I Honestly Feel Like My ~ Whatever That Is Going On In My Brain ~ (anxiety? Adhd? Autism? All? Who Knows!)

there are no words to express the emotions

Long time no see tumblr

time for me to disappear again

“if you can’t brush your teeth that’s fine uwu one step at a time” posts are supportive and that’s great but I’m about to have a 4.4k$ dental bill because I wasn’t taking care of my teeth when I was super depressed so uhh brush your fuckin teeth

One character I loved in Arcane besides Jinx/Powder is Silco. He is a flawed character that isn’t good or evil but a complex grey character. Two things I best see it in is his relationship with Jinx/Powder and Zaun. While their relationship was somewhat toxic their care for each other was genuine. But their relationship was toxic nonetheless with Silco seeing Jinx as a younger him and pushing his trauma onto her. He enabled and manipulated her violent and unstable behaviors instead of helping her which is understandable considering he himself never healed from his trauma. Because Silco saw Jinx as a younger him he pushed what he needed onto Jinx not thinking that they were 2 different people in different but somewhat similar situations. With Zaun he does care for it because he grew up in it and wants better for but he pumps shimmer into it poisoning the people creating deformed addicts to bring him money. But after all of the years work and blood he put into Zaun’s independence he was willing to give it up for Jinx. Even after Jinx shot him and gave him a fatal wound he comforted her saying he wouldn’t give her up for anything and called her perfect even with her mental instability and violent tendencies. Their affection with each other was uncomfortable for people watching because of their trauma and Jinx still thinking like a little girl wanting affection from who she thought of as a father with no sense of boundaries. Silco did come to genuinely love Jinx like a daughter but he was still a bad father to her with the only reason why Silco spared Jinx is because he saw she could be of use to him and again he saw himself in her. He saw weapon he could groom to help him get Zaun’s independence that he later come to love.

Can't have the sun without the moon, so here's the lass <:

(Contemplation, Search for Truth, Loneliness, Isolation)

Daniel Sloss- “Jigsaw”

passports…should not expire

li lianhua's final letter to di feisheng

i hear the official eng subs weren't great so here's my own attempt at a translation (under a read more bc fuck it's Long)

edit: translated qiao wanmian’s letter to li xiangyi as well, which mirrors this one!

十年前

Ten years ago,

东海一决

during the duel of the eastern sea,

李某蒙兵器之利

this unworthy Li made benefit of whetted blade

借沉船之机与君一战犹不能胜

and capsizing boat whilst battling thee but was yet unvictorious.

君武勇之处

Thy martial prowess and valiance

世所罕见

are unexampled in this world.

心悦诚服

Mine heart delights in it, and by mine own will yields to thine eminence.

今事隔多年

The affairs of today are by many years separated.

沉疴难起

By pains alone would a lingering malady be cured.

剑断人亡

The sword hath broken—the man hath perished,

再不能赴东海之约

and can no more honour the accord to duel by the eastern sea.

谓为憾事

Such is the cause for most sincere regret.

余感念君所赠之忘川

I recall in deepest gratitude the flower of oblivion bequeathed by thee,

然终有负君之所望

yet did forsake all thou hadst longed for in the end.

江山多年

The rivers and mountains of this land have many years endured,

变化万千

their changes reckoned in the tens of thousands.

去去重去去

Partings upon partings, farewells upon farewells;

来时是来时

the coming times shall be the coming times.

方多病习我之功法

Fang Duobing hath been studied in my skills,

资质上佳

and his own endowments of the utmost excellence.

不暇多日

Shouldst he not keep idle days,

定不在明月沉西海之下

he shall surely be not beneath the bright moon sinking into the western sea.

君今无意逐鹿

Thou hast not now any desire to pursue the throne,

但求巅峰

but instead to seek the height of skill.

李某已去

This unworthy Li hath since gone;

若君意不平

if thy desire be not appeased,

足堪请其代之

he shall suit, shouldst thou bid him succeed me.

李相夷绝笔

Thus end the last words of Li Xiangyi.

footnotes

i've translated this letter into (my best attempt at) early modern english to try and reflect the formality li lianhua is writing in. also because he uses 君 for di feisheng throughout, which is a literary second-person pronoun, and i wanted to emphasise that. i know thou is actually the informal pronoun, but given how archaic it sounds in comparison to you, the actual formal pronoun in early modern english, i thought it a better fit. (for all the feihuas out there: 君 was also used by women to address their husbands, so actually i thought the informality might work in my favour here LOL)

if you saw this post before, you might have noticed that my translation of the third and fourth lines changed slightly lmao. ty to @/presumenothing for the reminder and ofc my fav @/bat1lau4can4 for talking through it with me and being the 文言文 expert i need <3

for the purposes of my goal in the above footnote, i've had to take some creative liberties in my choice of vocabulary. for example: unexampled is not quite an accurate translation of 罕见, which actually means rarely seen.

i phrased 心悦诚服 as mine heart ... yields but that's a somewhat liberal interpretation of the phrase lol. there is a heart in it; it's just maybe not the thing that's yielding, to be precise. close enough imo though!

江山 literally translates to rivers and mountains but is often used as a metaphor for a country as a whole, hence my translating it as the rivers and mountains of this land.

grammar is not as important as Vibes.

逐鹿, which i've translated as pursue the throne, literally means to chase the deer, and stems from the 《史记》 / records of the grand historian.

绝笔, rendered here as last words, specifically refer to the last words written by one before their death.

cr: danpur

How to be a Disney princess: a Li Xiangyi/Li Lianhua guide

1. Magic hair

2. Magic hands

3. Be poisoned

4. Be kidnapped or enslaved

And the most important one: people must assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up