The Submissive Conundrum

The Submissive Conundrum

As a lifelong submissive, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your very down-to-earth writing. I have been alone for a long time because of an inability to find a truly dominant woman. Any suggestions would be welcomed.

Answer:

I get this question a lot. Well, more than a lot. There is a whole world of submissive men out there that really can’t seem to find a dominant female. Now First of all, yes, this type of relationship is definitely not the social norm. So it’s really important to understand that many women, simply don’t advertise that they’re dominant unless they’re a pro-domme. It does not mean there is a lack of dominant women in the world. They’re just not flaunting it with leather and heels, because that’s just not comfortable for daily life.

The biggest problem most submissive males have, is that they continue to search for a dominant woman online and really don’t look anywhere offline, because they’re like either one of two things.

1. They are too upfront about their submissive side, and push it onto every woman they meet, who gets completely turned off the idea, even if she might be dominant curious and not know it. How it’s presented to a potential female partner, whether in person or online, really matters. If you’re admitting you like to wear panties and sniff feet…… You’re not really sending out the signal that you’re a good candidate for a long term relationship that promises a good future. Instead, you’re just seen as a sissy foot fetish weirdo that makes her feel obligated to entertain. This obligation is a turn off, and typically ends the relationship before it even starts.

2. They are too shy about their submissive side, and never tell anyone for any reason ever, because they’re trying to protect their fragile masculinity, while at the same time desperate want to break it.  This leads to a submissive always being in limbo, and aloof. Always indecisive and lacking in confidence. Which tends to lead to vanilla relationships, if she can get past your lack of confidence in the first place. It becomes a relationship stuck in a vanilla mindset, and likely, she’s a submissive too. This can lead to sexual incompatibility issues down the road, when the kettle boils over and you finally cave in and express submissive desires, taking a huge risk revealing your “secret” and possibly being rejected.

So… we have, too shy, and too upfront. The biggest roadblocks for a submissive. so what’s the solution? It’s actually really simple, but its going to require you to put yourself out there, in ways that more represent who you are as a whole.

Being submissive, is not the only thing you are. It’s not the only thing you have to offer. But it is a part of you, and you need to find a way to offer it, when the time is right. Which is easily doable, by being exactly who you are. You don’t need to change anything, except your approach. The only reasons you lack confidence is because you don’t know how to express yourself, or you fear rejection. Rejection in the early days, is a beautiful thing. Rejection in the later days, can get messy, so the sooner you face the possibility of rejection, the better. Rejection is a beautiful thing, because its a literal time saver. It saves, your time, and her time, when you can be completely honest. If she’s not willing to accept your submission…. then maybe you’re just simply not compatible with each other. There is nothing wrong with this. Let them go. Move on. Accept that not everyone in the world, is going to embrace who you are, because that’s just silly. So embrace rejection, and expect it. Expect it not in a lack of confidence type of way, but in a way that makes you have gratitude when you’re accepted and enjoy the relationship that much more. That’s the purpose of rejection and failure for that matter.

Second, is expressing yourself. This is a big one because its so simple and so easy, that its overlooked. Whether you’re over expressing yourself, and being all in for your face submissive, and making her feel obligated….. Or under expressive and can’t make decisions and pissing her off every time she asks you where you want to go for dinner…. There is a happy middle ground. That’s the good news. There is a happy middle ground.  The bad news is, you must mentally discipline yourself, and pay attention, to how you’re expressing yourself and train yourself as you go. In other words, you need to be able to look at yourself and see beyond yourself. This is a lot easier than it sounds.

Let me explain.  

As I said earlier, you are more than just a submissive. You are a person, and you have a personality, you have hobbies, and interests, likes and dislikes. You have a life, you have something to offer. Kindness, compassion, chivalry, romance, good conversation and so on. You have a unique way of connection with people. The problem is, when it comes to women, most submissive men(all men), can’t see beyond their hornyness, and she is seen as if she’s on a pedestal, or as a fetish dispenser, or as something to conquer…. ( topping from the bottom subs are the worst) ….. See her as a person. See her like anyone else in your life, and have a normal decent conversation with her. Get to know her. Dominant women are everywhere there is no shortage of them, they’re the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at your table….. They’re everywhere. But you can’t know that, unless you get to know them, unless you get off the internet, and start going on dates. Forget the submissive part for now, its like going around wearing a t-shirt that says “ I fuck on the first date.” Leave sex out of it.  Be who you are, without sex, and just enjoy the attraction to each other, this is how chemistry is built to begin with.  Go have a good time together.

