We Need To Get This Clock...

Understanding Mismatched Libidos in Heterosexual Relationships

In most long term heterosexual relationships, there is an inevitable drop in the frequency of sex. Unfortunately, the ‘lust’ and spontaneity that defined early parts of the relationship get pushed aside in the face of the more ‘practical’ side of a long term marriage - finances, work, chores, children… the list goes on.

On top of this, most women typically have a lower sex drive than men in long-term monogamous relationships. This is often described as a “mismatched libido” - a situation where the male is craving sexual interaction and the female is not feeling the same urge - or, at least - not with the same frequency. Subtle cues that one partner is ‘not in the mood’ will often discourage the other partner from even probing for physical affection in the first place. In these cases, it is common for the male to feel sexually under-utilized or under-engaged.

This mismatched libido situation often leads to two of the most common sexual mood-killers in long-term relationships:

The male begging you for sex, which is a huge turnoff for you

Giving the male sex because you feel ‘bad’, which is a huge turnoff for him

Also, less frequent ejaculation makes lovemaking far more difficult for the male as increased sensitivity and pent up ‘horniness’ is a recipe for premature ejaculation and performance anxiety which can make the male hesitant to initiate. To counter this, males will turn to masturbation and pornography - both of which increase the production of the sexual ‘shut-off’ hormone, prolactin, which makes the male significantly less likely to be responsive and affectionate to their partner. Males who are masturbating frequently will often appear irritable or ‘grumpy’ as a result of these courting hormones being suppressed. It’s easy to see how these combining factors lead toward a vicious-cycle of sexual decline.

A Solution: Aligning to the Male Hormonal Cycle

As a biological reality, trying to increase the female libido is not a realistic solution to this issue. It is much more effective to manage the libido imbalance from the male’s side.

This is done by aligning the male’s orgasm frequency with their typical sexual hormonal cycle. Luckily, the timings of this cycle are fairly predictable and well understood. It typically works as follows:

Directly post-orgasm: Males experience a 'drop' caused by a rush of prolactin - an energy and oxytocin (courting, cuddling, compliance hormone) suppressant.

3-5 days post-orgasm: Prolactin starts to return to normal levels.

You may notice the typical "3 day itch" where he's grouchy or irritable. He's highly likely to want to masturbate in this period to get the endorphin rush to offset his slump. He could ask you to unlock him - if so, he's testing your commitment. Tell him he’s doing well and to push a little longer. A little teasing or attention will get him through.

5-21 days post-orgasm: Oxytocin levels start to increase.

You will start to notice a glorious, loving, caring - even obedient version of your male! His desire for you will escalate through this period.

21+ days post-orgasm: Oxytocin production starts to plateau and stabilize.

More of the same, but after 21 days the dramatic increase will subside, although the levels don't drop off necessarily.

This is why many believe that the 21 days mark is the ideal minimum point at which to allow male release, effectively pushing the reset button for the cycle to start again. This alignment to the male’s hormonal cycle is the essence of what is broadly known as Male Orgasm Control.

Implementing Male Orgasm Control

Now for the fun bit - for you and him! The most obvious, but often neglected part of initiating a more structured sexual relationship in this way is communication. Whether this is your idea initially, or his, is irrelevant. Communicating openly and honestly will set the parameters for the thriving sexual journey ahead.

This starts by collectively agreeing to place the male’s orgasms under her control. Setting this, and other rules, as well as a clear structure (even schedule) will be the first part of the journey, after which you will adjust as you see fit.

For example:

Schedule release windows: perhaps a day of the week every 18-21+ days. This is suprisingly useful in long term relationships as it keeps you both on track!

The male is to agree to have no orgasm outside of this window. You (or he) may wish him to wear a chastity device during time, which has a variety of benefits (see below).

Remain intimate with kissing, cuddling, teasing, massage throughout the cycle. This is spontaneous and unplanned intimacy that is at the heart of bonding as a couple.

