WIP!!!

Lan Wangji is the second in command and the heir of the Lan Group, he is known for his serious, rigid personality and for having little to no expression whenever talking to anyone, including his own older brother.

For years his enemies tried in vain to find a weakness to explore, they even tried to bribe the man he supposedly hated the most only to come back with empty hands.

Until one day this hated man, Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji eloped, surprising everyone, even their families and closest friends. They all thought those two hated each other, only to realize it was their weird way of flirting.

So when the opportunity arrived, Lan Wangji's enemies kidnapped Wei Wuxian, tying his hands together and pulling him inside an unregistered black van with heavily tinted windows. And when they strapped him to a chair in an abandoned warehouse somewhere at the edge of the city, they decided to use his phone to call his husband.

"Wei Ying." came the weird soft voice of Lan Wangji through the phone, making the kidnapper hesitate.

"We have your boytoy." he said at last.

"I see." Lan Wangji's voice was emotionless, a bit cold, the tone they were used to hear "Good luck." and then he hung up the call, leaving the kidnappers speechless.

What the hell Lan Wangji was thinking? Didn't he love his husband? Was he really leaving him to die?

The turned back to their victim only to be completely shocked when Wei Wuxian was massaging his released wrists, a small amused smile on his thin lips.

"Man it's been a while." he chuckled "Oh, well"

When sunrise came, Lan Wangji woke up with Wei Wuxian sleeping on his chest, a serene expression on his already clean face. Burying his noise on that glossy hair, he realized his husband had taken a shower before coming to bed.

Smiling, he kissed his Wei Ying's forehead and got up to start his day.

wwx saying lwj’s title during his qiongqi dao monologue. not his bosom birth name, lan zhan, or the more formal and distant "lan-er-gongzi" that’s grown more familiar on his mouth during these many months. but the noble and dignified and righteous hanguang-jun. "if am doomed to death, may it be by hanguang-jun’s hand. that would be worth it."

wwx using a name lwj got during the throes of war as he fought and murdered hundreds of wen ruohan’s soldiers and turning it on its head to say, "if you are as good and moral as they all say you are, don’t doom these wens to the same fate." and that’s the thing, wwx does deem lwj as good and moral, more so than all the other gentries he’s met. as his self assigned zhiji, he sees lwj for who he is at the fundamental basis of his being, and indeed that is the bearer of light. wwx, with so many words, is saying, "you are worthy of your title, more than the whole of the jianghu is aware." and for that reason hinges his life and those of some few dozen refugees on his steadfast and unfailing belief of the other’s morality. with a single word, he assigns lwj the role of his judge, jury, and need be, the bringer of his demise. "if you really feel that my defense of the wen remnants is wrong, that i am wrong, draw your sword on me, hanguang-jun. go on, i’ll allow it, i’ll gladly agree to it—if it’s you, for no reason other than it’s your hand that i would meet my end by."

and the weight of that with it being one of only two times that he refers to lwj by his title during his first life. the first that he did so was during a bitter reunion, and laden with animosity. "hanguang-jun" said not with awe and admiration but to deride his standing as if the mere idea of him as a genuine moral authority is a foolish one. but the moment lwj also begins to doubt his role as a marshal of the law—as someone who is able to differentiate between right and wrong—there is a man who is willing to bet his life on his worthiness of fulfilling it.

(don’t mind me i’m fleshing out musings from my burial mounds au)

today i learnt that chinese national figure skaters wang shiyu and liu xinyu onced skated to wuji and they even dressed like wangxian!! it’s so stunning it should be illegal. you can watch them here

It's very important to my understanding of all three characters that Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli see Wei Wuxian as their sibling, and he sees them as his. But I think it's also important that he is not their sibling, legally or socially.

When Jin Zixuan snaps "If you like Jiang Yanli so much, why don't you ask her father if you can marry her", I think the implication is pretty clear that this is in fact a thing Wei Wuxian could have done if they'd felt that way about each other. (And Madam Yu would no doubt have flipped a table at the "son of a servant" daring to suggest such a thing, but Jiang Fengmian would probably have been delighted.) No one reacts to this comment like JZX just said something insane or implied WWX is into incest.