Now while you’re having a good time together, you can show certain but subtle submissive traits. Which are typically all the traits we were supposed to learn as children. Like opening doors for her, buying her meal, and just general chivalry. Let the chemistry build up and see if it can go to the next level. As things carry on, and the relationship becomes sexual, you can begin to tell her that you’re submissive and enjoy pleasuring her. Nothing crazy…. see how she responds. You’re only a few dates in, and you’ve gotten to know a really nice person, now its time to find out if you’re sexually compatible. If you are, then you’ve made more than a friend. If not, then maybe you become friends, maybe you don’t, but the relationship can end there, and very little time was wasted. It gave you experience being yourself, and being comfortable talking to a woman, and it also gave you the possibility of being accepted as a submissive. Which is very rare with the typical upfront or too shy approach.

In other words, to make this entire thing succinct enough to wrap up in a single sentence…….

Use your alpha to empower your beta.

Now get out there and rock a woman’s world with your personality, so she can see the true value you have to offer with your submission.

More Posts from Cuckinlove and Others

4 years ago

Might need this sometime...

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

9 years ago

Women’s Work...

My wife told me yesterday -- while she was locking up my cock -- that it gets her wet to think about me being locked up doing all the chores traditionally assigned to women:  shopping, cooking, dishes, cleaning the house, laundry, etc. -- all of which she makes me do!  If I am lucky, my reward for doing everything to her satisfaction is that I get to lick her pussy and/or asshole.  #HappyCuckLife

4 years ago

I would raise those babies!

cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
9 years ago

Addicted

My wife told me the other day that she is getting "Addicted" to locking up my cock. She said she feels sad whenever it is free and that she can only be happy when it is locked up tight and she is playing with the key on her necklace... My current device can only stay on for about half a day. Since her happiness is dependent upon it, I think we may be looking for a 24/7 solution eventually. #HappyWifeHappyCuck

4 years ago
Reblog To Save A Life, I Didn’t Know This
Reblog To Save A Life, I Didn’t Know This
Reblog To Save A Life, I Didn’t Know This
Reblog To Save A Life, I Didn’t Know This

reblog to save a life, i didn’t know this

4 years ago

Seems like useful information.

Cuckold articles

Hotwife Lifestyle - One BIG Potential Problem and How to Avoid It 

Many of the problems with the hotwife lifestyle come down to the differences in the ways men and women think. Never underestimate the magnitude of the task ahead of you if you want to get your wife or girlfriend to cuckold you. The trick isn’t just to get her to have hot sex with other guys but also to STAY emotionally faithful to you AND involve you to whatever extent you want to be involved. ….

Hotwife Advice for Women 

 think women tend to get a raw deal when it comes to finding advice on being a hotwife. It’s true there’s lots of information out there on the topic, but most of it is written by men for men; and the material that is written by women seems to be more about what they get up to rather than how to make it work. In other words, it’s also written for men. ….

The Hotwife Lifestyle for Beginners 

The hotwife lifestyle appeals to many men and women of an open-minded nature who have a strong relationship and wish to explore beyond the horizons of traditional sexuality in regard to marriage and monogamy. …..

Hotwifing and the Four Stages of Cuckolding 

Almost every marriage where cuckolding becomes the norm passes through these stages, and it’s important to realise they are entirely natural and normal. 

The Ultimate Hotwife Lifestyle 

What many men – and even fewer women – realize when they first start taking the idea of hotwifing and cuckolding as a serious possibility for them, is they are subtly changing the dynamic of their relationship and setting themselves up for a true lifestyle change. ….

How To Start Hotwifing 

The question of how to start hotwifing is not as simple to answer as you might think. Or, rather, there is a simple answer but it’s not a very useful one: “just go out and fuck another man, dear”. Alas, that’s a recipe for disaster. …

How Does Hotwifing Enhance a Relationship? 

