Latest Posts by autumnal-hues - Page 4

yet Brutus says he was problematic, and Brutus is an honorable man…

Apparently seals in Aberdeen have learned to climb onto a branch and rest there

Arboreal seals

I AM LOSING! IT!!

ARBOREAL SEALS

The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” is actually not the full phrase it actually is “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back” so don’t let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

For the record, this is the correct answer.

POSTS FOR YOU

Some links to posts with valuable content you want in one place. Suggestions and Recommendations are appreciated and accepted.

Mental Health

Do you need a Hug?

Maybe you’re having a stressful day. Maybe you just need a deep breath. Maybe you just didn’t realize how stressed you are. You can get your comfort here.

Anti-Anxiety Tools

Some tools to help you before, during or after an anxiety attack

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

READ IT. SHARE IT. REBLOG IT. Save a Life.

HOBBIES MASTERPOST!!!!!!!!

A really excellent way to reduce anxiety is to pick up a new hobby. Find something you’re interested in, learn it, then use it as a healthy and productive way to cope.

Health

Treatment for HIV

VERY IMPORTANT. Please Read and Share.

What does the Color of your Period mean?

A must read for individuals who get periods.

How to differentiate between Period Cramps and Appendicitis

A MUST READ

Writers

How to make a Masterlist

Simple but efficient instructions to make a masterlist

List of AUs

Fro when you run out of ideas

Legal sites to get some much needed Info

If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

Resources for Describing Characters

For writing about physical appearances, character traits, talents,and skills and other related stuff of your characters, here is a comprehensive list.

Resources for Describing Emotions

Having trouble writing jealousy, happiness, motivation. Here you go!!

Some Resources for your Writing

Body Language

Reverse Dictionary

Character Traits

Words to Use when Writing Smut/Romance

This is for smut/romance writers. Kinda like a thesaurus.

Tips to write Pain

How are you supposed to write about pain you’ve never experienced before?

Things to Remember when writing a Highly Emotional Scene

Just small things that could make a great difference

How to write with Multiple POVs

Tips on how to write multiple POVs with diverse characters

Ways to un-stick a Stuck Story

Have a writer’s block or you don’t know how to continue your story anymore. Well here are some tips to help you.

Synonyms and Antonyms

The person who made this list is a blessing to writers. Just saying.

Words to Use instead of ‘Said’

Every single situation is listed. Check it out.

Readers

Legal Sites to Download Literature

From children’s books to rare books, from philosophy and religion to nonfiction. I guess you can find anything here.

Wet Book Rescue : Steps to save a Wet Book

Valuable information if some of your prized books were affected by recent flooding. The video even shows you what to do if you can’t dry the book out right away.

Cheatsheet to Navigate AO3

Makes your time on AO3 a little more easier and interesting

Students

Basic ASL (American Sign Language) Movements

ASL Hand Movements for beginners.

Resources to Learn New Languages

Ten fairly useful general language resources

Miscellaneous

How to Walk with Purpose?

Some tips on how to hold yourself in public and why.

How to Gird up your Loins?

A lesson in how to gird your loins.

How to Disappear Online

Please read and spread for the sake of abuse victims or stalker victims.

What to do during a Nuclear Attack

I hope you never have to use it but here are some guidelines to follow in the event of a nuclear attack

How to pull an All-Nighter.

A to-do list

Write a Thank You letter after your Interview

It leaves a good impression on your interviewer and increase your chances of passing the interview.

Laundry Tags: Meanings

A life hack that you’ll definitely need at some point.

How to get a Refund?

Get your stuff or a refund.

HOW TO DO EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH

This starts at the most absolute basics of gardening and planting, provides definitions, and hopefully is easily understandable. This is a MUST-READ. (Farming)

Safety

If someone you know is in an abusive relationship

AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘Holy shit!!! My friend is in an abusive relationship what do I do’ and what not to do.

If a Man gets Physical

If Someone insists on getting your Number

How to check if a mirror is one way or two-way

Guys, please.. I need help..

My friend @ihelpanyoneinneed is suicidal right now..

So..

We made a deal..

Please.. I don’t want to loose them..

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

A voice said, Look me in the stars And tell me truly, men of earth, If all the soul-and-body scars Were not too much to pay for birth.

