“There’s No Hogwarts Without You, Hagrid.”

love earned, not given | never know part 2 | choi seungcheol

✨ pairing: idol!seungcheol x idol!fem!reader ✨ genre: angst ✨ summary: it's been two years since seungcheol betrayed you and two years since you saved his career. you're both struggling as you learn to forgive someone who has hurt you. ✨ read part 1 here! ✨background info: -i wanted the girl group y/n is part of to be small so i just chose blackpink LOL. the other 3 members of this group are named kiki, jia, and halle! -y/n is 4 years younger than cheol- she's dino's age. -their group (blackpink) debuted 2 years after seventeen ✨ a/n: oh my goodness yall. why is this the longest fic I've ever written in my whole life. this is my child, i'll never feel prouder of any of my other works than this one. this took 5000 years to write- to all the authors that write 10k+ fics, im dedicating this story to you bc idk how yall do it. ✨ disclaimers: you guys already know this is NOT how I see Seungcheol, how I perceive his role in svt, how I perceive his attitude towards women, and how I perceive him as an artist. he's merely just a placeholder for this story. i love cheol so so much he's such a beautiful human and I want to make you all know this story is completely fictional. I purposefully left out what he said because it is up to your imagination. if you're interested, dm me as i had originally written it in the story but decided to remove it so it doesn't distract from the plot!

The crowd cheers, deafening screams as Seungcheol waves goodbye with a huge smile on his face. 

The second the stage screen door closes, Seungcheol’s hand drops with a deep sigh. He mechanically turns to the flurry of staff who help him remove his mic pack, eyes blank and heart heavy. When they’re done, he walks away, running a hand through his hair. 

His group mates noticed the change in their leader the day it started. They don’t understand why he’s been acting the way he has been for the past 2 two years. Sure, he was acting quiet throughout all of dance practice, song recordings, music video records, and everything else they’ve needed to do in Korea but they thought he would’ve cheered up by now, especially since they're back on tour after almost 3 years.

It’s actually the opposite.

Seungcheol has gotten worse. 

He shows up to his idol work like a robot, like he's not passionate about everything he worked so hard for before.

Everyone watches him walk away, not doing much to stop him. “Alright, I’m going to force it out of him,” Jeonghan says with determination, lightly jogging to catch up with Cheol. Jeonghan eventually corners Seungcheol, and before he can get a word out, Jeonghan places a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t want to hear it, Cheol. We’ve given you your space, but we’re worried about you. At least tell me what’s going on. It’s been 2 years since you’ve turned into this zombie. You’re like a stranger to us,” Jeonghan says softly with kind eyes.

Jeonghan has been Cheol’s closest friend in the group. He knows he can trust him. But Cheol has been keeping this to himself because it would mean admitting the truth about who he is. He’s so ashamed of everything he said two years ago. He was younger and stupider, but it’s no excuse for how he hurt you. 

“Cheol, please. Please talk to me,” Jeonghan begs.

Cheol closes his eyes and hits the back of his head against the wall.

“2 years ago at the MAMA award show, I was talking with Dongmin about Y/n from Blackpink and it got super intense and I got carried away and said uh…”

Jeonghan raises his eyebrows, not sure where this is going. 

“Some really, really, really shitty things about her. I don’t feel like repeating it. Turns out she heard me because she happened to be walking in the area and to make everything worse, someone fucking recorded me and downloaded it onto a flash drive. Pledis found out before I did because a picture of the flash drive was sent to my manager. Then we found out the flash drive was given to y/n.”

Jeonghan would have never guessed that this is what’s gotten Cheol so locked up. He’s utterly surprised but stays silent and keeps his face neutral.

“I went to go see her myself, to beg for her not to make the recording go public because it would genuinely ruin me. But, do you know what she did with the flash drive instead, Han?”

Jeonghan can see the tears in Seungcheol’s eyes, hanging on to his waterline.

“She fucking destroyed it.” Cheol pauses, suddenly gasping for air as his shoulders begin shaking. “She, she- she crushed it to pieces,” he says, sobbing.

Jeonghan reaches forward but Cheol holds his hands up.

“There were no other copies; that was the only proof of what I said. And she destroyed it. She told me that I’d continue to have a successful career because no one would ever know what I’m really like. And I've been living with this guilt for years.”

Cheol takes deep breaths to control his sudden breakdown.

“Every time I get on stage, I remember that I’d have nothing if she chose to go public with that recording. She could’ve destroyed me and I would've deserved it. Sometimes I wish she did. Because I don’t deserve any of this. These fans, this career, the money, the fame, the luxury- it means nothing to me because I am a bad person. And I hurt someone. I can’t live like this. I’m swimming in guilt but don’t deserve forgiveness so what if it’s like this forever?”

Cheol can’t even look up, afraid that his longest friend would judge him for his actions.

“Cheol,” Jeonghan says gently. Seungcheol looks up with blotchy eyes. “I think you need to see her again. It’s been long enough- maybe the two of you can have a conversation- a productive one where you can show her that you’ve grown. You’re not that person anymore and you’re willing to make it right. Don’t let your guilt end your career. You were saved once. You may not be so lucky next time.”

-

The other three members of your group have no idea what you’ve been going through for the past two years. When you told Seungcheol no one would ever know about what he said, you meant it. You’ve been bottling up your pain and sadness for all this time and pouring it into your work. Blackpink has seen even more success with two new complete albums but you refuse to let yourself rest. If you’re not writing new songs or producing them, you’re choreographing dances for other younger groups. 

Seventeen’s success these past two years has also been incredible. Three new comebacks all well received. Sold out concerts all across North America and Asia. Numerous awards won. You can’t really bring yourself to be happy for them when you know just how close they were to potentially not having any of it.

Much to your dismay, your group has become closer to Seventeen, but you have made it a point to excuse yourself from going to any dinners or hangouts with any of the members of Seventeen. It’s a running joke that they don’t remember what you look like because it’s been so long since they’ve physically seen you. The only members you’re actively friends with from Seventeen are Hoshi and Vernon. When you need help with choreography ideas, you turn to Hoshi who knows just the missing piece to your routine. When you need extra input on a piece you produced, you turn to Vernon, knowing just how much his fresh perspective can complete your song. And even though they’re some of your closest friends outside your group, you refuse to confide in them about just exactly why you can’t join them for a group dinner or why you can’t go to Seungkwan’s apartment for drinks. 

Truth is, you’re afraid. You’re afraid to see Seungcheol in person because you know you’ll fall apart. So much time has passed, but it scares you that you’ll still see him in the same light. Your perception of him is permanently altered, so much so that being in the same room as him will make it difficult for you to be yourself.

On this rainy night, you’re holed up in your studio, mixing your groupmate Halle’s recording with the beats you produced the other day. 

Tomorrow, you and your group are appearing on a variety show with all of Seventeen. You tried your hardest to get out of it, making up lame excuses, trying to set up overlapping appointments and nothing worked. It was time to face the music at last. 

-

“Ughhhhhhhh, I can’t believe our call time is at 5! What the hell?” your other groupmate Kiki groans, rubbing her eyes. The four of you are all groggily standing outside the makeup room in your various pajamas, having literally rolled out of bed and into the car that brought you here. 

Your group is extremely talented and very hardworking but even after all these years, you never get used to the early mornings. You used to constantly fight over who had to get makeup done first and eventually decided that it wasn’t fair for one person to be up earlier than everyone else.  Now you all wake up at the same time and sit around and try not to fall asleep while waiting your turn. 

You love these girls so much. They’re your sisters, your family, and you’d do anything to protect them. 

Three hours later, you’re all glammed up and dressed up. After Seungcheol’s comments, you decided to no longer wear revealing outfits- choosing baggy shirts or longer skirts over the more… form-fitting stage outfits you’re used to wearing. But today, if you’re going to see him, you need him to know that his comments have not affected you and your choices. So here you are in a very sexy, according to your other groupmate Jia, matching top and pants set that shows off your lower back tattoos and skin in all the right places. 

You’d be lying if you said you were feeling 100% confident. In fact, you were sweating behind the knees- stomach churning, fingers fidgeting. 

Seventeen has already sat down into teams, and you and your group would be joining based on predetermined pairings. You’re with Hoshi and Seungkwan thankfully- two people you’re very comfortable with so everything should be okay. 

Introductions are being made as each one of you steps out from behind a curtain, dancing to one of your songs. You’re going last, so you have a lot of time to mentally hype yourself up to the fact that you are about to be in the same room as Choi Seungcheol for the next eight hours. 

“And last but not least, the leader of Blackpink. She’s not only an extremely talented rapper and singer but she’s Blackpink’s producer and choreographer. But it doesn’t stop there! She’s choreographed over fifteen ensembles for her fellow peers in K-pop! Talk about a triple threat! So let’s welcome, the one, the only, Y/N!!!!!!”

The staff, the host, your groupmates, and Seventeen cheer as you come out from the curtain smiling and waving before immediately dancing to some of the choreo from one of the songs playing. Once you reach the middle of the room, you bow and wave to the staff, host, and cameras, before doing the same to everyone you walk past to reach Hoshi and Seungkwan. You don’t look up.

-

Seungcheol keeps his face neutral when you make your appearance from behind the curtain. 

Time has been quite good to you. 

You’re even more gorgeous than when he last saw you. Your hair is much longer, your makeup light but perfect for your features. And your outfit. Damn, your outfit accentuates all the right parts of you body but Seungcheol shakes his head of these thoughts. Afterall, it is comments about your body that got him in trouble in the first place. 

Despite the pretty smile on your face, he notices your eyes are quite dull. You look… sad. He can’t imagine how you must feel being in his presence again. He knows you’ve avoided hangouts with Seventeen on purpose. In the two years since the incident, he has not seen you in person once. Your absence is a consequence of his actions. All the dinners and games and moments you could’ve spent with everyone have been flushed down the toilet on your end. Your decision to not be around him lets him know that you have not forgiven him. That you are still hurt and ashamed and betrayed by his words. 

It’s a message to him and to him only. That you will punish yourself over and over if it means being away from him. But this variety show was an obligation- something you couldn’t avoid. So he does his best to steer clear and keep his distance. 

Seungcheol doesn’t notice Jeonghan’s eyes on him, his shiny eyes meaningless to everyone else, but not to him. 

-

After a long day of filming, you head to the break room to grab a water while everyone mingles with each other. Today was quite hard. Despite the games you played with Hoshi and Seungkwan as the best people to be on a team with, you had to deal with Seungcheol talking and laughing. Your only consolation was that he was on the other side of the room and you didn’t need to interact with him.

Chugging the water, you fan yourself as you realize your body is overheating from stress. 

Turning around to head back to the filming area, you come face to face with Seungcheol.

Your face falls, and your heart sinks to your stomach. 

Face to face with him for the first time in two years, you take a long look at him. Long black hair, styled perfectly to sweep along his ears. Face still as handsome as the day he begged for your discretion with the recording. Thick eyebrows, chiseled facial features, kind eyes. He’s wearing a white baggy t-shirt that somehow hugs his thick arms. Have his arms always been that big? You shake your head of your thoughts and take a step back.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, finally breaking the silence. 

“I uh wanted to talk to you,” he answers sheepishly.

You let out a small dry laugh and look away, running your hands through your hair trying to plan how you can get out of this conversation. 

“Look, I know my word doesn’t hold much to you, but I’m really sorry, Y/N. I really genuinely am. I have been beating myself up about it all this time. I don’t know why I said what I said and I can’t take it back. But I want you to know that I really want to work on making this right,” Seungcheol says all in one breath. 

Silence permeates the room again as he waits for you to say something. Anything.

“You’re wrong, you know,” you say quietly. “Your words hold a lot to me.”

Seungcheol feels the world crush at his feet. He should’ve known better. He’s been in the industry for a little longer than you have and as your senior, he should’ve known that you looked to him and the rest of Seventeen for mentorship. 

“How can I make this right?” he pleads, suddenly feeling hopeless. It’s in Seungcheol’s nature to not leave anything unresolved. He needs an answer to this. 

“Seungcheol…seeing you has reminded me of what I’ve been trying so hard to forget.” You can’t look at him when you say what you’re about to say because you know you’ll start crying. And you haven’t cried in front of him and you’re not about to start today. 

“...I can’t forgive you. That would mean accepting your words and allowing myself to brush aside my feelings.”

“Y/n, please. What can I do or say to make this right? There has to be a way.” His eyes are pleading, full of desperation and agony.

“Nothing, Seungcheol. I can’t absolve you of your guilt and I’m sorry if you thought two years would change things.”

There’s an ocean of space between the two of you. Seungcheol has been swimming to reach you but he’s drowning now.

“How do I live with this?” he asks you quietly after a long period of silence.

You look him in the eyes, surprised to see the tears sitting on his waterline. 

But you stand your ground.

“You just do.”

-

Is holding on to this anger good for you?

You ask yourself this question every day. Life has ultimately been so dreary and grey since this situation with Seungcheol happened. When you destroyed the flash drive with the recording, you thought you’d forget everything he said, but it turns out you remember everything—word for word.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you feel a tear hit your hand.

