The Stats Spiral

the stats spiral

That's what I call it when I start obsessing over the numbers I get on fics or posts. When I refresh AO3 every five or ten minutes to see if I've got more hits or kudos. When I keep my tumblr activity page open in a tab to see new notes as soon as they come in.

It's not fun. Not really. Even when I sometimes tell myself it is.

You see, it starts out exciting! I've put a thing out there and now I get to see the reactions to it! I'm like a kid on their birthday who can't wait to see their presents. What are people going to say? Will they like it? Will they talk to me about it?

I'm lucky enough that I do get notes on tumblr posts and I do get comments and kudos when I post on AO3. But depending on how excited I am about the thing that I made and depending on how uncertain I am of whether it's any good, I want to get a lot more attention than I end up getting.

I know that that's a normal feeling. I know it's even a rational one! I've put a lot of effort into making something, or I've made something that I think my community will like, and not hearing back like I'd hoped can sometimes feel like rejection. It can be a huge disappointment that makes me doubt myself, my abilities, my connection to my community.

That's why I say it's not fun. Because even though 'engagement' can give me a really high high, it can also give me a really low low.

When I finally realize I'm in one of those lows (and it sometimes takes me a while to realize that I am), that's when I know that I need to step away.

When it's really bad, I just stop posting until I'm in a better mental space. For me, I now recognize that those feelings are often coming from me wanting a connection of some kind. The need for attention is coming from a feeling of loneliness or isolation, and so I need to counteract that by reaching out to people I know and care about to have a chat or a meal or just some time spent doing something communal.

When I can catch it early, then I force myself to close the activity tab here on tumblr and hide whatever stats are making me spiral on AO3. I've learned to recognize that I'm looking to those metrics as a way to feel important or special or cared for in some way and that I need to figure out where I'm feeling insecure in my life and how to get some reassurance - because strangers on the internet won't be able to give me what I need.

If you're currently spiraling, first of all lemme give you a hug ❤️ I hope you can take some time and figure out what it is that you want those stats to tell you about yourself or what it is that you think those stats will give you that you're not getting from somewhere else.

And if you haven't heard it lately, I'm glad that you're in this world - no matter what kind of numbers you have on your posts.

More Posts from Bboshi and Others

1 month ago

OK SO!

I've had this idea for a paper-headed character for YEARS but could never figure out how he should look.

 OK SO!

But now I know!

ANd I can finally make it real! AHHH IM SO EXICTED!

U HAVE NO IDEA!

Fun fact! His original name was "The Giver" but that was for a completely different story idea (He was the main char) It was the first name I gave him, though

Ican'tshow

So I usually make content using pre-existing media, but I've always wanted to do something original. Wholly my own. So here's that.

World basis:

Early in the 1980’s people were being born with completely different structural heads than normal. Late into it was it found to be a sudden neurological connection to the 4th dimension, causing a literal and physical mental imbalance.

Those affected believed it should be removed, so they were meant to be Nullified, but instead this stuck as the term for those born with it.

Once the panic had calmed down, society began to pick itself back up by the late 1990’s.

The mass of the older generation, who have not gotten this neurological change, have indifference or even hatred to those Nullified.

Nullified:

Those who had this neurological connection resulted in their head, or body, having completely different properties to that of someone without it.

Because the connection is based in time, every person with it doesn’t have the same look or effect. No two people will ever have exactly tge same results.

Despite how they look, Nullfied can still function like a normal human, not withstanding any mental or physical disabilities formed from birth (which were wrongly accused to be more common in Nullfied as a way to see them lesser. There is no factual evidence that being Null is naturally flawed).

Some who become Null may even have the ability to do things once seen as impossible, akin to comic book superhero’s.

Since the variety would make it impossible to narrow down powers that are or aren’t harmful, Null who can do this are under government watchlists (unbeknownst to the Nullfied).

Otherwise, court of law judges Null’s powers in their own sanctum, so mental or physical assault with these abilities are classified as such.

======================== So what does this mean?

Ican'tshow

Think My Hero quirks but it's casual instead of Hero Vs Villian shit.

