Mdzs As A D&d Game.

Modern AU - Tax Time, or Gentleman in the Streets, Freak in the (Excel) Sheets

Lan Wangji is an IRS auditor, recently transferred to the city. He’s sent to audit Lotus Piers Shipping after a few red flags were raised in their tax filings, his first audit in this city. When he arrives, he finds absolute chaos and gets annoyed about how little organization there is and how long it takes the receptionist to find the documents he needs. And then when he finds out there’s evidence of embezzlement and fraud…

Let’s just say he and Wei Wuxian don’t have the best of all meetings. It gets even worse when Jiang Cheng jumps in and blows up about it all because hey don’t talk to my brother like that, and brother why are you so stupid to fuck up the taxes like that.

(This involves LWJ using increasingly specific tax statutes and IRS internal rulings and the Jiang boys are just like…. Dude… touch grass…)

So Lan Wangji tells them everything they need to redo and what documents they need before giving them notice that he’ll be back in 90 days to go back over everything and if things aren’t like they were represented to the government and/or there hasn’t been an amended return filed things will not go well.

Meanwhile, LWJ and WWX keep bumping into each other… or rather LWJ keeps seeing WWX whenever he goes out into the city. Co-op owned farmers market? WWX haggling with old grannies and flirting with everyone as Wen Ning and Wen Yuan follow around behind him. Soup kitchen volunteer? WWX is kept on coffee refill duty, with Granny Wen and Uncle Four keeping a close eye on him to make sure he stays there.

Eventually LWJ is like. Sir, stalking me will not help your case. And WWX loses it laughing. LWJ has no idea how to deal with it so he just. Leaves his shopping basket in the middle of the Aldi to sit in his car and contemplate all the life choices that lead him here.

(Lots of internal screaming about the situation. Hot man is bad at tax and adulting is not the situation LWJ ever thought he’d be attracted to but here we are.)

Eventually it comes out that WWX and JC are essentially rebuilding Lotus Pier from the ground up after a family tragedy burned everything down and killed the rest of the family. So basically one business major with only two years of experience and one community college drop out with loads of customer service experience are trying to make a come back, despite other big corporations trying to make a move into their business.

(Looking at you Golden Carp Transport. Lots of shady there, and yet…)

The Wens were also left homeless from the fire, a huge, sprawling family from the northern part of the city, so WWX has essentially brought all of his second family in to help work it.

LWJ has a lightbulb moment and is like o. I fucked up. Hot man is bad at tax, but good at people.

JC is surprised when the Tax Man Cometh again, this time barging in, dropping a giant, color coded, tabbed, highlighted, and very detailed binder on his desk at 6 am, and being like. Here’s all the deductions to take, credits to take, and btw a list of clientele that are stuck in with Golden Carp hint hint nudge nudge, new customers do I have to literally hit you over the head with this or do you get it

JC, after his initial gtfo of my office moment, is like. Wait. What did my brother do to make you do this? What dirt does he have on you? Because pretty sure blackmailing a government official is very very illegal and legalities have not stopped him before.

LWJ has an immediate oh fuck, I’m being perceived moment and is just like. Tell your brother I did this and I will make you the most miserable of all people. And just … fucks off.

JC just groans and is like. How does my brother find these people? And gets to work.

When the 90 days are up, a different Lan comes by all smiley and tells them their refilling has been accepted and very well done on it. Meanwhile, WWX, who has very much been ‘Notice me Senpai’ every time he sees LWJ is like. What?

And LX gives him an updated version of, why does my brother like you again? He’s risking his employment for this?

So ofc the next time WWX sees LWJ he’s just like. I like you, I love you even though you’re a numbers nerd, please come home with me. And LWJ vows to make JC miserable, but later, after he shows WWX that he’s a freak both in excel sheets and in the bed sheets.

(This would involve a lot of math and accounting puns that WWX spent hours at work looking up on Google and trying out on the Lotus Pier accountant, who is just like. Sir. I’m trying to close the month and reconcile, I can’t read your brothers handwriting is this a 5 or an 8, please take your bad stand up else where.)

Can you imagine the awkwardness that would ensue if LWJ and WWX are playfully sparring and LWJ manages to knock WWX onto his back and pin him down.

So, of course, WWX’s legs automatically open up.

The training ground is silent. People’s faces go red. Everyone avoids eye contact for the next week after that.

The tags✨

Half of the plot of MDZS happened because Yiling Laozu was so HOT that he made a lot of powerful people figure new things about themselves and they got mad about that. 'The Yiling Laozu is evil and shall be stopped!!1!' Like shut up you wanna bang him so bad it makes you actively stupid. Imagine being so sexy you're the whole cultivation world's gay awakening and they can't beat off the gay thoughts so they try to kill you instead

TGCF characters if they lived in real life dynasties

✦ Mei NianQing - (Xia) Shang dynasty

✦ Xie Lian - Han dynasty

✦ Hua Cheng - Hmong population

✦ Shi QingXuan - Song dynasty

I wonder if Jin Guangyao ever had the strange feeling he was parenting a small Jiang Cheng. Probably not when Jin Ling was happy—when would he have spent any time with a happy Jiang Cheng?—but imagine Jin Guangyao watching Jin Ling try food he's unsure about and the deeply suspicious expression is exactly like Jiang Cheng listening to Sect Leader Yao at the last conference. Jin Ling's big childhood feelings, his outbursts of temper and sulking, his desire to do well and prove himself (to his terrible cousins) all make Jiang Cheng's behaviour (though more publicly contained) increasingly familiar. Something something unwanted diagonal intimacies. Somehow even this leads to divorce (Guanyin Temple).

LQR: When choosing a cultivation partner it is important to choose someone with similar values and ideals as you.

LWJ: Mn. Must be someone intelligent, responsible, kind, wise, reticent, good self-control, quiet, and respectful of our rules and traditions. Must be someone my family(shufu) approves of.

WWX: Sorry to interrupt the lesson, but quick question, Grandmaster Lan—what’s the record for number of rules broken at one time?

LQR, eye twitching: . . .

WWX, fingers crossed behind his back: …for research purposes only, of course.

LWJ: . . .

LWJ: that one

the sounds of flute in the night

you know how the untamed’s version of wangxian (song) is officially credited as wuji?? my dumb ass just realized that they. just flipped it. so it’s wu(xian)(wang)ji. they are the unsubtlest motherfuckers alive.

anyway i’m taking this to mean that the untamed’s wei wuxian is canonically a top, thank you and goodnight

THRITY SOMETHING, RENOWNED CULTIVATION AND WAR VETERAN HANGUANG-JUN SULKING AND POUTING BC WEI WUXIAN DARED TO SMILE AT A GROUP OF LADY FARMERS

like if this isn’t the cutest image to ever be conjured 😭😭😭 lan wangji of the past would have burst into a rage and gave the cold shoulder or hissed a “shameless” at wwx but now, nearly two decades later, all he can do is pout and sulk 😭

Medusa!Wwx AU : Wei Ying got blind when he was a kid due to an eye infection after some jerks tried to steal his eyes, making him lose the ability to turn people into stone.

On top of that his snakes arent even venomous, but they do guide him around.

The Jiang familly's best kept secret. Probably.

He can turn his snakes into hair using Qi but hates it because he cant feel nor hear them anymore, making him feel really blind and lonely. Wwx can use illusion talismans but its not the most viable option.

If cut, his snakes don't grow back but it heals into a tail.

The younger disciples love feeding snacks to their Da-Shixiong's snakes.