When will you stop crying about this? It’s been two years, for god’s sake. The pain has been endless, and it’s only hurting you over and over. And the worst part is you can’t talk to anyone about it- even your groupmates. You don’t want anyone’s perception of Seungcheol to change. 

It’s been a week since you saw Seungcheol again and if your friends thought you were a recluse before, you’re even more reserved now. It’s another long night at your studio and you’re dozing off, too lazy to go back home when you hear a soft knock on your door. 

Completely alert now, you hesitate as you walk towards the door. 

You’re not expecting anyone and you know Kiki is back home with her family, Halle is at her boyfriend’s house, and Jia is out of the country for a brand deal. No one else on your team tends to stay late on a Friday, so there’s genuinely no one you know who would want to see you. 

Apprehensive and tense, you open the door and come face to face with… Jeonghan? 

After a few awkward greetings, Jeonghan takes a seat across from you and tilts his head as if reading you. 

“Why are you here?” 

“I know what’s happened between you and Cheol,” he says with kind eyes and a small smile.

You freeze. 

“What do you know?”

“I know he said something to you that would’ve ruined his whole career if anyone found out. He won’t tell me what he said though.”

“Okay, so what do you want?”

“Y/n… in all the years I’ve known Cheol, I have never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do because no one else knows. So I’m here for a lifeline. When Cheol first told me everything, I was very disappointed. As his friend, I struggled for days about how someone I grew up with could’ve hidden this dark side of himself. It’s not really my place to forgive him or judge him because this has nothing to do with me but I’m concerned about how this is going to continue. How do you feel about all of this?”

“I feel like shit Jeonghan. I think about what he said every single day and there are times when I get sad about it and then there are times when I get so upset that I just want to strangle Seungcheol. These past two years have been hell so I don’t need you to come here and tell me how bad Seungcheol has it. I don’t care.”

Jeonghan sighs. You’re very stubborn, he’ll give you that. 

“I just think you might feel better if you talked with him longer. You let him know how upset you are and maybe the two of you can work towards forgiveness?”

“It shouldn’t be on me,” you say quietly. “You can’t come here and ask this of me just because your friend is sad. What about me? If you knew what came out of his mouth that day, you wouldn’t be here.” You will yourself not to cry again. “It is not my job to make him feel better.”

“You’re going to be sad forever, y/n. There needs to be some resolution, even if you won’t ever talk to him again. What you gave him last week wasn’t a resolution.”

Now you’re seething in anger. 

“How dare you come here and tell me to forgive your friend under the guise of it making me feel better. There was a resolution, you asshole. I told him that I’m not forgiving him,  and sometimes that’s the way life goes. It is not fair that I have to forgive Seungcheol for slut shaming me and degrading me and sexualizing me. I already did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! I destroyed the evidence in this very room! Seungcheol didn’t even have to beg. I did it without him asking. He should be jumping over rainbows and dancing in the stars because there’s no proof anymore that he’s a complete fucking jerk! And I won’t let you come here and beg either.”

Jeonghan watches as anger warps your face, tears stream down your cheeks. He’s been so worried about Seungcheol that he’s honestly never thought about what exactly his friend actually said to you. He’s gotten some hints from your rant just now and he finally sees you for who you are. 

Yes, you’re the Y/n. Producer, songwriter, rapper, singer, dancer, choreographer. But you’re a woman. You’re 25. Still so young. You were strong and brave for handling this whole situation with Seungcheol when you were only 23 and you’re still strong and brave now, even as you sink to the floor and bury your face in your hands, sobbing. 

Jeonghan stands up and kneels next to you, pulling you into his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he lets you cry into his shoulder. 

- 

In your emotional state, Jeonghan ends up driving you home, even coming inside to press ice packs to your swollen face. Neither of you says a word, not even when he tucks you into your bed. 

“Just promise me you’ll consider talking to Cheol. Give yourself an ending. You’re going to keep suffering if you don’t. And trust me, we’ve all noticed your absence at our hangouts. We’re worried about you,” Jeonghan whispers before you leave.

-

You’re not quite sure what you’re doing here. The dark clouds and strong winds feel like a premonition of what’s to come. 

Knock knock

The door opens and Seungcheol stands still with his mouth completely open- shocked that you of all people, would willingly show up at his apartment. 

“Hey, uh what are you doing here?” Seungcheol asks once he’s done gaping. 

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully with a sigh. 

“Do you want to come in? I can make you tea?” he offers sheepishly. “Sure.”

Taking off your shoes and handing your coat to Seungcheol, you apprehensively walk down the hallway deeper into the apartment. You’re greeted by a medium-sized chunky white dog who slowly walks up to you. 

“This is Kkuma,” Seungcheol says from behind you. “She’s a little shy at first but she’s very friendly, I promise.” You kneel down to be closer to Kkuma’s level and she immediately jumps into your lap, sniffing your arms before curling up into them. You lightly laugh, patting her soft head. Seungcheol is surprised. Kkuma doesn’t easily warm up to people she’s never met before. Huh.

You play with Kkuma for a bit while Seungcheol prepares some drinks. The way Kkuma is sniffing you and constantly licking your face makes you think she knows you’re sad. And even when Seungcheol returns with two mugs in his hands, Kkuma never leaves your side. 

The two of you sit on opposite ends of the couch. Still an ocean between you. This time you’re both floating. The ocean is still.

Is forgiveness still on the table? 

Is forgiveness in your heart?

You know it’s not. Not completely. Not yet.

“Why did you say those things about me?” you ask quietly, breaking the silence. This is the question you’ve been asking yourself all this time. What did you do that prompted Seungcheol to have this perception of you? You’re afraid that other people think this of you. 

Seungcheol doesn’t answer right away. 

“I think I was just… talking out of my ass. I didn’t know you that well and was jealous that you had reached levels of success that we took twice as long to reach. I just wanted something to blame, to justify why you and your group were doing so much better than us. You know I’m Seventeen’s leader, but I’m one of the weaker dancers, I don’t produce music, and I can’t rap as well as the others. But you’re Blackpink’s leaders and you do all of that and more. I was undermining you to an extreme level. And I’m sorry. I really am. I know I’ve said it so many times, but really. None of our subsequent success means anything to me because I hurt you when you didn’t deserve it, and you saved me when I didn’t deserve it. 

I think about you all the time. I think about what you’ve been going through. How you hide from the world, only showing up for comebacks. How you never join your group for interviews, how you don’t join us for hangouts, how you never go on variety shows or music release parties. I hate that I’ve made you feel like you’re worth nothing, that I stripped you of all your talents and achievements and attributed them to something extremely inappropriate. I want to make this right even if it means severing our connection to each other. Even if we never speak again. Even if I never see you again. Sure, I’m sad and depressed, but I know that you probably feel even worse having to live with this secret.”

Seungcheol can’t even look at you, too ashamed as he comes to terms with his actions. 

He suddenly stands and gets down on both knees in front of you. He looks you directly in your eyes, taking your hands in his. 

“I’m sorry, I just want to make sure you know.” He holds your intertwined hands as he bows his head and cries.

You look up at the ceiling. You came here to tonight because for the first time in two years, you’ve been open to forgiveness. It is not your job or responsibility to forgive. If someone hurts you, you don’t owe them anything. Forgiveness shouldn’t be the only way to feel lighter because you remember all the nights you spent crying, throwing up, lying awake, all because of the words Seungcheol said. You owe it to your heart to be true to what you want. And in this very moment, you just want to put this all behind you. You don’t want any more sleepless nights because of this. 

There’s a man on his knees telling you he’s sorry, and for the first time, you’re ready to take it at face value. 

You squeeze Seungcheol’s hands back. 

- 

It’s 4 in the morning and you’re fast asleep on Seungcheol’s couch with Kkuma curled up on your stomach. Seungcheol emerges from the kitchen and quietly lifts Kkuma up before returning to you. He brushes some hair out of your face and softly caresses your cheek with the back of his hand.

He wonders if you always look this peaceful when sleeping. 

Lifting you in his arms, Seungcheol brings you to his room, tucking you into his bed. He grabs a few pillows so he can sleep on the couch, but you grip his wrist. 

“Stay.”

You Like Me?

A/n: Dudes, my list of requests are dwindling and I couldn’t be happier. Like I was drowning in them a week ago. I should have another Slash fic out tonight because you guys seem to really like him. And once that is posted I’m gonna try to work on a Duff fic, we’ll see how far I get on that. But anyway, I hope y’all enjoy.

*~~*~~*

Masterlist

Slash x Reader

Summary: Slash is consistent when it comes to flirting with Y/n. Whenever the opportunity arises, he takes it. And every single time she turns him down. That is until she overhears the guitarist pour out his feelings for her, making her feel bad for not returning them. Or so he thinks.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Language, smoking, probably something else

“Did you ever realize screw rhymes with me and you?”

Y/n rolled her eyes at Slash’s stupid pick up line. Honestly, she thought that he would have gotten the hint and given up. She wasn’t interested. At least, she wasn’t going to make it seem like she was.

“Oh, come on Y/n. That was a decent pickup line,” the man shrugged before grabbing his guitar. “If you didn’t like that, maybe I can sing you a song.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “I doubt I’ll like that either. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve gotta go do my job.”

With that, she grabbed a bag of clothes Axl had bought and left the dressing room to take them to the tour bus. Along the way, she couldn’t help but smile at the stupid pick up line. She tried her best to be professional around the boys, she was their personal assistant after all. But that stupid pick up line. God, it made her smile. Y/n did her best to not let Slash get to her, she really did, but somehow he still managed to.

At first, she thought it was one of those stupid middle school crushes, the ones where you only start liking someone after you find out they like you. It was clear that Slash had a thing for her, the boys made sure she knew and the pickup lines further cemented it. So, when Y/n started to feel something for the guitarist, she brushed it off. She believed that she merely liked him for the wrong reason and that the feelings would pass. But then things changed. Suddenly she was more aware of him, always catching him in the crowd, and getting flustered around him. It was horrible to admit, but she was falling for him.

Entering the tour bus, Y/n walked to the back and opened a cabinet, shoving the bags into it before closing it. She walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it. “Why do I feel this way?”

She wasn’t sure how to answer that question or if there was even an answer. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to like the man, a part of her did, but the other part knew that it was unprofessional and any relationship with him wouldn’t last. Slash was a nice guy, no doubt about it, but he was still a rockstar. Getting with him would be like a death sentence for her heart if she fell too hard. Temptation lingered around every corner and even if she was to believe he wouldn’t fall for it, the temptations he faced were stronger than the ones she did. 

It would be hard for him to go from sleeping with different women every night to sleeping with one. He didn’t seem like the kind that did that. Relationships were something she’d never seen him in. Sure, a girl lingered around for a few days, maybe a month, but then she’d leave and be replaced by someone else. Y/n didn’t want that to happen to her. She didn’t want to be replaced that easily.

So, she loved him in silence. The feelings would eventually fade. And if they didn’t? Well, she would just have to deal with it because she wasn’t willing to get her heartbroken when she could avoid it.

*~~*~~*

“Why would I do that?” Slash asked, running a hand through his hair. He winced when it got tangled in the curls and tried to get it out without pulling any hair out.

Duff shrugged, taking a drag on his cigarette. “Because you’re stupid and it may work.”

He raised a brow. If nothing he’d tried so far to win her heart had work, how was anything else supposed to do it?

“It will work,” his friend assured him. “Just trust me.”

Izzy laughed, looking at the two through the vanity mirror. “You really want to take advice from him?”

“Hey! I’m a married man, I think I know what I’m talking about,” Duff argued, grabbing a beer off the small table in front of him. 

“And how’s that going for you?”

The silence that followed was a good enough answer but didn’t help Slash one bit. He was in love and not sure what to do about it. Everyone had different answers and ideas on what he could do but none of them worked. Flirting with Y/n did nothing, talking to her more got him nowhere, being around her only made him want her more. Nothing he did helped him and it was frustrating.

“Maybe I-”

Y/n walked into the room with their food, setting it on the vanity. “I thought some food would do you all some good before the show.” She pulled a couple burgers out of a paper bag and threw them at Duff and Slash before handing one to Izzy. “Also, the photoshoot after the show has been canceled.”

Slash smiled at that and unwrapped his burger. “So, does that mean you’re free after the show?”

“Yes, but not for whatever you’re thinking,” she stated and grabbed the bag to go find Steven and Axl.

Izzy laughed once she was out of the room. “You’re never gonna get with her,” he let out between fits of laughter, causing Slash to through an empty can at him.

*~~*~~*

Struggling to carry all the boxes of shoes the boys insisted on taking on tour, Y/n walked through the backstage halls. It was a few hours before showtime, her busiest time of the day. It was the time when everyone was yelling at each to make everything look and feel perfect. The lights had to be hung in the perfect position, bags had to be in excisable places, and the boys had to stay out of trouble. As far as she knew, all three of those things were happening. She was almost entirely sure of it when she came close to Duff’s dressing room and heard faint voices she believed belonged to the boys.

“You need to let it go, dude. She’s clearly not interested,” Duff’s voice came from behind the door. 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about her.”

Y/n stopped next to the door, instantly recognizing the voice. It was Slash. It was wrong to eavesdrop, she knew that, but she couldn’t help herself. 

“I’m sure some chick would be more than willing to take her off your mind.”

