Cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love

The Art of Cuckolding

Alright, lets destroy the taboo surrounding cuckolding once and for all. Are you ready? Get ready, because when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When it comes to cuckolding, you have to see it for what it is, rather than what you think it is. In other words, you have to see it, from a perspective, that doesn’t personally involve you, even if you’re the one being cuckolded. There’s a submission in that, a surrendering, and it’s that surrendering that makes cuckolding an incredible experience, compared to a betrayal of trust, or neglect, or envy, or jealousy.

First of all, cuckolding is not required to have a successful, happy, and wonderful female led relationship. Many don’t need it, nor want it. However, many could benefit from it, if they examined why they don’t want it. So in the end, it really boils down to if cuckolding is in alignment with you both as a couple, or not, and whether or not, you can get in alignment with it.

Cuckolding is often something that is worked toward as the relationship progresses, as each partner becomes more confident in their role as dominant and submissive, cuckolding is just the next natural step to take. Sometimes it comes easier, or even, occurs early on, so this does vary per couple, but as a general rule, it’s something that is evolved toward.

The reason for this, is because it really does require a lot of inner work in both partners. The inner work of becoming dominant and submissive, requires a change in mindset, it requires letting go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. A dominant cannot hang onto insecurity and be fully dominant. A submissive can’t truly submit without giving up control. You see, this inner work, changes mindsets as the relationship evolves. At first it’s the overcoming of some inhibitions, while keeping others.

Then this gradually evolves into slightly more into letting go of inhibitions, a little more experimental, a little more exploring. A little more intense D/s dynamic. What was once fun, has become the expectation. It’s great to lock him up in chastity, for 3 days, it’s a lot of fun, but now he’s expected to be locked up for a week at a time, without complaint. There is inner work happening automatically to respond to the D/s dynamic. She becomes a little more dominant in time, and he becomes a little more submissive in time. Less inhibitions, more power exchange.

So naturally, it gets to a point where she has discovered that keeping him denied and very horny, is the best place to keep him, all of the time. That if she decides to let him have a release, it’s for her entertainment, and not his need. So often, she finds that intercourse is just something he can’t give her anymore, or very often, because it takes him out of the obedient state she wants him to be in. She doesn’t want to wait for that obedient state to build back up again, she wants to just keep him there, because that’s where he best serves her. She discovers, its up to her, if she wants him out of that state or not.

So now the dilemma of intercourse comes along, and sure, she can make him use a strap on, or a face dildo, and have him pretend to be good at the rough sex she craves from time to time, and this can work maybe beautifully. It serves to tease him and keep him denied, she cums, and it brings them closer together in the D/s dynamic. He loves providing her pleasure, and being kept denied for her.

Yet, it’s still often not as good as the real thing. Not only that, but as her confidence increased as she becomes more dominant, she’s going to naturally be more attractive to the men in the world. She’s going to be getting male attention, and as she becomes more and more dominant, she’s going to realize that her submissive has no say in her sex life if she doesn’t want him to have a say.

A submissive, having done the inner work, will eventually come to the same conclusion if he hasn’t already. He knows her sex life has nothing to do with him, and he wants to make sure she is pleasured. Many submissives find the idea is very hot, and encourage their dominant to cuckold them. However, if they haven’t done the inner work, they’re going to find that when she actually follows through on it, he feels neglected by her. Or jealous of her lover. If the inner work hasn’t been done, cuckolding can wreak havoc on the relationship.

The idea that she could do it, when he really only loved the fantasy of it. The reality hits him like a truck. He either does the inner work because of that, or it ruins him and his relationship to her, feeling betrayed. On the flip side, she may feel guilty for having done it, and when that’s combined with his feelings of betray, look out, it’s likely a relationship ender. And it’s all because the inner work wasn’t done in either of them, they’ve now encountered friction on a level beyond their capability to cope.

This is why cuckolding should never be rushed, and should be adequately communicated about with each other. There should be no secrets between each other, all fantasies and all fetishes, and all feelings, should be on the table in plain view, at all times. When she gets the urge to cuckold him because some cute guy hit on her at the gym, she should be able to go home and tell her submissive about it, just to gauge his reaction. Which should be an honest reply of how he really feels about it.

During the discovery of the D/s dynamic and the letting go of inhibitions there are often key points where each partner has their own epiphany, the epiphany that this is really happening, that he is hers. A sense of belonging, or a sense of ownership. It’s just a point in which, that level of D/s dynamic has become the new normal. That there’s no going back. Many couples experience many gradual epiphanies, but there comes a point where there’s an epiphany of epiphanies. It’s the point where, the D/s dynamic is who they truly are. It’s the epiphany of freedom to be dominant, and freedom to be submissive. The becoming dominant and submissive to each other is over, they have become dominant and submissive to each other.

