Latest Posts by auggieoof - Page 5

Like I know you're a beautiful lady but I'm at work!! I just wanna look at funny and/or insightful posts!!

Diary entry #13

I'm in a better mood so no cw today! This is mostly just a collection of random thoughts

Sometimes I look at all these people saying trans people are evil or whatever and I don't get it?? Like I don't really understand why people think that. Like grandmother I'm not going to hurt anyone I am literally just some guy.

You ever see some random motherfucker from the most weird series and decide "that man is my new gender envy source and also I want him." That's me, I fall into this trap literally every time I go into a new series/game or whatever. And it is always the weirdest ones too.

I watched a video on pvz lore, and now I'm like "goddammit I GUESS i'll read the comics now." Like they seem interesting and I need more lore so I'll get around to reading them... sometime. There's just so many issues and I procrastinate on even stuff I want to do.

I talked to my grandma about going to college in Illinois and she didn't like shut it down immediately so I'm hoping for the best.

I guess that's it?

Diary entry #12

Cw - negative mental health talk and politics sorta again

I need to move to Illinois I need to move to Illinois I need to mov

I'm trying to tell my grandparents I want to go to college in Illinois but I still don't know if they'll like let me y'know? They seemed kind of lukewarm to it. I'm an adult and should be able to make my own decisions but I'm terrified of them. I don't know why, even. The worst they do is scream.

They still think I'm "on the Trump train" as my grandpa puts it. Of course I'm not a fucking fan of Trump, he's a risk to everything I love!!!

I found a community college in Illinois I want to go to; hopefully they'll let me or else I'm screwed. I don't know if Missouri will ban HRT for adults, but I have a feeling they will.

My mental health hasn't been stable recently. I keep on being nice to my grandparents and I don't know why, they can't even gender me right and they think that I'm basically a joke. Just thinking about how they've denied me care fucking infuriates me but I can't help but to be nice to them!! They're nice to me in every other way, it's just this "boy thing" (their words, not mine) that they despise me for.

I'm lucky, and should be grateful but I'm not. They could've killed me or kicked me out or something for being queer. I'm filled with so much rage but have nothing to take it out on besides myself.

I'm happy to be alive most times, but I don't want to be alive as someone I'm not. I had hope, I still kind of do, but it's going to be a rough 4 years. I don't know how I'm going to explain to them that this lack of T is going to kill me, I don't think I can.

I can't help anyone until I move out since my grandma checks my card history, and I'm not allowed to give out anything, but I wanted to boost this.

I really fear that I'm gonna be in this exact situation soon when I move out. I'm autistic, have not a lot of life skills, and although I can work I don't have college experience and that worries me. But I have no choice but to move out, or face literal death. I don't know sorry

if ur posting "trans people you have to survive" go do something about it? how many homeless trans people have u materially helped today? nothing changed right now. we been suffering already. where the fuck have u been every day that's not election day

hello again (bill clinton limewire voice) my fellow americans

There are a few states that actually have Shield/Refuge laws designed to help trans people fleeing from trans-unsafe states, which also guarantee trans folks access to healthcare. These states are:

California

Colorado

Illinois

Oregon

Vermont

Washington

Minnesota

New Mexico

Maine

Massachusetts

Rhode Island

Connecticut

Washington D.C.

Additionally, some states have "trans sanctuary" executive orders signifying safety for trans folks seeking healthcare. These states are:

Maryland

New Jersey

New York

Living as a resident in these states means you are protected by state's rights and state government to continue or begin receiving trans healthcare. These laws have been codified in their states so everything has been a-ok'd by their state governments.

Stay alive. You got this. I love you.

This is very different from my usual posts, but this seemed too important to not speak about. I implore you to read what's below.

I know this is a very scary time for many trans people and those with trans loved ones. But I promise you, we will be ok.

Diary Entry #11

Cw politics and sui again

I don't know what I can or should say about Trump winning. There is not a single word in the English dictionary that can express how angry I am, how disappointed I am at my fellow man. I've thought some pretty awful thoughts recently, both towards myself and towards others.

I do consider just ending my life sometimes, but I'm not going to be another statistic. I can't be. Unless I am truly backed into a corner, I'm not going to consider it an option just yet.

I hope these next 4 years will blow over, that we'll be okay, but I really fucking doubt it at this point. I thought the race was going to be close, that we stood a chance. But apparently all my hoping was for nothing.

My grandpa stayed up for a considerable amount of time watching Fox News, waiting for swing states to close, hoping that Trump won. I'm still pretending to be a conservative, but I'm afraid the hatred for that system of ideas will shine through somehow and that my cover will be blown.

