A Non-comprehensive List Of Reasons Why Bruce Has Tried Banning Halloween In The Manor

Jack Black is really excited for A Minecraft movie

The Watchtower Office

Bruce Wayne/Batman : Jordan you’re going to have to stay late again. You misfiled your case from this week. If it’s not properly filed, it can’t properly be compensated by the government.

Hal: what? No it’s Friday!

Bruce: file it correctly next time. Also Monday we’re having a safety drill at 7 am sharp

Hal: for what?

Bruce: Uhh *checks clipboard* tornadoes *walks off*

Hal: why? We literally have a member who’s powers are tornadoes!

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Barry: I hate staff meetings. That’s why I always volunteer to clean the office kitchen to avoid them. But sometimes, I wonder if I need hazard pay. Some of this stuff is literally glowing and if I didn’t have super speed, J’Onn’s lunch would have actually exploded in my face. It might be radioactive. The fridge is haunted.

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Clark: and that’s why I can’t miss Haybale day in Smallville. It’s a Kent family tradition. It’s also when we propagate turnips.

Bruce: *sigh* how many holidays can smallville have?

Clark: 43. Not counting loamy soil week.

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Diana: I finally left Bruce take me on a date. He solved 3 murders.

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Bruce: I went on a mission with Diana. She’s very affectionate to teammates. I’ll add that to her file. But the mission was a success and we closed 3 cases in one evening.

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Kyle Rayner/ Green Lantern: I caught Aquaman eating salt straight from the shaker at 3 am. He then went for jog. Is that an Atlantean thing?

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Clark: Bruce talks about professionalism but yesterday he flipped me off under his cape so…

Clark: actually I just realized that was one of his kids.

Clark: under the cape….

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Oliver Queen/ Green Arrow: I’m in love with Dinah but how do I even ask her out?

Hal: just do it. Go out with me?

Oliver: *very loud across the office* DINAH, GO OUT WITH ME?

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Diana: I would never tell Bruce but he got the flu once and Nightwing took over for a whole week and honestly it was nice. We did mani-pedis after missions.

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J’Onn J’Onns/ Martian Manhunter: I think I understand the human mating patterns. The 4th season of 90 day fiancé is quite enlightening.

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Bring your kid to work day

Tim Drake/Robin: I’ve come to a hypothesis. I am in love with Superboy. But not Superman. Thus, I must be attracted to his Lex Luthor genes

(At same time)

Superman: hu

Batman: no

Kon Kent/Superboy: can we circle back to the love thing?

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Another bring your kid to work day

Damian Wayne/ Robin: I have studied the patterns of Superman and Batman and have come to a conclusion that there is a sexual attraction between bat people and kryptonians. As you can see in this chart. Bruce and Clark, Jason and Kara, Tim and Kon, and…

Jon Kent/ Superboy: I will pay you to keep speaking

Bruce: I deny those allegations

Damian: denied. Too much substantiative proof

Hal: I thought this meeting was on safety

Barry: agreed. But now I’m invested and want to see how it turns out.

Hal: same

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Jason Todd/Red Hood/Former Robin: as you can see in this chart, villains use swear words at a much higher percentage than heroes. In conclusion, I must be a villain.

Bruce: and that’s the last presentation for bring your kid to work day. Thank you

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Unnamed justice league personnel: *bored tone* this is a sexual harassment seminar to educate you on types and prevention. Sexual harassment stops with your help.

Clark: this feels pretty targeted

J’Onn: I agree. I don’t even desire humans.

Bruce: you both can look through peoples clothes and I don’t like it

Clark: it was an x Ray of your ribs!

bye to a real one… add your favourite smash mouth tweet

Clark: we're going to need someone to scare them. Wally stay out of this.

Wally: me? Why me!?

Diana: you're too nice Wally.

Bruce: just like Barry.

Wally: first of all, Uncle Barry beat the crap out of my dad beating the crap out of me. Lastly I'm dating your son, and Roy, best friends with Donna and Garth and you don't think that they rubbed off on me?

League: no.

Oliver: speedsters are just too nice.

Wally: yeah and you're incompetent you need a canary to take care of you.

Oliver: *gasp* you take that back!

Wally: then get off her lap.

Oliver, hugging Dinah: no, fuck off kid.

Bruce: hey that's uncalled for.

Wally: so was keeping Joker alive after he killed your son. Keep that silver spoon in your mouth and shut up before I spill secrets that they don't know about. Like, for example Agent A's favorite rug.

Bruce:

Clark: I apologize for thinking you're not scary, please take care of Lex.

Wally: you're forgiven, I'll have that man shaking in his boots.

Oliver: yeah, go pick on that man you monster...

Dinah: it's okay, that big scary Wally is gone.

Hal: all of you thought I was lying saying Barry can be scary. He created that little monster.

Diana: I wished I could have seen that.

Hour later

Wally, open the door: fuck you and the horse you rode in on lameass. *Slammed the door* he's crying and ready to plead for his crimes and step down as president.

Diana: well done, Wally.

Rest of the team except Clark: *shudder in fear*

Clark: dang, he really said fuck his mom too... Low blow.

Give me Frozen

but make Elsa Jason Todd

Ana; Dick Grayson

and Hanz; Slade Wilson

Hal: I think we should get a divorce.

Barry: What are you doing?

Hal: Just practicing.

