Friend Or Enemy

Perfect 10/10

Enjolras: Being gay is a constant battle between “I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds” and “Hey, let’s go throw rocks at fascists” and I think that’s very sexy of us.

Grantaire: If the window’s open and you time it right you can do both.

😳🤭

Johnny: *doing something stupid and dangerous*

[across town]

Peter: !

Matt: What?

Peter: My Johnny senses are tingling.

Wade: Gross Peter. I didn’t need to know you have a boner!

Peter: WTF WADE

istg if i see 1 more steve harrington as spider-man thing again i am going to explode

Ok, so, coffeeshop AU where Enjolras is working as a barista to put himself through college and R is the annoying customer.

And everyday, when Grantaire comes in, when he’s not busy arguing with Enjolras about ideological differences, he flirts outrageously with Enjolras and any other barista in earshot, and always orders his coffee the same way:

“I like my coffee like I like my men,” he’ll say, with an enormous wink, before adding whatever relevant adjective he feels that day, be it “tall” or “dark” or “strong” or “could knock me on my ass and honestly I’d thank him for it”.

And Enjolras just rolls his eyes and gets Grantaire his usual and purposefully doesn’t comment on it, because Enjolras fits none of those qualities (except tall, but like, so’s half the male population), and it shouldn’t bother him that much but it does.

So he sulks and he complains to all of his friends who know that he’s being ridiculous (and honestly, he knows he’s being ridiculous, but that’s never stopped him in the past and it’s sure as shit not gonna stop him now) and he tries to get the annoying, cynical man out of his head.

Until one day, when he’s had a late night studying after a protest and he’s tired and on edge and finally just snaps at Grantaire: “Honestly, I’m just here to make your coffee. I don’t really care how you like your men.”

And Grantaire gets really quiet and Enjolras is about to apologize when Grantaire asks, in a kind of strange voice, “How do you like your coffee?”

“What?” Enjolras asks, confused.

“How do you like your coffee?” Grantaire repeats. “I want to buy you a coffee as an apology.”

And Enjolras just looks at him for a long moment before blurting, “I like my coffee like I like my men.”

And Grantaire raises an eyebrow at him. “Oh, really?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Enjolras says, and before he can stop himself, adds, “You know, short, dark and bitter.”

For a moment, he thinks Grantaire doesn’t get it, but then Grantaire grins, a wide grin that crinkles his eyes and makes Enjolras grin almost as a reflex in response.

(And when he hands Grantaire his coffee a little later, when his fingers brush Grantaire’s, when Grantaire stands on his tiptoes to kiss Enjolras quickly on the cheek before leaving with a “See you tomorrow!” tossed over his shoulder, Enjolras is pretty sure his grin is going to last all day.)

Yennefer, to Geralt: You need to compliment Jaskier more often.

Yennefer: I never stop showering him with all sorts of compliments.

Jaskier, staring at Geralt: That's right. She never fails to tell me how amazingly soft my hair looks or how pretty I'd look with a collar and a leash on.

[courfeyrac as a priest]

someone: father, i'm here to confess my sins.

courfeyrac: spill the tea, sis

At the Watchtower

Kon: So then ma says "well you're not coming back into this house until you've caught every single one of them pigs"-

Tim: [clutching his coffee-mug and listening intently] without powers?

Kon: Of course! So there I am, covered in mud, and all I want is to eat some pie and go to bed-

Tim: [nodding enthusiastically while Kon continues his story]

Clark: [looks on from a distance]

Jon: [a few seats away] Did I tell you we got a new cow on the farm?

Damian: [with interest] what did you name her?

Jon: We haven't decided yet, Kon wants to call her Dorothy, but pa and I-

Damian: [earnestly interested]

Clark: [side eyes Bruce who's sitting next to him going through reports]

Clark: Hey Bruce?

Bruce: [grunts]

Clark: did I tell you we got a new cow at the farm?

Bruce: [hums noncommitally and continues reading]

Clark: [strained] Kon wants to call her Dorothy, but I think we should call her Susie and Jon-

Bruce: [sighs exasperatedly]

Clark:

Clark: [rips the reports away from Bruce with super speed]

Bruce: What the hell?

Clark: You're such a bad friend!

Bruce: what?

Clark: why am I stuck with you when my children's bat friends are so nice?!

Bruce:

Clark: Look at Tim! He's so nice! Why can't you be like that?!

Bruce: You want me to be like Tim?

Clark: Or Damian!

Bruce: [rubbing his temples] You want me to be like Damian?

Clark: I want you to listen when I talk!

Bruce: you were talking about cows

Clark: that doesn't matter!

Bruce: It matters a little

Clark: Cows are interesting!

Bruce: Cows are the opposite of interesting.

Clark: Well, I'M interesting

Bruce:

Clark: Bruce, tell me I'm interesting.

Bruce: [gets up and starts walking away]

Clark: [shouts after him] Bruce! Tell me I'm interesting!

Bruce: [walks faster]

-a week later-

Wonder Woman: Are Batman and Superman having a fight?

Flash: yeah I think so. I don't know what about though

Martian Mindhunter: I believe Batman insulted Superman's cow

Wonder Woman: I see.

Black Canary: Sometimes I wake up at night and think about the fact that they are two of the most important members of an organization that protects the world from certain annihilation and then I can't go back to sleep

Green Lantern: [feet propped on the table, throwing almonds into the air and trying to catch them in his mouth] yeah it freaks me out too

Black Canary: [glances at Green Lantern] never leave us, Diana.

serotonin

Enjolras: "is visibly sad*

Combeferre: what's wrong?

Enjolras: Grantaire said, "Hey Enjolras," to me, at the start of the meeting.

Combeferre: . . .

Combeferre: that's your name.

Enjolras: My name is Apollo!!

Enjoltaire Head Canons

-grantaire is a comedian. he loves his job. however with being a comedian you kind of forget how to function with normal people, so for example saying things at mildly inappropriate times, & constantly saying dirty things at the “wrong time.” Not to mention offending A LOT of people. Enjolras likes to sit on his high horse & act like he’s love all of that (he’s not,) sometimes he giggles or just smirks & to r it makes it all worth it.

-R’s main news source is John Oliver & SNL’s weekend update (& Enjolras’ twitter feed.)

-Sometimes they’ll watch Comedy Specials together (E’s favorite is George Carlin.)