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Rise up trans goth girl admirers

A dumb idea that I had while at work that is now real thanks to me drawing it: the alphabet mafia!! I think the term alphabet mafia is way too funny for conservatives to use, I kind of like it even if it's supposed to be bad lol

I tried to be creative with the designs but they kinda suck, also fun fact the bisexual person is nonbinary because I wanted to include a nonbinary person as well :)

[ID: a digital drawing with a rainbow pride flag background of the alphabet mafia, a group of queer people who have weapons and color schemes associated with their pride flags /END ID]

I wish people understood the way that "fujoshi" hate and "men can't be lesbians" sentiment and exclusionism regarding orientations keeps trans/genderqueer/nonbinary people in denial and closeted for longer.

Dude (if that's okay to say) I literally went down the same path as you. I thought I was only okay with gender neutral descriptors, but I was lying to myself kinda (by kinda I mean it was a step in the right direction, but not right still), I really didn't want to be a man and I still do not know why. I went "cis" -> demigirl -> nonbinary -> demiboy -> trans man.

Then when I discovered male terms for myself it just kinda clicked. I was uncomfortable calling myself a man, still kinda am tbh because I look incredibly fem and there's nothing I can do about it, but once I grew into them and started calling myself a guy/man/boy etc. I got used to it more and more and now I'm not okay with being called anything else.

You don't have to be a trans man to be transmasc, you don't have to be a man if you don't want to, but you may start liking it like I did.

How do you feel about he/him in general? For me, I thought they/them felt right but then I thought about it and tested it out in sentences and it wasn't as right feeling as he/him. The only times I've been called "August" and "he/him" in public was at the mental hospital, but it filled me with a joy that's hard to describe.

How would you describe your dysphoria? For me, I thought I just wanted a flat chest and short hair, but then I realized I wanted male features all over, and didn't really want to be androgynous. I was drawn to FTM bottom surgery in particular, and that is and still is my main goal. I used to just think it was cool, but now I realize I want it.

I could test out some names and pronouns in a sentence if you'd like!

Sorry if this wasn't helpful or didn't make sense, sometimes I spill words out that don't quite make sense.

I just need to get this off of my chest, so here i go. Ive been out as nonbinary for almost 10 years (since i was 14) but over the past year ive started to Wonder if i might actually just be a man(meaning i would be trans ftm) and i dont know what to do with this information. I have friends that i know would support me (obvi since they support me as enby) but im so sceard of being a man. I hate the thought of calling myself s man or being called it by someone, but i love being called things like uncle or son. And my dysphoria (which has always been bad) has gotten so much worse over the past months too.

Idfk what to do about this. Any advice would be apriciated.

Dark room shower supremacy ‼️

Diary entry #18

I was with my grandparents at chilis and a transfem lady was our server. I wanted to shrink down and die because, although I wasn't paying much attention, I think my grandma asked my sister if she was trans. She wasn't near when I thought my grandma said that, but transfem lady at chili's I am so sorry I wish people were fucking normal.

I wish I could feel camaraderie (hope that's the right word) with the queer people that I see out and about, but I'm always looking over my shoulder to see if my grandparents are there because GOD FORBID i interact/even look with people like me I guess.

I don't say anything to them, I'm not the type to out people, but I look at them and think they are cool and maybe compliment them. I don't have any friends at all, let alone any queer ones, so these are the only people that are like me in that way I see irl. God I hope this doesn't come off as weird.

Rule

Diary entry #10

This one's depressing, tw sui kinda and politic stuff

Any of you lose yourself in fiction and stuff to keep the dysphoria from killing you?? That's what I'm doing rn. It's not working I'm still anxious.

I can't move out yet, I need to learn how to drive more and save up more money for an apartment. If I don't move out soon, or if Trump wins, or both, I think it might be over for me.

The election is freaking me the fuck out please for the love of god Kamala please win. My life is literally in her hands, if they ban HRT in missouri I don't know if I can afford to move out of state and that would literally kill me.

I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a man. I know I'm already one, but I don't feel it. I will only give up if all my options are exhausted. I don't know what I could say to my grandparents to make them understand. I don't think there is anything I can say. They both voted for Trump. They think that he's going to save the country. He's going to destroy it, and take us with him.

They don't care about August, they care about (deadname). And they only really care about "her" if "she's" straight.

I probably should stop writing now. I'm so fucking anxious. My life, and the lives of millions of people, hang in the balance and I just want it to stop.

If Trump wins, I hope they're happy, even though they have blood on their hands

If they talk about Trump in a positive light one more goddamn time I am going to kill myself :) /hj

They still think that I'm on the Trump Train (what my grandpa calls it,,, *vomits*)

[ID: a crudely drawn person giving a thumbs up while crying. The caption says "Me trying not to scream but instead half-heartedly agree when my grandparents say shitty things /END ID]

HAPPY JUNETEENTH HELP UR LOCAL BLACK GOTH DYKE SURVIVE 💜

have been forced to choose between eating for the day and paying for transportation lately so i could pay off debts for my family and myself anything helps <33

ca:$fleshjester

pp:@mwgortis

vm:@ENENENE