Alancummingreally I Wore This Suit To The Met Gala Centuries Ago In Protest At Being Told To Shut Up

A rare reversal of the Amangela trying to kiss Chanse bit

the voice of the devil

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

A Bug’s Life, 1998

the cunt off to end all cunt offs are you actually kidding me people fucking died this shit was felt thousands of miles away through tremors in the earth the sheer cosmic power of their facecards rippled through the ether and kier goddamn eagans ghost on the big waffle in the sky shivered and turned around like Something Just Happened

why is shopping for computer shit so difficult like what the hell is 40 cunt thread chip 3000 processor with 32 florps of borps and a z12 yummy biscuits graphics drive 400102XXDRZ like ok um will it run my programmes