At first glance, it would seem ‘obvious’ that hotwifing or cuckolding – where a woman has sex with men other than her husband, but with her husband’s knowledge, consent and often at his urging – would be disastrous for any marriage, no matter how strong. But this is far from the truth, as you’ll see in this article…..

How Often Should Your Hotwife Play? 

This is a topic for more advanced couples who are currently living the hotwife lifestyle or have definitely decided to “do it” – and now they’re just working out the details. And one detail that’s really important to work out properly and in advance is how often should your hotwife play?….

Cuckolding: Three Things Cuckolded Husbands Love The Most 

There are many surprising benefits to being cuckolded for husbands, in terms of an enhanced relationship and, in a seeming paradox, a better sex life. But out of all of them three stand head and shoulders above the rest in terms of their ability to delight and excite the man whose wife has one or more lovers. We look at them in detail in this article….

Why Cuckolding Makes for a Happy and Fun Marriage 

Why cuckolding is so popular a fantasy for men is a fascinating topic, and one it’s worth understanding before you take even your first, tentative steps into the hot wife and cuckolding lifestyle. So in this article we’ll look at why men have the cuckolding fantasy so often, and why the cuckolding hotwife lifestyle is so much fun for both of you….

Hotwifing - 3 Ways to Do It Successfully 

This is perhaps the best choice of all, especially for couples are new to the hotwife lifestyle. In this article I share with you three simple choices for couples new to the hotwife lifestyle….

Hotwife Tips - 3 Hot Secrets for Ultimate Hotwife Pleasure 

So, you’ve confessed your desires to your wife – you want her to have sex with other men – she’s agreed in principle, so now… how is it all going to work? So to give you a nudge in what I hope is a hopeful direction, here are three simple scenarios for couples new to hotwiving (you can also use these as ideas when first introducing your wife to the idea of getting into the lifestyle)….

The Ultimate Hotwife Night 

The hotwife or cuckolding fantasy is a very popular one for men, but even though they think about it often, it’s rare they actually think about it very deeply. And the problem with this is the things you need to do to make the hotwife lifestyle appeal to your wife means sitting down and thinking about it a little more deeply than you have been doing – simply because when it comes to these things, men and women have a very different approach. That’s what we explore in this article…..

Can Hotwife Marriages Really Work? 

It’s a fact that hotwifing is a very, very common male fantasy. Why this is so is open to debate, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s true…..

Hotwifing Benefits - Three Reasons Hotwifes Have Better Marriages 

Odd as it may seem the hotwifing benefits you’ll experience if you can get your wife to take the plunge into the cuckolding lifestyle far outweigh the risks and disadvantages (with one proviso: hotwiving is for couples whose relationship is good but they want to improve it; if your relationship is already sexless and broken, then hotwiving will make things a lot worse). Discover here three HUGE benefits to the hotwife lifestyle…..

Hotwife Rules - 3 Tips to Successful Hotwifing 

Hotwife rules won’t mean much to you if you’re in the minority of cases where the lifestyle is part of a wider female-dominated relationship where the only rule seems to be “she can do what she likes”. But for the majority, those who see hotwiving as being something to deepen and enhance a relationship of equals there are three rules you must follow…..

Hotwifing - Is It Wrong? 

Hotwifing is an emotive subject with a lot of strong opinions held on both sides of the argument. But, the fundamental question is: Is Hotwifing Wrong? Unfortunately there’s no answer anyone can give and relieve the individual of answering the question for him- or herself…..

Hotwiving and What Your Wife Wants From It 

The biggest mistake men make when they try to get their wives interested in hotwiving, is blundering in without giving a moment’s thought to what they’re trying to achieve. I mean, yes, they know what their goal is, but that’s the problem. They’re focused on it like a greyhound chasing a rabbit and are blind to all else – including the mess they’re making of things! In this sort article you will uncover the big shift in your thinking you need to make if you want your wife to become the dream Hotwife you crave….

How Does a Hotwife Pick Up a Lover? 

The answer to the question, “how does a hotwife pick up a lover” must be… “very carefully!” But joking aside, in this short article you will discover three tips to selecting the right man to become your wife’s lover…..