It’s the point at which, his dedication to her never wavers, and she knows she is free to do anything she pleases without the fear that he would ever leave her. This doesn’t include abuse, abuse is always a deal breaker. However within the framework of the D/s dynamic, he is hers, and she controls both their lives. Which means, she gets to act single, if she wishes, when she is out and about. Her submissive, knowing he belongs to her, wants her to fully be herself, and if that means finding a lover, to make up for the sex he’s no longer allowed to give her, or perhaps never could, then he’s all for it. Her pleasure, is his pleasure, and he wants that for her. He encourages that for her. He may help her accomplish it, if she wants him to.

Cuckolding can become this very intimate thing, that takes the D/s dynamic to the next level. She may have him get her ready for dates, picking out a cute outfit, or driving her to her date. He may help her get ready for the date, shaving her legs, after bathing her. The fantasy of the cuckolding can become a very intimate experience and bring them very close together. He is excited for her and happy she’s confident enough to truly get what she wants.

Cuckolding can start out gradually like all other things, and build up to more and more involvement for her submissive. Maybe he’s at home while she’s out at her lovers hotel room and she comes home the next day to tell him about it. Maybe it then graduates to her inviting her lover to her house. Maybe her cuckold is in the same room, maybe not. There’s any number of ways and ideas that can be explored through cuckolding and that’s dependent upon what she wants.

After the fact, her submissive is eager to hear the detail, he’s eager to support her, and make sure she doesn’t feel guilty about it. He feels owned and in complete bliss knowing she comes home to him. That he is hers, and she cuddles him afterward. He loves her through allowing her to come back to him. That she is free, and she loves him because of that freedom. He is her rock. He is the one she trusts more than anyone in the world. Nothing can replace him. Cuckolding can bring about that realization. He has nothing to do with her sex life, yet everything to do with it. Which is exactly what submission is.

It’s the knowing that he is where he belongs, and that belonging can’t have attachments to outcomes. Because an attachment to an outcome, is an attempt to control. He gets the outcome she wants him to have. He doesn’t get a say in that but she must know his limits.

That’s the beauty of the D/s dynamic it’s designed to discover those limits. A lot of what people think are limits, are just inhibitions that can be overcome in time, with inner work. Some of them can’t be, and if there truly is no inner work to be done, and the resistance to the idea is that strong that it repulses you, then that’s the limit. But if there’s any question at all, any inkling that may not be the case, that needs to be communication, because there’s inner work there, that can be done.

If that inner work is done with cuckolding, it really does open up a whole new world to the D/s dynamic, and the possibilities that can be explored together. Those possibilities can never be understood, until they’re already available. You have to become a cuckold couple, to understand that. Everything else is fantasy that can’t become reality, or a turn off that is loyal to monogamy.

Many people are enslaved by the idea of monogamy, but when they discover it’s simply a social construct designed to keep people limited because sexual expression is shunned, they want to free themselves. Others, make it a choice, and when it’s a choice, it’s perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. But you have to ask yourself, is it you making the choice, or is it society making the choice for you? If it’s society making the choice for you, then you have to understand, that you were never given the option. “ A bird that’s lived it’s whole life in a cage, thinks flying is an illness.”

Cuckolding is not cheating, rather, It is a direct result of the unfolding of natural female desire. Where she understands that monogamy was just another instilled taboo to control her. She realizes she can have the best of both worlds, having an attentive submissive to cater to her sensual sexual nature, to provide her with everything she wants, and a lover to give her the sex she craves, liberating her to explore her sexuality beyond her wildest dreams. Which means, since she gets the best of both worlds, her submissive does to, because he belongs to her, and her pleasure is his pleasure, her happiness, his happiness. They both get the best of both worlds, because neither of them, want it to be any other way.

Want to understand the world of female led relationships? Check out my book series Practical FLR Volumes 1-3

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cuckinlove

4 years ago

Seems like useful information.

