If You’re A UK Blog Who Relentlessly Reminded People Vote In The US Election Last Year, Then I Really

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

bitches will see the word garlic and hit reblog

Miss Piggy: That man was totally codependent.

Kermit: You and Captain Flint?

WHAT IF? Muppet Black Sails.

(I scheduled this for the Ides of March all the way back on October 23, 2022. You're welcome.)

“Jesus. Low-Key Lyesmith,“ said Shadow. and then he heard what he was saying and he understood. “Loki,” he said. “Loki Lie-smith.” “You’re slow,” said Loki, “but you get there in the end.” And his lips twisted into a scarred smile and the embers danced in the shadows of his eyes.

— American Gods, Neil Gaiman. 

Auditioning Bentleys. Must not mind being set on fire. #GoodOmens

Fucking cheerleaders.