Slash sighed in frustration. “No, this isn’t something like that. This is real, Duff. This is serious. I like her! No, scratch that, I fucking love Y/n and no whore is gonna change that!”

Her eyes went wide at the statement. He loved her, he actually loved her. Before she could fully register what she’d heard, someone stood up and walked towards the door. Y/n shifted the boxes and walked away as quickly as she could, not bothering to look back at whoever exited the room. 

She walked into Axl’s room, setting the boxes on the couch. The singer was fiddling with a guitar when she entered, but he’d since put it down, eyeing her with suspicion.

“Are you alright, Y/n?”

Y/n nodded and decided to stack the boxes neatly. 

How could she not be alright? She’d just learned that she’d been a complete bitch for no reason. Obviously, she was alright. Slash, on the other hand, probably wasn’t. He was probably beating himself up over everything. Y/n sighed, shaking her head. She should have at least given him a chance, he deserved that much. But no, she had to jump to the conclusion that all rockstars are the same and all they want is sex. 

Maybe that wasn’t all Slash wanted.

“Um, is there anything else you need?” she asked Axl as she approached the door, fingers crossed that he was all taken care of.

“I don’t think so…” he trailed off, watching her practically sprint out of the room. He would have questioned it, but he’d seen weirder shit during shows.

Y/n walked as quickly as she could without running anyone over. She weaved between sound tech and crew members, trying to find Slash. Popping her head into Duff’s dressing room, she frowned. Neither of the men were in there. With a huff, she continued down the hall, they couldn’t be that far. 

She’d looked for the man for over an hour, giving up when her feet were beginning to ache. And that’s why heels are Satan’s shoes, she thought and tossed them off. Y/n came to an empty hallway, furthest from the stage. Leaning against the wall, she sighed and slid down the wall. Resting her head against the cold bricks, she couldn’t help but be disappointed in herself. In keeping her heart from getting broken, she’d broken someone else’s. How fucking stupid. That just wasn’t fair. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but no matter how many times she told herself, at the end of the day she still had. 

“This is bullshit,” she muttered, playing the hem of her shirt. “Fucking bullshit.”

Y/n closed her eyes in an attempt to relieve some stress when she heard footsteps coming down the hall. She didn’t bother to see who it was, why would it matter? Then the footsteps stopped in front of her.

“Y/n, are you alright?” Slash asked.

Her eyes shot open and she was on her feet in an instant. “Yeah, yeah. I’m alright.”

He nodded, not sure whether to believe that or not. “Izzy is looking for you. Lost his hat or something. I don’t know, but he won’t perform without it.”

Y/n bite her lip, nodding along to the information. Was now a good time to talk to him? It seemed like one of the only opportunities she’d get, but was it the right moment?

“He’s, ah, in his dressing room,” Slash gestured down the hall before turning around and walking the other direction. 

Y/n looked down the hall that would lead her to Izzy and back at Slash who was walking further and further away. It was now or never, she thought. Now or never. Taking a deep breath, she turned in the direction of the guitarist. 

“Slash!”

The man turned around just as he was about to place a cigarette in his mouth.

“Wait, wait. Can I talk to you?” she asked, running up to the man.

He shrugged, what could he do to stop her?

Y/n stopped in front of him, taking a deep breath. The man looked down at her, a brow raised.

“Okay, so I know that you probably don’t want to hear this and I probably just gonna ramble on,” she stated, fiddling with her fingers. “Stop me whenever you feel like it. Seriously, there may be no other way to stop the words. But anyway-” She swat at the air with her hand. “-I heard what you and Duff were talking about earlier, and I know I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but I don’t know.” She sighed, “I feel like a bitch. I feel horrible-”

“Why do you feel horrible?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. “You have no reason to. Turning me down shouldn’t make you feel like a shit person,” he raised his voice, emphasizing that he was the one in pain.

Y/n raised a hand in an attempt to calm him down. “I know, I know. And yeah, I feel like shit for that and you’re right, I shouldn’t. But I do because I kept turning you down because why would you want to go out with me if it weren’t just for sex? I’m the band’s assistant, I’m not some groupie, willing to throw myself at any of. So, yeah, maybe I thought all you wanted from me was sex,” she admitted. “Stupid of me to think so, but most of you guys act the same. And me liking you was something I thought would, you know, go away. You’d probably move on, like Duff said, find someone to take me off your mind. I-I don’t even know where I’m going with this,” she stated, biting her lip. 

She had a point, somewhere at the beginning she had a point.

“You like me?” the man asked, taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

Y/n nodded.

“And you’re serious?”

“I wouldn’t have made a fool of myself rambling on without a point if I wasn’t,” she laughed.

He nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Alright, well then how about we catch dinner after the show if you’re serious about this.”

Y/n couldn’t help but smile. Once she’d started talking, in the back of her mind, she thought that Slash would just ignore her. Hell, she probably hadn’t made any sense seeing as how she couldn’t remembering what she was getting at. “I’d like that.”

“Alright, well you’ll know where to find me.”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Well, I gotta go help Izzy, see you later.”

“See ya,” he waved as she walked down the hall. Once she was out of sight a huge grin came over his face. Damn, that felt good, to finally get her to say yes. It felt better than good, it felt fucking amazing! Now, he just had to figure out where they were going to eat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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NEW SERIES ALERT!

"the paths we didn't take" - a charles leclerc x female!reader story

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

years ago, charles leclerc and y/n were everything to each other—the kind of love that felt unbreakable, the kind you never see coming but never think will end. but they made a promise, one that broke both their hearts. after high school, they would let each other go. charles had his dreams of racing, and y/n had a world to explore, and they agreed it wasn’t fair to hold each other back.

so they did it. they cut all ties, erased each other from their lives, and tried to move on. no calls, no texts, not even a glance at an old photo. they built separate lives, pretending that what they had was just a chapter—until now.

when a chance meeting brings them back together in the streets of monaco, the weight of everything unsaid crashes down. the years have changed them, but some feelings are impossible to forget. can they face the pain of the choices they made, or are some loves meant to stay lost?

and finally the question remains, can you ever truly let go of your first love?

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KENJI SATO ✰ 10:43

“Working overtime really doesn’t suit you, Sato.” The teasing sentence made Kenji grunt in disapproval, slumping against his couch.

“Wow, I didn’t notice. Thank you for that valuable input, [Name],” he says, rolling his eyes at you. 

He can’t help the sarcastic reply. Kenji’s schedule was all over the place. His life has been all over the place ever since his return to his home country, Japan. And now he not only has to take care of himself—which, in his defense, was fairly simple when he just had to worry about himself—he has to worry about an infant Kaiju!

What a wonderful (not) icing on the cake.

“Ken is really appreciative that you made time to fulfill his request, or, shall I say, cry for help, [Name].” Mina’s familiar voice flurried from a distance, closing in to your right in a breeze. 

“Hey! It was not a cry for help—it’s more like a... Asking a friend for a favor,” Kenji says, trying to ease his brain with what’s coming out of his mouth (like it was on autopilot, scrambling to defend himself and the pride he had left).

“Uh huh. And the favor is? I don’t really think there’s anything I could do to her containment unit or any repairs that’re needed in this place.”

“I just need someone to watch over her.”

(“I just need someone to talk to” is a much fitting phrase.)

“Doesn’t Mina already do that?”

“There’s only so much a supercomputer like me can do to entertain a living being, [Name].”

On cue, Emi croons at the video of you singing on stage. A part time career of yours, because when you’re not developing new tech that boosts the economy, you might as well indulge in your hobbies. 

Kenji wouldn’t admit it, but he has a vinyl or two—or even a whole collection of them—that he considers as priceless as his one-of-a-kind sports car displayed in the basement.

“Would you look at that? She likes your singing.” 

He watches as you take a step closer to Emi, observing how she delightedly squealed at the soft melody being played on the holograms. This 20-foot-tall baby Kaiju reminded you of the time you took care of children at the daycare center.

“I just...” he sighs. You didn’t even notice that Kenji was already beside you, offering you a canned drink. 

“How do you do it? Juggle everything?” He murmurs. “You’re the busiest person I know. Working on your thesis, performing at various concerts, taking on charity work, and whatnot. Hell, if you could run for president, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you in the elections, too.”

A quiet laugh was returned. “It’s not easy, that’s for sure. But within time, you’ll learn just what you need and what you can handle.”

“Mm. Don’t you ever just want to run away from all the responsibilities people place on your shoulders? I can barely take care of this young lady,” he chuckles, though it doesn’t hold even the slightest ounce of humor to it.

“I wish, but then I’ll remember the kids who're so happy to see me whenever I drop by,” you say. “They may be a handful at times, but you’ll be surprised to know just how smart and caring they are. How they take in their surroundings and attempt to figure out who they are. We’re all what they have. The least we could do is give them our time and love all the same.”

Kenji lets your words sink in. Simple and touching. The kind that gets the gears in his head to start twisting.

“You really are a charm with your words; did you know that?”  

“Thanks; I try my best.”

The night continues with Kenji and Emi playing baseball on a simulated field with you by the shed, cheering on from a safe distance. Kenji doesn’t remember the last time he’s been this genuinely happy after his return to Japan. It’s a refreshing feeling that he wants to get used to again. To see the baby Kaiju successfully hit the ball with a swift swing after watching after him is a sight that tugs at one’s heartstrings.

Just like a proud father.

“Come on, girl! We gotta run the bases!”

And as the two celebrate their moment of triumph, the baby Kaiju stomps toward you and giggles happily as she hoists you in the air without much warning. You took it all in you not to shriek and absolutely lose all composure, but when you’re up in the air and are being held to a bear hug like some sort of teddy bear by a Kaiju that could probably crush your bones if not careful, it’s hard to not just scream for your life.

“Oh, ok—ok. Baby, put me down gently, please,” you chuckle nervously. 

“It appears that the little one sees you as her other mother,” Mina adds.

Kenji laughs at the sight, pulling out his phone to take a picture. This is definitely a memory he’d want to remember.

“This is not funny, Kenji. Tell her to put me down.”

“Aw, is Baby not listening to her Mommy?”

“Again, not funny. This is like an out-of-the-blue co-parenting a child with you. With you being my annoying ex-husband.”

“Specific, eh?”

“Shut!”

When you’re just about to leave for the night, Kenji suggests that you sleep over. There’s a lot of spare bedrooms in their manor, he reasons. He also doesn’t understand what came over him to offer, but he doesn’t take it back.

But it could be because he’s missed you. And he’s somewhat afraid that this may be the last time you see each other in a while due to your clashing schedules.

“You’re such a girl dad, Kenji,” you tease.

“Haha, good one,” he says, rolling his eyes at you. He took a couple of blankets from the closet and placed them on the bed.

“Just saying.”

“Whatever you say, Mommy.”

“Oh hush, Daddy.”

That ringed out a laugh from him. “Bleh, that sounds so embarrassing coming from you.”

You shrugged. “Hm? Don’t you think you’re embarrassing too?”

“I’m not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too. I will not be going back and forth like this with you anymore, Kenji Sato. Good night!”

Kenji can’t hide the smile that appears on his face. Yeah, he definitely missed this. 

Definitely missed you.

SEUMYO © 2024. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, PLAGIARIZE, MODIFY OR TRANSLATE.

My Tears Ricochet - f1 grid x indycar!reader

+summary: after a devastating end of a six-year relationship, she decided a change was needed. a change that ultimately brings her more opportunities, and she even finds love in an unexpected place. +pairing: f1 grid x indycar!driver +warnings: cheating, curse words, pregnancy, betrayal, mentions sexism, mentions misogyny, etc. If I missed something, let me know. face claim: tony breidinger dedicated to @fangirl-dot-com. They helped me so much whenever I got stuck. I highly recommend them. Their fics are so good. I do not give my permission to have my work reposted. I do not give my permission to have my work translated. If I'm notified that you've stolen my work or claim it as your own, you'll be asked to take it down before I'll report you. End of discussion.

The way Wyatt became possessive over his phone when before he'd always let her use it was concerning, but she brushed it off thinking maybe it was just a one-time thing. Then she noticed whenever she stepped into the room, and he was on the phone, he'd leave or if they were in the room together and his phone rang, he'd get up and answer it in a different room. The thought of him cheating on her crossed her mind at one point, but he wouldn't do that, right?

Right? Wrong.

Stepping into the house after a long flight, all she wanted to do was take a nice hot shower to scrub off the airport griminess and cuddle with Wyatt on the couch, but walking through the house, she noticed articles of clothing strewn about. 'That's weird' she thought to herself. Her ears picked up moaning sounds coming from their shared bedroom. Hearing lewd sounds like that made her blood run cold. Wyatt was cheating on her, but with whom?

Opening the door to their bedroom, she was met with Wyatt having her barely eighteen-year-old sister, Elizabeth, bent over the side of the bed.

"What the hell is going on?!"

Wyatt pushed Elizabeth forward, letting her hit the mattress. "Y/n, babe, this isn't what it looks like."

"Really? Because to me it looks like you were just balls deep in my sister." her eyes darted to said sister who's twirling her hair in-between her fingers and kicking her feet back and forth all with a smug look on her face. "And you! You're my sister. How could you do this to me?"