I hardly can look my grandparents in the eyes right now. They voted red down the ballot. There's nothing I can say to convince them.

At this point, I just hope that the people who voted for that fool are happy at the chaos they are going to bring. I hope they're happy that the world is going to burn beneath us, hope they're happy that they're complicit in the suicides of trans people. Some of them probably are happy about the latter, but you know what I mean.

When the news first broke, I didn't feel much besides numb. But now I'm enraged, and probably will be for a long time. I just don't understand how it happened. All I'm hoping is that I can get out of my house before anything happens to get rid of my healthcare, but what about other people? They're still going to suffer. Woman and trans people will still suffer, really, everyone's going to suffer.

I don't know. Guess that's it for this entry.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Who knows how much longer I'm going to even be able to say those words so I'm gonna say them now.

I'm not gonna let them erase me.

Fuck all of you who voted for Trump.

If you fucking voted for that self-interested, classist, misogynistic stupid ass mother fucker,

UNFOLLOW AND BLOCK ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

And don't come crying to us when your "savior" fucks the world up even worse.

Y'all did that, not us.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Diary entry #10

This one's depressing, tw sui kinda and politic stuff

Any of you lose yourself in fiction and stuff to keep the dysphoria from killing you?? That's what I'm doing rn. It's not working I'm still anxious.

I can't move out yet, I need to learn how to drive more and save up more money for an apartment. If I don't move out soon, or if Trump wins, or both, I think it might be over for me.

The election is freaking me the fuck out please for the love of god Kamala please win. My life is literally in her hands, if they ban HRT in missouri I don't know if I can afford to move out of state and that would literally kill me.

I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a man. I know I'm already one, but I don't feel it. I will only give up if all my options are exhausted. I don't know what I could say to my grandparents to make them understand. I don't think there is anything I can say. They both voted for Trump. They think that he's going to save the country. He's going to destroy it, and take us with him.

They don't care about August, they care about (deadname). And they only really care about "her" if "she's" straight.

I probably should stop writing now. I'm so fucking anxious. My life, and the lives of millions of people, hang in the balance and I just want it to stop.

If Trump wins, I hope they're happy, even though they have blood on their hands

Diary Entry #9

Tw internalized fatphobia ig, ed, dysphoria (but this is not an ed blog I'm just talking about this one time) diary entry under the cut

I can't stop binge eating, like it's actually a problem. I've been binge eating for at least 4 years, I hate it. I've tried everything to get rid of it. I'm in a terrible predicament where if I don't starve myself in the day then I will gain weight. I've had at least 3 ed accounts across different platforms, one of them is still floating out there somewhere. It was always awful and I feel bad looking back, I wasn't one of those accounts who were actively fatphobic because I'm not completely awful, but it probably wasn't great for my mental health.

But I think I've realized something. I wouldn't mind being fat if I looked like a guy, or at least I wouldn't mind it nearly as much. Whenever I starved myself, half the reason was to get rid of my boobs, I just hate(d) them so much. I always got caught starving, and I would always get yelled at.

There was no point to it. I would always get caught. But I wanted just a little bit of control over my life. Whenever I move out, I'll have control over my life. I won't have to be sneaky, I won't have to hide stuff. Life won't be perfect, but I won't have to hide who I am.

I hate my life as it is. I shouldn't really, as a lot of others have it much, much worse. But I can't help it. I'm living a lie, I'm not a girl and I don't want to pretend any longer. But I have no choice until I move out. Not everyone is so lucky with the ability to move out.

Sorry this entry was dark, I don't know what else to talk about.

I kinda feel like I kind of grew up like this:

Little kid (kinda gender neutral childhood, I didn't feel pressured to be anything. I looked like a little girl, but my childhood was more masculine kinda) -> hell™️ (puberty, first E puberty hopefully I'll have my T puberty soon!) -> purgatory (my current stage, waiting to move out and start my life.)

I was very detached from femininity most of my life; I have and had masculine hobbies and interests, stuff like that, but it's like I was cursed to grow up in a body that didn't suit me.

It kinda feels like I was not a female-looking and feeling person until my puberty.

Hope this made sense!

