Attila Bartis: On The Islands

Awww shit yall know what it is

shimmies back with some kakashi and obito! 🐕 🐕 

i’m also selling these as prints, so feel free to request a custom order on my Etsy or inbox me! 

Learning that certain things that you thought were widely accepted at the time actually had a lot of pushback kind of shakes up your perception of the world a little.

Like for example when a lot of people in the 1400s and 1500s read the Malleus Maleficarum, basically the book that set off the trend of witch trials in Europe, they knew it was bad and even called it unethical. And before 1400 most people in Europe didn’t even believe that witches existed. Because most Christians before the 1400s didn’t even believe that magic existed. Because “magic” was thought to come from pagan gods, and, you will note, most monotheists don’t believe that other gods exist. So witches weren’t even something that people thought about.

And when Christopher Columbus was off committing crimes against humanity a bunch of people were like “Hey, this guy is committing crimes against humanity. Someone stop him.” And eventually they did, even if they did stop him far too late. He was fired from his position as governor. He was arrested and banished from Spain. And there were people, both native South Americans and Spaniards, who actively opposed the colonization efforts while they were happening.

So a bit of a laugh here, as the only remedy that worked to sedate my panic earlier this month of having to wait 36 hours on the 12th floor in a 50+ year old hotel through a tornado-prone hurricane at the start of the first vacation I’ve had in several years is: comic relief doodling.

And the one that has been sitting on the backest of back burners has been to showcase one of Rhysand’s greatest and unrivaled abilities. No one has come close to the proficiency and technique this high lord has honed for hundreds of years, the accuracy and precision never faltering, even while simultaneously throwing insults disguised beneath witty retorts, or gate-crashing weddings to keep very important appointments.

Nay, you all may fawn over the wings, the winnowing, the darkness, but I will whip out my foam finger and clap my hands each time a spec of invisible lint is vanquished on the page. ☝️😤

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This has been licensed, so disclaimer time: The art depicted on the products listed for sale is wholly original to me and has been approved by Sarah J. Maas for use on the products. Notwithstanding such approval, Sarah J. Maas has not collaborated with me in any way in the creation of the art, and the traits of any characters depicted in the art is in no way based on any foreknowledge by me of the traits of any characters in future books by Sarah J. Maas.

When I say I lost my shit at Grogu’s first words, let me tell you, I LOST MY SHIT.  All the speculation of what Grogu’s first words were going to be, the build-up of whether he would speak like Yoda or if he would try to say “This is the Way.” or some other wild thing, like those first words were going to be so important, there was so much build-up!  Years of build-up in real time!  And then Favreau chose THE MOST ANNOYING OPTION POSSIBLE, it’s not even Grogu’s voice, he’s just controlling a robot and then he ANNOYED THE SHIT OUT OF DIN WITH IT just “Yes!  Yes. Yes. Yes.  NO!  NO!  YES. YES.”  I HAD TEARS IN MY EYES I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD, Favreau chose the most obnoxious route he could think of for Grogu’s first words after years of speculation about how it would happen and it was juvenile ridiculous Star Wars bullshit and Favreau really woke up and chose violence when he wrote that and I respect that choice.

protože František z Kouzelný školky je neskutečně mímovatelnej

In previous years I've tried uprooting small fir trees in my woods to use as Christmas trees, making sure to be gentle in the process and keep as much of their root system as I could, but when I replanted them in the woods later it just never worked. The trees didn't appreciate being treated like this, so last year I didn't even try replanting my Christmas tree and just fed it to the llamas (who did appreciate.)

I meant to do the same this year, and on my to-do list this week I had "cut a Christmas tree" and "get rid of 10m2 of broom plants" (this is on my to-do list in perpetuity. They grow so rampantly, if I didn't fight back there would be no pasture left.)

^ But then after I went and cut a bunch of horrible brooms I thought, well this is absurd, I'm going to kill a perfectly nice fir tree that I have no beef with, to have something green in my living-room for Christmas, when I could humiliate my plant nemesis by festooning its slain offspring with tinsel? I mean, shrubs are green. They fit the bill. I bet with a star on top they could pass for a Christmas tree.

At first I tried to cut a tall and large broom, then poke holes in its trunk with my drill to stick smaller broom branches in there like this: \o/ to give it a rough Christmas tree shape. It didn't work. Brooms as it turns out are extremely dense and fibrous and my drill didn't like drilling into them one bit.

So I lowered my expectations, and started gathering a big bouquet of younger brooms (the only positive aspect of broom invasiveness is that I have an infinite number of shrubs to experiment on. I cut a half dozen of them to try and drill holes into them and by the time I gave up, another two dozen had grown back in their place). I tied up my broom bouquet into something vaguely reminiscent of a fir and, I mean, with a star, it sort of looks the part?

I had to do the tying-up part several times, because the pretty and festive golden string I initially used was too weak. This bouquet of broom branches may look placid and easygoing in photographs, but when tied together tightly, it is determined to free itself.

But I managed to tame it using hay bale string. It didn't look happy with its fate, but I mean, it's a broom shrub. Its only ambition in life is to conquer as much pasture territory as possible and add it to its broom empire. It does not want to be a decorative plant in a living-room.

Take any historical figure who was mainly known as a ruthless conqueror and try to picture turning him into a Christmas tree. He won't look happy about it.

I ended up making two Christmas Brooms, one for the greenhouse and one for my living-room. The greenhouse one was originally meant for the living-room, but it was made up of particularly obstinate Pampe-like branches and I was worried one of my cats would poke it and the "tree" would suddenly break its chains in an explosion of vegetal triumph and traumatise the cat.

It may look like a peaceful Christmas Yew in the below pic, but don't underestimate its very strong desire to free itself from even the tough hay bale string, which forced me to use my garlands to tie it up some more, wrapping them around the "tree" less loosely and festively than usual. But I put my biggest star on top and that means it looks like a Christmas tree. A Christmas tree with a restraining order.

This tree is held together with tinsel, threats, and Christmas magic.

In the dark and from afar you really can't tell it's a bunch of unruly invasive shrubs tied together <3 And here's the much thinner and therefore less angry version in my living-room:

It was tilting to the left somewhat worryingly so I put a heavy stuffed hedgehog at the bottom to stabilise it, and a mountain goat at the top to dissuade it. All hands on deck. They both look somewhat petrified, like they are begging the faux-tree to remain a tree for the duration of the holidays...

Thus ends my Christmas Broom journey. It was a bit of a pain to set up but at least an innocent fir out there got to escape a grim fate (devoured by llamas), and a small gang of invasive shrubs get to be looked at with approval and joy for the first time in their life. It's a win-win.

important PSA about when your car is smoking

like literally smoking from the engine

white and you smell pancakes? it’s the coolant. panic and pull over, but you’ll live

a slight blue tinge? it’s the oil. panic and pull over, but you’ll live

grey, looks like fire smoke? gasoline; the most combustable and dangerous. pull over and leave the vehicle, pray.

sharing because i didn’t know this when my car started smoking white yesterday and i was so afraid for my life.