessly as he collapses on top of you. Both of you lay there silently, your chests rising and falling rapidly as you come down from your high. You run your fingers through his curls as he rests his head on your chest.

After a few minutes you hear the crunching of leaves below you causing you both to sit up suddenly.

"Edward!" Wayne's voice calls from below.

"Shit."

"Come down here and eat your damn dinner.. 20 years old and still playing in a damn treehouse." Wayne mumbles as you hear his footsteps heading back through the woods.

You both look at each other and burst out laughing.

"Dinner, m'lady?" Eddie smirks, rounding up your clothes.

"Dinner sounds perfect.” you smile at him, feeling happier than you’ve ever felt.

you are transgender

Fictober 2024 Masterlist

Fandoms:

❤️‍🩹Marvel

👹Stranger Things

🥂Good Omens

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

❤️‍🩹Day One

Stucky, angst, post-endgame

🥂Day Two

Aziracrow, angst

❤️‍🩹Day Three

WandaNat, happy ending, fluff

❤️‍🩹Day Four

Stucky, angst, hurt/comfort

👹Day Five

Steddie, fluff, BRIEF mentions of smut

❤️‍🩹Day 6

WandaNat, fluff, domesticity

👹Day 7

Steddie, sleepy mornings, fluff

❤️‍🩹Day 8

Stucky, hurt/no comfort, angst

👹Day 9

Steddie, fluff, soft!Eddie

❤️‍🩹Day 10

SamBucky, hurt/comfort, brief mentions of transphobia/homophobia, trans!Bucky