Everyone Shut Up Theyre Having A Conference Call

starbucks barista: ive got a caffe mocha for… “russian spy”?

everybody: [remains seated and eyes each other suspiciously]

barista [throwing his CIA badge at the floor in defeat]: dammit i thought for sure that would work

good evening! what the fuck

It’s always “why did you go out in the storm” and “your soaking wet” and never How was the storm The storm looked fun was it fun

It's okay guys! Freddy's just nervous

Interning in a highschool when your 18/19 is fun because

1. I get mistaken for a student alot and got yelled at by a teacher today until they saw my visitor badge

2. Kids are terrifying, last time I was here I saw a student smack the shit out of another student with a notebook

3. I know where 3 things are on this campus and I'm too afraid to ask where anything else is

4. I'm going to get beaten up by a child

Teachers: I’ll be productive today after school.

Teachers after school:

Okay so I found the most incredible horse statue while doing research for my job and guys. Are you ready for this. Are you sure you're fucking ready for this thing

"Top 10 Pranks That Went Too Far" compilation where #1 is Liu Bang founding the Han Dynasty