Today On "absolutely Unhinged Things For Stover To Put On Paper And Lucas To Approve," The Depiction

I think Oliver Queen would find out Batman's secret identity mostly through vibes...

When he was ten, his parents tried to get him to strike up a friendship with Bruce Wayne because it can’t ever hurt to know the richest man in the country but Bruce is just so fucking weird and morbid. He drags Ollie into his room and starts showing him his anatomy books and taxidermy and has he seen Taxi Driver? Because Travis Bickle inspired a real attempted assassination. But also maybe he had a point? And then Bruce is taking down his books on the Zodiac Killer and explaining how he thinks he’s cracked the cipher. And Ollie is just scared out of his mind. He thinks Bruce is going to vivisect him or something.

At the end of the night, he tells his parents that he spent the whole time with Bruce but he was actually hiding under a table somewhere for like two hours.

Then after that he tries to avoid Bruce at all times. Which isn’t hard because they’re ten and they live on opposite sides of the country. Until Oliver gets an invitation to Bruce Wayne’s 18th birthday party which is supposed to be a very big, very expensive bash. He doesn’t want to go because it might turn out to be weird but all his friends are going so he goes anyway.

… And it turns about to be pretty cool. (It’s a very big, expensive party with a lot of really drunk, really rich teenagers but it’s cool by Oliver’s standards) But no one actually seems to see Bruce there. He doesn’t make a speech, they don’t get him a cake or sing happy birthday, he doesn’t take over for the DJ, nothing. There are no pictures of him anywhere. Nobody gets any pictures of him. No one says they saw him. It’s like he wasn’t even there. 

But everyone insists that Oliver must be wrong. Who would throw a party and then never show up? Creepy Bruce Wayne, that’s who.

For the next several years, Bruce is supposedly out of the country doing an indulgent world tour. Hotels get booked out for him but they can’t say if he actually check in. People claim to have seen him but they don’t have any proof. It’s always so-and-so told so-and-so that they saw him here. He’s kind of like this fun cryptid. The richest man in the world is somewhere in the world. The late night shows do a spoof of Carmen Sandiego about it.

But every year, Bruce supposedly shows up to his birthday bash except Oliver goes every year and never sees him. There’s photos that circulate around but Oliver’s met Bruce and these are just some random other dark haired guys. He puts together that every year the crowd unknowingly selects some random dude to be that year’s Bruce Wayne, sometimes there’s two or three or four.

One year Oliver even dyes his hair and he gets to be Bruce Wayne for the day. 

It’s fun. But the real Bruce? He’s up to something. 

When Oliver comes back from his sojourn on an island and is deciding to clean up his act and maybe start dressing up in green and shooting people with arrows, he finds out that Bruce is back in Gotham. He’s gone from a guy who nobody knew what he looked like to one of the most recognizable faces.

Every week the gossip rags have a new crazy Bruce Wayne headline. 

“Bruce Wayne accidentally schedules two dates with two models at the same time, at the same restaurant. Models proceed to fight over him and wreck the restaurant, forcing Wayne to buy it.” There’s a viral video and everything. Except it’s not hard for Oliver to find out that the “models” are actually amateaur professional wrestlers.

“Bruce Wayne trips and knocks ice sculpture onto newly elected Gotham mayor.” Nobody bothers to mention that getting absolutely clobbered by an ice sculpture is what saved the mayor from being shot by a political rival.

“Bruce Wayne lets child ward drive his car. Kid accidentally puts car in reverse instead of drive and backs into and wrecks Lex Luthor’s custom McLaren.” That one just seems intentional. The kid even looks behind him as he’s backing up.

Sure people change over the course of 18 years, Oliver has certainly changed but he just can’t square this absolute buffoon with the kid who bragged about how he was already studying calculus. And it’s just so calculated. Just like the parties, it’s like a facade of being a rich playboy, not the real thing. Oliver knows the real thing. He’s been the real thing.

Then he walks into a meeting of the new, as yet unnamed, coalition of heroes and meets Batman for the first time. The familiar wave of hibbie-jibbies runs up his spine but he’s not a kid anymore so he just smirks.

“So do you still think Travis Bickle was kind of right?”

arrowbat reminds me of the song loml

i just listened to it!!! and you're So right.

I loved loved loved writing their dynamics and the whole "Bruce Wayne always meant more to Oliver than Oliver Queen ever did to Bruce." Because it's Oliver's perspective when he says this, so it might not be true, but it also kinda is??

Because we don't really See how Bruce felt about Oliver, but we can absolutely tell there's care, but also Layers of denial in there ("while he and Oliver had been… him and Oliver.") and he might have supressed a Lot of shit because he knew attachments would make it hard for him to leave (and he Had to leave...)

what im saying.... the song Does fit yeah u opened my eyes

The biggest reason Cass is the only natural option as heir to The Batman comes from the fact that every other character’s growth relies on them at some point either removing themselves somewhat or completely leaving the Bat symbol behind. Cassandra is the outlier whose found a reason to live on as that same symbol.

