The Biggest Example Of Someone Not Understanding A Simple Message Of A KIDS Show Is When I Saw "Fluttershy

Diary entry #22

I'm learning how to drive still but it's taking too long. My days are meaningless, everyday not living as myself is killing me. I know it'll get better but holy shit waiting is horrible. Every day is pointless, I'm hardly making progress and I hate it. My sister is failing her classes and it's giving me panic attacks because I worry about her and my grandparents are mad at her.

If I can get out by my birthday, that's what I want. It's in the middle of August, hence my name. I don't think I can wait longer than that tbh. That's like 7 months away. God I hope I'm out by then. My days go by so quick, which makes my wait feel easier, but still.

I want to be on T so bad. I want to live my goddamn life for once, not the life others want for me. I want to wear a binder and cut my hair, I think if I could only do that life would be more bearable.

I don't know

Be gay, trans and alive

[Start ID: (tw suicide, briefly mentioned! Also family issues/transphobia.) a comic with OP as the character (medium/long hair, male, with glasses and button up shirt). First panel is him looking content, with an arrow pointing to him saying “completely fine”. Second panel has him looking devastated, with text behind him that reads “I have no friends or family to rely on. The world is burning, horrible people rule the world, and the ones that aren’t completely horrible are at least complicit in my suffering. Every “happy”moment I spend with my family is ruined by the fact that they don’t support me, and don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I can’t die, because I refuse to be buried as a girl, so I have to suffer in silence with no one to help. Even when I (hopefully) move out and transition, what if I’m just faking it and my family doesn’t take me back? Best case scenario is that I get a found family, and good friends/maybe a partner, but for several years I will have nobody and will be mocked endlessly by my blood “family.” I am truly alone on this barren earth.” The third panel is the same as the first, with him standing there content with an arrow pointing at him saying “completely fine”. /End ID]

Tw- suicide, briefly mentioned! Also family issues/transphobia

Middle text if it’s hard to read: I have no friends or family to rely on. The world is burning, horrible people rule the world, and the ones that aren’t completely horrible are at least complicit in my suffering. Every “happy”moment I spend with my family is ruined by the fact that they don’t support me, and don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I can’t die, because I refuse to be buried as a girl, so I have to suffer in silence with no one to help. Even when I (hopefully) move out and transition, what if I’m just faking it and my family doesn’t take me back? Best case scenario is that I get a found family, and good friends/maybe a partner, but for several years I will have nobody and will be mocked endlessly by my blood “family.” I am truly alone on this barren earth.

Got this recommended to me today because I follow #hrt (as in hormone replacement therapy) but this is pretty awesome as well lol

this is what horse race tests is right

Harvey Ball- creator of The Smiley Face

A huge art page of me messing with my ManPepper design's expressions. What a charming, award winning smile. VuV

Happy pride, my dudes! Felt like making a tradition of doing a redraw of last the year’s redraw! Good way of seeing improvement and getting back into the swing of things, methinks (I’m also counting this as birthday art sorta but totally not because I completely forgot when his birthday was hahaha shhh)

Reblogs >>> Likes

Previous two years under the cut (eye contact tw):

2022:

2021:

Sketchin on da porch

Today I discovered going up a hill causes bounce I wasn't prepared for, which led me up the nearby mountain

Diary entry #26

TW- ed (my blog is not going to become an ed blog so like if you’re triggered by that sort of stuff I will not talk about it a lot and I will label it every time), family stuff, sui

It feels like I’m in an endless cycle of suffering in a lot of different ways, just stacking on top of each other and melting together. I’m back on my ed bullshit unfortunately, triggered by me stopping my depression/sleep meds that made me binge all the time for like 5 fucking years among other things. I’m always stopped before I can hurt myself too terribly, but I don’t want to be stopped this time. 

My grandma always thinks I’m starving myself for attention or whatever, but it’s like a drive in me or something. I always need to destroy myself somehow, and this is one way I can do so. I think she thinks I’m an attention whore, which in some ways I might be, but starving myself for attention would be even more miserable than me doing it to lose weight/hurt myself. I hate having an ed so much. It gives me a bit of control over my life, but I am so cold and so tired all the time. I think my grandparents do not think of me highly at all, and I’m hurt by that quite a lot. 

At this point, if my grandparents try to stop me, maybe I’ll tell them the truth. I have no control over my life, I’m just a hamster on a wheel. I want my body to be androgynous, because that’s the best I can get right now without control over what I’m wearing and my haircut, and also lack of T. I could technically wear what I want, but last time I tried that my grandma called me the D slur. I know trying to look more like how I want is a fool’s errand, and I mostly just want to destroy myself. 

Sometimes I really think that I should die. That everyone would be better off without me. But there’s a couple major things that are affecting that thought. I have stopped caring if people hate me as much; if they hate me, I can’t control it. In fact, their spite kind of keeps me alive. If I die looking like a girl… I don’t even know. I want to die as a man. And also, I’m probably too much of a pussy to actually kms. 

Sorry I bitch a lot on here, I have no one to talk to.