Hmmmm

" You can't wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing, but you know what, I'm going to be the one to bury you. "

spn 1.22 Devil's Trap / William-Adolphe Bouguereau's The Madonna of the Roses v The Madonna of Pietà (source)

HE IS COMPLETE

His name: Ketamine

He enjoys baking and calisthenics.

He is always down to party.

Someone who is good at drawing I need art of tma character in the Tshirts form the jackbox game from the most Recent live stream.

I need jarchivist in the "jonny is the problem" shirt and Martin in the "Alex is the real problem"

Also someone in the Gay Dig shirt and the elias and peter divorce court shirt.

+hitoshi+

One episode of TMA that I will NEVER be able to shut up about is 170 (Recollection). The first episode that made me properly cry! Not only is it a beautiful exploration of Martin as a character, but humanity in general.

The light, innocent, childish small talk that Martin offers to the tape recorder. He tries so hard to keep it comforted, welcome in his home, looked after. It'd be wrong of course, to ignore it, even in his despair; others should always be put first.

Through tangled, rambling sentences, Martin manages to always explain away his own emotions, actions... To be visibly uncomfortable, unwelcoming, is wrong. He offers up his life, details of his existence, but talks them into offhanded mentions.

The subtle embarrassment he has for himself; a hallmark of much of English society. Everyone must be a self contained functioning person, lest they risk being 'odd', 'troubled', perhaps even 'disruptive'.

And as Martin's inhibitions fade, as his memories of everything grow dim, his instinctual desperation shows so painfully through. Desperately reaching for answers, as a child desperately holds their hand out for an absent parent.

Martin never had a safe person to reach for, someone always there for him. His father gone before he really knew who he was, his mother infinitely distainful... This abandonment mirrored by Jon's absence that floats into his mind in phases.

And even to be denied the pain, to forget what you were crying about, there's something terrible about it. Feeling the lump in your throat, the tears on your cheeks, but never really being sure why they were there, if they even are.

And the chairs. To be denied the simple comfort of a soft place to rest.

Martin's eventual return to his duties, caring for his mother, the subtle falsified joy he finds in it, and his decline into self hatred, blame. How easy it is for him to find his way back to a place of insecurity even when he has nothing to grasp onto.

And how strong he stays. How ready he is to shoulder the blame, to carry on, to be there for anyone who might need him, anything. It's all outside, and when he falls deeper into the fog his internal, pressed down emotions spill out.

All of Martin's fears come from a place of worrying he isn't enough, and this domain reduces him to a state where he is nothing; and yet, he prevails.

The number of hands that should be here has doubled since I made this, I'm sensing a bit of a running theme in horror podcasts

Edit: it was going to bother me if I didn't follow up

Edit 2: and some sci-fi podcasts

(Apparently Kakos Industries too, but I've not heard it)

enjoy some malevolent memes (spoilers for all episodes !!)

meanwhile in the dreamlands

ok, but does anyone else always have that incredibly exhausting feeling of having to somehow entertain or keep the people around you happy so that you yourself don't seem boring or uninteresting to them so that the mood doesn't even slightly begin to change and people turn away from you? or am i just insecure af lol