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cuckinlove

4 years ago

Interesting stats

Survey - Getting to Know the Cuckold

In April of 2011 I created a survey (using Surveymonkey.com tools) intended to gather data on men who self-identified as cuckolds. This survey ran for 8 weeks and was advertised on my website, on Facebook, via Twitter and on specific Cuckolding websites such as Jinxypie.com and Hotwifelife.com. The response rate was excellent, with 486 men participating from all over the world. And while a multitude of countries were represented, just over half of majority of those who participated live in the United States. The intention of doing this work was to contribute to the body of knowledge on the practice of Cuckolding and to determine if there are any common characteristics shared by men who are attracted to this lifestyle. To ensure the questions accurately targeted the real-life experiences of cuckolds, I constructed this survey in consultation with Steve, an American who has been previously been a cuckold himself. While he does not live as a cuckold in his current relationship, it remains an ongoing source of arousal for him and his advice on the type of questions that are relevant to an erotic interest in Cuckolding were of great value. In a Cuckolding relationship the wife has sex outside of her marriage with her husband’s knowledge, while he remains faithful to her. The husband is known as a cuckold or cuck for short and he does not take lovers himself, instead his sexual pleasure and gratification is derived from the existence of his partner’s relationships. There are all sorts of variations in how these relationships operate and what involvement the husband may have, ranging from simply hearing about it from his wife, to input in the selection of her lovers, helping her prepare for a date, watching during sex, participating as directed, or by providing some type of sexual service to the wife and her lover. According to the results of this survey, the so-called ‘typical’ cuckold is a very well-educated, white man in his thirties or forties who lives in the United States. He earns well above the average wage and is most likely to be in a long term relationship or first marriage. He does not have self esteem issues and considers himself an alpha male with an average sized penis. Despite that, he enjoys being sexual humiliated and in particular may enjoy penis humiliation. He is most commonly sexually submissive to his wife and he enjoys the loss of control and responsibility being in this space offers. His enjoyment in loss of agency and control is fulfilled by having little or no choice in how his wife expresses herself sexually. He is likely to have been initially drawn to Cuckolding by arousal experienced at the idea of his wife having sex with another man, and his lust and passion for his wife is increased after she has been with another man, a response say researchers into the male brain caused by the stimulation of mating hormones. He is also most likely to be bisexual or at least bi-curious, whether he articulates that to his partner or not. Cuckolds report having sex with their wives in roughly the same number as the population surveyed in the Kinsey Reports, which is at odds with a general perception that they are denied marital sex. However they consider themselves to need more mental, visual and aural stimulation than other men and say they enjoy masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex. 17th June, 2011 Angela Lewis, PhD Steve, anonymous cuckold AGE Cuckolds who responded to this survey were fairly widely and evenly spread across all age groups. The largest number were found in the 30-49 year bracket and either side of this, men 50-60 years old and men 21-29 years old, were to be found in roughly equal numbers.

ETHNICITY AND NATIONALITY Cuckolds were most commonly Caucasian (at 91.1%) and at 55%, the most represented nationality was American.

There was a large gap numbers-wise to the second highest nationality represented, with Britain and Canada tying at 6%, followed by the Germans in third place at 4%. The table below goes down to a 0.4% representation, and a diverse range of nationalities were present under this figure, but the numbers were too low to register any significant value. Some of those countries included in small numbers were Estonia, Poland, Turkey, Portugal, Norway and Scotland.

EDUCATION Men who identified as cuckolds in this survey were well educated. For example, a total of 83% of respondents had some form of college/university education and 19.5% of those had completed post graduate studies such as an MBA or PhD.

INCOME Reported income levels tended to be fairly high (Given the average American wage is said to be around $35,000), with 48.8% of the men earning over US$50,000 per annum and just over one third, at 30.6%, earning over US$100,000.

INDUSTRY SECTOR 47.3% of the men were employed in the white collar (private or government) sector, which explains the high income levels. The other sectors were all represented, but in much low numbers and the number of men who were retired, students or unemployed were extremely low.

RELATIONSHIPS Unsurprisingly, given that a Cuckolding relationship is based on the existence of a primary traditional husband/wife dynamic, 87.3% of the men were living with their significant others and a majority of 77% were married.

How Long in Current Relationship Cuckolding relationships appeared to be durable and long term, as most of the men were in them for 11 plus years. The second highest number of cuckolds were in the group married 0-5 years, so we might assume that there is space and time for the couples to partake in cuckolding early in the relationship—say before c***dren come along—and then again later after have and are raising young c***dren, perhaps explaining why the lowest number of cuckolds were in relationships of a 6-10 year duration.

Most of the cuckolds were in their first marriage and close to a third were in their second marriage.

We were interested to know if cuckolding was present in the men’s previous relationships, however for the majority, their current Cuckolding relationship is their first. If you take into account that many are in long term relationships with their partners, this would confirm 9.3.3% agreeing with the statement: Happy and successful Cuckolding couples are able to separate love from sexual desire. Nearly one third (25%) of practicing cuckolds have been in a previous Cuckold relationship, so for these men it is likely an openness to the possibility of Cuckolding was a factor when seeking a prospective new long-term partner.