On release day, give him permission to orgasm. This may be during sex, you may wish to give him a handjob, BJ, touchless orgasm, caged orgasm or simply ask him to masturbate to climax.

5. The cycle begins again!

It’s as simple as that! Orgasm control is in essence about providing a structure and ‘game’ element to your sexual relationship that addresses the key issues of mismatched libidos. For him, the game is one that gives him focus, attention and satiates his need to be desired, in alignment with his sexual hormonal cycle. For you, it balances the libido differences that so often cause misalignment, and gives you clarity, structure and fun sense of control which you will both find hugely rewarding and exciting.

Commit to it!

Something crucial to note at this point: this journey succeeds only if you, as the female, commit to it. Whether you introduced this to your partner or the other way around, if your male is locked in a chastity cage, he is committed to make it work! There will be times when he's super into it, and times when he madly wishes he could unlock and jerk off - but he can't - you have the key.

What he needs is reciprocation from your side - committing to the process, acknowledging and embracing your control, and never simply 'lock and forget'.

Set the schedule

Control (hide) the key

Set some rules

Follow through!

The benefits for you are:

His behavior will change as he, even on a hormonal level, will be trying to 'seduce' you and please you

There is no pressure for you to ‘be in the mood’ outside of the release schedule… there will be no 'nagging' / begging for sex from his side, which is a big turnoff.

He will have more sexual energy for you, which you can direct however you choose - even towards non-sexual things like home tasks, keeping fit and sexy for you… be creative!

The element of control can be lots of fun - for both of you!

The benefits for him are:

Increased energy and focus

Clarity regarding the structure of your sexual relationship, rather than constant 'hope / disappointment' of the libido imbalance

Sex is not the focus, so even small things like verbal cues or physical touch and teasing are sufficient and very pleasurable for him. In the 5-21 day period, the male is climbing towards peak arousal. Any sexual interaction - kissing, touching, massaging, foreplay - will be totally electric for him. In many ways, the orgasm itself becomes secondary.

The release, when it comes, is totally mind blowing for him.

The Case for the Cage

It is often surprising for female partners to learn that in most cases, the process of male orgasm control is significantly improved for the male when a chastity cage is used. Some key reasons are:

Discipline:

Firstly, and most obviously, the cage makes it impossible for him to masturbate outside of the release window. Many males have NEVER gone 21 days without orgasm since they had their first one in their teens! This is the training aid that they need to align to the new schedule.

Zero Erections:

Another key reason is that having regular erections without stimulation and release is extremely frustrating for the male. It is effectively like making a fresh cup of coffee and allowing him to smell it, but never allowing him to taste. Locking him up effectively and painlessly prevents erections, which means he is not getting to smell the coffee in the first place - at least until he is allowed to do something about it in the release window.

Decreased Sensitivity:

The cage also prevents access to the most sensitive part of his nub (the frenulum), which means this is not constantly being simulated unintentionally during movement, sleep etc. This frustration can result in whining, sleep disruptions and begging for sex, which really defeats the purpose.

Arousal:

Finally, a chastity cage should be understood as a tool which provides a constant reminder of the shared sexual experience between you and him. Without any effort on your part, you as the keyholder are driving him wild (in a good way!) every time he thinks of sex - whether in a staff meeting, driving to work, at the supermarket or on a running trail. The sexual charge is highly exhilarating. Try it on for size 😉.

Conclusions

In a nutshell, Male Orgasm Control is the simplest, most effective and fun way to help us bridge the gap between nature’s mismatched libidos. Talk about it with your partner, define the parameters and enjoy the journey towards blissful sexual alignment!

Cuckold at last

After 16 years of marriage and at least 12 years of begging my wife to cuckold me, the day is here at last.  First I had to explain it to her.  Then I had to reassure her repeatedly that this was all about her pleasure and that I was not looking for an excuse to cheat. Then, we fantasized about cuckolding scenarios for years and years but she always said she was not ready.  Then I bought a chastity device for me and gave her the keys.  She begrudgingly agreed to play along but she changed her tune when she found out how attentive the cage made me.  She slipped quickly and easily into the dominant role regarding the cage and keeps me locked up most of the time now.  She even wears the key around her neck on a necklace -- even to church or work.