How to Get Your Husband to Agree to a Hotwife Lifestyle 

Usually, it’s the man who drives the hotwife lifestyle and then as his wife become more comfortable with it and realises he’s not going to ‘freak out’ at her seeing other men, she tends to become more outgoing and provocative. And, of course, men love this. But what about when it’s the wife who harbours the initial desire? In this short article you will discover some simple tips for women seeking to persuade their men to let them off the leash! …..

How Many Wives Would Like to Hotwife? 

Since infidelity is the last big taboo, how many wives would like to hotwife? And it seems like a reasonable thing to ask since even though it’s a very common male fantasy, it seems women are turned off by the whole idea (but the truth I reveal in this short article will surprise you).,,,,,

Why Cuckolding Is Not the Same As an Affair 

Cuckolding is NOT the same as having an affair, despite most people thinking it is. The crucial difference is one is done with the full knowledge, consent, and even approval of the husband, while the other is not. Discover the difference between cuckolding and affairs and finally uncover the truth about the delicious cuckolding lifestyle…….

The Hotwife Lifestyle - 3 Secrets to Make It Work! 

For many couples the Hotwife lifestyle is a marriage saver - something you might find counterintuitive considering the pain, anguish and trouble infidelity typically causes in a marriage. But the hotwife lifestyle is different and can in fact bring couples closer together. In this short article you will discover the plain truth about the hotwife lifestyle…..

3 years ago

THE 10 BEST POSITIONS FOR ANAL

All you faithful readers know I’m a big fan of knocking on a girl’s back door.   It feels great.   It’s naughty.   What’s not to like about it?

Nothing… for the guy.

For the girl, anal can often be traumatic.   I’ve posted a bunch of times on how to prepare for anal sex.   You can type “anal” in my search bar and get a ton of info.  But let me highlight some things:

Anal sex requires preparation to keep it from being messy.

Anal sex requires relaxation and trust.  If the girl isn’t relaxed… if she tenses up… that’s when it hurts.

Anal sex requires a lot of lube.   LOTS of lube.

Anal sex requires you to begin small.   A finger in the ass.  Then two fingers.  Then your cock.

Anal sex requires you to start slow.   Slide it in and pump with short, slow strokes.

Anal sex requires foreplay.  Because again, a woman needs to be really relaxed and into it before her ass will open.   

What I haven’t written about in much detail is good positions for anal.  I’ve said, “If it hurts, try the woman on top.”  But beyond that, nothing much.  That changes with this post.  

I want to share with you ten positions that can be great for anal.  They’re great for a variety of reasons: intimacy, pleasure for him, pleasure for her, comfort, etc.   I’ll spell out the benefits of each one.  They are listed in no particular order.  But if you read the articles about preparing for anal that I have written and then learn these ten positions, I guarantee you that you can comfortably (and erotically!) add this very enjoyable aspect to your sex life.  

______________________________

THE REVERSE COWGIRL RUMP RIDER

image

He lies on his back, legs together.  She straddles him, facing away and bounces with his dong-a-long in her bonk-a-donk.

This position is great for her, not only because it lets her control how deep and fast her ass is being fucked, but also because it provides a great angle.  He’s going straight in, with a slight upward press.  Should be comfortable.

It’s a great position for him because of the view - her bulbous back pillows being split by his love meat.   

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THE SPHINCTER SPOON

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The key to this spooning technique is that the girl pulls her legs up close to her chest, maybe using her arms behind her knees to hold them.  When the legs are pulled up like that, the external spincter muscle (i.e. the asshole) loosens some.   

When the guy slides in, he goes as deep as possible.  But motion is limited.  

This position is all about intimacy.   There is a ton of body contact.  He can whisper in her ear or kiss her neck.   Guys, you also can play with her nipples or even reach between her legs and rub gently.  

This is a great starter position for the first anal of the night, precisely because there isn’t much motion.   It lets her slowly relax her booty.

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THE SUPER SODOMY SIDE SLIDE

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In this position, the girl lies facedown, then pulls one leg up some.  So her one leg is straight down.  With her other leg, she’s pulled her knee up close to even with her waist.  This tilts her slightly onto her side.  The guy then straddles the one leg that is straight down.  He spreads her cheeks, and slides in.   