The trans FTM experience of not knowing how to feel about your detachment from femininity and growing up a woman

i just wanted to say that i love you if you want or you've gotten bottom surgery. people are so cruel about trans, intersex, gnc and other folks who want to get bottom surgery for one reason or another, whether it's to ease dysphoria or simply because they want to, people love to rip into that person and tell them that bottom surgery will make them undesirable and will be disgusting.

this literally just isn't true- the results of your bottom surgery are not guaranteed to be botched or horrific to behold. we have been practicing these surgeries for 100 years of recorded history and the results only improve over time as we learn new techniques and breakthoughs in technology help us improve even further. bottom surgery isn't new, it's something that's been practiced for a long time. many of the advances in the tech have come from cisgender people who need bottom surgery as well- trans people are not the only people who end up needing surgeries to modify their genitalia.

someone who wants bottom surgery isn't gross. there's nothing gross about it. reducing someone to their genitals yet again is a dead ringer that you are transphobic and intersexist. someone who got bottom surgery doesn't deserve to be reduced to their genitals yet again- they're a person with genitals. a person first. and so many people are willing to leave trans folks who have gotten bottom surgery out of trans positivity posts or act like they just straight up don't exist

so here's to every person who has gotten a phalloplasty, metoidioplasty, and/or a vaginoplasty. i'm proud of you for doing the right thing for you and your body no matter what people say. you're not gross. there's nothing wrong with your genitals. people should not be obsessing over your genitals, they're your business, and they do not define you as a person. you deserve to be able to modify your body in ways that make you feel at home in it, no matter how much that disgusts a stranger who means nothing to you.

Diary entry #8

MOOOOMMM!! August is making fake scenarios in his head to get mad on purpose again!!! /ref

I have terrible intrusive thoughts, and sometimes they turn into fake arguments in my head; basically I think like this -

Transphobic thing I saw once -> having more thoughts and counter arguments to that transphobic thing I saw -> thinking about my grandparents suddenly, what they'd think about it -> they would side with the transphobic thing every time -> oh god now there's a fake argument that's making me mad again

Like I saw a Josh Hawley (conservative Missourian dickhead) truck the other day, and I started to think about how my grandparents like Josh Hawley and all the terrible things he said, annnnddd then I had a fake argument again. Goddammit.

I'm terrified of conflict, so I kind of plan it out in my head beforehand which just makes me angry and scared so it doesn't even help! I just shut down whenever I get in an actual argument with my grandparents, I just start crying.

There is no point in these fake arguments, it just pisses me off at work because that's when I have time to think.

But anyways my day was mostly normal besides that.

I hope that made even a lick of sense, I don't know if I'm coming off right.

Okay it seems like when you post in a community, it doesn't allow you to post outside of the community yet. Sooooo... here is Adrian/Alucard Tepes from Castlevania! I was feeling a bit dysphoric when I was drawing at the time, so I wanted to give one of my favourite characters top surgery scars <3 Hopefully I'll get there soon myself, just a little more!

Literally my shitty religious counselor with the "you should talk to your father again!!" when i've told him how many times he's fucked me over and how he neglected me when I was a kid. If you're reading this, i hate you (my counselor)

no, No!

I refuse!

I refuse to give into the transmasc temptation of naming myself after my current character hyperfixation

it didnt work the last 30 times why would it work now

(unless..)

People of Tumblr, I present to you:

Transgenderman

(Ok to repost with credit)

I was a roblox kid, thought "oof" was like the funniest sound to exist. It was [deadname]oof on most platforms for a long time, but I changed it to augustoof and never looked back. It's auggieoof on here because Auggie is a nickname for August and I'm pretty sure augustoof was already taken, probably by me from a couple years ago.

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

Help me afford mobiliy aids!

gofundme.com

Help Disabled Teen Afford Mobility Aids!, organized by Zach Burke

Hi, My name is Zach. I'm starting this Gofundme for my boyfriend, Angel, to affor… Zach Burke needs your support for Help Disabled Teen Aff

any donations would be greatly appreciated, if you cant donate please share!

love you tumblr community 🫶

Dude (if that's okay to say) I literally went down the same path as you. I thought I was only okay with gender neutral descriptors, but I was lying to myself kinda (by kinda I mean it was a step in the right direction, but not right still), I really didn't want to be a man and I still do not know why. I went "cis" -> demigirl -> nonbinary -> demiboy -> trans man.

Then when I discovered male terms for myself it just kinda clicked. I was uncomfortable calling myself a man, still kinda am tbh because I look incredibly fem and there's nothing I can do about it, but once I grew into them and started calling myself a guy/man/boy etc. I got used to it more and more and now I'm not okay with being called anything else.

You don't have to be a trans man to be transmasc, you don't have to be a man if you don't want to, but you may start liking it like I did.

How do you feel about he/him in general? For me, I thought they/them felt right but then I thought about it and tested it out in sentences and it wasn't as right feeling as he/him. The only times I've been called "August" and "he/him" in public was at the mental hospital, but it filled me with a joy that's hard to describe.

How would you describe your dysphoria? For me, I thought I just wanted a flat chest and short hair, but then I realized I wanted male features all over, and didn't really want to be androgynous. I was drawn to FTM bottom surgery in particular, and that is and still is my main goal. I used to just think it was cool, but now I realize I want it.

