Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

I want to share something someone told me when I first started out as a dom because it was kind of a lightbulb moment for me as an emotional sadist. At the time I was doing aftercare but I didn't understand what psychologically recovering from a scene really meant. Then someone put it into dom terms and it just sort of clicked. So I thought I'd share in case anyone else needs to hear it.

As a degrader and a sadist it's so hot that some subs will be as pathetic as you want them to be... so don't fuck around with their emotions outside of that, that sub is already literally playing with and altering their emotions for your benefit and pleasure. You're overstressing the emotion muscle if you do and rest is essential to any healthy exercise.

You're not giving their feelings any time to rest and recover if you cause emotional distress outside of playtime and you're not giving them the safety and security to play with their emotions again. If you consistently play with humiliation, degradation, or other forms of psychological sadism, you need to be aware of this and plan accordingly.

Avoid big talks or heavy topics immediately after, and do things that will lift your partner's mood in the days following an intense scene even if their mood doesn't need a lift. While you can't see it, by doing that, you've essentially put an emotional ice pack on a sore muscle.

For physical injuries lift the area affected so it can circulate and heal better. For emotional ones it's the same process, lift their mood so positive feelings can circulate and help the recovery along.

How badly I want to you to shake

•Eyes on fire•

Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to David Gurewitsch featured in The Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn