What It Says On The Tin, Plus Some Simple Explanations Of Who Has The Power To Do What.

no one will come to save you but some will offer you their hand to hold when life gets tough and those are the ppl that matter

Be your own friend, have your own back, encourage yourself, motivate yourself, discipline yourself, make yourself laugh, comfort yourself when you cry, enjoy your own company, discover yourself, ask yourself the deep questions, feed yourself good food, watch stuff that makes you feel good, hug yourself, smile at yourself just because, compliment yourself, extend yourself endless grace… you are the greatest thing you can offer yourself.

STOP! are you operating on an arbitrary set of terms and rules known only to you? have you created an ultimatum or specific if/then scenario for someone else without communicating it to them? have you considered making a decision and calculated all the consequences and potential reactions to those consequences and consequences for those reactions before you actually made the decision? it may be time to say some words out loud to another person!

pup star

I was talking with my dad recently & we got on the topic of People Thinking They Can't Do Things, and like, he is at his core a well-intentioned person who genuinely wants the best for others, but he has definitely internalized some harmful ideas a la "anyone can do anything, the only thing stopping them is their own attitude". so I was like. I see where you're coming from, but let me tell you a story.

last year, I worked with 10 year olds- many of whom had never really spent time outdoors- in an outdoor education program where they came to spend a whole week doing shit outside in nature. the top two scariest experiences for these kids were 1) very tall metal tower, and 2) walking outside at night in the dark with no flashlights.

I tried a lot of different things to persuade them all to join me for each experience: I presented it with enthusiasm and passion, I did physical demonstrations and scientific explanations to help them understands how safe it was, I voiced my absolute commitment to their safety, I invited them to brainstorm ways to help each other and themselves feel safe, etc.

generally I always had at least 2-3 kids out of about 10 who opted out, or if they did join me, would spend the entire experience crying and freaking out. when it was over, they would conclude that even though they did not die- or even get hurt- it was so scary that it wasn't worth it and they never wanted to do it again.

then I changed the question I asked. instead of asking them to tell me whether they could do it or couldn't do it, I asked them to raise their hand for one of three options:

You can definitely do this.

It will be hard or scary or uncomfortable, but you can try to do this.

It will definitely be too hard, scary, or uncomfortable, and you cannot or should not try to do this.

suddenly, almost nobody was opting out of these experiences.

they would try, even if they were scared, because they know that being scared didn't necessarily mean that they couldn't do it at all. and more importantly, they knew that if they needed to stop, that was an option; they weren't trapped in their decision to try.

and the real takeaway here, for me, is in the nuance: people need to be able to challenge themselves and to be uncomfortable in order to grow, and people need to be able to opt out in order for opting in to be a safe option.

people think they shouldn't vote as a protest or whatever because they've been raised on boycotts. which do sometimes work.

boycotts deprive the target of money.

not voting does not deprive the government of money.

it does, however, deprive you of power.

it's not like a boycott.

(through gritted teeth) sometimes what's good for your mental health isn't another do nothing day or a little treat sometimes what's good for you is putting in some of the work. Not all of it at once but sometimes you have to finish that essay or at least take the next step or you have to clean your room or at least dust the shelves or you gotta do the laundry or at least put it all in the hamper and it's not fun and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks but you have to because i read a post on the internet that told me that's what being nice to yourself is sometimes

Y'all have got to get better at handling uncertainty. Sometimes two people will have a falling out and you legitimately won't be able to tell which one was the abuser and which one was the victim. Sometimes you'll encounter a stranger online who might be a channer troll trying to stir shit up or might be a deeply traumatized person trying their hardest to speak their truth. That person with the gendery vibes might be a trans egg or they might be a cis person who just does whatever the hell they want. You have got to learn to act appropriately when you can't know everything.

some things i didn’t realize i needed to hear…

you have permission to make mistakes. you have permission to fail. you have permission to be sad. you have permission to not be over it. you have permission to struggle with difficult things or even “easy” things.