THE PRIVATE CUCKOLD SELF Asked to choose a response to this statement: “I’m an alpha male and I enjoy the loss of control that Cuckolding gives me,” 64% gave a positive response, making comments about how Cuckolding offered a way to take a step out of how they usually lived their lives and how it temporarily released them from a position of control:

Being temporarily absolved from responsibility, for my performance, for her pleasure, in fact having no control even if I wanted it, is incredibly freeing. I like the idea of having no choice, from being the guy always in charge to being the guy who is told to lick the other guy’s jizz, it freaks me out and excites me. Allowing others to make decisions for a while is relaxing. I love giving the gift of male sexual dominance to my wife. Not having a choice in their partner’s behaviour was rated as exciting by 65.7% of respondents. As cuckold Steve explains, this is also tied in with the humiliation factor that many cuckolds crave.

76.2% of the men described themselves as sexually submissive with their wives and a further 15%, while not submissive, found the idea attractive. Only 8.8% had no interest in being sexually submissive. Some comments made included: It gives me a freedom I don’t have when I’m expected to be sexually dominant. We both enjoy being submissive, so we try to take turns with each other. I like the loss of choice. Are you sexually submissive with your wife?

65% said their partners tended to be dominant in all aspects of the relationship, and when asked the question: “Do feel inferior to your wife?” exactly half said they did not feel inferior on any level to their female partners, while the other 50% considered themselves inferior to their wives in some fashion. Given the submissive nature of Cuckolding, it would be a fair guess that the men who do not consider themselves inferior consciously chose a role of inferiority/submission as part of their sexual persona, and are not victims of circumstance. Taking into account the high percentage of men who consider themselves alpha males, it is probably not surprising that only 8% nominated themselves as intellectually inferior. My fellow researcher, cuckold Steve suggests that the 20% who nominated being physically inferior would be alluding to their genitals and not to their physical stature. If you take into account that 36% of the men said they were attracted to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having a small penis, coupled with the fact that sexual humiliation was nominated as attractive to 55% of respondents, this would seem like a fair assumption.

The Cuckold’s Sex Life Based on the responses I recorded, cuckolds have regular sex with their partners in proportion to population averages as rated by the Kinsey Institute. While figures do vary widely according to which reports are consulted, I have chosen to compare my data to that collected by the respected research body, The Kinsey Institute (www.kinseyinstitute.org.) Using the Kinsey data for comparative purposes, I averaged the number of married men aged between 25—69 who were tabled as not having had sex in the past year and arrived at a figure of 20.7%. There is a perception that cuckolds do not have sex with their wives, however when you compare this to the figure of 19.8% reported by the cuckolds in this survey, there is not a big differentiation between the general population and cuckold men. Similarly, 38.8% of married men between the ages of 24—69 in the Kinsey data had sex a few times per month to weekly and this correlates fairly closely to the 45.1% who said they had sex 1-3 times per month in this survey group.

Over half the men supported the statement that a Cuckoldress should practice sexual denial with her husband and this supports a theory that loss of control and agency make the idea of Cuckolding attractive to many cuckolds. As well, anecdotally another reason men who are drawn to Cuckolding support sexual denial is because they believe or want to believe that that they are not able to sexually satisfy their women (primarily because they believe their penis is adequate) and/or because they have a preference for living vicariously through the experiences of the wife’s lovers or through the fantasy of the wife’s sexual affairs. To me, the hottest thing about Cuckolding is when my wife talks me off [re-tells her sexual exploits] It is understood that my pay-off for being what she calls ‘a good little cuck’ is in hearing about it. Hearing her moaning in the other room while I wait outside the door until she finishes with her Bull is totally hot for me. Nothing hornier than receiving a text during the night to say: I have just been fucked. This probably also explains why 82.3% of the men said they believed cuckolds need more aural and mental stimulation than the average man and that 66.9% of the men surveyed said they enjoyed masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex, using the a primary fantasy of the Cuckoldress wife having sex with other men. A Cuckold wife should practice sexual denial with her husband:

WHY CUCKOLDING The men were asked to select all the factors which led them to Cuckolding. With the highest response rate at 82.8%, the major drawcard for the men was arousal caused by the thought of seeing their wives with other men; and the ‘my private porn star’ response—while not a politically correct one—was alluded to by a number of men. However to be fair, it would have to be said that anecdotally the fantasy of a wife with other men is not limited to men interested in Cuckolding.