What makes this position great for her is how relaxing it is.   He can rub her back while he’s fucking her ass.  It also doesn’t allow for very deep penetration.   

For him there are two pleasures.  First, as he pumps, his scrotum is going to be rubbing against the smooth skin on the back of her leg.  It feels amazing.  Secondly, each time he thrusts in, her one butt cheek - the one of the leg that is straight out - is going to hit him right in what is sometimes called the “inguinal canal” area, where the guy’s leg meets his torso.  The firm but soft tush pressing in there… fuck!  Feel so good!

Guys, an added little treat for her…  She she first gets in this position, get down there, slide a finger in her vajayjay, palm facing down, curling the finger slightly.  That will place your fingertip on her g-spot.  While you work the finger in and out, let your tongue press on her asshole, just causing it to spread a little.  She’ll love it.   

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THE DALLYING IN HER DERRIERE

image

This is a lovely, slow, lazy way to pump her rump.   You are on her side.   She is on her back, with her legs hitched over you.  She can keep them together or spread them apart, depending on what she finds more comfortable.   

This is also a very intimate position, as it allows you to see each other’s faces.   Motion is limited, as her legs hooked over him prevent him from pumping too hard.   He can play with her chest or her clit.  She can reach down and rub his balls while he fucks her.    

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THE ASS-N-CLITTY

image

Another variation of women-on top.  The girl straddles the guy, cowgirl style, facing him, her knees wide apart.   She puts his hotdog in her buns, then leans back, using her hands for support.   And she bounces and bounces and bounces.  

The plus for her is that she gets to control tempo and depth.   And again, it’s a great angle - straight up her dark tunnel.  

In addition, in that position her guy has clear access to her clitty-cat.   He can pet it.  Guys, in this position, I recommend using your thumb.  Lick it so it’s slick.  Then press it down on top of her clit and roll it, like a pea bring rolled under your finger.

Or you can take a finger and curl it in, making a “come here” motion.  That puts your finger on her g-spot.  Again, roll it around like a pea under your fingertip.     

For guys, not only do you have an amazing view, but it actually is a very tight fit.  With her knees apart like that, her glute muscles get pushed together.  Thus, your shaft is cradled in soft butt cheek.  Feels amazing.

True story.   I have had a girlfriend squirt all over my abs in this position while I was in her ass.  

____________________________

THE CATHOLIC BIRTH CONTROL

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You wouldn’t think missionary position would be great for anal, but it really, really is.   However, you probably need to have her hips tilted up.   You can do this simply by placing a few pillows under her hips.   

This is another position aimed at intimacy.  The couple can kiss and caress even as he’s tapping her tushie.   

This position also allows for only shallow penetration, thus it’s great for a girl who, try as she might, believes she can only take the tip.  It’s also great for a guy who is well endowed, as maybe only the first two or three inches will get in.

Guys, be careful in this position.   It’s easy to slip out.  And what can really hurt a girl is when you slip out and then don’t aim carefully when you slide back in.  It forces her anus to stretch in funny ways!   No bueno.   

____________________________

THE HERO, POOTER-POUNDER STYLE

image

In the kamasutra, “the Hero” position is woman on her back, with her legs pulled up to the degree that her pelvis tilts up.   This can be done a variety of ways.  She can grab under he knees and pull them back.  He can grab her ankles and push them back.   The point is, her legs are in the air, spread apart, and her hips are tilted up.  This gives him a straight shot to her pooter-palace!

After six positions which were more gentle, we now get to the ones which will be a bit harder.   Thus, it requires a bit more experience.  These are anal positions you might try after you have being doing one of the first six for awhile.  So your rump is all relaxed and ready for a good ramming.  ;) 

For the girls, the fun part of this position is that as well as any of them, you have access to your sugared almond.   While your man drills your dumper, rub that thing like you are a DJ and it’s god-damned New Years Eve.  You might cum.  

Guys, you need to understand that with her hips tilted and legs spread, you could go really, really deep.  That’s great, if she says it’s great.  If not, then this is a position where you have to exercise self control and only use the first four inches or so.    

__________________________________

THE DOGGY IN THE DONK

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I don’t want to exaggerate here, so I’ll say it carefully.  This is the biggest fantasy of every man on earth.    There is nothing like getting a hot girl face down, ass up, and smashing her onion.   

