Countthefighters - Chris

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

also side note: fuck shia lebouf btw

just finished watching honey boy and what the fuck. all i did was cry for the last 30 minutes of that movie. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a movie that horrifically, yet beautifully relatable.

Tried to make a post about how much Christmas sucks, but it was mostly incoherent, so instead I’ll post the cliff notes version:

Having no parents on Christmas sucks. Having PTSD on Christmas sucks. Living with my aunt and uncle who make me feel on edge all the time because of how unpredictable their tempers are sucks. Spending Christmas with them sucks even more.

What is my deal

blehh :P

Ouhhh ouhhh ouhhh

Keeping secrets sucks

did it ever mean anything to you?

the adolescent kisses in the dark, the shared cigarettes, the late nights, the early mornings, the drunken words, the secrets only we knew, the gifts, the letters, the “i love you”s and shared wardrobes really meant nothing?

was i always that disposable?

i know i wasn’t what you wanted, but i thought that maybe i could be what you needed. i know that’s selfish, i’m sorry. you were everything to me. the light in the inescapable darkness, the sugar in my coffee, the luck of finding a $20 bill on the ground. you were everything valuable in my world. everything worth living for.

i know now that our legacy is nothing but tainted memories and forgotten polaroids, and i know i should shelf the image of you, but i can’t help but miss you. i miss my boyfriend, i miss my best friend. no one knows me like you did, and i’m terrified no one else ever will.

i know to you it was just one summer and some change, but to me it was the most idyllic period of my life. it was the summer of love, though later unrequited. did you ever mean it when you told me you loved me?

whatever i’m just rambling and stuff, no one really sees these posts anyway. i just miss the feeling of being special to someone.

My eyes sting from crying I just want to sleep

when intense sadness is a regular part of your life, you stop caring entirely about how it makes you come across to people. i’m literally sitting in class sobbing like it’s normal. people are staring, but it’s just hard to care anymore. like yeah, i’m losing my shit due to the horrors. look away bro