Shayy

Ican'tshow

+ Meta-Morphing shape for a head

+ Emotions are very much on his sleeve

+ jack of all arts, master of none

+ Hard time with friends

+ ADHD like mad

Louisiana

Ican'tshow

+ Whole eye for a head

+ Doesn’t really have an idea for what she wanna do for a life

+ Knows most of the other nulls in the small town, but most prominently…

Crane

Ican'tshow

+ An asshole

+ Whole body minus the center is skeleton

+ Feels like his life is already done

+ Gas Station worker

+ Smokes a lot; doesn’t feel it cause it can’t reach his lungs

Also a lot more I'm concocting.

Ican'tshow
Ican'tshow

This thing will either be a comic, written book, or, what i'd most prefer...

Ican'tshow

A visual novel! Thanks for reading if you have :) I'm not sure if this will go anywhere but I still wanna put it out there for me myself and I


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1 month ago

You know when you wanna outwordly talk of something a lot that’s really specific too you but you don’t to others cause you don’t belive they would even have a small amount of actual interest in the thing of interest?

That’s what I feel right now. I wanna talk of my fanfic. But I don’t wanna be overbearing. I want people to be interested. But forcing it upon someone won’t do me any favors. Talking out here and then not even getting some kind of reaction makes it hard to want to talk anyway, even if it was brainstorming in the first place.

You know that feeling?


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1 month ago

...

Thank you for your patience with me. I'm happy to be posting again! This is something that's been rattling around in my head for quite some time, and with my recent return coinciding, more or less, with the reveal of Chapters 3 and 4's release date, I think that it is time I unveiled this idea I've been pouring over. I've always enjoyed making OC's for the things I like, and really trying to make them 'fit' into the setting without disrupting the flow, usually in the form of a continuation of whatever world or story I'm obsessing over. This is such a thing. I hope you enjoy the images, concepts, and characters to come.

...

Imagine if you will, a DELTARUNE completed, a world SAVED, and a Vessel that was never remembered. Just something thrown away, right at the start, all so YOU could find... someone else.

A Vessel, who can only feel the absence of what was stolen from them. A Doctor, driven mad by the prophetic whispers of his own reflection. An experiment, left to run out of control.

...

The Dark Worlds are closed, peace is restored, and the heroes go back to their small town life... until a new student is enrolled in their class by an eccentric scientist who just moved to town.

...
...

And the balance begins to shift once more...

...

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1 month ago

Nedzu 🥺

“I… What?” Was All Toshinori Could Think To Say, Looking To Nezu With Deer-in-headlights Eyes.

“I… what?” was all Toshinori could think to say, looking to Nezu with deer-in-headlights eyes. Hell, that was all he could think at all, besides perhaps, “Where did that come from?”

Nezu’s teeth gnashed. His tail thrashed. His hold on the nameless rat loosened, and God help him, he did it on purpose. To hell with it: it was the time! “Toshi, you could’ve visited at any time this last month,” Nezu and the nameless rat seethed in sync as he shot to his feet, standing on the seat of that bench. “Could’ve called, could’ve emailed, could’ve even sent a letter, something. You didn’t. My message that Tenko was coming home didn’t even get a simple ‘congratulations!’” Nezu jeered, complete with a sneering smile and mocking jazz hands. “And this week, even though you knew Tenko was with me, I still did not hear a single word from my best friend!”

Toshinori didn’t notice his jaw was slack until he closed it, only to open it again and fail to form a word, closing it once more to try again. He was like a floundering fish in more than just the motions, flailing and failing to get a handle on where the conversation was going or had even come from. “I… I’m sorry I didn’t call, Nezu,” he finally managed to say. “I could have done that much, I admit. A visit, though? You said it yourself: I’m the greatest pro hero the world has ever known. I’m the main reason Japan’s crime rate is less than half the global average.” He leaned away, glanced to the side, avoided Nezu’s angry eyes. He’d seen Nezu angry before, he’d seen Nezu far angrier before, but never at him. He’d had people angry at him before, he’d had people far angrier at him before, but never Nezu. It made him… there was no better word for it: squirm. “Every hour I would be at your place would be an hour I’m not where someone could need me, an hour I could be finding a clue to lead us to All for One.”