What does this give to the guys?   The best site on earth.  When you can see your cock sliding in and out, wedged between those breathtaking cheeks… when that booty meet shakes with each thrust, a slight ripple working through each one… wow.  I have a tear in my eye just thinking about it.   

In addition to the view, if the girl has warmed up to anal and can handle it, this is the position in which the guy can go his hardest.  The angle of his cock in her ass, especially if she puts her chest down on the bed, is such that it is a very, very smooth fit.   Her rectum is in its natural position.   So he can grab her hips and pound away.

For the girl, doggystyle anal can be either heaven or purgatory.   He’s going to be deep in your ass.   But in this position, he stimulates some of the nerves that are actually located in the vaginal wall.    If a girl is going to cum during anal, this position will probably be it.  While the guy is reaming her from behind, she’ll reach down and play with her clit.   If she can cum this way, it will be so intense her back might break.   

__________________________________

THE BEST LAP DANCE EVER

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This is yet another woman on top position.   The man sits in a chair.  Guys, use a kitchen chair, not a big ass recliner.  It gives you more range of motion.   The woman come and sits on his lap, with his man-meat in her moneymaker.  

There are two variations to this. The woman can put her legs between his legs.  If she does this, she can put her hands on his knees and bounce.  Or the woman can put her legs outside his.   Unless she has really long legs, she might not be able to bounce as well.  But she can grind and rock.    It’s a amazing sensation when you grind in that position, ladies!  It’s like you are trying to break our cock off inside your can.   

Guys, if she goes with her legs outside yours, why not reach around  and flick her on-off switch lightly.   It’s ether that your you make it rain!  

_________________________________

THE 3AM AT DANIEL’S HOUSE

image

This is a variation on doggystyle - doing it while standing, with the woman bent over something.  It’s one of my favorites, hence the name.  (Back off!  When you get your own blog, you can name sex positions after yourself too!)

It’s a really comfortable position for the woman.   She’s braced on a chair or couch.  She might even be able to rest on it.   A variation is if she picks up one leg and rests her knee on the object.  A good example of that is a bathroom counter.  She leans over it and puts one knee up on it while I explore her third-entry.   

It’s great for the guy for the same reason doggystyle is.  It’s a nice view.  He can grab the hips and go hard.   Because it’s a comfortable position, it’s also great for prolonged anal.   There’s no need to pound out your nut in 30 seconds.  Get her in this position and spend a good 20 minutes working her bubble over.   

This position can also be very pleasurable for the woman too.  There is a muscle cluster that starts in your lower back, runs through the glutes, and down the back of the legs to the heel.  That’s why if you walk funny in a bad shoe, it can hurt your back.  It’s the longest muscle cluster in the human body.  When a girl is bent over like this, that muscle cluster is tight.   And so as she tenses her anus slightly (which is natural to do as your ass is being fucked), she’ll feel that through her entire lower body.   And guys, if you can reach around and play with her clit and make her cum in this position, she can collapse.  The shudder it sends through her legs literally floors her.  

_______________________________________

And there you have it, faithful readers.   Is this every anal position I know.  Please!  I’m Daniel Fucking Davis.   This is the tip of the iceberg.   But hopefully if you like these, you can put your own spins and variances on them, and have plenty of variety to your hot, hot booty sex!

Now, if you like this, please reblog!   Cause let’s face it.  This is good advice.  

Credit for all the illustrations goes to wewomen.com.  They have their own take on “best of” positions.  I just used their illustrations, which I thought were cute!  

4 years ago

Ideas...

HER FIRST LOVER

HER FIRST LOVER

When talking a the wife or gf about becoming a slutwife, there are two general questions that will come up. The first question will generally be, “Why?” Because we have talked about that in a previous post, we will cover second question that generally pops up, “With who?”

As an example, perhaps her getting gang raped by a bunch of thugs in a ghetto who don’t wear condoms is something that gets both of you off and often a topic of roleplay, but odds are she will not be down to making that her first slutwife experience. So for the realistic talk, we are going back to something within the realm of possibilities. She and you may have different expectations on what may work best, so it is important to sort those things out before trying to move forward.

