I Suck Your Blood.

ur early 20s are about being obsessed with kindness and mary oliver and seasonal fruits and recreating comfort foods you ate as a child and learning how to love and crying because you have no choice but to live the life before you and finding god on the bus back from the grocery store

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

I am sp ready love, I hope the universe brings me a good guy this time.❤️

somedays, the urge to disappear from the face this earth is very enchanting to me

just like taylor would say

"My elegies, eulogize me "

On days where i want to be wrapped

around your arms

I want to be embraced in the warmth

Of your presence

“Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you.”

— Unknown

what is it that keeps me diving in and out of this mess, that is my heart?

I keep getting closer, yet so farther away

I wanna be touched, kissed, smothered

but at the same time held, caressed and loved

but also choked, pinned, and slammed

all these feelings yet I ask you the same question

where are you?

can you please come home soon?

can you please just hold me a lil bit higher?

can you not complain that I'm being needy?

and can you also not complain that I'm being distant with you?

Idk how to heal ny heart

idk how to feel anymore

I feel rushed and crushed under this pile of my age

I've 20,21,22 and 23

everyone of them have felt the same

I wanna change and runaway

I wanna hide and bite and kiss you all at the same time

Idk my extent of my emotions

Takuboku Ishikawa, from a poem featured in On Knowing Oneself Too Well: The Selected Poems of Takuboku Ishikawa

I kept spiraling with a lot of emotions the entire day, my anxiety and fears never stopped giving me a hard time. I thought of all things that could go wrong, all the ways that I'm incapable of love and maybe keeping it alive, all the ways I really truly desire people to be close to me yet I fear them being replaceable or me being replaced. Everything felt like a big puzzle, big chunk of questions kept coming to me, tarot readings made my days even worse, and despite it all. I just wanna sleep in my blanket and dream and feel safe and say this to myself that,

"Darling, if its the right person. The love will always stay. Love is always the answer. It will stay. Love will always stay. You'll know when you know."

Please, not always, let people love you, they should