“JUST FIT IN”

a dirkjake commission I did as part of the HS x requiem cafe event! ☕

got told at lunch "you feel like Tumblr Incarnate" and i had to tell them i've been here for 13 years and counting. i was here three years before dashcon happened. i saw the mishapocalypse. i survived the gigapause. i've been here longer than the shoelaces post. i've been here since it was hipsters versus fandom and i played both sides extensively by overdoing the sepia filters on everything and making my own flashing galaxy gif edits for my fandom posts. i'm every tumblr. it's all in me

Pour one out for a real one.

Party Hard redraw

2018

Death Lottery in Nipton

its me. its just me with a single sign with theseus's face on it, thats the whole nation it is just singularly me

I needed to get this out of my head, but on a scale of one to Zagreus pranking Orpheus about his relationship with Dionysus, the absolute most hilarious thing in Hades is by FAR extreme measures Theseus.

I mean, listen. I was not prepared. For any of this bossfight. First you have Asterius in armour and I went 'oh shit I'm gonna get destroyed' but then Theseus shows up with not one, but two gatlings and an armored chariot, all while looking absolutely ridiculous with his stupid golden mask -save me I love him- I panic and just "WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE THESEUS A GUN" you get me.

So at this point I'm stifling a laugh, because the bossfight starts and I know it's gonna be hard as shit, and guess what, it is. And I'm so focused on Asterius because that mf has so much range now and he just never stops and it's a pain to dodge.

And then, THEN, as I'm so focused, tense, life or death situation, I see fucking Theseus rolling at the edge of my vision field, laughing like a maniac and firing his machine guns like pew pew pew pew pew and THAT is when I lost it. I burst out laughing and got subsequently hit by an axe in the face.

Moral of the story: extreme measures Theseus cracks me up to levels I did not think were reachable (truth is, I'm snorting just thinking about it) and it baffles me that I saw no one talk about it. Like can we just sit down and appreciate the fact that on top of his stupidity, Theseus is even more unhinged than what the fandom portrays him to be-

👀 Elaborate?

theory time

So I was rewatching the Walten Files and came to a few different conclusions. Everyone in the fandom seems to think Bon is Jack, form what I see, but it wasnt clicking to me. After all, Bon killed Rosie, and it wouldnt make sense for Jack to kill his wife if he loved her- I get the whole “Jack lost it after losing his kids” but something really just wasnt clicking for me, so I did some deducting.

For a bit I assumed Jack was actually ShowBear for the above reason plus; He guided Sophie towards the truth, he seems much more of a “passive” presence, and idk he kinda fucking looks like Jack:

Like. Same fucking face shape and everything; if this was the case I assumed that maybe Bon was someone we havent met yet who was involved with Jack and Felix in some way.

And then I noticed some things:

Keep reading

…If Zagreus could romance Theseus it’d be cute if he started calling him prince 

Livin like we aren’t gonna make it till tomorrow