"I've loved him for years and it wasn't fair that you had him all to yourself."

"So, you thought it was a good idea for you to sleep with him?! Do you hear yourself?"

Elizabeth got up from the bed and walked over to Wyatt, wrapping her arms around his waist. "It's not the first time we've slept together."

"What does she mean, Wyatt?"

"Go ahead, babe. Tell her, or I will," Wyatt looking down at his feet hesitating to tell her was everything she needed to know that whatever's been going on between the two of them has been going on for a while. "Since he won't say anything, we've been together for eight months."

"Eight months?!?! Un-fucking-believable."

"Is now a bad time to say I'm pregnant- wait, what are you doing?" Elizabeth asked, watching as y/n left the bedroom, muttering under her breath about how her own sister was a backstabbing, home wrecking whore.

"I'm picking yours and his clothes up off the floor and throwing them in the trash where they belong."

"You can't do that!"

"Seeing as this is my house, I can do what I want and I'm just cleaning up the mess you left behind as per usual."

"But-"

Y/n walked over to the front door, opening it and gestured for her to leave. "I don't care where you go, or who you go to, because you are no longer welcomed here."

With no other choice, Elizabeth dug hers and Wyatt's clothes out of the trash and got dressed. Once they were gone, she wasted no time in reaching for her rather expensive tequila and drank it straight from the bottle.

"Who needs boyfriends when you have a sister like Elizabeth."

liked by josefnewgarden, scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, and 1,239,512 others

yourinstagram italy photo dump.

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josefnewgarden where was my invite?

⤷ yourinstagram it got lost in the mail.

user1 I find it a little weird that she's in Maranello 🤔

⤷user2 everyone takes a vacation to Maranello, so it's not that weird.

⤷user1 maybe but wearing a Ferrari jacket and going to the Ferrari Museum and then taking a picture of the prancing horse? its sus to me.

user3 If you go to formula one, I swear to God I'll scream.

*liked by yourinstagram*

⤷user4 Y/N LIKED?!?

⤷user5 this pretty much confirms she's going to f1.

user6 that jacket is sooooo cute!

ScuderiaFerrari red looks good on you.

*liked by yourinstagram*

⤷user7 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

user8 there's a reason why there hasn't been a woman in formula one in thirty-three years.

⤷user9 and its because formula one is for men and not women.

⤷user10 if she does to f1, she'll choke under the pressure and go back to indycar.

She'd be lying if she said listening to the Ferrari higher ups talk about what was expected of her once she signed the contract wasn't lowkey terrifying. Ferrari was the dream team. A team every driver wanted to be a part of because of its past successes and rich history. And who wouldn't want to join the likes of Fangio, Lauda, Prost and Schumacher in the Ferrari Hall of fame?

"You with us, y/n?" her lawyer set his hand on her shoulder, getting her attention.

"I'm sorry, but can you repeat that?"

"As we were saying, Ferrari goes deeper than just a brand of car. Many individuals have joined over the years, but many have also cracked under the pressure. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Oh! Definitely."

"If you're so sure, then sign away," Fred slid the contract over the sleek oak table and handed her a pen, hurriedly signing her name on the dotted line. As she set the pen down, it hit her. She was, as of that moment, a formula one driver for Scuderia Ferrari.

She stood up, shaking everyone's hand, stopping at Fred. "Thank you for taking a chance on me. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't." The small French man smiled. "Now, would you like a tour?"

Nodding her head, an older Ferrari employee guided them to the door and started going from room to room, talking intensively about anything and everything Ferrari. It was one thing to see pictures of past drivers and read their achievements, but to lay eyes on the multiple rows of championship winning cars was another. It only made the excitement grow.

That same Ferrari employee saw Charles and immediately waved him over. "Charles! Mate, come meet your new teammate!"

When their eyes met, it was like everything slowed down. It felt as if no one else was in the room but them. Just then, a warm, fuzzy feeling washed over her, and a small flutter of butterflies tickled inside her body. Was this love at first sight? But she just met Charles. There's no way she could possibly fall in love with her new teammate Right?

The corners of the Monegasques' mouth curved into a grin. "I'm Charles."

"I'm Y/n."

His trainer and the Ferrari employee exchanged looks and knew something special had happened between the two drivers. No one looks at someone like that and does not end up together.

"As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I got to get going. We should get together sometime and get to know each other since we're going to be teammates."

"I'd love that!"

They swapped phones, putting each other's numbers in. As the tour continued, she looked over her shoulder and watched him walk away, completely ignoring the Ferrari employee. The season couldn't start fast enough.

liked by yourinstagram, charles_leclerc, josefnewgarden and 4,325,124 others.

scuderiaferrari pushing past expectations and shattering glass ceilings, y/n y/ln makes history by being the first woman since Giovanna Amati in 1992 to race in formula one. Everyone here at Ferrari can't wait to see what you achieve!

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yourinstagram racing for Ferrari has always been a dream of mine since I was a kid and now that's coming to fruition feels amazing. thank you for this opportunity.

⤷scuderiaferrari 🥰❤️

user1 time to stop watching formula one.

⤷user2 if you're going to stop watching formula one all because a woman joined the grid, then that's says a lot about you as a person.

charles_leclerc the season can't start fast enough!

*liked by yourinstagram*

user3 while I'm sad to see her leave IndyCar, I'm excited to see her race in formula one.

lewishamilton this is not only inspirational to me, but many women who want to get into motorsports, or even formula one, but don't because of the rampant sexism and misogyny. I know your career in formula one is going to bright!

⤷yourinstagram you have no idea how much this means to me!

user4 with charles and y/n Ferrari will be unstoppable.

*liked by scuderiaferrari*

user5 Ferrari dominance will bore people.

user6 Ferrari wdc and wcc confirmed!

part two will have ALL the drama.

tagging:

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @patzammit @tinycyberhacker @keenmarvellover @mrspeacem1nusone @lendeluxe @alexxavicry @allenajade-ite @catswag22 @eugene-emt-roe @wcnorris @bibissparkles @cherry-piee @khaylin27 @evie-119

ʜᴀɴɢɪɴɢ ʙʏ ᴀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴀᴅ | emperor geta

pairing: emperor geta x fem!reader

summary: the fates spin the thread of destiny, and mortals have no choice but to follow its path. you have other plans.

➺‘the fates, who give men at their birth both evil and good to have, and they pursue the transgressions of men and gods… until they punish the sinner with a sore penalty’ - theogony, hesiod ➺‘whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time’ - marcus aurelius

A/N: i watched gladiator ii, devoured all the geta fics i could find (ty writers for feeding me <3) and i’m still ravenous. the man is gnawing at me from my insides so i had no choice but to get typing. haven’t written for like a yr so bear with me. if this flops it never happened xx

warnings: mention of miscarriage (not reader's), period-typical misogyny, morally ambiguous reader bc she’s fighting for her life out here. she’s just a girl fr :( YOU try being a girlie in ancient rome :/ enjoy !!

w/c: 5.9k

latin translations: fatum - fate, carissima - dear, domina - my lady

As the moon ascends in wake of the sun’s descent, the gilded walls of the imperial palace glint softly in the moonlight. Glorious tapestries line these walls, each one telling the tale of hallowed heroes, of terrible tyrants and of revered rulers. The history of the Roman Empire.

Their patterns, depicting stories of both rise and ruin, are woven by none other than the three Fates. One Fate spins the thread, and an heir is born. Another Fate weaves it, and a battle is won. The last Fate cuts, and an emperor meets his end.

As three pairs of hands work nimbly in the heavens, another tapestry begets itself in the mortal realm, where our story takes place.

From a tender age, you had been taught to believe in fate.

Fatum.

You had first learnt the word as a little one.

You’d been a curious creature, like most children are. Sheltered from the terrors of the world, your appetite for life was insatiable. You’d wake up with a hunger for new knowledge about the world around you, and go to bed still hungry for more, no matter what had transpired during the day. Thus, you found it impossible to go to sleep of your own accord - you relied on your mother’s bedtime stories to satisfy your appetite, and lull you into slumber.

Perched by your bedside with a gentle hand stroking your hair, she regaled you with the tale of Rome’s beginnings. A tale of abandonment, wolf-mothers and fratricide. Enough thrill to tire you out, she hoped. To her chagrin, she looked down to find widened eyes, without a trace of sleep in them, staring up at her expectantly. Instead, your eyes shone bright with the excitement of unanswered questions.

She sighed fondly before prompting you to talk. “Yes, carissima?”

And so the floodgates opened. You fired her with questions with all the sternness of a Roman general, and she listened intently with all the patience of a loving mother.

Why did the king try to kill the babies? Why didn’t the wolf eat the babies?

And finally, taking great care to be gentle, you placed a tiny hand on her rounded belly and asked the most burning question. Why did Romulus kill his brother? Your innocent mind struggled to comprehend it. You hadn’t even met your little sibling yet, and you already couldn’t fathom the idea of bringing harm to him. Or her, you thought, but your father had insisted that all refer to the babe as the male heir he so desperately desired it to be.

“Fatum,” was the simple answer she supplied. “Without the king’s cruelty, without the wolf’s mercy, without Remus’ death, our great city would never have been built.”

Eyes shining with knowledge yet untold, her gaze held yours. “Whatever happens to you, has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time,” she quoted, a tone of finality in her voice.

As well-loved children do, you’d lapped up your mother’s answer as readily as the twin babes lapped the wolf’s milk.

You had first witnessed fatum some years later, at the age of twelve.

On the brink of adolescence, much about you had changed compared to the little girl having bedtime stories told to her. Much except one. Age hadn’t quelled your curiosity - if anything, it had grown.

You’d exhausted all the resources available to a girl of your standing. You’d read enough philosophical texts to debate with Aristotle himself, asked questions faster than your tutors could find answers and yet, you knew there was much more that the world had to offer. So, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

With age had also come a newfound deviance. Observant as you were, you’d learned that there was much to be gained with certain types of information - if you knew how to use it to your advantage.

As such, you’d taken to eavesdropping on your father’s meetings with his fellow senators from behind a pillar. For weeks on end, they had spoken of a play becoming popular amongst patricians and plebeians alike. Oedipus.

At the centre of their discussion was a ploy to ban the play from being performed. Abhorrent, they had called it. A threat to their authority, if the people are led to believe that even kings are subject to a thing as fickle as fate. At that statement, your eyes twinkled with mischief and a devious smile found its way to your face - you were determined to see this for yourself.

So, on the fateful night you caught your older cousin in the arms of a man bearing no resemblance to her betrothed, you knew you’d struck gold.

Desperate to protect her reputation and far too embarrassed to berate you for sleuthing around when you should have been asleep, she’d hastily agreed to the terms of your silence. She would sneak you into the city’s amphitheatre to watch the next production of Oedipus, if you swore to secrecy.

And so your plan commenced. Hidden under the large folds of her toga, you observed the story unfolding before you. The mighty king of Thebes brought to his knees by the tragic fate he’d tried to escape, to no avail.

A real spectacle, the performance elicited emotions from you that were both old and new. In a short two hours you’d been perplexed, horrified, scandalised. You’d learned quickly why you had to be sneaked in - fate wasn’t the only mature theme you were educated on that night.

But you only came to understand fatum when it took the person dearest to you, two summers ago.

Pregnant again, the fifth time that you could remember, your mother had taken ill. Perilously ill. After years of unsuccessful attempts to produce an heir - one daughter, two miscarriages and two stillbirths - she had breathed her last. In her womb? The son your father demanded of her. The son he had longed for. Prayed to the gods for. What else could bring forth such a tragic end, if not the hands of the Fates?

Now a grown woman, the beliefs your mother had impressed upon you would soon be tested. Left with no living sons to continue his legacy and no living wife to bring forth such living sons, your father’s lofty political aspirations could only be fulfilled through his daughter. You.

Your father wasted no time in advancing his plans.

After a long day spent praying at the temple of Pluto, you had been ready to wind down and relax. A good distance away from the centre of the city and situated atop a number of hills, a trip there takes up the whole day. You had set out at dawn, and as the sun set over the Tiber river to bring forth dusk, your shadow darkened the entrance of your family villa.

Exhausted both emotionally and physically, your body went through the motions of preparing yourself for supper, but your mind remained absent - occupied with thoughts of what could have been and what will never be.

After your bath you called for your maid and allowed her to dress you, head still in the clouds. It was only when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the bronze mirror atop your vanity that you noticed something was amiss.

Your eyes squinted as you inspected the image reflected on the polished surface.

“Why have you dressed me in these garments? I wish to wear my usual attire.”

You wore a tunic, the draped garment secured by an ornate brooch resembling an owl, with eyes made of precious gems. Nothing out of the ordinary.

What was out of the ordinary, was the saffron yellow hue of the tunic — since your mother’s passing you had been in mourning and thus only wore dark colours. A fact well-known by your maid, who dressed you day and night.

The hands fastening the brooch falter as she gathers a response.

“My apologies, Domina.” She stepped back, head bowed in deference. “I assumed you would revert to your previous wardrobe, seeing as yesterday marked the end of…” She trailed off meekly, allowing you to fill in the blanks.