The second most popular factor was an enjoyment of sexual submissiveness, at 61.9%. This one is interesting, as culturally men are expected to be the aggressors and being permitted a submissive role in a so-called vanilla relationship is not that common, instead it is most often labelled a BDSM practice. For men (and couples) who do not see themselves as belonging to the BDSM community, it may be difficult to frame ways for the man to be submissive; however Cuckolding does provide that opportunity. The majority of cuckolds are self-assertive and describe themselves as an alpha male, holding a socially dominant position, whether in the workplace by wealth or earning power or through being highly educated. They generally know their place in the world and it is not a submissive one. However when it comes to sex they enjoy the taboo, novelty and ‘letting go’ that being the submissive partner promises: There is no question I’m a powerful guy in real life, therefore sitting in women’s underwear outside the door waiting while some guy pleasures her is so quirky, so different to who I usually am, that I get off on the idea of that ‘other me’ being so pussy whipped. At 55%, just over half of the men rated the opportunity for sexual humiliation as a factor which attracted them to Cuckolding. Sexual humiliation falls under the definition of masochism, as it is seeking pain in some form and taking sexual pleasure from it. Interestingly, according to Baumeister (1988) rather than pathologising it, masochism should be seen simply an unusual way to take a ‘time out’ from the pressures of life, and in his words is ‘an escape from self and self awareness’, in the same way that others might take up mediation or exercise. The majority of men who took this survey described themselves as alpha males (see Self Image), as well as being well educated and earning good salaries in white collar occupations; therefore fit Baumeister’s description of individuals who use sexual masochism as a way to temporarily give up the control and responsibility that they carry in their day to day lives. In relation to humiliation, comments were made that creampies (specifically the ejaculate of the wife’s lovers on her genitals which the husband is permitted to see, touch or consume but can also be on the face, mouth or breasts), were a powerful attraction, and on reflection it would have been beneficial to have included a line of questioning on this interest. However as nearly one third of respondents said that a desire to explore bisexuality was what attracted them to Cuckolding to begin with; the desire to interact with other men’s sexual fluids in this manner could be a way for some men to express homo-erotic desires, plus for some who may be wrestling with the idea of bisexuality, enjoying this on the wife’s body may legitimise it and remove the practice from being framed as homosexual—a type of bisexuality by proxy as it were. I believe we were also remiss in not including an option for ‘pleasing my wife’, as a factor for being attracted to Cuckolding. We made the assumption that the men were only motivated by their own sexual desires, however there were a number of voluntary comments made by the men which related to a desire to please their partners: I just love seeing her live her true sexual passion. Sexual freedom for my wife boosts her confidence. My wife loves being dominant and I’m man enough to let her express it. I enjoy seeing her enjoy getting pleasured. Penis/Small Penis Humiliation The men were also asked if they enjoyed small penis humiliation, taken to mean having derogatory remarks made about their size, length, girth and their ability to satisfy a woman sexually or being compared to men who were more endowed. While 29% had no interest in it, the remaining 71% were attracted to having this experience to some degree. Cuckolds do appear to have a strong interest in the penises of other men, particularly big penises, so this could mean that even those men with average size penises fantasize about their wives being with larger men than they are. Given the interest that cuckolds have in interracial cuckolding, both anecdotally and evidenced by the large number of websites offering material that focuses specifically on wives with black lovers, this is may not be an unreasonable conclusion. For this survey we used the generally accepted penis size for Caucasian men: Small (under 5 inches long) Average (5-7 inches long) Large (over 7 inches long)

The common assumption around cuckolds is that they must have a small penis and that is is a deciding factor in them being attracted to Cuckolding. However in this survey the majority of cuckolds described themselves to be of average physical endowment. Obviously there is no way of knowing if the responses are true as men do anecodotally overestimate their penis size; however in this case 36% of men said they were drawn to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having as small penis, which is higher than the number who actually identified themsleves in the small penis (5 inches and under) category according to the measurement table. Taking this into account and given the percentage of cuckolds who also nominated an attraction to small penis humiliation (SPH) which again is also far higher than the self-reported figure having a small penis, we would have to consider the men assessed their penis size truthfully. Feedback from cuckolds on what makes penis humiliation (or SPT for short), attractive is interesting in itself. For some cuckolds the fact that they will never have a larger penis means they actually erotize their negative feelings about their perceived inadequacies and appear to turn this around to a plus rather than a negative. For others the taboo act of a woman actually making derogatory remarks about his penis is thrilling precisely because it is not a socially accepted thing to do. Explains one cuckold: I often suggest we watch porno movies with supremely endowed men. This makes my dick look even smaller in comparision and then I fantasise about my little dick next to his and how my wife is probably comparing me to him.

