I Heard Too Many Sounds At Once And Now I Am A Bitch

it’s not a simple ache that i can ignore. it’s not abrubt pain that flares and goes. it is devouring and unforgiving scalding pain, swallowing me whole, threatening to burst from my skin and tear me apart. how do you live with such pain, how do you live like everything is fine, when your pain is burning you from the inside out?

how do you live… at all?

them: how close are you to a mental breakdown?

me: yes

No matter how much abuse i suffer it’ll never be enough to convince me it was bad enough.

my therapist: I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you

me: lol so anyway

God please heal the part of me that i can't discuss

i want to stop thinking about you. i want to stop feeling you. i want to forget all the words you said to me