The Biggest Misconception In Public Schools Is That Literary Analysis Is About Proving You Can Be Right

because you had a bat day

you hang upside down

you echolocate just fly all around

if you ask me, the guy who put the sword INTO the stone should be king, not the chucklefuck who got it out.

being an extremely light sleeper who doesn't go to bed until 3-4 am so no matter where i live my roommates & friends say stuff like, "wake us up if the tornado sirens go off, "wake us up if the tsunami sirens go off," "wake us up if that bear comes back by camp,"

when people say these things i can't help but feel i'm satisfying my evolutionary purpose as night guard. it's just easier now than it would've been for me 10,000 years ago bc i have a flashlight and a weather app.

40,000 years ago, early humans painted hands on the wall of a cave. This morning, my baby cousin began finger painting. All of recorded history happened between these two paintings of human hands. The Nazca Lines and the Mona Lisa. The first TransAtlantic flight and the first voyage to the Moon. Humanity invented the wheel, the telescope, and the nuclear bomb. We eradicated wild poliovirus types 2 and 3. We discovered radio waves, dinosaurs, and the laws of thermodynamics. Freedom Riders crossed the South. Hippies burned their draft cards. Countless genocides, scientific advancements, migrations, and rebellions. More than a hundred billion humans lived and died between these two paintings—one on a sheet of paper, and one on the inside of a cave. At the dawn of time, ancient humans stretched out their hands. And this morning, a child reached back. 

I now have, to the best of my knowledge, at least 7 first aid kits. Will this number of first aid kits contain the downfall of the chaotic energy exuded as I live life so precipitously? Eh, prolly not. But I have space bandaids now!

Bad RPG idea:

Players play a round or two of exquisite corpse. Everyone has to pick one of the drawings. That’s their character now.

I told my students they're allowed to be creative and don't have to be factual when writing about themselves in German because I keep getting questions like "what if I don't have roommates or what if I don't have hobbies" and I'm like guys just make something up! Have fun! I won't fact check you!

So now I am grading homework where a student is claiming to be from North Korea and his hobby is tax fraud