Badweatherbartender

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

update: those people hired me

today at my internship the literal words “i love efficiency” came out of my mouth in front of people i want to hire me in the future

tf is up with crowley’s pockets

HIS HANDS DON’T FIT IN THEM JKDFHSDJKFHS

This guy raised an abandoned moose calf with his Horses, and believe it or not, he has trained it for lumber removal and other hauling tasks. Given the 2,000 pounds of robust muscle, and the splayed, grippy hooves, he claims it is the best work animal he has. He says the secret to keeping the moose around is a sweet salt lick, although, during the rut he disappears for a couple of weeks, but always comes home…. Impressive !! MINNESOTA CLYDESDALE

Me: I am a relatively smart, capable, mature human being. I can figure things out.

Also Me: *frantically FaceTiming my sister for help so I don’t have to tell the lady I’m babysitting for that I don’t know how to use child-proofed doorknobs*

Hmm. Lotta adults buying the Wicked novel for their kids this Christmas. Hope they're ready to field a LOT of questions.

i love y'all but everyone saying "okami 2" like my boy here suffered for nothing

Tony: *grumbling* What do you two want now?

Steve: Just checking in. Making sure you’re taking breaks.

Bucky: Making sure you’re hydrated.

Steve: Making sure you’re not overworking yourself.

Bucky: Making sure you know how good you look in those glasses.

Steve: *blinking* Bucky.

Bucky: What? It’s an important check-in.