Generally speaking, it will come down to one important factor, do you prefer secrecy or intimacy. Both factors can exist simultaneously given time, but for the first experience may come down to a choice. In other words, would you prefer she have sex with someone you know, or a complete stranger. There are pros and cons to both, and it comes down to personal choices. I have made a list below of possible sexual partners, people you know and strangers, and the pros and cons of each.

HER FIRST LOVER

Strangers - A stranger could be anyone not currently involved in your life. Some couples prefer strangers because they intend to keep their secret sexual life as far away as possible from the people they know. A stranger that knows nothing about your life can provide a great level of comfort for couples. The idea being that if something did not work out, they would never need to see or hear from the stranger again. The wife can control how much, if any, information is shared with the stranger. Here is a list of strangers a slutwife could hook up with.

1. Stranger in another city - Regardless of who the guy is, the general concept is that the wife has sex with a guy from another city who knows nothing about her. This can be done as a couple or the wife alone. Because the stranger is in another city/state/country, the odds of bumping into each other randomly will be slim to none. This concept works well with slutwife vacations (see post on topic). Downside to the stranger, is not actually knowing much about the person either, so caution and condoms are recommended.

HER FIRST LOVER

2. Male escort - This concept is about getting a professional to guide your wife through her first experience. This is one of the most preferred methods for beginner couples, since it provides both secrecy and a satisfactory experience. A male escort can be hired to the specifications of the wife’s/couple’s desires, so black, tall, muscular, huge!, good looking, etc along with acting the part to fulfill your fantasies. The main downside to male escorts is that they do cost money and some women may find paying for sex demeaning. Sexual protection is also encouraged.

3. Adult dating site - Adult dating sites are full of horny men looking for a girl to fuck. Normally, they just want the thrill of sex and are not looking for long tern commitments. Any girl posting on adult dating sites will be bombarded with male attention, so finding a willing man will be easy. The downside will be that many of these men may not meet your wife’s sexual criteria for looks, attitude, dick size, etc. so filtering through may take some time.

HER FIRST LOVER

4. Bar/club hookup - The general concept is that the wife goes out dressed very provocatively and lets a guy she likes hit on her. She may pretend to be single if needed or hooking up on her own, but the basis is that she will be flirty and be easy for the other man. She can also say she is married if you plan on being a part of the action later, but she must make it clear she is very available. When the time comes, she will accept the other man’s advances as he begins feeling her up or talking about sleeping with her. The downside to this scenario is the same as with any stranger, physical and sexual safety. The upside is that she can pretend to be a single girl being a slut and let the scenario play out naturally.

5. Beach hookup - The idea here is for her to go out in a skimpy bikini and flirt with a stranger at the beach. This can be by herself or you watching. This works well for slutwife vacations or spring break, where she can simply become another slutty girl like all the others. Downside is the same as with other scenarios where strangers are involved. Upside is that she can show off her body and have her pick of men to choose from.

6. Swinger club hookup - Swinger clubs and parties are becoming more common and provide a good opportunity fir a first time hook up. The stranger part of it comes from going to another city to attend one of these parties or attending a mask/costume swinger parties. Aside from general sexual protection, there is no real downside to this option.

HER FIRST LOVER

7. The Celebrity - The celebrity is someone your wife has admitted that they would have sex with if you allowed it and he was available. It may seem far fetched, since you are probably thinking that getting Brad Pitt to fuck your wife is near impossible, but think outside the box a bit. How many celebrity guys are there? There are thousands of men she could be into at any given time, from actors, musicians, tv personalities, athletes, etc. if you got your wife comfortable with the idea, how many guys would your wife think are fuck material. As far as the getting her in front of him, VIP tickets, fan mail, fan clubs, groupie clubs, etc are all good options. Think of a rock band going on tour, your wife is alone, dressed slutty, and going backstage with her VIP tickets to meet the band members privately. What are the odds of one of them hitting on her, or if she is daring enough, turning down the offer of a blowjob. We will talk more on the celebrity slutwife experience in the future for more ideas, but this is the general concept.

