I Will Not Lie, Friends In My Phone, I Have Been Imagining Affection From Time To Time

“From whence you came” is a classic place to send back a foul beast

drabble , domestic simon who loves your tits & wicked 18+ gaslight king

"were you just singing?"

"negative."

"simon, we live alone."

the shower is scalding. his pale, freckled skin aflush under the stream and you yank your hand away, hissing, when you test the waters.

"so?" his stare is dissembling. leering. even more so as he watches you strip through the vinyl. he rubs soap over the dusty curls protecting his hefty softened cock. ruddy, bulbous head drooping under its own weight despite how he gripes it at the base.

gives himself a little tug when you pull back the curtain once more—hand tucked into your armpit, forearm braced over the fat of your tits; prudish, as if his teeth aren't branded into your cleavage—to test the now cooler water.

you cock an eyebrow at him, perplexed.

"it's just us that live here."

"a ghost then."

"our house was only built a few years ago," you snark—all bark, not nearly enough bite—just as his everlasting patience snaps. simon reaches over the threshold of the shower stall, curls a meaty hand around your bicep, and yanks you beneath the water. "how can it be haunted?"

"land, maybe," he supplies unhelpfully, pulling you flush against his front, the print of his dick pressed against the cleft of your ass.

simon hikes his chin over your shoulder—heavy grunts and groans against your ear—and uses his bar of soap as an excuse for his hands to roam over your chest and pinch your nipples between his index and thumb. then, pull.

"just admit you were singing wicked, simon."

his pause is so fleeting that you fail to notice—too caught up in the way he methodically massages your sudsy tits together by testing their weight and jiggle in his palms.

angles them directly into the heated stream, lip curling when you inevitably shudder in oversensitivity.

"was the bodies i buried in the garden."

now it's your turn to pause. jolt, in fact. you squint up at him. equal parts confused and suspicious. maybe it's another shit joke.

"what?"

"cornflowers needed fertilizer." he's dead serious. callouses scraping down your torso to cup over your cunt.

"fuckin' hell—bodies?" you're spitting and the corner of his mouth simply quirks up, his middle finger tracing across your seam, splitting your lips apart for him to notch a fingerpad against your slicked hole.

"only four."

"what?! why? who? the fuck is wrong with you?" your grip is a vice around his wrist, tugging his hand away from paradise. almost as fast as it appeared, simon's smile is wiped off his face.

too soon for him to mention the bodies of your shitty first dates, then.

time to backtrack.

"it was m'singing."

"no. no. why are there bodies buried in our garden?"

"defying gravity's my favourite."

Lately I’ve been haunted with the idea of keeping Soap company after he sustains a major injury, asking if there’s anything you can do for him, him smirking that you could ‘do something to take his mind off the pain’ with a bit of a brow wiggle. The same kinda thing he’s always saying to you.

Color him surprised when you actually lean over and start unbuckling him, and he kinda panics— tells you that you don’t really have to do this (he wants you, fuck, he wants you— but he needs you to actually want it)

And you look up at him like “🥺 I just hate seeing you in pain and I wanna help” so innocently, like he hasn’t imagined your mouth around him in excruciating detail since day fucking one, like he hasn’t stained his boxers with pre at the mere notion that he could have your saliva dripping down his shaft because you wanna be his sweet little nursemaid while he’s hurt.

if you’re asexual… (18+)

… price

- understands.

- respects your limits to the fullest. asks ‘is this ok?’ or ‘can i touch you here?’ a lot in the beginning, until you sit him down and explain that you’re not made of glass. he can touch and hold and kiss you like he would any other partner, just not shove his hand down your pants or flip your skirt up to get access to you.

- fills your relationship with domesticity instead. has your tea ready and brewing when you get up in the morning and knows exactly how you like the bed to be made. holds your hand when you’re out shopping and buys the special brand of cookies that you like. doesn’t watch ahead on your shared tv-shows and always cuddles you on the sofa.

- if you’re sex neutral/positive, he loves messy blowjobs and getting to fuck you silly in missionary. he’s a little bit of a dom and also completely whipped for his wife.

… kyle

- understands.

- does not push it. does not even attempt to initiate anything. lets you have all the control. after a couple long conversations where you explain your needs and limits, he’s all set. once he knows how he can best spend time with you, that’s all he needs. it’s actually a little refreshing to have a partner not chomping at the bit to jump his bones (curse of looking like an angel).

- gains a newfound appreciation for the sensual aspect of your relationship. running his fingertips over the stretchmarks on your hips, playing with ice cubes on your bare back, admiring the indents ropes makes across your skin after it’s been left on you a while. there’s no penetration, no orgasms, just two people exploring each other together.

- if you’re sex neutral/positive, kyle loves the lotus position. thinks it’s the peak of sexual intimacy and absolutely adores being face to face so up close.

… johnny

- understands (after a little while).

- has a mini crisis because he thinks this means you’re not attracted to him. you explain that’s not true, you actually find him super hot, but that you just don’t want to sleep with him. that it feels like a chore to you, like doing dishes. not horrible, but maybe a little gross and just something you’d just rather not do.

- embraces the romantic side of your relationship. loves the intimacy, getting to hold and kiss you. drapes over your back like a warm cloak when you chop vegetables at the kitchen counter and just enjoys the closeness. finds a new peace in himself he hasn’t felt for years.

- if you’re sex neutral/positive, he loves it when you ride him or tease him with your hand. still a complete maniac if he really lets lose. loves getting to let lose with you.