Barry: Why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

Hal: I don't know. I'm 42, I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Barry: You don't even have a partner.

Hal: Hypothetically divorce me.

Barry: Okay, then I'm hypothetically taking half your assets.

Hal: Well you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup.

Hal, to Bruce: It's called a prenup, right?

Bruce: Yeah, it's a prenup and you DID hypothetically sign one.

Barry: Who the fuck is this guy?

Bruce: I'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case.

Barry: Well then, I'm taking the hypothetical kids.

Barry, to Clark: Right? We can get those, right?

Clark: Yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it.

Hal: Who the fuck is this hypothetical nerd? Fucking idiot glasses-wearing nerd.

Clark: Wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. I need to keep these on for continuity because I look like the other lawyer.

Barry: This is MY hypothetical lawyer and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other.

Hal: How could you hypothetically do this to me?!

Barry: Because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!

♡More Ship incorrect Quotes for RDR♡

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♡John Marston x Javier Escuella♡

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John : I love you.

Javier , not paying attention: What was that?

John : I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

--

John : My hands are cold.

Javier : Here, let me hold them.

John : My lips are cold too.

Javier : *covers John 's mouth with their hand*

--

Javier : Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

John : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

--

Javier : *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

John : You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Javier : I don't have time for their problems.

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

♡Arthur Morgan x Charles Smith♡

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Arthur: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Charles , narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

--

Arthur : I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Charles: But, Arthur, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Arthur : O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Charles: Is it working?

--

Charles: You have to apologize to them Arthur .

Arthur : Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

--

Arthur : Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Charles: Peonies, why?

Arthur :

Charles: Were you going to get me flowers?

Arthur :

Charles:

Arthur : ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

♡Dutch Van Der Linde x Hosea Matthews♡

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Hosea: I can't imagine what Dutch is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

--

Dutch: You're right.

Hosea: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

--

Kidnapper: We have your child

Hosea: I don’t have a child?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?

Hosea: Oh god, you have Dutch.

--

Hosea: That's not funny.

Dutch : I thought it was funny.

Hosea: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

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♡Sean Maguire x Lenny Summers♡

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Lenny: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?

Sean: It’s not water.

Lenny: Vodka! I like your sty-

Sean: It’s vinegar.

Lenny: …What?

Sean: It's vinegar, PUSSY.

--

Lenny: Ew. What kind of tea is this?

Sean: I boiled gatorade.

--

Sean: I’m in love with you.

Lenny: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Sean: I know.

Lenny: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

--

Lenny: Are you ready to commit?

Sean: Like, a crime or a relationship?

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

♡Kieran Duffy x Bill Williamson♡

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Bill : The first time Keiran opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

--

Bill : Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Kieran , deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

--

Bill : I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Keiran :

Keiran : I like you.

--

Bill : *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

Kieran : What was that?

Bill : The sound of someone else's problem.

Rdr2 AU where the gangs are running restaurants (Dutch's business is failing miserably and Arthur is having two burnouts in one week)

Jason's reaction to coming back from the dead after dying around 2015 and coming back in 2019 or even 2020 (Tim is about 20 and Jason is about 3 years older so Jason was born in 2000)

Jason: So what did I miss when I was... you know...

Damian: Unalive?

Jason: Come again?

Damian: We can't say the d-word anymore.

Jason: Okay... what else happened between 2016 and now?

Damian: David Bowie, Brexit vote, Pokémon, phones explode.

Barbara: Women marching, global warming, Russian hacking probe.

Harper: Venezuela, Stormy Daniels, Thanos dusting, Meghan Markle.

Duke: Hong Kong protests, Miles Morales, black hole photo.

Jason: Wait slow down—

Cullen: Parasite, quarantine, murder hornets, Cas and Dean.

Tim: Bitcoin, war in Ukraine, riot at the Capitol.

Cass: Algorithms, HRT, England lost their old queen.

Dick: Barbenheimer, free Palestine—hold on Jason, that’s not all!

Jason: *cocking his gun and leaving*

Everyone:

Steph: We didn’t start the fire.

Batfam's most suggested lunch spots

Dick: Bruce's office mini fridge after an important business outing

Jason: a Crime Alley dumpster where he once found a whole bag of gummy worms when he was ten

Tim: Jason's place after texting him from a burner number pretending to be Roy and Lian

Damian: Ivy's house—she makes vegan food with her worst-behaved plants

Duke: the only working vending machine at Gotham High, inside the teacher's lounge

Cullen: the Batburgers in the gay neighborhood with a secret Batwoman menu

Stephanie: the Waffle House where she was forced to out herself as Spoiler because robbers held it up in the middle of her meal, but to her surprise everyone in the restaurant agreed to keep her secret

Cassandra: the 24-hour convenience stores in Hong Kong where she can get an entire meal for the price of a bag of chips in America

Barbara: the GCPD break room—turns out tax dollars are paying for catering

Harper: everyone talks about Ma Kent's baking but not enough folks appreciate Pa's grilling

Carrie: a boardwalk vendor who combined pretzels and nachos

Kate: the Justice League cafeteria when it's Flash Fries Friday

Alfred: you would think he'd say his own cooking but it's actually the chicken shop near his old school

Selina: Arkham—she never wants to go back but she can't help but be nostalgic for her favorite mush

Bruce: he would say Alfred's cooking if Alfred hadn't flown back to England for chicken, so the next best is the steakhouse inside Wayne Enterprises