“So, what, was your offer to visit Tenko just a moment ago good for less than an hour? ‘Less than half’ that, mayhaps? Ten minutes, in and out, a cup of tea and a quick hello and off you go?” Nezu smarmed, not with charm, but with sarcasm so caustic it could eat through steel.

Toshinori shook his head, raised his hands in a gesture both pleading and placating, still too disoriented to be anything other than bewildered and defensive. “I owe it to the world to save every kid in trouble, Nezu! I need to be a hero to everyone, not just those close to me. You of all people should appreciate the sheer scale-”

“I am well aware of exactly how many millions depend on you,” Nezu found himself snarling, snapping, lashing. He just couldn’t hear another word, couldn’t control the stress, it was all just too much- “It doesn’t matter if it’s for the greater good or their own good, if it comes from ruinous paranoia or, or neurotic nobility; you are still walking the same path of neglect that she did! Laud her intentions all you want, worship the woman until the day you die, but she left him to rot!”

To call Toshinori familiar with hope would be an understatement bordering on an ugly lie. It was his heritage, after all. It was closer to him than his own heart, more familiar than his own name. It would be a mistake to say that he wasn’t familiar with other emotions, though. He knew solitude. He knew shame. He knew doubt. He knew dread. He knew fear.

Anger? Anger was a distant memory. Toshinori had not been angry, All Might had not been angry, for over a decade. Not like he was that moment. What bubbled in his emotional bottle was not righteous anger, not the raging desire to protect people that got him out of bed every day, but an ugly anger, a tainted anger, a hurt anger, viscous and vile, roiling and boiling-

“You take that back.”

—All We Might Have Been, Chapter 5 Art by the lovely @secretgaygenttomura!


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1 month ago

“Are you sure no one will like my blorbos?”

The Bible writing commenter the second they witness Shakespeares second coming (thats you 🫵):

“Are You Sure No One Will Like My Blorbos?”
YOU!! YES, YOU!! GO WRITE THAT FANFIC YOU THINK NOBODY BUT YOU WILL READ!!

YOU!! YES, YOU!! GO WRITE THAT FANFIC YOU THINK NOBODY BUT YOU WILL READ!!


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1 month ago

DELTARUNE 3 + 4 CONTENT IN NINTENDO SWITCH 2 TRAILER AHHH

 DELTARUNE 3 + 4 CONTENT IN NINTENDO SWITCH 2 TRAILER AHHH

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1 month ago

Adorb.

Norlle is nice but I enjoy how Susie is drawn here.

My first instinct would be Nickelodeon’s Recess to compare but maybe more Hey Arnold.

Posture wise it’s p accurate. noelle standing tall, yet with a small grip on her skirt. If not just a stylistic choice, feels appropriate to her timid nature.

Susie with a bad lean and hands in pockets exudes bad girl energy, like pre-chapter 1 vibes

Got a new brush and wanted to try it out

Got A New Brush And Wanted To Try It Out

Got A New Brush And Wanted To Try It Out
Got A New Brush And Wanted To Try It Out

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1 month ago
Normal Sibling Behavior

normal sibling behavior

1 month ago

@deviouspsychopath

Hope ye enjoy!

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Gravity Falls Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Jesus “Soos” Alzamirano Ramirez/Melody, Ford Pines & Stan Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket & Ford Pines Characters: Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Jesus “Soos” Alzamirano Ramirez, Ford Pines, Stan Pines, Melody (Gravity Falls), Fiddleford H. McGucket, Wendy Corduroy, Bill Cipher Additional Tags: Fluff, Nostalgia, Anniversary, Post-Canon Summary:

Time seems to go by so fast.

Minutes into hours, hours to days, months…

…That a year just feels like sixty seconds.

But that time makes memories.

Memories stick.

No matter how painful or how wonderful.

So everyone prepares to return to them.

Those who lived in it.

Those who grew up with it.

Those who return to it.

And those who missed it.


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1 month ago
Let's Delta This Rune

let's delta this rune

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bboshi - Boshi
Boshi

20+ | Writer & Reader | Discord: bboshitosh

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