… simon

- understands.

- is almost relieved. has always had a complicated relationship to sex. knowing that you don’t want it from him settles some part of him that’s been restless and anxious for years. chaste kisses on the lips and constant handholding become your new normal. is very matter of factly about it if he does ask you for sex.

- finds that he most of all just wants to spend time with you. follows you around like a lost dog, no matter what you do. always comes to run errands with you or sits in the shade outside while you work in the garden. even when you get up to pee at night, he lumbers after you and stays just outside the bathroom door, squinting at the dim light. you’re so used to it that it’s second nature when he catches the bottom of your sleep shirt and lets you guide him back to bed. feels so at peace when you’re close by.

- if you’re sex neutral/positive, simon will sometimes ask if he can eat you out or if you can lay back on the kitchen table so he can fuck you. you tend to oblige.

It would be so jarring dating Soap because he will so casually say shit like "spit in my mouth would ye bonnie?" with full sincerity at the pub. "The new nails are well braw... naw had a finger up my arse in a while hen so time tae break them in" when you are at a bloody wedding. "Dinnae take it personal LT, she's on the rag and I havnae given her head in over an hour so that's why she's bitchin'. Open up bonnie, let me make it better" as he is bullying his head between your thighs when you're supposed to be having a nice dinner at his Lieutenants house and you snap at Ghost.

Johnny just does not have an off switch nor do you think he understands the concept of public decency. But fuck he's so damn good to you and is so incredibly obsessed with making you cum that you just learn to live with the embarassment he puts you through.

makeout sess with a big dude but im LOWK groping his thighs and ass

Simon Riley appreciates hand jobs more than anything else.

He's surprised that you're even interested in him, so when you initiate intimacy, he's over the moon, because as feared as he might be on the battlefield, he's an inexperienced, insecure man in private.

When you pull his throbbing cock out and spit on his flushed, ruddy tip for the first time, he immediately cums all over your hands with a broken groan and quivering thighs while you kneel between them.

His face is flushed and his chest tight with embarrassment and fear—fear that you'll get up and leave after this, but all you do is smile ever so sweetly, still pumping his twitching prick while cooing gentle reassurances at him—and it keeps him rock hard while your saccharine voice and your soft hands are everything he can focus on.

The slick sounds and sight are driving him mad, just as mad as the fact that you need both hands to properly stroke and massage his thick shaft and heavy balls.

And when his second orgasm sneaks up on him, pooling hot and tight at the base of his spine, while his back arches and his hands nearly rip the couch cushions apart, Simon can't even hear his own wanton moans through the cotton filling his skull as his cockhead gushes with another massive load of sticky white cum, painting your supple skin with his very essence.

You don't let up. "One more, baby," you purr, flashing a wicked grin up at him, eyes twinkling like gemstones in the lowlight of your living room. "I need one more from you, okay? You sound so good when you come for me."

He's dizzy with arousal, burning up under his clothes, utterly spent and overstimulated, and yet he can't bring himself to say no—well aware that you won't let him, anyway.

Simon nods, swallowing thickly. "Olright," he gruffs, breath hitching when your thumb rubs over his sensitive, slick slit.

His body trembles, his chest heaves before he lets out the most pathetic whimper when you pick up the pace again.

You giggle softly, and his toes curl so hard in his boots, his feet nearly cramp up. "Atta boy, just like that. Let me hear you."

Your praise makes his pulse spike and the vein in his temple throb. "F–Fuck." Simon's head tips against the backrest, eyes rolling back as his balls draw up tightly again—too soon. Way too soon.

He's a goner—and your hands are bloody magical.

Why the group chat hates him

Gaz: You’re always talking about nice things he did for you. Like sending pictures of the bouquets he gives you (which he does like once a month!) or of souvenirs he brought when he comes home from deployment or romantic notes he left you in your flat. Like I’m pretty sure Jesus said it was a sin to flaunt your wealth in front of the less fortunate or something.

Ghost: On the surface, he looks like a pretty textbook bad boyfriend. Doesn’t ever speak to your friends at gatherings, you’re always the one that plans dates, and you’re always mothering him a little when you go out (asking if he’s comfortable, if he’s still hungry, if he’s tired).

Soap: when he gets drunk (not at all uncommon) he’s constantly angling for a threesome. What they don’t know is that he does it with his friends as well as yours. Equal opportunity whore.

Price: he’s older, and he’s kind of low key a chauvinist sometimes, so it’s really fucking awkward to hang out with him, but because of his more traditional values he does insist on paying for the whole table when you go out somewhere as a group. So they have to put up with him.

Nikolai: Unbearable amounts of PDA. He’s the one who mothers you. Asking if you’re cold, if you’re tired, if you need help opening things. Kissing your forehead, petting your cheek, rubbing your thigh, nuzzling noses. God it’s fucking awkward.

Graves: Acts too familiar. Kind of like an overbearing relative at a family gathering.

Rudy: this one is really petty but. He doesn’t blink enough.

König: you’re always turning down invites because of him. You won’t go anywhere slightly loud or slightly crowded because “König doesn’t really like places like that”. Bitch he doesn’t like going anywhere!!!!

Hey Lil Sammie

Bonus filter version that I liked:

bro. bro you are romantisizing the secret history. bro you are enamored with the greek class just like richard. bro you are ignoring the bad things and creating aesthetics based on a book telling a murder of a young man. brother.