HER FIRST LOVER

Someone You Know - The general concept here is simple, she prefers to have sex with someone she or you knows already because of a physical attraction or ab already established level of trust. Some couples prefer this option due to the enhanced level of intimacy and contact already shared, and a belief that this person will look out for your interests as well. In some cases, it the person’s relationship, position, status, or physical appearance itself can be part of a fetish that the couple seeks, this enhancing the sexual experience. The general downside, is this person likely knows other people associated with the couple, but that can also be a turn on for some couples. The bigger downside is that once the act is done, no one will ever forget it if later it was decided she does not want to keep going with it.

HER FIRST LOVER

1. A Friend - There may be a friend she or you already have in mind that fits any given criteria that makes him a perfect sexual partner for her. Because he is already acquainted with you or her, there is a level of intimacy and trust already shared. Some couples find a friend an easier option to digest because of a this. Friends also provide availability and a general care for the well being of the wife. Couples that want a long term sexual relationship with another tend to prefer this option, and even strangers eventually soon fall into this category given enough time.

2. A Relative - There is always at least one person from your family, or hers, that would fuck her in a heartbeat. Odds are either you or her have noticed the guy staring or flirting etc, so you know exactly who that is. In some cases, women have guilty “fantasies” about relatives as well. Relatives could be brother, fathers, stepfathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, etc. This is a very personal and erotic road that often is best left in fantasy, but there are couples that have enjoyed a family affair where the wife has sex with a husband’s relative and it works really well for them. In other cases, it’s a wife’s relative, though that is normally best left in fantasy as well.

3. Coworker - It is a common fetish and fantasy for some couples to think of a coworker as a sexual partner. This is due to many reasons, physical attraction, availability, the thrill of keeping things secret at work, the intimacy that comes from people often spending more time at work than at home, etc. the fetish/fantasy is quite popular. In most cases, women will always have at least one man in her workplace that wants to fuck her and may even flirt with her. In a sense, a coworker already has rapport with her, or you, and some women may find this as an easy option to establish as her first lover.

HER FIRST LOVER

4. The Boss - Another common fantasy/fetish that couples enjoy. The boss has an implied position of power over her or you. Because of this position, couples often find this option very thrilling. It tends to come with the sane benefits as a coworker, but it is often more rewarding. The boss has influence over her job position, pay, days off, workload, etc. The wife may find this both exciting and beneficial. An alternate version of this is that the wife has sex with the husband’s boss.

HER FIRST LOVER

5. An Ex - Another common fantasy/fetish that couples often enjoy is the idea of her having sex with an ex. For many, it is easier to digest this idea since he already knows her intimately and has been there and done that. While the ex is really easy to digest as a sexual concept, because there was a relationship, this personal relationship may come with drama.

HER FIRST LOVER

6. A Neighbor/Roomate - Another common fantasy/fetish. Physical proximity is the name of the game with this one. This person lives within the physical space thus creating a level of physical intimacy. Some couples find this exciting and very available as an option.

7. Her Crush - Her crush is that guy that she likes or liked at some point but things never came together. It could be any of the previous men already mentioned, or some random guy working at a gas station somewhere, the pool boy, bartender, the plumber, her teacher, personal trainer, etc. or some college/high school crush. The idea is that she will approach him via social media, phone, or in person and confess of her desires for him. He will likely make a move on her and she will of course let it happen.

These are some general ideas for you and your wife to think about for a first time slutwife experience, we will cover some of these with more depth in future posts. It is recommended you play through as many of these as possible in fantasy and get a feel of which seem to work best. As always, distinguish fantasy from real life and determine which options work best for you and have fun with it.

I appreciate the likes and reblogs, and comment with your thoughts or any other concepts that you think work well for her first time as a slutwife. Also comment what you would choose for her first time.

7 years ago

Reference material

How To Measure For A Chastity Cage

How To Measure For A Chastity Cage

I’ve taken the time to draw and write a “How To” as I got many questions about getting the measurements right for a custom made chastity cage. It should be even helpful for a standard chastity cage like the Holy Trainer as it comes in various sizes and people might wonder if they need the Small or the Large version. I hope this helps many boys who are interested in chastity 😊 Take care of yourself *arf* 🐶🔒

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cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love
A Cuckold In Love

My wife and I enjoy a cuckold-hotwife relationship. Cucks and especially hotwives & bulls are welcome to contact us. Meetup is possible if you live in Northern California.

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