Cr4shedout - Nya ˚.⋆☾

sometimes, things start getting bad or my thoughts get too loud or my chest gets too heavy and i am so sure that i am going to hurt forever, but it gets better every single time. i just never seem to remember.

someday i will live in a home where there are no sad stories within the walls. i can leave my door open and never worry about who may wander in. pieces of me will be everywhere, not just my bedroom. my books in the living room and my candle on the bathroom counter. a table where everyone is fed and loved and no one has to hold their tongue. if i open the windows there is no chance of all the peace escaping with the breeze because there is peace to spare. the war is left on the welcome mat. i will not need to lock my door because i can trust that anyone who comes knocking just wants to know what we should eat for dinner, just wants to show me something on the tv, just wants to say hi and see my face and hear my voice. maybe the fear will never leave. some things you simply can’t put down so long as your body remembers. but there is peace to spare. i will light the candle and read the book and leave my door open, and someone will stop by just to see my face and hear my voice.

anyone else grieving & mourning & lamenting & kicked apart by nostalgia & going silently about their lives?

GETTING INTO BED ON A DECEMBER NIGHT

When I slip beneath the quilt and fold into your warmth, I think we are like the pages of a love letter written thirty years ago that some aging god still reads each day and then tucks back into its envelope.

ELLEN BASS

Yesterday Bradford Cox of Deerhunter walked up on stage in sunglasses and a fake moustache, drinking a cocktail out of a wine glass with a straw, shook my hand, and then began playing i love concerts

mayhaps self mythologising is okay to a small extent if you’re in control of the tint you’re applying to your life and can easily remove it and look at yourself clearly when needed. i have a friend who graduated with pink roses on her graduation cap and makes her love of roses so evident in all she does and she makes the world reflect her interests and she’s immensely clever and still teaches her students with a pink laptop full of sailor moon stickers. i admire and adore her and Know she carries her specific aesthetic immaculately (which might also have to do with her being a libra, hehe.) but she’s one example of other people i know, too, who know what they like and enjoy it instead of being self conscious and culling their interestingness to fit in—which is what i sometimes do. and I won’t do it anymore. I’ll enjoy what i enjoy; polish it till it gleams. not to be confused with grandiosity—but with living with care enough to know what i like and consciously make it larger in my life.

dark academia with extra appreciation for androgynous fashion and historic buildings at dusk

i do not own these photos. photos with links can be found on my pinterest: marieinanutshell (dark academia board)

“The kettle waits for me. I open all the old windows. I am a young woman still. I have cropped my hair to my jaw. I am not taking anymore nonsense.”

-Little Weirds, Jenny Slate

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