We can argue day and night who the best vigilante, detective, fighter, hero, strategist, or whatever is but none of that changes who can survive being the symbol without losing themselves in the process of following Batman’s footsteps.

Babs has to leave the clocktower for a Birds of Prey emergency and Cass is the only one around so she has to man the comms because Steph is on a mission. Cass is like yeah sure this will be fine Steph and I work great together nowadays.

But it turns out she's the absolute worst kind of backseat driver. She leads Steph on routes that involve 20 foot wide jumps and boos when Steph says she can't make that leap without a grapple. Steph is fighting five assassins at once and Cass is in her ear like

Cass: He has a bad leg go for the leg. Go for the leg. Why aren't you going for the leg just break out of the hold.

Cass: Wait are you stuck. Why are you stuck just dislocate your wrist and you'll be out of that hold. Batgirl can you hear me just snap your wrist. One two three snap.

Cass: Why are you not snapping. Hitting him isn't working. You're not strong enough to break his hold.

Cass: Maybe I should just come and get you. You're not listening to my words. I'll just rescue you.

Cass: Was that fuck off directed at me or the assassins.

Cass: Good you broke his hold. Now go for the leg. THE LEG. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY YOU CAN TAKE THEM.

Steph once Barbara gets back: Don't ever leave me again. If I ever hear her on your line again I will rip out my earpiece.

Cass once Barbara quizzes her about the incident: I gave super clear instructions. Maybe she was just sick today idk

I procrastinated a whole lot but I finished mostly

Ngl I feel like Cassie is baned from training any one cause it’s traumatizing.

Like they left her alone with Young Justice for an hour and came back to find them all shot and crying in corners while Cass calls them babys.

It isn’t even her fault because that’s how she trained and was going easy.

My guilt will not purify me.

(Batgirl 2000 permanently altered my brain chemistry)

this is hands down my favourite Cass quote and imo people at times take it too literally. "i don't kill but i don't lose" doesn't mean she is physically incapable of losing a fight or she's Just That Skilled it means if Cass really wants to win she will do whatever it takes short of killing to come out on top. she will fight till her legs give out till her body breaks down till the bitter end and then she will get up and keep fighting. "i don't kill but i don't lose" isn't a mere statement of fact, it encapsulates the powerful "do or die" mentality she brings to every single fight. fight like you're dying. fight to win. do anything but kill.

there's just someone else for you to take care of

Fav ship

Similar to this and my comment on it https://www.tumblr.com/demonic0angel/767278181073960960/hmmmmm-how-bout-some-spicy-dannycass?source=share

Danny and Cass enjoying Ollie's chili, much to the horror of everyone except Batman

(LMAOOOO)

Danny and Cass were enjoying their meal, while their siblings were all dying from the heat of Oliver’s chili. Dick and Duke were trying in vain to drink as much water and milk as they could. Stephanie looked like she was about to pass out. Bruce was also at the table, eating at a slow and measured pace. Oliver was beaming, clad in a pink apron and holding a ladle, as he asked, “Do you want seconds?”

Bruce shook his head, blank faced. Damian scowled through the meal, while Jason grimaced, muttering and glaring at Danny and Cass, “How on earth are you two eating this so fast?!”

Cass shrugged, “Not as bad as Sichuan food.” She turned her head and watched Danny eat for a little longer until he noticed her gaze and smiled at her.

“Are you still hungry?” He asked, licking his lips and Cass stared at him deeply before smiling and then nodding, turning back to her meal.

Damian muttered, “If this isn’t enough to make me throw up, that would’ve done it.”

Bruce sighed. “Do any of you want crackers?”

Jason sneered. “What psychopath eats crackers with chili? Better yet— Ollie! Can you get me a hot dog?! I need something worth living for without Jazz around right now.”

Danny perked up, pausing in his eating to hand Cass a napkin and ask, “Wait, where is she?”

Jason coughed from inhaling a pepper and said hoarsely, “I think she and Tim are eating ice cubes in the kitchen right now.”

Dick stood up and sniffled from the heat. “I think I’m going to join them. The rest of you weirdos can finish the meal.” He dragged away Duke and Stephanie, leaving Danny, Cass, and Bruce eating peacefully in the dining room, with Damian and Jason determined to finish their hellish meal.

Oliver complained, “What! Why is everyone always leaving?!” and then went after them to make them try more of his chili.

Danny hummed, nudging Cass. As she turned, he leaned closer and whispered, “They’re pretty weak to heat, huh?”

She hooked their fingers together with a sweet smile. “Not us though.”

A spoon went flying in Danny’s direction, making him dodge with wide eyes.

“Keep your hands off of my sister or this food is going into your eyes, Fenton!”