Bisexuality In response to the question, ‘do you consider yourself bisexual?’ 29.2% described themselves as bisexual, 18.4% as bi-curious and 18.1% would like to be f***ed into bisexual behaviour. In total this means that 69.9% of the men have some interest in, or identification with, bisexuality. The high number who would do it if ‘f***ed’ probably speaks a little to the fact that in society generally it is much more acceptable for a woman to be bisexual or lesbian than for a man to be bisexual or homosexual

Some comments made were: I think cucks are lying if they say they are not interested in the other guy’s dicks. We think about how big, how heavy or how long they are, these are all questions swirling around in the mind of the curious cuck. I wish to take my wife’s place. Every now and then she makes me come in and wipe her lover down. What can I say, it is just heaven. Occasionally I am allowed a creampie. Understandably it is only with guys she knows well so we are aware of their sexual history. While an interest in consuming another man’s semen through the act of the creampie is tied to the masochistic experience of humiliation, for many it is openly a way to express their bisexuality. For others it is also entirely possible that wishing to give a wife post-sex oral sex or licking ejaculate from her breasts or body, is a way for some men of framing erotic homosexual desires so that they remain within a heterosexual framework, i.e. between the man and woman.

LIFESTYLE MECHANICS We asked how open couples were with regard to their Cuckold arrangement and perhaps unsurprisingly, couples were very selective about who they told. Given how taboo extra marital sex remains round the world and how few people are familiar with what Cuckolding actually is; this would explain why f****y and close friends were the least likely to be chosen as confidants. However what we consider a fairly high number (at 40.7%), confided in others, who they described as not necessarily f****y or friends, and from that we would infer these are other couples in leading a similar lifestyle. Other people are of course involved by virtue of the fact that the couples need to locate, screen, meet and play with the male lovers, most often referred to as Bulls.

Bulls are located by the tried and true methods of meeting through work, at social venues like pubs and clubs and by advertising on websites that cater to the Cuckolding community. In our survey group a very tiny 9% of the men choose the Bulls, while close to half of the time the wife locates her own sexual partners. As the cuckold generally defers to her when it comes to matters of sex and the Cuckoldress generally holds the sexually dominant role in the relationship, this would be expected; however relationships appear flexible enough to leave room for it being a co-decision when required, given the result that 20% said they looked together and 25% said it was situation dependant.

Where does cuckolding take place? The question of where the actual act takes place unearthed a mixed bag of responses. While the figure of 17.8% (just over one in five men) said their wives had sex with their lovers in the marital bed, that figure is probably higher, given that 54.6% of the men stated it could be any of those venue: the marital bed, in the home or outside of the home.

As Steve explains it, anecdotally there is a strong element of submissive symbolism related to the use of the marital bed, which can be powerfully erotic and stimulating to both cucks and Cuckoldresses. In fact one of the best known amateur pay for view cuckolding sites uses the marital bed to film their exploits for precisely this reason. Given the number of cuckolds who display some interest in bisexuality it also allows a way of expressing their sexual interest in other men by smelling/tasting/feeling the other man without having any direct contact: After they have had sex in our bed I can fall asl**p and imagine I was her. I find it highly erotic to smell their sex on our sheets. It is the ultimate humiliation. What can I say, a stranger, my bed, my wife, I guess it just makes it very real to me. What Sort of Cuckold? We created arbitrary categories of Cuckold and asked the men which they identified with the most. The responses mirrored the reasons for being attracted to Cuckolding in the first place and which are discussed earlier under ‘Why Cuckolding’. We did not create a category of Submissive Cuckold, as we believed that a position of submission is taken in all the categories. There was very only a 1% difference in identifying as a Humiliation or Voyeur cuckold. Given the popularity of Voyeur Cuckold category, this also tends to support why there was such high number (66.9%), of self-reported cuckolds who said they prized masturbation and fantasy above actual sex.

What the Cuckold is Allowed We also asked what role the cuckolds took when the wife was with another man. For the majority of couples it was a case of the wife’s wishes in a given situation. However from the categories we presented of watching, watching/participating and not being present, it is most likely that the wife has sex with other men alone. In terms of what the cuckold enjoys, most cuckolds nominate being humiliated, so it would depend on how humiliating the allowable roles are to him. However most cuckolds report enjoying watching almost equally, so it would seem that if only 15.2% are permitted to watch, their needs are not met in this respect, and perhaps as Steve suggests, this in itself further adds to the cuckolds feelings of humiliation and loss of control.

