‘Just Friends’

I'm a melancholic alcoholic

With a tendency for feeling nauseous

Too much love, too much drink

Provides a space for me to think

But my thoughts flee my mind

As quick as they had come

And I am left alone

With my heart feeling numb

It's 2:31 AM, my dear

And i am still awake

Thinking of our reckless words

On another restless night

Seeing you in every place

In the shadows of my room;

Your face

Smiling at me

Chasing away sleep

Like a childish game,

Of wolves and sheep.

We are gilded people

Glittering with gold

Which disguises the hatred

And misery

Bubbling beneath our skin

Thoughts on Love #14

What we have isn't sweet, kind, or pure. It is a red war. I look at myself and I don't see the adoring eyes of a woman in love, instead I see the hardened stare of a soldier. This love is a battle; we will fight, claw, and tear ourselves apart in order to win. But what do we gain? One step forward, two steps back until we are miles apart. Now, I miss the fight- I miss the look in your eyes that would reassure me that you believed in the cause. I miss the expression that confirmed that you believed in me.

Thoughts on Love #2

When I saw you, there were butterflies in my stomach. 

When I looked away, they became rabid wolves, scratching and eating away at me until I learned that what I was feeling was love

Being with you

I felt human agin

But in that moment

There was foreign blood

Pumping in my veins

So I scream out

Feeling raw inside

“I deserve to be loved!”

And listen for the echo

To return from the empty 

So it can remind me

That I am

Alone

Freedom.

I have dreamed of the word

But have always been uncertain

Of its meaning

Is it choice,

Or ability?

Or is it something in between?

I ask for freedom

But wonder

Which side of the bars

I see

Like how language

Gets jumbled over time,

We became two mouths

Tangled in our misery.

Each meaning the same thing

Yet unable to comprehend

The other.

Are we not both proclaiming love

But losing the feeling

By the tossing and turning

Of borrowed time?

Of all the insults you've thrown

"Soft" has hurt the most.

To hear that the years of love and laughter

That carved the lines in my cheeks

Were a weakness

Wounds me as much as the slaps you endured

At the hands of people far less soft than I.

In a moment my pain will pass, I know

And pity will set in

At how sad it is that you were raised

To see compassion as a flaw.

-

Day 3/14

October Rain

I slam the screen door

And listen to the sound

Of the raindrops falling

On the tin roof.

The crisp air

Sends me chills

But the cider

Warms my heart

Oh how i miss

With all my soul

The sweet sound

Of October rain