Hey So That Was A Great Date, Yeah, But I Don't Think It's Going To Work Out. Nono You Didn't Do Anything

Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.

Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.

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oc silly coffeeandqueue

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oc yeha… coffeeandqueue also just. yeah.

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Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the perfect, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

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Imagine if you locked Light and Patrick Bateman in a room together. They would be having the most generic conversation but you wouldn’t be able to hear it over the sound of their overlapping internal monologues. There would be a few seconds where their monologues both play in sync to say something misogynistic.

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coffeeandsalt

1 month ago

He’s embarrassed

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video coffeeandqueue

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1 month ago

A 3-panel comic made by mashing PNG's together in the style of Instagram user absolutenutcase162.
Panel 1: A group of evil ice wizards from various media, with a realistic picture of Ice King from Adventure Time at the front. The background is a frozen cave with a big ornate door made of ice in the middle. Ice King says, "Okay, okay, final offer. If you give up your soul and learn the forbidden ice magics, you get unlimited power, eternal life, an army at your command, AND we'll throw in THIS."
Panel 2: A close-up of the big door from the first panel, now open. Squidward from SpongeBob is in the foreground looking shocked, and says in an all-caps impact font caption, "A luxurious modern studio space with included amenities at an affordable rate?" Behind the giant ice door, somehow, is an apartment like the one described. It was pulled straight from Google Images and looks completely out of place with the surrounding ice cave.
Panel 3: A city buried in snow. Squidward is now wearing a robe and surrounded by an army of evil snowmen. They're all the same PNG. Spongebob, frozen and half-buried in the snow behind him, says "Squidward, please. This isn't your heart." Squidward yells back "Yes the fuck it is."

last week i woke up from one of the most fucked up nightmares ive ever had with that middle panel burned into my brain. like the exact wording and the exact apartment and the exact squidward. i feel like if i didnt make it real something bad wouldve happened. anyway todays upload is spunchbob comic oc

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oc coffeeandqueue

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coffeeandsalt

7 months ago

You boop too tough.....your boop too different...your boop is too bad....they'll kill you

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boop boop o meter caffeineposting

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coffeeandsalt

1 month ago