No Longer You Waltzing Animatic, This Wasn't Supposed To Be A Serious Thing But Oh Well

Doing my nails while learning math because math is hell and painting my nails calms me down

There's this really, really small, almost non-existent moment in the aromantic comunity people where you realize that for the first time, you are in love. You smile silly, your heart does a strange jump when they talk to you, you really want to smile at everything they say and you can't stop looking at them.

I thought this only happened in books, but no, it's real.

As an aromantic person who is dealing with love for the first time, romantic people, how do I deal with this?

Sneak Peak! and no i'm not explaining this post

The Reformatory.

“That place is not just a reformatory, knight. They're gonna break his head.” The lady with honey eyes says. Her once happy eyes now fell into a sad and worried glass.

Gawain is confused by the stern words. "...What?" He asks in a state of confusion and disbelief. Gawain knew that the paladins were cruel and that they valued empty heads and blind pawns, but he didn't want to believe that they would have the courage to break that alredy broken blade that the weeping monk was and force him together again and the gods know how many more times.

“You heard me.” The woman says with a firm word. Her eyes finally returning to meet his. “We call that place the devil's nightmare house for a reason. It’s not difficult to connect two dots, knight.”

The devil's nightmare house...? Gawain feels his face grow cold and the color drain from his features with realization. A shiver passes through his body just for thinking about what led to a place having to name like that.

“He's not going to come back, Gawain.” The lady afirms again with a firm voice, her face now completely darkened. “And if he comes back, it won’t be him anymore."

The woman sighs, her eyes returning to the floor and they were now a red glass, trying hard not to cry. The knight couldn't even begin to understand the relationship between the lady and the monk, but they certainly had something. No one holds back their tears so much for someone they don not care about.

She forces a unamused smile, trying to ease the tension. “Think he'll only comes back if some crazy person dares to invade Devil's Nightmare and bring him back.” She jokes, getting up to leave. The nameless lady says goodbye and leaves the knight to his thoughts alone at night again.

…Maybe I am crazy enough.

@lancedoncrimsonwings

Unfortunately this is a rant because I don't have anyone to turn to when this happens.

My mother is not a crazy woman or often abusive, she's controlling but nothing much futher beyond that, but some times she has crises and it's always with me.

I always keep my bedroom door closed for my own safety, because I don't feel safe enough in my own home to keep it open. This wouldn't be a problem if my mother didn't blow up at me. She often yells and bangs on the door really hard when she's mad at me, and that's a huge problem.

Today she needed my documents to register for something, I listened to her the first few times, but I tried to ignore her so she would go away. She didn't leave. She banged harder on the door and screamed louder, and yelled threats at me. Saying he was going to break down the door and hit me.

I tried to ignore it again, but the screaming and banging were so loud that I cowered in my bed and covered my ears with my hands. I literally shook and cried with fear. I was so scared that I couldn't get out of bed to get the damn documents.

I contacted my friend so that I would have someone with me and know what happened to me if the worst case scenario happened. I really panicked, to the point of wanting to talk to God or the gods, but then I remembered that I didn't worship the gods and that I had angry towards Christian god. Nothing really big, but it's a moral of mine that I shouldn't benefit or contact god or gods only when it suits me. So I felt trapped in my own hole.

At some point I managed to gather enough strength to go to the drawer and get the documents to slip them under the door. It was torture. I was breathing heavily and panting with tears streaming down my face and my body was very weak. I had to crawl all the way to the end to pass the documents. My room is not big, less than ten square meters probably. That's how much fear affected me. Fear of my own mother.

I've stopped shaking and crying, I'm no longer in a state of panic, but my mind is still stuck in a state of alert. Every time I hear footsteps coming from the stairs I freeze, thinking it might be my mother and that I'll be greeted with more screams and threats. My heart is still tight and every movement I hear it leaves me on full alert, especially her voice.

Her voice makes me panic and want to cry again. It doesn't matter if it's directed at me or not.

Do you have any idea what it's like for a person to fear their own mother's voice? The person who should love and protect them, leaves them trembling and cowering, afraid of just her signal. As if the just air she breathed were thorns in your lungs... This is worrying. And what's more worrying is knowing that you don't have anyone in your family or outside to trust to be with you at these times. Because that role should belong to your mother. But she failed to fulfill the minimum of that role.

I wish this was just another whump in disguise, but no, this is a real occurrence of mine.

12/26/2024

oooooh I didn’t know you were a tattoo artist that’s so neat! Can I ask to see what kinda stuff you draw? :o

I am indeed! Fully fledged for 3 years now.

My "day job" is tattoos;

But I'm also a traditional artist and do Pet Portrait commissions as well.

I also make chainmail and other things, but that's more of a hobby!

I may be pausing the tattooing to go to Uni as I never went, (instead I did 2x 2 year college courses - Art&Design and Fashion respectively - whilst I began an Apprenticeship!) but if my health can take it I hope to find a studio willing to take me part time whilst I study, or just make some money on pet portraits and chainmail. I intend to build a website too at some point but have been too stressed to try and get it sorted whoops ahaha.

Thanks for the ask! It was fun to ramble about my art!

