Reblog To Scream At Full Volume About Your Chronic Illness Without Actually Moving

Thinking about Martin Blackwood tonight lads. Do you ever think about how he views himself as someone with very little actual agency and he's the one who ended the story. He's the one who killed Jon. He views himself at first as someone who cannot affect events at all because nobody gives a shit, because he's trying so hard but everyone's just IGNORING him even when he wants so badly to fix this. He at first has no agency because of circumstances. And then when he chooses not to go with Peter, suddenly everything falls apart. All his choices leading up to this, choosing to make a plan to get rid of Elias, choosing to assist Peter, avoiding Jon, avoiding everyone- they all led up to this. So he's just very nervously stepping back and trying to fit back into The Caretaker. He tries to deny himself agency. Hell, he describes himself as the anti christs plus one for gods sake. And when Jon actually asks him to make choices, or acknowledges that yes Martin is the one who wants to make this decision, not Jon. He freaks out. But him attempting to just not Do anything and just sit back doesn't actually help. He still hurts people even when he disappears from their lives, or just tries to make Them make the choices he wants to make. And this makes his conversation with Also Martin so so interesting. He can't avoid making choices just because he keeps making the wrong ones. It doesn't mean nobody gets hurt. Thinks about Martin's view of himself as someone with No Agency vs how much affect he has on the story as a whole. His introductory episode is when the plot gets moving even!

He views himself as someone who has no affect on other people. His choices reflect that a lot of the time. When faced with the fact that yes, even when he's trying to not do Anything, he still affects other people he doesn't exactly handle it well. He affects so much, for better or for worse. He both is the reason Jon didn't end the entire world and he hurts so many people while thinking his actions will do Nothing for anyone but him. Do you get it.

He goes up to the panopticon, still expecting to just delay until they can stop Jon. But Jon does exactly what he told him to do. He listens. When Martin chooses not to leave, Jon tells him to end it. It's just. It's SO. He views himself as never being the focus, as it never being about what he wants, as the anti christs plus one, and he is when we start learning about the plot and he is the one who kills the protagonist do you GET IT. I'm sorry I am currently chewing on walls.

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

The call me soup the way I be generously salting the bath water

I used to not really get the reason for diss tracks. Like, I got that it was still good music, but I feel like there isn't much to making music just around dissing someone.

I listened to Kendrick's latest tracks.

I love watching House md because this is WAAAAY too relatable for chronic pain folks. I’ll be casually watching House commit medical malpractice and am smacked in the face by a painfully accurate representation of the struggles of living with chronic pain. While watching the Season 5 episode where House and 13 as well as several others are being held hostage by a man desperate for an answer for his pain, I had to stop the episode. It struck a real chord in me. If I was more mentally unstable, I would be tempted to do the same thing. While the representation isn’t perfect, (or even good in some episodes) it has made me feel less alone.

Sculpture details.

I’m bored and nosy. Please reblog this with the book you’re currently reading.

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from