Captainsharlie - WHISKEY SMOKE

I'm Just Going to Rant

Let me be the first to lay my hand on the "White-Girl Bible" and say "I Can't Even." I miss my fucking family. I want a cigarette. And dear god I miss sleeping. Why can't drugs and alcohol cure the memories and all the bad situations. I want to be thinner. Yet, I want to eat all the food my heart desires without a tummie ache. I can't hear my own thoughts anymore. It feels like I can't even escape to the privacy of my head. I feel as if I have no privacy. I'm sick of people not listening. And I'm sick of being tired. And also tired of being sick. I want the love again. I want the freedom to say "yes" and the freedom to say "no." I feel as if I don't have a choice anymore. I don't want to fall victim to someone else's will. Doesn't my opinion matter? Or does the fact that I have a vagina prohibit me from having an opinion. I hate skipping school. But I hate the way school makes me want to hurl myself off a cliff. I'm scared to look in mirrors anymore. I want to be pretty. I'm tired of seeing a sad girl who doesn't like anything about herself. I miss being called beautiful. I miss my Dad. I wish people didn't joke about suicide. I wish people understood. I can't handle anyone's "problems" anymore. I just can't relate to them. My life is a fucking plane crash: awful, messy, and burning everyone alive. Why should I have to trade my confidence for love? Shouldn't being loved make you confident? I can't do this.

Tags

love PRETTY girl rant fat joke life dead woman sick dad i miss you Hate white IM MELTING! depressed female confident crash ugly problems sucks awful sexist skinny suicdal fucked im fucked up hateful plan crash

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captainsharlie

7 years ago