“A Question” - Robert Frost

Four Houses as Famous Poems

Ravenclaw: O Me! O Life! By Walt Whitman 

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring, Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish, Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?) Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d, Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me, Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined, The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?                                       Answer. That you are here—that life exists and identity, That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

Hufflepuff: Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village, though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake. The only other sound’s the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Gryffindor: Night (O you whose countenance) by Rainer Maria Rilke

Night. O you whose countenance, dissolved in deepness, hovers above my face.

You who are the heaviest counterweight to my astounding contemplation.

Night, that trembles as reflected in my eyes, but in itself strong; inexhaustible creation, dominant, enduring beyond the earth’s endurance;

Night, full of newly created stars that leave trails of fire streaming from their seams as they soar in inaudible adventure through interstellar space:

how, overshadowed by your all-embracing vastness, I appear minute!— Yet, being one with the ever more darkening earth, I dare to be in you.

Slytherin: The Best Thing in the World by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

What’s the best thing in the world? June-rose, by May-dew impearled; Sweet south-wind, that means no rain; Truth, not cruel to a friend; Pleasure, not in haste to end; Beauty, not self-decked and curled Till its pride is over-plain; Light, that never makes you wink; Memory, that gives no pain; Love, when, so, you’re loved again.

What’s the best thing in the world? —Something out of it, I think.

Hey, everyone! @miaherrington13 still needs bras! If you can, donate!! boost this!!

She developed breasts and needs bras immediately!!

@tickingclockheart @baphomet-official @panpotterhead3000 @fernlom @looser-with-internet-access @galaxy-cat-09 boost!!

@thehugwizard please boost!

A: Hi how are you?

B: Lemme disassociate real quick then get back to you.

B: I am just a body made from billions of years of evolution with lingering monkey brain. the universe doesn't even know I exist and nothing I do will ever matter. I'm just a character in a story laying my part because I know nothing else. if life is pointless and the universe is cold and indifferent then it's okay if I fuck up because that means nothing either, so I might as well be as reckless as possible while I'm alive for this sliver in time.

B: Hi I'm back, can I have an iced machiato with 15 pumps of vanilla please

A: What the fuck

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

Tag yourself as some of my favourite quotes from books

all songs can be found on this playlist here

“Hell is the absence of people you long for.” - Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel // ‘You Already Know’ by Bombay Bicycle Club, Kathryn Williams

sprinkles of tinsel embroidered into the velvet sky, craving the caramel smoothness of being with that one person, weeping hearts stained with crimson scars and gaping holes of unknowing, subtle watercolour sweeping through the clouds but pretending it’s the most vibrant colour palette

“So many things pass secretly between people anyway.” - Normal People by Sally Rooney // ‘Mallory’ by Back to Yours

crimson fireworks exploding in embers that dull too quickly, chipped scarlet nail polish, eye contact that stabs like barbed wire but comforts like favourite sweaters, shattered mirrors looking more beautiful on the wooden floor then they ever looked on your wall

“How tremendous the agony of unmade decisions.” - If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio // ‘This December’ by Ricky Montgomery

ancient buildings built out of frosted mysteries and unlabelled passions, black coffee gone cold into thick treacle, unappreciated paintings bleeding with secrets from the missing years, clouds of fog rolling over dew stained hills, fresh silk brushed against comforting cotton

“You’re my favourite person of all time.” - Elenor and Park by Rainbow Rowell // ‘Haven’t Met You Yet’ by Michael Buble 

lemon sherbets bubbling in your stomach at the sound of someone’s name, craving the soft touch of another, vibrant shades of paint splattered across your hours, golden sparkles flying out of fingertips, thoughts that fall off the train track, pearly stares soaked in memories to be made 

“Sometimes it’s good to go to war, just to know you can.” - Power by Naomi Alderman // ‘Ego’ by Koren Grace

rusted metal wiped clean of oppression and silence, wearing your glittered tiara with pride, cowering in fear from the strongest lioness’, learning ethereal angels can be just as terrifying as obsidian stained witches, the sound of sharpened swords in-time with the tapping of stilettos 

“He looks at me like I am a girl brought in with the tide, rare and scarred and broken. A girl found in the roughest waters, in the farthest reaches of a dark fairytale. He is looking at me like he might love me.” - The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw // ‘Something About Her’ by The Kents

frothed hands formed out of the tips of waves, frosted eyes glazed over by charcoal memories, jack frost planting deep kisses on your cheeks, gentle beats from a thawing heart, smoky figures built of bonfires and whispered stories, shutting your eyes and jumping deep

Beautifully put into words!