98.2% of the cuckolds agreed with the statement: ‘The desire and passion for my Cuckoldress is heightened after she has been with another man’. Brizendine (The Male Brain 2010, p.64) refers to this concept as ‘mate guarding’, in which a man’s mating hormones are stimulated by fear of loss and rejection, and this in turn intensifies his feelings of love and passion for his mate.

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cuckinlove

3 years ago

Take notes!!!

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3 years ago

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7 years ago

Husband shoe resource

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2 years ago

Orgasm Control: A List of Benefits

I get a lot of questions about the benefits for me and for my husband about the benefits of structured orgasm control as part of addressing the issue of “mismatched libidos” in heterosexual relationships. For many people, as soon as they make a start on this journey, a range of benefits become clear pretty quickly. So, in this case, I believe the requests for providing a list benefits are for people who are still in the process of deciding if this approach is for them.

The short answer is - yes, your life (and sex life) will change for the better. Give it a try.

The second short answer - yes, use a chastity cage. While it is possible to practise orgasm control without one, the benefits for you, but especially for him, of using a chastity cage are exponential. Perhaps the list of benefits below will elucidate why:

Control vs Neglect

In most heterosexual, long-term relationships, women have a significantly lower sex drive than their male partners. Men have less sex than they would ideally like. In this sense, marriage means that females control the allocation of sex. Already. However, without a deliberate structure and communication around the element of this control, the mismatched libido is interpreted by the male as ‘neglect’ or the feeling of not being desired. This can drive the male to pornography, masturbation or ‘nagging for sex’, which puts unwanted pressure on you, and is a serious turn-off.

When orgasm control is discussed and structured as part of the couple’s sexual dynamic, the male’s perception moves from being ‘neglected’ to ‘controlled’. The latter is highly arousing, and the sexual dynamics flips on its head. By controlling his sexual release, you as a couple are indicating that it has a ‘value’ far greater than when he is simply free to masturbate at will. His greatest physical reward, and the oxytocin, bonding, dopamine rush that follows becomes linked to you, not to Pornhub.

More Sex, More Orgasms (For YOU)

Orgasm control is about controlling the MALE orgasm, not yours. The worst thing you can do is be sexually inactive between release windows. Rather just call the whole thing off now - it will not work.

Rather, you can and should have frequent orgasms - and he will love giving them to you. My partner and I have sex frequently outside of his release window. I unlock him and we have standard sex - the only difference is that he is not allowed to cum. He goes slower, uses toys, users his hands and tongue - whatever he needs to do to follow the rules - and I can deliciously and *selfishly* enjoy it. Once we're done, he is locked back up until next time.

This is what he expects and desires - don't feel bad for one second. Stop thinking in the old school "Sex is about the male being satisfied" mindset. It is mindblowing for him in every way - both mentally and physically.

Reigniting the Desire

As has been said on this blog before, males are programmed to ‘move on’ emotionally after ejaculating. Orgasm leads to a spike in prolactin which is a ‘shut off valve’ for intimacy and sexual desire. Frequent masturbation is therefore a total intimacy killer. Controlling the male orgasm leads to increases in oxytocin focused on you as his key objects of desire. He is heavily sexually aroused and his desire for you will skyrocket. Now, he is fully aware that he can’t do anything about it until his scheduled release, so it translates as increased intimacy, and increased energy for other things.

No Pressure for Sex

Modern marriages are defined by women ‘feeling bad’ every time they are not up for sex. The perception of old-world society is that it is the women’s duty to provide sex whenever the male desires. With chastity and orgasm control, this is completely reversed. Sex is not the goal, and the ongoing sexual rush of the denial is what the male will savor the most.

We have PIV (penis in vagina) sex frequently. Most often this is outside of his release window, so he knows that he is not allowed to orgasm, and after I am finished, he is re-locked. It's a mind-screw and a challenge for him, but he absolutely LOVES it!

Chastity is Effortless

With him in chastity, I can do all of this without really having to do much. A bit of attention here and there, a bit of teasing and he is at a constant, positive simmer. It is about communication, structure and commitment.

Release Days are Effortless

When I do allow him an orgasm, this too can be as effortless as you could possibly imagine. On release days, his excitement is so high that bringing him to climax can take as little as a few seconds. This is about “release” - after weeks locked up he will not be able to last very long. Sometimes he will cum just by taking the cage off... In which case, job done 😂.

I usually start by having him bring me to orgasm as usual - with his tongue, hands or a toy. Now it's his turn (for once!).

First decision - do you want him to have his release while in the cage or unlocked?

Caged: it's about balls and nipples. I recommend one hand plays with his nips while the other pulls, squeezes and strokes his balls. Then begin tapping his balls at a regular rhythm, building intensity slowly. Tell him he has permission to cum... Keep tapping and in a few minutes he will come to the edge. He is to ask permission one more time before he about to cum. As he is coming, tap / slap harder until he is finished.

