Badweatherbartender

im surprised no one is talking about how elon musk paid people to make high level hardcore characters for him so he could claim it was all his work on livestream only to be immediately exposed as he couldn't even play the game right

hey say something nice to me

we really devolved as a society when we stopped using fully painted pictures on romance novels and started using cheap photoshop instead 

Reporter: so, Mr. Stark, tell us, what are going to do this Pride month?

Tony: SI has planned several events actually and for our LGBT+ employees we—

Reporter: I’m sure that’s very interesting, but what about your personal involvement? Sure there’s something you could do from the height of your privilege—

Tony: Oh, me, personally? I’m planning to suck a lot of dick.

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

Me: I am a relatively smart, capable, mature human being. I can figure things out.

Also Me: *frantically FaceTiming my sister for help so I don’t have to tell the lady I’m babysitting for that I don’t know how to use child-proofed doorknobs*

This is single handedly the funniest Pokemon clip of all time.

**The Pokémon company, sitting at a round table reviewing the episode before it airs:**

“You know what, fuck it. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

Tony: *grumbling* What do you two want now?

Steve: Just checking in. Making sure you’re taking breaks.

Bucky: Making sure you’re hydrated.

Steve: Making sure you’re not overworking yourself.

Bucky: Making sure you know how good you look in those glasses.

Steve: *blinking* Bucky.

Bucky: What? It’s an important check-in.