I think one of Hua Cheng's favorite ways of teasing his husband is by praying to him

Since Xie Lian gets a hefty following in time, he gets busy trying to help his believers, and that means answering a lot of prayers

And what is Hua Cheng if not his god's most devoted believer?

However, his prayers are rather unique

From "i pray his royal highness the prince of xianle no longer dumpster dives in ghost city because his husband will offer him whatever he needs" to "i pray his royal highness the prince of xianle eats three meals a day and no longer pretends one stale meatbun is a meal when his husband is away", its usually cute, sweet or funny things that Xie Lian finds so adorable to listen to

Until...

"I pray his highness the crown prince of xianle one day awaits his husband after a long day's of work only wearing the red lace robe said husband gifted him some time ago and nothing else beneath..."

(Xie Lian scolds his San Lang about such an indecent thing to pray for bur San Lang just innocently goes "His highness wouldnt abandon his most devoted believer's wish, would he?")

Lan Qiren: I knew this day would come. Little A-Ying has grown up and come for the guest lectures

Wei Wuxian: Have we met before, Teacher Lan?

Lan Qiren: Technically yes, although I don't expect you to remember since you were a toddler last time we met. Your mother was my dearest friend, not that there was much competition for the role, and she was always showing off how bright her son was.

Wei Wuxian: Oh....Would you be willing to tell me more about my parents?

Lan Qiren: Perhaps later. Right now I want you to hand over your contraband.

Wei Wuxian: What?

Lan Qiren: Hand over everything you have that is not relevant to today's lessons

it is actually so difficult to insult a guy like wei wuxian because even below-the-belt insults make nary a dent on him. people can call him names, disparage him, ruin his reputation, but his self-image is NOT affected by it. he knows himself and his values. there is a way to get a rise out of him but that usually involves insulting the people he cares deeply about (jiang yanli, lan wangji for example) instead of himself (which is not about having a low self-esteem but having his own boundaries and principles, mind you), but try to spew out hate and he will laugh directly in your face before moving on. someone might be like, “oh, you’re fengmian’s bastard child—” and wei wuxian will just go, “aHhahhahHAHA, nice one. have a good day!” or someone might say, “you’re a filthy, no-good demonic cultivator,” and he’ll just go, “now, filthy is a stretch. i take great pride in my personal hygiene!” come at him with your wittiest or your most ruthless insult and he will summarily dismantle it before disregarding your opinion entirely. which i think is just another piece of wei wuxian’s mindset that actually allowed him to stand before the cultivation mob and make a stance—he’s always been one to think for himself and not let others and their words colour his perception of wrong and right, possible and impossible, good and evil, especially when it came to him and his actions. to hell with their narrow-minded judgements, wei wuxian knew where he stood and why he stood there.

Crack plot

Jin Guangyao: If we want a bloodless solution to how the Yiling Patriarch should be handled, we should have a competition. Whichever sect wins will decide what happens to Wei Wuxian and the Wen Remnants.

Dumbass Yao: And what competition would we have?

Nie Huaisang: I don't really know, but what about whichever person can get Wei-gongzi to leave the Burial Mounds and Yiling willingly? I don't know, something like that

Jiang Cheng: Agreed. Once he's back in Lotus Pier, we can put all of this nonsense behind us, correct?

Jin Guangshan: Once there is a clear winner, their decision will be final. We can all move on to other things.

Jiang Cheng: Good. If that's all, I have a letter to draft.

Lan Xichen: Gentleman. If I may be so bold, I would like to make an attempt now, so there's no confusion about any success or failure that might come.

Jin Guangshan: Go ahead. What secret technique does the Lan clan have to summon demonic cultivators?

Lan Xichen: Just this. I'M SORRY WANGJI, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE! YOU'LL HAVE TO MARRY JIN ZIXUN!

Wei Wuxian, out of nowhere: I'll skewer the Jin pig!!! Lan Zhan doesn't have to marry anyone he doesn't want to! That pompous prick doesn't deserve Lan Zhan anyway!

Lan Xichen: I believe I've won

When jiujiu refused to take you with him on a night hunt. So cruel and unfair! Jail for jiujiu for one thousand years!!!!