The previous day had marked a year since your mother’s passing, and thus the end of the customary mourning period. As such, it would be socially acceptable for you to appear happy and content again, reflected in the abandonment of deep plums and drab greys for sunny yellows and bold blues. You supposed it was not odd for her to assume you desire to don brighter colours.

But upon closer inspection, your suspicion rose again. Detailed with beautiful patterns and made of the smoothest damask money could buy, the tunic was much too elaborate for a simple family dinner in the villa. The last time you wore it was to a relative’s wedding, where your father made a point of telling anyone who would listen just how much it had cost to import the material from China.

You poised yourself to question her further, but the words died on the tip of your tongue when you saw the pleading look she gave you.

“Please, Domina.”

She offered you no further explanation, but the fear in her eyes was explanation enough. She was not doing this of her own accord, but under instruction. And if you knew your father well, under strict instruction.

Whatever plans he had for you, you knew you would have little to no choice in the matter.

Wordlessly, you acquiesced and allowed her to continue. You did not protest when she brushed, braided and pinned your hair into an elaborate updo. You were compliant when she lined your eyes with kohl and blotted your lips with mulberry juice.

Primped and primed like a prized show horse, you dismissed your maid, sat by the window and awaited your fate.

Not long passed before the sound of a male timbre filled the room.

“It appears your outfit is missing something.”

You turned to the direction of the voice to see your father standing in the doorway. Instinctively, you stood to your feet - less as a show of respect and more because you were used to being on guard in his presence.

In his hands he held a translucent, gauzy material, sheer in nature and vibrant in colour, that was all too familiar to you.

Your mother’s favourite veil.

Usually fixed firmly atop her head during special occasions - festivals, birthdays, weddings and the like - you could recognise it from a mile away. Growing up, you had associated this veil with womanhood itself. You would traipse around the corridors of the villa with it wrapped around your head haphazardly, the excess fabric trailing behind you as you ran as fast as your little legs could carry you.

What a foreign sight it was to see it in the hands of your father. And what a foreign sight it was to see him in your chambers.

Following your mother’s passing, the two of you had not conversed beyond what was formally required of you, your already fragile relationship fracturing completely. Yet here he was, extending a peace offering. An olive branch.

Pleased as you were to receive it, you were not foolish enough to believe this to be a genuinely affectionate gesture. A politician through and through, your father was no stranger to symbolic gestures, and he had made no attempts to mend your relationship prior to this moment. This sudden generosity, paired with your extravagant dressing, could only mean one thing.

He wanted something from you.

Now, you had two options. Comply with his request, or comply with his request begrudgingly. You chose the latter, of course. Even if obedience was your only option, you weren’t going to make this easy for him.

You casted him a quick look of derision. “If you wish to barter for my forgiveness with a piece of cloth, I am afraid your efforts have been wasted.”

Unphased, he stepped further into the room.  “Now, now, peace, dear daughter. Let us be civil.” The faux humility in his tone was almost comical.

“Perhaps you feel…wronged by me for holding your mother to a certain standard. But, you must understand that I was simply fulfilling my duties, by encouraging her to fulfil her own. I have particular responsibilities to this family. As do you, now.”

You levelled him with an icy glare, wise enough not to express your discontent verbally, but too headstrong not to express it somehow.

“And even if I have, in some unfathomable way, wronged you; to err is human, to forgive, divine.” 

After knowing him for as long as you did, you knew this was the closest thing to an apology you would get. You also knew your father was a talented orator - it’s how he gained a large enough political following to join the Senate, after all. And so you prepared yourself to be subjected to one of his moving speeches.

“It is common knowledge that women are the weaker sex,” What a great way to start, you snarked to yourself. “Yet, I have always seen a unique strength in you. Not physical strength, of course, but a mental fortitude. Since you were a young girl you have been willful, stubborn,” he took a step closer to you with each word, purple-lined toga brushing the floor as he advanced. 

As he said the last word, he gave you a knowing look. “Nosy.”

You failed to hide your shock. “Oh yes, I saw you slinking around behind the pillars.” He waved a hand dismissively. “It matters not, now. In fact, whatever dregs of information you picked up from eavesdropping on my discussions may soon prove useful.”

His face was a picture of smugness, with an eyebrow cocked and the corners of his mouth upturned as if he knew something you didn’t. With just a few sentences he had complimented you (even if it was backhanded), revealed that he knew your secret, and teased you with a nugget of information. The perfect combination to make you anticipate his next words.

Silence filled the room as he kept you in suspense, mind whirring as you mulled over his cryptic words. 

One hand held your mother’s veil in front of him, while the other caressed its folds delicately. His eyes had a faraway look in them that suggested his mind had travelled to another time.

“Your mother was a strong woman. Not strong enough in the end, regrettably, but strong nonthele-”

“Don’t.” You interjected. “You will not sully her memory with your caustic words.”

His lips spread into a diplomatic smile, but the twitch of his eye betrayed the irritation he felt. Belligerent as he was, he ignored your outburst and continued. 

“Unlike her, you have the makings of a lady of great influence. Much like me, you have the mind for politics. That potential lies latent within you.”

With a gentleness you wished was also reflected in his words, he draped the veil over your head. “I advise you not to waste it, dear daughter, and suffer the fate of lesser women.”

You scoffed at his words, readjusting the veil so it rested perfectly atop your head and shoulders. “And how do you suggest I fulfil this…potential? The Senate is not exactly welcoming of women.”

Well-pleased that your interest had been piqued, he finally reveals his true intentions.

“Accompany me to the imperial banquet tonight. We will celebrate the successful conquest of Britannia.”

“I do not care for banquets, nor do I spare a thought for conquests.”

“You may not care for military conquests, but this banquet itself is a conquest of the political sort. In my experience, much more is won with words, than with swords. And tonight’s event presents an opportunity for much gain.”

Again with the cryptic words.

“Allow me to present you to the Emperors. Your face is comely enough to garner their attention, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, some men find opinionated girls like you to be charming.” 

Is he insinuating what you think he is?, you thought incredulously. Surely not.

“The Senate may not be the place for women, but the Senate is not the only facilitator of politics. Why not practice your politics from Palatine Hill?”

There was no mistaking it. He intended to make an Empress of you. Equally as curious as you were sceptical, you decided to test his logic.

“Beauty is fleeting. Charm wanes with time. How would I maintain their favour?”

“That, dear daughter, is up to you. I am certain you will find a way, formidable as you are.”

While it pained you to admit it, he was right. You and your father were more alike than different, what with your scheming and blackmailing. Besides, you were formidable. You were cunning. You were capable.

There may be greater things in store for you yet.

And those greater things began with this banquet.

Upon arrival, you were met with the most magnificent sight you had ever seen. Sat proudly upon Palatine Hill, the palace looked like the image your mind conjured when picturing Olympus. After ascending the intimidating number of steps that led to the entrance, you truly felt like you’d ascended to the land of the gods. Wherever you looked there was amazing artwork that instilled equal parts awe and fear in you. 

Look up, and there were grand arches to behold. Look to the side, and the spectacular frescoes offered a feast for the eyes. Look down, and there were beautifully designed floor mosaics you almost felt bad for stepping on.

As you passed through into the atrium, it was much the same. Ostentatiously decorated, it boasted gilded walls and glorious tapestries, each feature a testament to the Emperors’ opulence, and Rome’s riches.

But it was impossible to focus fully on the artwork with the room heaving as it was. Eyes darting from one person to another with every passing second,  you were captivated by the spectacle the hoard of partygoers presented. Something seemed to be happening in every square foot of the room, each guest having their fill of whatever their vice of choice was for the night. Wine was in abundance, giving way to loose lips, and scantily-clad whores prowled about in the shadows, giving way to loose purse strings.

You had been to your fair share of lavish affairs, but this was a whole new world of revelry.

Between the loud percussion of the musicians’ instruments, the aroma of the heavily seasoned foods and the leering gazes of overexcited men, you began to feel overstimulated. You stuck close to your father as he led you into the heart of the throng, finding comfort in the familiar when surrounded by the foreign. Better the devil you know.

Oblivious to your discomfort, he reprimands you under his breath. “Stop clinging to me like a child, lest our venture fail before it has even begun.”

You’d been so taken by your surroundings that you hadn’t registered where your father was leading you to. Now you stood in front of the two men at the centre of this affair, who were seated majestically upon a golden threaded couch. You prayed you didn’t look like the bewildered little girl you certainly felt like. 

With a grand, sweeping gesture of his hand, your father bowed. 

“Imperators, what an honour it is to partake in these…wondrous celebrations with your Majesties.”

“Senator,” one of them said, voice smooth like honey but with an edge that demanded caution. His face bore a smile, but his tone was calm and measured. “What a pleasure it is to see you.” The twitch of his eyebrow suggested otherwise. “In a more agreeable mood, might I add.” The man beside him sniggers.

More agreeable? Whatever could that mean? For the second time in one night you found yourself deciphering cryptic words. Father must have angered the Emperors, somehow. 

“And you’ve brought…” He trailed off, looking at your father expectantly.

“Yes, Emperor Geta, Emperor Caracalla,” with a single clap and an officious clearing of his throat he stepped to the side, no longer obscuring their vision of you. “May I present my daughter…”

You managed to regain your composure, exhibiting a grace only a lady of the upper echelons of society could possess when you sunk into a deep curtsy. Lifting your gaze, you were met with the hair-raising sensation of being observed. Not just observed – scrutinised.  

A pair of eyes, deep brown like rich soil, trailed over your form. The man that addressed your father with contempt - Geta. His brows furrowed as he took the sight of you in. Lined with kohl much like yours, his eyes were smouldering in their examination.

Another pair, red-rimmed and cloudy with the haze of inebriation, were the perfect contrast. The man that sniggered - Caracalla. With irises of a cold blue hue, they would have been intimidating if they belonged to a face other than his, what with his rosy rounded cheeks and seemingly perpetual impish grin. 

Despite their differences, the relation between the men was clear as day. Flaming locks of hair and the gold laurels that circled their heads confirmed their identities. These were the infamous twin tyrants.

But it wasn’t just the weight of their eyes that you felt. Lounging around the couch in various positions and in varying states of undress, was an entourage of courtesans. You did your best to avert your gaze, as theirs bore into you. 

And what a pleasant sight you were. Adorned with ornate jewellery and clad in the finest of silks, you were easily one of the best dressed at the banquet. Before a word had been uttered, your appearance relayed a message – you were a lady of fine stature, more than accustomed to luxury and thus, would be well-suited to palace life.

Well-suited to be Empress.

Not taking any chances, your father decided not to leave anything up for interpretation.

He began listing your virtues as if reading from a handbook - 100 Things to Look For in a Roman Wife. He spoke of your piety, your beauty, your fertility. With every trait of yours that was mentioned, you grew increasingly more irate and keeping the docile smile on your face became increasingly more difficult. 

“...and lest I forget, she is most gifted with the lyre-”

“How quaint.” Caracalla interrupted, a peal of childish laughter bubbling from his lips. “He presents his daughter’s hand as if he is lobbying for a law to be passed!”

Geta scoffed, “Or a conquest to be forfeited.”

At this, Caracalla doubled over in laughter, the overfilled cup of wine in his hand threatening to spill over the rim with every jostle of his frame. Clearly there’s a joke you’re missing here.

There’s a wicked glint in Geta’s eyes that tells you this joke has guile. 

“Three sennights have lapsed since you last stood before us, spewing nonsense about abandoning our pursuit of Britannica.” The vitriol that coated his voice strung a discordant note in the mellifluous tune of his brother’s continuous laughter. “Yet here you stand in your Emperors’ palace,” he gestured at the ongoing frivolities. “Drinking and making merry with spoils from the very war you so vehemently opposed.” 

Ah. It finally clicked. From what you had picked up from your father and his associates’ discussions, you knew that this conquest had long since been under contention among the Senators. The campaign was taking longer than anticipated, and required more reinforcements than expected. The Roman force was fatigued. At home, the starving plebeians of Rome were one famine away from revolting, and without the full support of the army, politicians relied on empty promises to appease their constituents and maintain order. Yet, the Emperors were adamant on expanding Rome’s borders.

For whatever reason, at the last Senate meeting three weeks ago your father had been the unfortunate soul to suggest that the troops should draw back. And now he stood before them at the celebration of the successful conquest, presenting you as a bargaining chip to secure his pardon. Opposing the Emperors was costly, and he decided you were going to pay that price on his behalf.

Geta leaned his head on his hands as he asked, “Tell me, Senator, what makes you think you will triumph this time?”

You watched your father’s reaction with bitter disbelief. For the first time in your life, your silver-tongued father, the man that had landed you this fate, floundered for words.

Fine. If this was the hand dealt to you, so be it. But you were going to do this your way.

“Your Majesties,” At the sound of your sweet voice, Geta’s gaze affixed itself to your face. Instantly, he was beguiled. “If I may…” 

With the slow incline of his head, you were permitted to speak. 

“I know little of war,” you feigned ignorance. “But I do know that defying the odds to bring glory to Rome is no small feat.” Preening at your praise, Geta leaned forward in his seat, a silent encouragement for you to continue. “Rome and her citizens are fortunate to be led by you, Imperators, and I am grateful to be in the presence of such wise rulers.”