I could test out some names and pronouns in a sentence if you'd like!

Sorry if this wasn't helpful or didn't make sense, sometimes I spill words out that don't quite make sense.

I just need to get this off of my chest, so here i go. Ive been out as nonbinary for almost 10 years (since i was 14) but over the past year ive started to Wonder if i might actually just be a man(meaning i would be trans ftm) and i dont know what to do with this information. I have friends that i know would support me (obvi since they support me as enby) but im so sceard of being a man. I hate the thought of calling myself s man or being called it by someone, but i love being called things like uncle or son. And my dysphoria (which has always been bad) has gotten so much worse over the past months too.

Idfk what to do about this. Any advice would be apriciated.

As a Maretu fan I am. Foaming at the mouth

(The song is Erasure Girl and is about two lesbians but is dark so like I'm warning you)

Lesbian erasure

....nevermind

thst wikipedia poll tricked me earlier I was like aw I got the rickrolling article I don't want that one. maybe I should try again for a different article.

I GOT FUCKING RICK ROLLING. ????

Edit- i may be a dumbass actually nevermind

Your gender is now the first randomized wikipedia article you get. No rerolls.

Diary entry #7

My grandma isn't gonna teach me to drive anymore, because she says I'm not improving. Now I'm gonna have to pay for a driving class and I went down a horrible spiral where I was thinking about how worthless I am.

I'm on my period and it feels like the world is crumbling around me. If I don't get out of my household frankly I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do, so I have no choice but to pay a thousand bucks (literally) for driving school.

I screwed up and almost caused an accident, that's why she said I wasn't improving. She's been driving for 40 years, and I've only been driving for like a month or something. She says there's nothing she can teach me anymore. My brain was foggy because I'm on my period, I barely ate anything, and I was shaking from too much caffeine. I really didn't want to drive but I was an idiot and did it anyways. I fucking hate my life. It's times like this where I wish I wasn't autistic because everyone else in my life functions normally and I can't do anything right.

I have to get out of my house. There's no other option. If I can't do it, I don't think I can wait any longer than I already have. They aren't abusive, but they let me live in conditions where I'm not living as myself and it's killing me. I just need to be a man and I can't.

I can't live a second longer in this body that's not mine. I wish I had some resources to help me get out of here, but I'm mostly on my own. I'm not being abused, so I can't escape by calling services to my house, but I just can't live like this. Sorry this post was so depressing, it depresses me too!

The hate filled thoughts that flow while I'm looking at myself in the shower are killing me. I want to be rid of my female-gendered features, every last one of them.

Hey folks!! Guess what? I'm finally in the process of getting top surgery!! Yay!! Unfortunately this does come with a lot of out-of-pocket costs and things not covered by insurance, so I've started a gofundme! Don't feel pressured to donate, but if you'd like to I've linked it below! Many thanks!!

gofundme.com

Donate to Jack's Top Surgery Fund, organized by Oliver-Jack Newhook

Hello folks! My name is Oliver-Jack Newhook, and I am a transman who is in the process of … Oliver-Jack Newhook needs your support for Jack'

Apparently you're supposed to have a pinned post so here's mine!

Hi there I'm August. I'm 19 years old, I go by he/him/it, and I am a pansexual trans man.

I'm Autistic and I have ADHD among like a million other things.

My favorite artists are MSI/Mindless Self Indulgence (don't support them), AXIE, Kikuo, The Living Tombstone, Femtanyl, Maretu, Odetari, Will Wood, Lemon Demon, and a bunch of others!!

My hyperfixation fandoms currently are PvZ (Plants vs Zombies), Pizza Tower, FNAF, Gravity Falls, Baldi's Basics, Mario, UTAU/Vocaloid, and more!

My hyperfixations that aren't fandom related change a lot but often are researching trans science, video game glitches especially gen 1 pokemon, zombies in general, animation memes, Prisoner's rights, and cats. Like I said they change a lot and I'll probably talk about and/or reblog stuff I find interesting!

I support Palestine, trans rights, human rights in general, and I try to be as nice as possible.

Use tone tags!

My diary entries are marked #august's diary

Please interact! - if you're interested in anything I'm hyperfixated on, if you're trans and/or nonbinary (I need similar friends lol), if you wanna chat at all I'm free!

DNI- TERFs (duh), Proshippers, any -ist or -phobic, Zionists, basically if my posts piss you off for whatever reason don't interact, that's probably about it.

I think this might be my new magnum opus

i dont think this is an original thought and i apologize for the generalization but this has been stuck in my brain zone for like, a year.

i know i at least wanna look like elvira.