Au Where They Team Up With The Power Of Friendship Instead Of Having Beef

hello my lovelies i have a "problem" so if youd like to know and give me some insight cuz im autistic and cant read social cues go right ahead. its below

so theres this guy, wont say his name here(tho it wouldnt matter cuz i doubt he knows what tumblr is but i digress), hes a senior(just turned 18 last month). ive been feeding him snacks since the second half of first semester when i met him in my 3d art class. and its real dusty in there and we would wipe clay dust on each other(really fun trust) and hes put me in a chokehold and then tried to push me to my knees on the ground twice(coulda just asked tbh), hes said hes gonna eat me twice(first time had no prompt but the 2nd time did so i let it slide), hes said hes gonna kidnap me and shoot me(yk "normal" stuff). hes called me GOOD BOY once too then said it had "uses", idk what that means but like alr and hes talked about like backshots while on the phone with me(hes also got Schrödinger's cock, hes told me its huge but his friend has told me its micro so idek nor do i really care i just thought it was kinda funny). he threatens me a lot less now a days tho so dw. he isnt gay(or at least thats what he says) (he also most of the time uses the proper pronouns but like hes a cis white man what can you really expect?) hes driven me home twice now. the first time he drove me home was after first semester finals so it was cold, when i got into his car i recoiled off his leather seats and was like "ah leather seats" and he was like "you dont like leather seats?" and i was like "no theyre just super cold" and then next thing ik hes askin me if the heated seats are on and as im looking for the controls he just hooks his hand under my right knee and moves my legs over before leaning over me and checking himself…..like he coulda just asked. but this time he ASKED me if i wanted to be driven home i dunno why but ofc i said yes id NEVER turn down a car ride(i LOVE LOVE LOVE his stupid car).

so like...this isnt all of it but this is what i can remember cuz im too lazy to put down every little thing hes said and done so yk here you go. but like why is he like this? anybody here know how cis men be acting? anybody major in CisMenology? help a beetle out 🙏

i DARE you to call me a freak. that's my preferred prefix, loser. i am a freakish little beast, with horrid claws and spiraling teeth. i am also. cooler than you

I'm just-

we classified the colossal squid in 1925, put together from pieces found in sperm whale stomachs.

we've found them dead or dying or in distress, floating on the surface or entangled by trawlers.

but now

in 2025

100 years later

we finally find one alive and thriving in the deep Antarctic sea

and it's a baby.

have we tried sitting completely still in a dark room, my liege?

ever since i was a child ive known that i wanted to, someday, be the mutilated corpse on a nature trail that ruins a hikers week

has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet

does anyone wanna hangout someday

Seen someone say “I can’t die, I got graves to dance on that hasn’t been dug yet.” And honestly, that goes hard. We need to keep that energy.

Hai :D

Hai :D

"Joel killed 19 people." ok?? Am I supposed to care?? God forbid a man has hobbies 🙄