His mouth spread into a self-satisfied smirk. “I bask in your praises, my lady. It pleases me to see that someone in your family has a semblance of loyalty to the powers above them” A pointed look was shot at your father. “You see, all those that oppose their Emperors,” His venomous gaze roved over the group of Senators shifting uneasily as they watched this ordeal. “Will soon learn that there is only one way for a man to wield power.” He held up his index finger for emphasis and paused for suspense. “War.”

With all the self-assurance of a man that has never truly been challenged, he stalked towards you.

“What other power can bring a man to his knees and cause him to surrender?”

“I can think of nothing greater than war!” Caracalla piped up from behind him.

“Yes, brother.” Geta held his cup of wine up in agreement. “By no other means can a man wield such power. I am sure my lady agrees?” He offered his right hand, each finger as bejewelled as the next.

The ultimatum he presented you with was clear. Kiss the ring, let all be forgiven and allow this encounter to end pleasantly. Refuse the ring, and…well, don’t refuse the ring.

But compliance was predictable, and would only get you so far. Your beauty and charm had ignited a spark of interest in him, but that wasn’t enough. You needed that spark to burst into a flame.

With swan-like grace you knelt before him and take his hand, smiling inwardly when his eyes followed your descent with rapture. You didn’t miss his quick intake of breath when you halted your movements to look up and meet his eye, lips an inch away from the stunning signet ring.

“Upon second thought,” You tilted your head as if considering his words. “There exists another power great enough to make a man kneel in surrender.” At your bold words, the hand you held tightened around your fingers until he had a firm grip of your hand. “A power so great, even Emperors are not immune.”

Gasps of shock came from the onlookers sober enough to process what they had heard.

“Impertinence!” Caracalla’s cry of protest tore you from the captivity of his brother’s gaze. 

“Forgive my daughter, she oversteps her bounds.” Your father spat the words out and fixed you with a look of warning, a late and unappreciated attempt to de-escalate the night’s proceedings.

With a wave of Geta’s hand, his words were dismissed. For the sake of keeping your resolve, you pretended not to see the Praetorians return their drawn swords to their scabbards.

You returned to the intense stare of brown eyes narrowed in… intrigue? Suspicion? You weren’t sure, but you had his attention. 

“And what power would that be?”

Your gentle smile had him entranced. “The strike of a drum, the strum of a lyre’s strings. Music, my Imperator, holds much power.”

See, while your father was busy waxing lyrical about you, you had been studying Geta closely. As he listened to others speak, his fingers unconsciously tapped the thigh of the courtesan perched on the arm of the couch. But they were not tapping any old rhythm – they tapped to the beat of the percussion in the background. The ring your lips had puckered up to kiss was not embossed with an imprint of Ares, the god of war, but Apollo, god of music. Geta the Emperor championed conflict and violence, but Geta the man held music dear.

Rich eyes twinkled as his laugh rang in your ears. “Ah, yes. Your father mentioned your skill with the lyre. He failed to mention your humour.” He didn’t believe you.

“I assure you, Imperator, my lyre-playing is unparalleled.” You indulged him with a coy smile.

“You believe you would best our most talented musician? That your playing would put your Emperors’ finest to shame?” He challenged your claim.

“Given the chance, I would outplay each of the Nine Muses,” you asserted boldly. You rose to his challenge.

His eyes gleamed with ardour as he regarded your statement with a raised brow. “I await the day I hear you play with baited breath, my lady.”

“It would be my pleasure, my liege.”

Not risking any more excitement, you curtsied and took your father’s arm as he guided you towards the outskirts of the atrium, and away from watching eyes. He wasted no time expressing his displeasure.

“Have you lost your senses, girl? Has some strange plague come over your mind?!” He released an exasperated sigh. “You should have held that tongue of yours.”

 “Oh, and left you there, stammering like a bumbling fool? Father,” you uttered the paternal term without an ounce of familial affection. “You entrusted this ploy into my hands, so leave it there.”

Anger flashed across his face like a clap of thunder. Before he could berate you for your indolence, however, a piercing shriek stole the moment.

You pushed through the crowd to see the commotion, weaving past bodies stilled with shock at whatever it is they were witnessing. When you got to the centre, you were met with a most harrowing display of fraternal discord.

Geta lay sprawled out on the marble floor, the corded muscle of his limbs tensing as he strained to hold back the man towering over him, wielding a dagger above his head. Caracalla. 

At first glance one may have supposed this fray was borne of anger, but with the spittle flying out of gritted teeth that gnashed and snarled like those of some inhuman beast, the incoherent stream of words and the crazed look in his eyes, it was clear that he did not have full agency of his person.

The rumours were true. He was having one of his infamous episodes.

Your eyes darted from Praetorian to Praetorian, waiting for one of them, any of them to take action. Their hands rested on the hilt of their swords, hesitation rooting them to their spots. To raise a hand against Caracalla would be treason, punishable by death. To ignore the distress of Geta would be treason, also punishable by death. They were at an impasse.

The chatter of mingling guests and the ambience of the musicians’ instruments had long since stopped, leaving the grunts of the brothers to take their place. All watched on in stunned silence, revelers turned horrified spectators.

Their scrambling continued. Geta managed to hook a leg around Caracalla’s ankle, toppling him over to join him on the cold marble. Wine cups clanged as they were knocked to the ground, collateral. The cacophony of sound nearly masked the sound of Geta’s desperate plea.

“Break the spell! Break the spell!”

Moved by an impetus you couldn’t explain, you barreled further through the crowd until you reached the musicians’ corner. You grabbed the lyre from the hands of the bard (who was too focused on the ongoing tumult to protest), and started strumming the tune of a nursery rhyme favoured by Roman children both rich and poor. 

Dulcet tones and sweet symphonies echoed through the chamber as you sang of Rome’s rolling hills, of fair maidens awaiting the return of brave soldiers, of the Tiber River’s ebb and flow. Those around you listened intently, enraptured. They stepped aside, clearing a path for you towards the quarreling brothers. You walked forward as you sang, and as you reached the last verse you stood a few feet away from where they squirmed, limbs akimbo. 

From your position you saw the exact moment the muscles in Caracalla’s face relaxed, and his body went limp. He released a weak whimper better-suited to an injured animal than the tyrannical emperor he was rumoured to be. Eyes fixed on you over his brother’s shoulder, he dropped the dagger as if compelled. Tears began to run down his face as he wailed, balling himself up into a foetal position. When they noticed his change in disposition, his entourage took the chance to spirit him away from the room. 

The final note of your song rang out. A beat passed as everyone came to, as if they too were held captive in a trance. Then, a slow, steady clap from one became a roaring applause, your fellow guests lauding your performance as if it had been planned. 

Chest heaving from exertion, Geta used a three-legged (formerly four-legged) stool to pull himself from the floor and adjusted his toga. At the raise of his hand, the clapping stopped. Flopping back to sit on the couch, he gestured for you to come forward. His expression was inscrutable. 

Before you could scrape together an apology, or some sort of explanation, you were utterly disarmed by the grin that spread across his face. 

“My lady,” He huffed between words, still catching his breath. “I stand corrected. It appears your flair with the lyre is equally as bewitching as your looks.”  

Your cheeks heated up at his confession of attraction towards you. “It pleases me that you think of me so, my Emperor.”

“Mmm.” He hummed, dark eyes taking their time to appraise you. “The power to bring a man to his knees can be very dangerous, you know. I believe it would be in the best interest of Rome and her citizens if such power was… managed by the capable hands of their Emperor.”

The chill of deja vu ran down your spine when he extended his hand in your direction. A second invitation to kiss the ring. Most people only get one.

“Wouldn’t you agree?”

As your lips made contact with the cold metal of Apollo’s face and you sealed your fate, you closed your eyes and said a silent prayer. When you opened them again, you found eyes the colour of rich soil searching yours. 

He turned the hand that gripped his and pressed a surprisingly sweet kiss to the back of it. His kisses travelled up your arm, growing more and more fervent, the plush of his lips leaving warmth on every spot they pressed against. He used his hold on you to pull you towards him until you were close enough to smell the heady scent of patchouli mixed with the subtle musk of perspiration, and count the freckles on his speckled cheeks, peeking through the layer of makeup. 

His palm ran up and down your arm repeatedly, inching further up each time.

“You will make a home for yourself here, in these palace walls.” Brown eyes gazed into yours, full of a veneration you couldn’t fathom. “And you shall be my little Muse.” 

As if the troubles of your life thus far had not been a sufficient allotment of suffering, the Fates had now tasked you with weathering the twin tempers of the Emperors Geta and Caracalla. And surviving. Gods help you.

A/N: thank you ever so much for reading ! i'm working on part two so let me know if you want me to post it when it's done <3

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated x

© onyxstyx tumblr 2025

LANDO NORRIS 𖦹 LN4

main masterlist

all i did was bleed as i try to be the greatest soldier

you were there through the highs and the lows, but the moment he chose her over you, you knew that you were fighting a losing battle.

you are the best thing that’s ever been mine

it’s officially the summer break, so the first thing that you both did is to attend the eras tour that has been your shared calendar for the summer.

cause somewhere in the crowd there’s you

you are back again to defend your gold title, and as always, lando’s there to support.

i promise i’m home soon, to give my love to you

with your job being a pilot, it’s hard to attend lando’s races due to your busy schedule, and with this, both of your schedules never really aligned. but this time, you’re set on attending his race at zandvoort no matter what.

overcooked

play overcooked they said, it’ll be fun they said.

just give me one more chance to make it right

winning a race should never feel this empty, but for lando it is. he had pushed you away—the only person that he had ever loved. but now that it’s clear as a daylight, he wants you back more than ever.

he drives me crazy, it’s so beyond me

you’ve been hating on lando for a very long time now, since you were kids to be exact. only to realize that those hatred is only a mask for what you truly feel for him.

babysitting duties

who knew that babysitting your four-year-old niece would make you feel things and imagine a life with lando, with a kid and family of your own. who knew that babysitting your four-year-old niece would make you feel things and imagine a life with lando, with a kid and family of your own.

you could be the one that i love, i could be the one that you dream of

you were fine in supporting your older brother, carlos, from afar. but when he insisted (practically begged) you to come, you can’t help but cave in. you were fine in supporting your older brother, carlos, from afar. but when he insisted (practically begged) you to come, you can’t help but cave in.

now that i’ve found you, i can’t let you go

you never imagined that a silly crush from 2018 would turn into something years after or you and lando are just idiots in love, and letting the nerves gets the better of you every time.

you’re such a rollercoaster, some killer queen you are

it was a random encounter at a club in miami during lando’s first win and all he has to remind him of you was a polaroid.

i’m in love with how this feels

who knew that a simple tiktok trend would leave lando flustered and blushing.

you just pulled a verstappen!

you played a sim racing before, but not really on an actual sim racing setup like lando’s. so when you had the chance, you decided to try it out.

the norris family

a compilation of you and lando’s life of being married.

dog dad lando

just life with lando and your american eskimo named thor.

The Darkness of the night sky (Qimir x reader) - prologue

Summary: Training in the jedi order when you were younger had a lot of perks but also came with disadvantages. When everything was going wrong, meeting him convinced you that the universe was worth living in. All that changed on the wretched night of your birthday. Destruction rattled through your doorstep and many years later, you were found by it once again. With your mind unfocused and your heart in the gutter, the whispers of fate are too influential to be ignored. Pairing: qimir x ex-jedi!female reader Genres: angst, best friends to enemies (i apologize in advance), he fell first and he fell harder, fluff, romance, force-dyad mess Warnings: dark!qimir, yandere!qimir, clueless reader, use of bad language, depression, and anxiety

WC: 1.1k+

——> next part

The day you turned 22 will forever be ingrained into the catacombs of your mind.

It wasn’t a good thing. 

Weeks before that wretched night, you passed the Jedi trails and you were finally a Jedi knight. After many failed attempts and tears, you finally felt relieved knowing you were going to be who you wanted to be.

Although deep down, you felt the uncertainty of your thoughts itching at the back of your mind. constantly, reminding you of your doubts and not to trust any of the Jedis and padawans.

Gasoline was added to your thoughts of uncertainty whenever you decided to fall asleep. Every night, you would lay awake, tossing and turning. The thoughts eating away at your brain while you laid restless in bed, afraid to succumb to the darkness that called to you.

An eery voice would creep out of the shadows, steal your breath, and crawl its way up your spin. Whispering about the chaos that was embedded in the lightness. Describing things in nature that always mirrored darkness. Going on and on about the sun that waits for the darkness of the moon.

The softness of light isn't the only way The desire of darkness can keep you at bay

This mantra was being whispered by an unknown individual as soon as you decide to get sleep every night. The voice haunting you in wakefulness and plaguing your dreams.

The only thing that could help even out your breath was thinking about your fellow Jedi, Qimir. The gracefulness and beauty of Qimir lulled you to bed every night, enabling you to get not more than 2 hours of sleep.

Your mind often used Qimir as an escape to hide away from those dark thoughts. In training and on missions, you thought about Qimir, trying to keep the darkness at bay.

Your heart wrenched, your pulse quickening as you blushed against the silk sheets that adorned your bed.

You mind conjuring up the smile Qimir threw your way that morning. God, you would be in deepest trouble if any jedi caught wind of you daydreaming of Qimir.