Well, she finally found a guy that she is interested in at work.  She walked with him during lunch break, showed him her key, and told him that she was free to see whomever she wanted but she had me locked up.  He has been barking up her tree non-stop for the past 2 days now and she has indicated to me that my cuckold baptism is imminent.  She is loving all the attention.  She is trying to slow things down a little, but he is pursuing hard after her (rightly so!).  Regardless, she wants him and he wants her even more.  In all likelihood, she will suck another man’s cock next week for the first time during our marriage, and she will likely spread her legs for another man, take a strange cock inside her, pant and moan for another man’s cock, and feed me another man’s seed from her pussy by next weekend.

Cucked for the Sixth Time

My amazing wife just cuckolded me for the sixth time. I forfeited our date night so she could fuck her bull. She made me run her errands while she was fucking. So, for example, while she was moaning with pleasure with his cock pounding and stretching her, I was at that very moment waiting in line at Costco to pick up our New Year photo greeting cards -- with my cock caged, no less. Her bull deposited a huge load in her, which she thoughtfully kept from draining out until I could get to her hotel room to reclaim her. I voraciously kissed her all over and consumed her with my eyes as well. Then she fed it to me while I licked her to two more orgasms and fucked her for another. She is a sexually insatiable, greedy bitch, and I am madly in love with her. If you have read any of my prior posts, you know that I suffered from riding an intense emotional roller coaster the previous five times she cuckolded me, but each time it was a little easier. This is the first time I had only positive thoughts (lust & love for my wife, wanting the best for her, wanting to please her, etc.) and no negatives (fear of losing her, anxiety over him being better than me in some way, anxiety over our relationship being negatively affected, etc.). I think it is because she has proven each time she cucked me that she is FOR me. And also because I am coming to terms with the fact that this is who I am. There is no need to fight it. I am proud to be her cuckold, and it is my privilege & honor to facilitate her pleasure by any means. She is laying next to me now, taking a much-deserved nap on sheets that smell of her bull's cologne and his semen...and I could not be happier! We've been married for over 17 years and I am more passionate towards my wife than any couple that I have ever met (including newlyweds). @dirtylittledamsel7

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How to appeal your Tumblr and get it back in 10 min!

I see a lot of people who have blogs marked as explicit ever since the policy change. Or maybe you recently joined Tumblr and now your blog got  flagged & became marked as explicit.

Let’s be real: No one likes to have a blog that looks like total shit. If we all wanted to have a profile that looks the same & boring you would be on Instagram. Btw we also created our Instagram, if you’re interested 😎Additionally having a blogged marked as explicit also means you’re unable to be searched on search engines. This is horrible if you’re trying to grow a page because no one will find you! How lame is that?  

Before we start, this will only work if you’re on a computer! Smartphones/Tablets will not work.

Secondly, you need to delete ALL of your flagged post in the “review flagged post section”. If you have a post you REALLY wanna save, you can simply edit the post and save it to your drafts. 

Anyways, go to https://www.tumblr.com/support then click “my blog has been incorrectly marked as explicit.” I recommend writing a reason, and providing a screenshot. If you’re on a Mac like myself, you can click command-shift-5 to take a screenshot. 

Once you send it, you will literally receive a email within 12 min regarding your appeal. If you did not receive a email within that time frame, Tumblr probably found more flagged post. So you will have to go back to the “review se flagged post” section and start this process again. 

This method 100% works, I’m living proof of it. It took me 26 at one point because Tumblr keeping find old explicit stuff. Normally it takes one try for me. But apparently I had bunch of NSFW post that were not deleted yet.