Last Line Tag!

I genuinely can't remember who's tagged me in what soooo I figured this worked. Have a few snippets cause I'm pretty sure I was tagged 3 times overall

No Pressure Tagging; @holy3cake @aintgonnatakethis @violetastrid + OPEN TAG FOR ALL

Lancelot's POV;

It was Goliath stumbling over a fallen branch that had broken this hallucination, it seemed. The steed’s unsteady steps now told him as much, but the way he snorted and stumbled again confirmed it, as did the now familiar painful jolt through Lancelot’s side that had stars dancing over his vision and a myriad of furiously inventive swear-words threatening to slip from his tongue.

Gawain's POV;

Agony exploded in Gawain's spine and he cried out, a flash of green blinding his vision before it faded to black, slipping down, down, down into the darkness. Gawain could do nothing, dragged under by those terrible vines as they turned on him, the tresspasser in another's domain, coiling around him like the ribcage did a heart and consticting him like a snake, hissing and biting. He couldn't breathe as the air was taken from his lungs and given to another, the pain in his spine growing stronger and stronger yet he'd no breath left to scream.

So he simply closed his eyes and let them take him.

"What did you do?!"

Gawain was sure he ought to know that voice but he couldn't understand what it meant, nor could he quite recognise who it belonged to.

"Gawain? Gawain!"

Gawain. That was his name, wasn't it? He wanted to sleep. Just five more minutes...

"Don't you dare..."

Yes. He'd rest a bit more. Oh that darkness was so, so enticing... And it called his name too, he thought...

Thanks for the tag @lancedoncrimsonwings! Tagging @warlocklawyer666 @the-tav3rn-0wner and anyone who sees this.

The first one is from the "Daniel Sharman is a dog" post, the second is when a random stronger just freely was mean to me because I'm aromantic and I shared that I had fallen in love for the first time and it was strange, and the second is Just me being silly and treating tumblr as my personal diary.

Yeah i'd pretty much say It is accurate. This is basically me. Dogs, Daniel Sharman, gay and a romantic one at that, thank you very much.

3 Pictures Profile Game!

Rules: Show your 3 most recent profile preview pictures and tell us if these are an accurate representation of you! On mobile, click on your blog and screenshot. If you're on a computer, use a screenshot programme or snipping tool to get the 3 pictures!

Hi all :) Just playing a silly tag game, find my example below! Enjoy ❤️

Okay so I've got Aethelbert getting sexy, Aldhelm getting impaled on a Valentine's card, and the Rupert moodboard I made for my Boarders fic 🤣🤣 I think that's extremely accurate, considering these people occupy my brain 90% of the time.

And they're all hot men so. Yeah. Definitely accurate for me to be dreaming about them 👀👀👀

No pressure tags: @grinningkatz @lancedoncrimsonwings @book-and-music-lover @synintheraven @errruvande @lord-aldhelm

@waterfallsilverberrywrites @bilbotargaryen @thenameswinter99 @persephones-journey @whitedarkmoonflower

@paula-in-dreamland @thelettersfromnoone @kingslionheart @fabiochampioraro @ripmyfictionalfriends

Pinterest knows me better than I know myself

Poor Hector. While Gareth wants to escape his Scottish family, Hector is... happy? Yeah happy, but has to deal with his crazy/autistic French family.

I think we should have more Hector des Mares. Can we have more Hector des Mares or more of the Du Lac family being a family?

look, a family photo!

how to fight writer’s block like it personally insulted your best friend

Writer’s block isn’t a myth. It’s real. It’s rude. And it shows up exactly when you don’t want it to—like an ex at your book launch. Here’s how to yeet it into the void:

1. stop trying to write “good”

Seriously. Lower the bar. Bury the bar. Let the bar rot in the forest. Write badly on purpose. Be cringe. Be free. You can’t fix a blank page, but you can edit a disaster.

2. change the medium

Tired: typing in the same doc for hours. Wired: scribbling in a notebook like a Victorian ghost. Inspired: recording a voice memo like a sleep-deprived cryptid explaining your plot to future you.

3. skip the part that’s blocking you

Stuck on Chapter 5? Write Chapter 9. Write the ending. Write that one scene with the knife and the rain and the betrayal. You can stitch it all together later like Frankenstein’s monster.

4. give your brain new input

Go outside. Touch grass. Watch a movie. Read a book not in your genre. Eavesdrop at a coffee shop. Ideas in = ideas out.

5. bribe yourself

“Write 100 words and you get a cookie.” “Finish this scene and you can scroll Pinterest for aesthetics.” Become your own treat-dispensing machine.

6. embrace ✨trash drafts✨

Your first draft is not the final product. It’s the mess you make before the magic. Let it be wild. Let it be ugly. Let it live.

7. stop declaring war on your creativity

Sometimes writer’s block is just burnout in a trench coat. Maybe what you need isn’t to write harder—it’s to rest, to dream, to let the well refill.

tl;dr: writer’s block can’t survive if you trick it into thinking you're just vibing. So vibe. Write weird stuff. Take breaks. Make art like no one’s watching (because no one is yet).

You’ve got this.