This morning, he knocked on your living quarters with a badly decorated cake in his hands. Even though the cake wasn't cute, you thought he was. And that’s all that mattered to you. The light smile that graced his features when you let him into your quarters brought sunshine to your darkest thoughts, and made you freeze at your front door.

That moment had been playing in your mind for a few minutes before the dark shadows clouded your consciousness one again. Grabbing one of your pillows, you screeched into it as you let out your frustrations.

Find the key and you will see Darkness will set you free

Having enough of the whispers that only grew louder, you navigated out of your quarters, and walked around the jedi temple on Coruscant for what felt like hours. Stumbling as the shadows continued to find their way towards you.

It was late at night, with dawn no where near the horizon. The night sky doing little to quench the uneasiness within your spirit. You continued to gaze at the moon, puzzled by its purpose as it brought darkness to the planet. You suddenly wondered how lonely the Moon felt knowing that it would never be able to meet the Sun. Knowing that it would never see the light. Knowing that it would only live in darkness for the rest of its days.

Your thoughts grew darker, matching the dark matter that graced the universe. It was minutes before you attempted to shake the destructive thoughts out of your mind. Lightly patting your robes in order to refresh yourself, you sensed a presence sneak its way up behind you.

Turning around, you were stunned by the presence of Qimir making his way through the garden. Seeing him this late at night caused unwarranted feelings to surface once again. The hunger grew restless inside of you, your eyes unable to stop themselves as they traveled down to his chest.

It was then that you felt something was a miss.

Briefly averting your eyes up, your heart wrenched as you saw the uneasiness weep out from his body language. The Qimir you knew always walked around free and never guarded his surroundings unless he was on missions.

This Qimir in front of you had the same attitude and demeanor of the Qimir you would see in battles. This Qimir was fearless and never stopped until he got what he wanted.

Qimir's hands lightly shook at his sides, the veins of his hands more prominent than usual. Your eyes zeroed in to the beads of sweat shedding from his crisp, black hair. The water making contact with the floors of the temple, creating a melodic beat. As if ready to start a song.

Sensing where your eyes were, Qimir’s fingers went up to wipe the sweat beads off of his forehead.

The gasp that escaped your lungs was like an alarm in the gardens. The oxygen in the air flooding your lungs at an alarming rate. Your back and legs freezing as you registered the blood on the sleeves of Qimir's robes.

Your mouth spoke before you could assess the situation.

"What did you do?!"

Your voice sounded foreign to your ears, the calm atmosphere shedding and taking a dark turn. The uneasiness in your voice did nothing to sway the sudden, dark glint in Qimir's eyes. His face transformed. His expression going from collected to smirking as his eyes navigated the features of your face.

The moonlight did little to hide the calculated footsteps Qimir took towards you, his hands crossing behind his back. His footsteps almost marching towards you. Qimir tucked his bottom lip underneath his upper teeth, his pupils relaxing in the moonlight.

The ice in your legs slowly thawed, finding a way to move backwards as Qimir attempted to invade your personal space.  Within seconds, your back collided with a random pillar in the courtyard. Your right hand paving its way to your light saber. Knowing you would reach for that first, Qimir snatched the saber out of your hands, a few tsk tsk tsk’s escaping under his breathe.

"I did what I had to do.." His face a few centimeters away from yours. Both of your breaths mingling in the cold night.

Drawed in by your expression, Qimir navigated closer, the tip of your nose lightly brushing against his. Your mouth salivating at the thought of what was about to come.

"After all…. the darkness will set you free."

Note: This is a new fic that I will be starting. If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please comment or send me an ask. Thank you for reading and tell me if i have made any grammar/spelling mistakes.

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED! || A masterlist of Nelly’s works for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Be guided with the WARNINGS at the start of each fic and respect the appropriate age restrictions on every piece.

Happy Reading!

« Updated as of January 23, 2023 »

— 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐍

ೃ⁀➷ His Queen

16+ || K'uk'ulkan x Filipino!Reader || In which K'uk'ulkan pays you a visit to ask you to become his queen

ೃ⁀➷ His Timeless Love

18+ || K'uk'ulkan x Reincarnator!Filipino!Reader || In which K’uk’ulkan tells you the story of the four times he fell in love with you and the three times he saw you die.  

ೃ⁀➷ God, King, and Father

16+ || Father!Namor x Daughter!Reader (Familial and Platonic Relationship) || Standalone prequel to “The Request” Series || Coming Soon.

ೃ⁀➷ Rainbow Jasmine

Rating TBA || K'uk'ulkan x Filipino!Diwata!Reader || Coming Soon.

— 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐔𝐌𝐀 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐍

ೃ⁀➷ A Request: Part 1 of “The Request” Series

16+ || Attuma x Talokanil!Princess!Reader || In which Attuma swears his undying loyalty and love for you, even if it meant being as shameless as to declare his love to a princess when he was but a mere warrior.  

ೃ⁀➷ An Order: Part 2 of “The Request” Series

16+ || Attuma x Talokanil!Princess!Reader || In which Attuma would soon realize that his own counsel would put you in jeopardy—bloodied and near death in his arms as you gave him your first order as princess.

ೃ⁀➷ A Vow: Part 3 of “The Request” Series

Rating TBA || Attuma x Talokanil!Princess!Reader || Coming Soon.

— 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑’𝐒 𝐂𝐔𝐓: 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐒

ೃ⁀➷  His Timeless Love: Director’s Cut 1

Did you know? Filipino!Reader had been reincarnated in another timeline but Namor never found her.

ೃ⁀➷  A Request: Director’s Cut 2

Did you know? Princess!Reader was supposed to die in Part 2.

ೃ⁀➷  His Timeless Love: Director’s Cut 3

A deep dive into the phrase “…his hand painting murals upon your barren back.”

ೃ⁀➷  His Timeless Love: Director’s Cut 4

Did you know? Filipino!Reader’s next mission was to save Jose Rizal.

ೃ⁀➷ His Timeless Love and A Request: Director’s Cut 5

“You came.” - “You called.”   ||   Namor’s favorite memories with his daughter   ||   The moment Namor knew Attuma had feelings for reader.

hey, are you still there? 𖦹 LN4

PAIRINGS: lando norris x female!reader

SUMMARY: you know yourself that it’s sad that you settled on being a backburner, but you didn’t mind crisping up on lando’s backburner as long as he still think of you.

REMINDERS: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WARNINGS: no use of y/n, unrequited love(?), open ending, insecurities, reader being treated as a backburner, childhood best friends, christmas angst, luisa, typos, and few grammatical errors.

WORD COUNT: 4.6k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i had always wanted to write this for so long, but i’m not sure how to pen it, but finally, here it is! so far, i’m satisfied. i don’t know much about luisa, but i’m sorry that luisa is kind of villainized in this 🥲 i’m sorry. this is like another christmas one shot, sooo haha i intentionally made it as an open ending bc i want to leave the ending to you, and let me apologize now bc this one shot won’t have a part 2. it just felt right for me to leave it as an open ending and leave the ending up to you. so i hope you’ll enjoy this one!

The glow of the snowy afternoon sun filtered through your apartment windows, casting long, golden shadows across the floor as you sat cross-legged amidst a pile of forgotten keepsakes.

Your plan was simple, really. To declutter, toss out what no longer sparked happiness, and finally reclaim some much-needed space in your small New York apartment. But simplicity soon faded the moment you stumbled upon a memory box that was buried beneath old blankets in the closet. You hadn’t thought about it in years, the worn out wooden edges now slightly faded, but just holding the box again made you feel something deep in your chest.

Sliding the lid of the box open, the faint scent of nostalgia greeted you. There was a mixture of paper and dust that carried you back to another time, another place. Polaroid photographs, ticket stubs, concert tickets, and tiny trinkets spilled out as you began to sift through the box’s contents, fingers brushing against fragments of a life you had once shared with someone who knew you better than anyone. Then you saw it—the camcorder.

It sat nestled at the bottom of the box, its black casing slightly scuffed but still intact, as though it had been waiting for you all these years. The sight of it made your breath catch, fingers hesitant as they wrapped around the familiar shape. A small laugh escaped you, soft and bittersweet, as a wave of memories washed over you.

The camcorder had been a gift from your parents, given to you when you were just a teen. At the time, you had rolled your eyes at the thought of having a camcorder. You were not exactly the type to obsess over gadgets or record everything, but your parents had insisted, saying something along the lines of making memories worth keeping.

You hadn’t even opened the box properly before you had told him about it. Lando had always had a thing for photography, an almost childlike fascination with capturing the world around him. Naturally, he had lit up at the mention of the camcorder. You remembered the way his face had brightened, how he had practically snatched it from your hands when he saw it, excitement radiating from him like it was Christmas morning.

“Trust me,” he said, voice brimming with certainty as he flipped the device open with ease. “This is going to be so much fun, you’ll see.”

And it was.

The camcorder had quickly become his, in everything but name. Lando had used it more than you ever had, his artistic streak shining through in the way he would capture the smallest, most mundane moments and make them feel extraordinary. But what stood out the most was his favorite subject. You.

Every time you hung out, or visited a new place, his focus would inevitably turn to you. At first, you had protested, laughing and batting the camcorder away, but over time, it became a rhythm of sorts. Lando, behind the lens, coaxing your laughter and teasing your smile, and you, rolling your eyes but secretly loving the way he saw you. Through the lens, even the quietest days seemed to feel alive.

You traced a finger along the camcorder’s edges, the faint outline of his fingerprints etched invisibly into its surface. Four years. It had been four years since you had left the UK—four years since you had left him. You told yourself that what you did was for the best, that you needed to grow, chase bigger dreams.

Part of it all was true, but the other part, the one which you didn’t say out loud, was the reason why your chest tightened even now. Was because Lando made you feel too much, and you were not sure you could bear it any longer.

You grabbed your laptop, briefly hesitated over the laptop’s keyboard before finally connecting the camcorder. The familiar chime of recognition echoed through the room as your laptop detected the device, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of nervous anticipation.

It had been years since you last thought about these videos, let alone watched them. As the files began to load, thumbnails filled the screen—tiny, burry windows into the past. You clicked on the first one, and the second is the screen lit up with a younger version of yourself, smiling awkwardly into the lens. Lando’s voice filled the room almost immediately.

“Come on, you can smile better than that!” he teased from behind the camera, chuckling.

Without even realizing it, a small smile tugged at your lips as you watched. The video playing one after another, each one showed a snapshot of your lives back then. There were clips of you on spontaneous trips—forests, city streets, karting, and endless car rides with Lando singing loudly and off-key while you laughed at him.

There were also quieter moments—rainy afternoon when you were sat by your bedroom window, lost in thought, while he filmed you from across the room, calling it aesthetic. Lando captured everything, from the highs to the lows.

The memories felt vivid, almost too vivid, as if you could reach through the screen and relieve those moments. It was the year he had started his Formula 1 career, and the first time you saw him truly chasing his dreams with everything he had, and were beyond proud of him. At the same time, it was also the year you were filling out endless applications to universities in America, unsure of where you wanted to go or what you wanted to do in life. It was like you were both standing on the edge of something new, something big, and it was both thrilling and terrifying.

It was also the year you finally admitted to yourself that what you felt for Lando was no longer just friendship. You had been so close for so long that the shift felt almost imperceptible at first—lingering glance here, flutter in your chest there. But you acknowledged it, there was no going back.

You found yourself looking at him differently, noticing the little things about him that had always been there but suddenly felt so significant. The way how his eyes crinkled when he laughed, his curly hair, aquamarine eyes, the quiet focus he had when working on something he cared about, and most of all, the way he always seemed to know exactly what to say to make you feel better.

But you kept it to yourself. You couldn’t tell Lando, not when he had told you so casually, like it was nothing that he liked someone.

“I don’t even know if she feels the same,” he had said, voice laced with uncertainty.

For a brief moment, a hope sparked in you. Maybe after all this time, Lando felt the same way about you. Maybe this was the moment that you had finally been waiting for.

But that hope shattered almost immediately when he pulled out his phone and showed you a photo. The girl’s name was Luisa, and she was stunning. She was everything that you were not—model, successful, gorgeous, has a radiant smile and a presence that seemed magnetic. Luisa was exactly Lando’s type, and you knew it.

The realization hit you harder than you had expected. You felt dumb and foolish, for even thinking one second that Lando could ever see you that way. You were not like Luisa, you were not the kind of girl who turned heads or made people stop in their tracks. You were just…you. Lando’s best friend. The person he could have a joke with, confide in, and lean on, but will never see you anything as more.

So you stayed quiet. Buried your feelings deep, gaslighting yourself that everything was better the way it is. The less you talk, the less you risked losing him. Maybe if you kept on pretending that everything was fine, you could learn to let him go.

A new clip began to play. You were seated on the edge of a bench, face scrunched in frustration as you ran a hand through your hair. The sound of Lando’s laughter crackled through the speakers, light and teasing, as he zoomed in on your expression from behind the camera.

“You’re such a drama queen,” he said, voice laced with amusement.

It was clear that from that clip that he was trying to cheer you up. It had been one of those moments when everything felt overwhelming. Your plans, future, and feelings. Yet, even in your frustration, Lando had managed to make you laugh. He always did. Watching it now, you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at how young and naïve you looked.

