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me: I should do laundry

my brain: you should die

me: touché

i don’t think you guys understand how much I think about this vid

This is how you’re SUPPOSED to shake hands. Fellas take notes.

Please leave me alone

‎"Not only have you been lucky enough to be attached since time immemorial to a favored evolutionary line, but you have also been extremely--make that miraculously--fortunate in your personal ancestry. Consider the fact that for 3.8 billion years, a period of time older than the Earth's mountains and rivers and oceans, every one of your forebears on both sides has been attractive enough to find a mate, healthy enough to reproduce, and sufficiently blessed by fate and circumstances to live long enough to do so. Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stranded, stuck fast, untimely wounded, or otherwise deflected from its life's quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment in order to perpetuate the only possible sequence of hereditary combinations that could result--eventually, astoundingly, and all too briefly--in you."

Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything

via brooklynmutt.com