Unlocked: Take off the cage, grip his balls tightly and pull them away from his body, back and forth. Try to touch his nub as little as possible. At most, use a slow, infrequent stroke with a single finger from the base of his nub up the shaft to the tip. He must ask permission just as he is about to cum. At this point, tighten your grip and pull his balls away from his body and hold them there until he is finished.

Tip 1: If you do unlock him for release, always relock directly after he orgasms. This significantly reduces the "drop" he will experience after orgasm and will push him through the 2-3 grouchiness period much smoother. He loves it if I put the cage on him, but if you prefer he locks himself, straight after his release, firmly tell him that it's time to go back in the cage.

Tip 2: Feed it to him! Tell him to clean up with his tongue or at least lick it off your hand. Recycling is important 😂.

Cages Look Sexy

I think of chastity cages as jewellery which is very aesthetically pleasing. Unlocked penises flop about, lean to one side, grow and shrink unpredictably and are often pretty badly manicured. When locked in a cage, everything is so neat. Males will need to do a bit of gardening down there to make it as comfortable as possible. Everything is held in place. His nub is encased and immobilized. His balls are held tight and presented forward. He will want to wear tight underwear or swimwear for comfort purposes, which presents such a neat little package. Every time I see the cage I am reminded that he is doing this for me, and I get a little shiver down my spine. It just looks better, and I love it!

Arousal on Demand

Males think about sex all the time. The vast majority of sexual thoughts and corresponding erections go completely ignored. When locked in chastity, these sexual thoughts (and erections) are contained, and are linked to you as the keyholder. This is highly arousing for the male, and will feel like direct attention from you - even though you may not even be in the same postcode. The cage works for you full-time, and is there whenever the male is aroused. Extremely powerful!

Discipline

The chastity cage helps males to stick to the rules. Most males masturbate significantly more than you will ever imagine. For the vast majority, they will NEVER have gone 21 days or more without masturbating since they first discovered it in their teens. With a cage, masturbation is simply off the table. They must direct this energy elsewhere. Which leads to :

Weight Loss and Conditioning

All of this extra energy must go somewhere, and in most cases, this is directed to physical exercise and conditioning. Many women report that time in chastity has lead to significant weight loss and body sculpting in their males. Motivation and drive are seriously tangible chastity benefits that you will notice as little as 7 days in.

Service

Oxytocin is the courting hormone. Increases in this wonder drug caused by orgasm control will often lead to a far more focused, attentive and service-oriented mentality. Whether conscious on his part or not, I notice a happier, more helpful male, with a higher attention-to-detail and eagerness to please. Use this as you see fit!

A Better Sex Life

Most importantly, chastity and orgasm denial will improve your sex life. Sex does not equate to penetration anymore, although it certainly can if you wish. Unlock him at any point in the schedule for sex of you're keen for it - it's just that outside of the release window, he will have to find a way not to orgasm. You are the focus until his release date!

Most importantly, "sex" in long-term marriages is about sexual interaction - intimacy, honesty, communication and care. This is why you are doing this in the first place. Rewire your thinking as a couple, and become a highly engaged, balanced and aligned sexual partnership.

Conclusions

These are just some of the many benefits that are associated with the exciting journey of male orgasm control. Drop some more in the comments and I can add to this ever-growing list.

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cuckinlove

4 years ago

Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”. Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures. They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom. Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”. With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner. Is this really true, though? Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”? Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night. While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually. This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive. So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”. We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why? Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there. So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”. Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women. Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered. Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy. It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy. It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again. Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”. I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t. That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us. These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”. It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways. Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”. Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge. This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation. Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc. These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here… The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you. His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed. I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were. I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.

We’re women. We are strong and capable and we are smart. And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be. Where do we want to be? We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.

Happy Hotwifing!

-S

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cuckinlove

A Cuckold In Love

My wife and I enjoy a cuckold-hotwife relationship. Cucks and especially hotwives & bulls are welcome to contact us. Meetup is possible if you live in Northern California.

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Cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love

More Posts from Cuckinlove and Others

The Art of Cuckolding

Cuckold articles

Survey - Getting to Know the Cuckold

Orgasm Control: A List of Benefits

Control vs Neglect

More Sex, More Orgasms (For YOU)

Reigniting the Desire

No Pressure for Sex

Chastity is Effortless

Release Days are Effortless

Cages Look Sexy

Arousal on Demand

Discipline

Weight Loss and Conditioning

Service

A Better Sex Life

Conclusions

Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage