Dissociatedbi - This Blog Is My Therapist's Idea

the world would literally be a better place if cis people could just get trans surgeries "by mistake" rather than forcing trans people to jump through ten million hoops to get it.

Sometimes I have an impulse to just cry and yell and scream, over and over, until every mother fucker hears me when I say how fucking terrible she was to me

She sold me. She sold me. She sold me. She sold me. She sold me. She sold me. Shesoldmeshesoldmeshesoldmeshesoldme.

Sincerely, with emphasis: fuck.

R.M. Rilke, The Man Watching // Euripides, An Oresteia (trans. Anne Carson) // Oscar Wilde // Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life // @bitsbyt3s // Mary MacLane, "January 20", The Story of Mary MacLane // Trista Mateer // see 4 // @kafk-a // Olivia Laing, "Loneliness: coping with the gap where friends used to be"

I need everyone, literally every human, to know:

YOU NEED A FUCKING ADVANCED DIRECTIVE.

I don't care if you're young. If you're old. If you think your kids know what you want. If you think your spouse knows what you want.

DO THE FUCKING PAPERWORK SO YOUR FAMILY WON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.

I stopped following this last week because I was having panic attacks about it & there's literally nothing I can do. But fuck this shit. These assholes are playing with people's livelihood and it's because they DON'T CARE that people could DIE from this. Diabetics on medicaid might not have access to insulin. Disabled people on SSI or SSDI (me) might not be able to pay their mortgages or rent, much less afford their meds.

Meanwhile if the country fully defaults, we don't even know how bad it will be. Just that it will be bad.

I'm fucking tired.

If they don't fix the debt ceiling problem by June 1st—and it looks like that's a real possibility—it's not clear if people will be getting their social security checks or Medicare coverage. This is so bad, I'm not sure if any of you are following this but we all probably should be.

I'm not gonna do a writeup myself because I'm brainfogged to hell and don't want to risk accidentally sharing inaccurate information but you should look for news articles on this.

Just. For the record, for anyone worried after seeing that post; Traumadumping on the first day of therapy is like. A good therapist’s dream. Like they WANT you to spill out your problems so they can help you work through them. When you only have an hour with someone once a month it is a Godsend for them to be able to just. Say whats hurting them right off the bat. The biggest problem I had at therapy was I became so conditioned to not talk about my issues that nothing was able to get done. So please, ‘traumadump’ to your therapist. Its what they’re paid for. They are trained to decompress, you don’t have to worry about them.

“We hope this email finds you well” babe, the only emails I hope find me well are the ones from Archive of Our Own

Kind of weird how people are like oh so your doctors aren't helping you and are negligent.. have you tried trying harder to get help??

I'm getting back to a level of chronically ill where I'm like "wow I am actually very seriously sick all the time and not able to manage and facing the possibility of an incredibly drastic surgery" and I really really don't like it. I'm just over here hurtling towards the point of no return, preparing to have a huge organ removed from my body but having to suffer with it for the next 5 months while I wait for referrals, and I'm just tired and scared and sick.