Then bam! Your Tumblr is back. Let me know if you need help

Sincerely,

-PawgLife

T&D Primer

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dominant (Source: sunnymegatron.com)

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: hisdarlinggirl.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

Embrace your Leader

Take the time to compliment Her (Sincerely)

Make Her day as easy as possible ( be thoughtful)

Listen to Her wants, needs and desires

Learn to do household chores

Complete those chores exactly how She does

Send Her a text at random times telling Her you are thinking of Her

Stop talking and begin Listening

Learn Her body& needs

Put Her feelings first

Communicate

Don’t doubt Her. EVER!

Don’t become lazy in your approach (chase Her)

Learn Her preference in romance

Never ever think with your Dick.

I repeat that. NEVER THINK WITH YOUR DICK

Take care of yourself. ( You are a reflection of Her)

Groom yourself according to Her preference

Be open to change if needed

Be proud of Alpha!!! She is rare and needs to be treated as such!

I am so thankful for my Alpha and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t in some way acknowledge that. Be creative a bath bomb from Lush after Her long day or challenging day goes a LONG way in helping Her relax. Learning housework Her way so when She comes home She doesn’t have the stress of redoing whatever you tried to do. Don’t go overboard in fact make sure it’s genuine , but tell Her how good She looks. When I began showing DAILY this was who I am as a beta husband, She really let go of holding back. Yes by the way, I am also a Alpha Man in the outside of my Wife’s fortress. I realize that a lot of guys want to go straight to asking to chastity and FLR dynamics. But take your time and prove who you are. Then after 90 days or even a 6 month time of being consistent in your discipline approach Her with Chastity and Her taking the Lead. Thank you for reading my post everyone feel free to contact us. Be safe and healthy. beta Tyler

Literally the best kind of woman...

Dating a Big Dick

I’ve dated more than my fair share of hung guys 😊, and I figured I should share few insights that don’t get talked about in public. I will sleep with a guy right away if he has a big dick. It isn’t like that with an average guys who really has to work for it. Hung guys are more difficult to break up with. I can be really fed up with a guy, but when he lays me on my back and fucks me deep and hard, I get an emotional release that is really difficult to give up. If I break up with a hung guy I will continue to fuck him occasionally while I date new people, sometimes immediately after a date. Guys with big dicks tend to have better stories to disclose. Cheating stories are my favorite and hung guys have more of them- sleeping with women who are in relationships, and cheating on their girlfriends. They definitely have a lot more ex-sex and return visitors than normal guys. Not just woman they have dated, but also their close friends, roommates, and just woman who have heard about it (I have been all of these). I was meeting up with an ex once for just that reason, and while I was in the bathroom, the female bartender gave him her number because she had heard he was nine inches (this was in a college town, word travels fast). I do date men who are not big, and I do try to be good 😇 , but social media has made it really hard, because guys will reach out to me, then I remember how good the sex is, then I get a dick pic and pretty soon we are “getting coffee” near his place.

When I introduced my wife to the idea of locking me up in a male chastity device, she was hesitant because she thought it was perverted, but she went along for my sake. That was then. Now, her mind has changed after locking me up for a week and wearing the key to work on her necklace; after giving me nothing but teasing all week while requiring me to give her head every day until she has mind-blowing orgasms; after giving me a list of chores every day and demanding (not asking) that I do them; and after a week of me doting on her like she has never known in our 16-year marriage (even when I was trying to woo her to marry me during our courtship), jumping to do her will immediately after her every command, and even begging her to allow me to do more to please her. Now she says of my chastity device "I love it! I would gladly have paid five times what they charged us. " Now, when I suggested that, since the week trial was over, she probably would choose to lock me up only on special occasions, rather than every day, she replied (with a sinister look on her face), "I don't know about that. You need to know that I have REALLY enjoyed how things went this past week..." This morning, when I asked if she was going to lock me up again this week, she grinned a sly grin and said "yes." Guess who's relationship just changed forever?...