But the video carried more weight than just a frustration afternoon. That day, you had a front-row seat to another chapter in Lando’s pursuit of Luisa. It was the day he told you that he finally confessed his feeling to her, and you could still remember how his voice sounded. It was a mix of hope and vulnerability as he recounted every detail, but his excitement had quickly dimmed when Lando explained how his confession had met an uncertainty from Luisa, not really sure how she felt about Lando.

You remembered how that hurt him, even if he tried to hide it behind his usual bravado. It was one of the few times you had seen Lando genuinely shaken, his confidence chipped away by a single sentence. Still, it did not stop him, if anything, it only made him more determined to win her over.

This is exactly what Lando is—relentless, persistent, unwilling to let go of something he wanted.

Then there was you, caught in the orbit of it all. A pattern had started to form, one you did not want to acknowledge but couldn’t ignore. Whenever Luisa turned her back on him, when his texts went unanswered, or her attention drifted elsewhere, Lando would always find his way to you. His calls would come late at night, voice low and tinged with sadness as he stumbled through excuses to keep you on the line, and you, despite knowing better, would always answer.

Those were the moments you chastised yourself for loving. When Lando was hurt, when he felt small and alone, he always came to you. You were the person he confided in, one he leaned on. It almost felt like you mattered to him in the way you wanted to. Even if you knew, deep down, that it was not that. That it was temporary, a band-aid for his bruised ego—you couldn’t help but savor the attention.

But then, inevitably, Luisa would give him the smallest bit of her time, and you would become invisible to him again. The calls would stop, texts would taper off, and Lando would be lost in the glow of her half-hearted affection. You would feel the ache of being left behind, sting of knowing you were nothing more than a safety net, a placeholder, a convenient fallback plan.

It was a never ending cycle you despised, one that made you look at yourself with pity as you played into it. But whether it was out of hope or some cruel sense of inevitability, you stayed. You let it happen. Time and time again, picking up the pieces when Lando fell apart, only to watch him hand them back to her the moment she glanced his way.

It was always like this. It had always been like this, and somehow, despite everything, you definitely hadn’t learned your lesson.

The video continued to play, the faint static of old footage mixing with Lando’s voice can be heard, his laughter like a distant echo from another life. As you watched yourself on the screen—smiling, frowning, existing in a world where everything felt so much simpler—memories came rushing back, faster and heavier than you had expected. They were not just simple memories of moments, they were reminders of how deeply you felt, how much your life revolved around Lando without you even realizing it.

Your feelings for him had always been the silent undercurrent of your friendship, unspoken but ever-present. You had spent so much time trying to convince yourself that it was just a phase, that you would grow out of it, but you never did.

Instead, those feelings rooted themselves deeper, becoming a part of you. You wondered if the reason you hadn’t moved on was not because you could not, but because you hadn’t really tried at all. Maybe you were afraid, maybe life felt easier when you let it stay messy, undefined—when you clung to the hope that Lando might see you differently someday.

But the reality of it all was far less romantic. You had become his backburner, a place he turned to only when he had nowhere else to go, and the most pathetic part? You didn’t even mind. You let yourself burn quietly on his backburner, knowing full well you would never be the main thing in his life.

No matter how many times you say to yourself that it was okay, that you could handle it, deep down it ate you. There wasn’t anyone else you wanted, there hadn’t been for years. It was always him, it will always be Lando—his laugh, his voice, his stupid smile that made you forget the pain he caused by just being himself. You hated it, and yet you couldn’t even let it go.

Your memory reeled in to that one particular night, a night etched into your memory like a scar. Lando had called you on facetime, his face illuminated by the glow of his phone. His eyes were red, voice trembling with raw emotions as he told you what happened with Luisa.

She had hurt him again, made him feel small in a way that he couldn’t quite put into words. Lando looked so broken, so unlike himself, that it made your heart twist in ways that you did not want to admit.

And yet, you couldn’t help but tease him. You told him how he looked ugly when he cried, masking your own hurt with humor. But inside, there was a flicker of something else—something cruel and selfish. You felt happy that he thought of you in that moment, that you were the person he called when everything else in his life fell apart. It was sick and twisted, and you couldn’t have hated yourself more for it, but it was the truth.

At the same time, you felt conflicted, torn between two versions of yourself. Part of you wanted to scream at him, to tell him how much he had hurt you by treating you like an afterthought. But the other part of you, the part that still believed in him, in the friendship you had shared since you were kids—wanted to comfort him, to be there for him even if it meant breaking yourself in the process.

You always knew how it would go. In a week or so, Lando would be back on his feet, back in Luisa’s orbit, and you would fade into the background again. He would stop calling, texting, and you would be left alone again, waiting for the next time he needed you. You wished you could stop caring, that you could let him go and just move on, but you couldn’t. You cared too much, loved him too deeply, and it was destroying you.

You stayed. You stayed because even though it hurt, even though it made you feel small and invisible, there was still a part of you that believed in him. In the boy who had once held your camcorder, laughing as he filmed you spinning in circles in the park. In the friend who had always been there, even when it felt like the rest of the world wasn’t. You believed in him, even if it meant you couldn’t believe in yourself.

You checked the timestamp on the video and realized it was nearing the end. The final clips began to play, taking you back to a day you remembered so clearly—the beach trip. The screen filled with bright sunlight and sand, camera jerking slightly as Lando filmed you running along the shoreline, wearing one of his bucket hats and sunglasses, your laughter ringing out over the crashing waves.

You watched yourself as if through someone else’s eyes—carefree, alive, darting back and forth like a puppy with boundless energy. Lando’s voice came from behind the camera, teasing you for your antics, and you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the memory.

It was one of those days you had hoped would change everything. Lando wasn’t thinking about Luisa then. He was with you, laughing, joking, making you feel like maybe you mattered more to him than you let yourself believe. You had clung to that slight flicker of hope every time he drifted back into your orbit, telling yourself that the moments he spent with you would eventually outweigh the hold Luisa had over him. But you know then, deep down, you knew better. You had always known better.

The last clip began to play. The two of you were in one of his cars, the camera shakily capturing the scene as he handed it to you. Lando had insisted you try driving it, grinning with the kind of reckless confidence that was so quintessentially him. You know that he hated someone driving him, especially that it was his car, but he didn’t even hesitated when it came to you.

The video was cut to him standing outside, filming you through the windshield as you tried to maneuver his car into a parking spot, and it was a disaster. He zoomed in on your face, flushed and irritated, as you waved frantically at him to get back inside of his car and help you. Your lips moved as you shouted something at him, your expression twisted in mock anger, but it only made him laugh.

That sound, the sound of his laughter—echoed through the room as you watched yourself scowling at him, completely oblivious to how the moment would look years later.

When the video finally faded to black, you sat there in silence, staring at the black screen of your laptop. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as a sad smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. The memories left a bittersweet feeling in their wake, filling your chest with an ache that never really went away.

You always knew the truth. You would always be in Lando’s corner, even when it felt like he had forgotten you existed. You would stay, waiting in the shadows, knowing full well you were his second choice, or maybe not even a choice at all. Yet, you couldn’t really bring yourself to care, you had settled on being Lando’s backburner long ago, content to exist where he had placed you, because even the smallest scraps of his attention felt like more than you deserved. You knew it would never be enough, but it was all you had.

When you left the UK, you had never properly said goodbye to Lando. You couldn’t face him—not after everything. It had been the hardest thing you had ever done, leaving the place where you grew up and leaving the person that mattered to you the most.

The day you were about to board the plane to America was supposed to be the start of something new for you. But it also turned out to be the same day Lando and Luisa had finally gotten together. It didn’t make sense at first, you had been too wrapped up in your own plans to notice anything strange.

You were so focused on your own future, dreams, and adventure that lay ahead. But the moment you realized what had really happened, the gut-wrenching truth hit you all at once. Despite everything, despite all the years of friendship, despite the deep feelings you had kept buried, Lando had never said a word to you.

The first sign came two weeks before your departure, when you noticed he had not contacted you. Not once. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had spoken, and then, one evening, it hit you. While youwere scrolling through instagram, lost in the sea of photos and videos, you saw it.

Lando and Luisa standing together in a sunlit paradise. They were everywhere—clinging to each other, smiling like they had always been this happy. Their arms wrapped around each other, looking like the couple everyone thought they were meant to be, living out the kind of romance you had always imagined for yourself—only, it was not with you.

It stung more that you could have imagined. It felt like a cruel grip and punch to the stomach—seeing them together, seeing him in a way you never thought you would. There they were, living life, having fun in Dubai, while you had been silently fading into the background, unable to say anything, unable to be anything more than just a shadow.

It suddenly made the decision easier for you. Maybe it was petty, or childish. But at that moment, it felt like it was the only way to protect yourself. You didn’t need to say goodbye, or talk to him again. You didn’t think that talking or saying goodbye to him would even change anything. You didn’t want to face the truth anymore—didn’t want to admit how much it hurts to be forgotten, be pushed aside while he moved on.

So, you did what you had to do. You packed up everything, every piece of your life that had been tangled with Lando’s, and left. You left without a word, without any explanation. The silence between you felt so final, so complete, as if you were never even meant to matter.

When you landed in America, you didn’t waste any second. You changed your number, blocked him on social media, deleted every trace of him from your phone, from your mind, from your life. It was easier that way, right? No more reminders of what you could never have. No more wondering if he still thought about you. It was better to start fresh, even if starting over meant leaving everything you knew behind. You never looked back, at least that’s what you told yourself.

You gently closed your laptop, the soft click of the screen snapping shut, and disconnected the camcorder. You wanted to throw it away, erase it from your life entirely, but something stopped you. Maybe it was the hope that one day, you could look at it without all the pain attached to it, or maybe it was the attachment to something that had once meant so much.

With a deep sigh, you placed it back in the memory box, careful not to let it settle to heavily among the other momentos you had packed away. You knew you wouldn’t be able to part with it—not yet at least. Instead, you pushed the box deeper into your storage room, where it would sit quietly for now, out of sight but never far from your mind.

You stood there for a moment, staring at the box as if it might somehow speak to you, but all it did was remain silent, like everything else in your life that you had tried to put behind you. The soft sound of snow falling outside caught your attention, and you moved toward the window, your gaze drawn to the soft flurry of while blanketing the streets below.

Christmas was approaching in just a week, and for a brief moment, you wished you could go home, back to your family, to the familiar comfort of the holiday season. But the thought quickly passed. Home felt too far now, and you had your own life to navigate, a life in New York that, for all its challenges, had become a place you had grown to love.

You turned away from the window and began to change, pulling on warm clothes fit for the snow outside. It wasn’t much, just a quick errand to stock up on groceries before it got too dark. You didn’t mind the task, it gave you a reason to get out, to take in the city and its wintry charm. The air was fresh and crisp as you made your way out of your apartment, locking the door behind you with a soft click.

The world around you was calm as you stepped out into the quiet of the snowy streets, snowflakes falling gently around you, almost like a veil between you and the hustle of city life. New York felt different in the winter, quieter somehow, even as the holiday decorations began to shine brighter. Streetlights casting long shadows across the snow, and you admired the festive cheer that the city wore like a second skin. You had seen the Christmas tree lighting at the New Haven Green just last week, a tradition that always brought a sense of warmth despite the chill in the air.

Walking through the snow, you felt a small sense of contentment, something you had been searching for but hadn’t fully realized was within reach. The lights, crisp air—all of it made you feel like you had carved out a space of your own here. You hoped that it would stay that way, that the peace you had found wouldn’t be disturbed, even as the holiday season and all its chaos loomed on the horizon.

The grocery store was just a few blocks away, but your thoughts drifted to other things—nothing too heavy, just the soft hum of city life. It had been a peaceful walk, but then, you froze.

Your eyes caught a glimpse of something, or rather someone, someone so familiar in the distance. Curly hair that you could picture in your sleep. At first, you thought it was a trick of the light, a resemblance that your mind conjured up after hours of rewatching old videos. You quickly dismissed the thought, trying to shake it off. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t be here.

But then, as if the universe had conspired to pull the past back into your life. The person looked up, and everything in your world stopped. It was him.

Your heart pounded in your chest, and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. The air around you seemed to thicken, sounds of the city dimming in the background as you took in the sight of him. Lando. In New York. Of all places he can be in right now, why was he here?

It had taken a long time to convince yourself, year after year, that you were fine, that you had moved on, that everything was better this way. Yet here he was, standing only a few meters away from you, the same familiar figure that had been a part of your life for so long.

You both stood there, frozen in place, just staring at each other as people around passed you by. Neither of you moved, as if the moment held too much weight to let anything else happen. It was like time had bent around you, your mind racing, questions swirling, but none of them found their way to your lips. You couldn’t speak, you weren’t even sure you could breathe.

Lando stood there too, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that everything else feel irrelevant. You knew he hadn’t expected to see you. Not here, not like this. Yet, there he was—right in front of you, a ghost from your past made flesh, making the familiar ache in your chest resurface.

You had thought you were done with him, that you had moved on, but standing here, with him so close and yet so far, you realized that maybe you had not moved on as much as you thought.

The world around you seemed to hold its breath.