Dissociatedbi - This Blog Is My Therapist's Idea

Here's something that's been mindfucking me for the past two damn weeks. So not only do I need surgery to have my colon and rectum removed & to get an ileostomy, but I also have to see a pelvic floor reconstruction surgeon.

Because with my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, I'm high risk for prolapses, and guess what being sex trafficked for the majority of your childhood does to your developing pelvic floor? Spoiler: nothing good.

So because of this blessed combination of genetics and abuse, I have multi-pelvic-organ prolapse, and no ability to withstand pelvic floor therapy. I tried. I just literally cannot fucking do it. And there's the fact that pelvic floor therapy might not even work for the severity of my issues anyway. Ergo, surgery.

Now I get to have two surgeons argue over the best way to butcher my body into something livable and I can't even explain how fucking tired I am. I don't even know what to feel about it beyond exhausted.

And then I have friends who are also going through things and I want to be supportive & I try to be, but I just can't do all the things I want to do because I'm spending half my fucking day in a dissociative fog because I just don't know how to process any of this.

I can't believe I'm 31 and still putting pieces together.

Shortly after reporting my stepfather to the police for rape, his father, the man I had called grandpa for a fucking decade, started coming to the burger joint I worked at. I couldn't get a restraining order because he didn't do anything but order a burger and sit at a table directly across from the register and stare at me. He'd leave when he finished his food.

When I told people, their reaction was always "why would he do that? That's so weird." But knowing what I know now, knowing he'd been paying my mother thousands of dollars over the years to keep both of us quiet, knowing he had effectively been paying my mother to let his son use me-

It was just intimidation. Money wasn't keeping me quiet so he wanted to scare me into silence. Wanted me to know he had more power, more resources, more time.

And they did win the court case. And he did scare the shit out of me. So much so that I nearly quit my job.

I was just faulty merchandise to him. God.

Dude I have never felt older than I felt when I cried over the final Brooks & Capehart of 2022 because they hijacked the segment to tell Judy Woodruff that her journalism is a gift to the world, on her last night as anchor for the NewsHour.

Just. For the record, for anyone worried after seeing that post; Traumadumping on the first day of therapy is like. A good therapist’s dream. Like they WANT you to spill out your problems so they can help you work through them. When you only have an hour with someone once a month it is a Godsend for them to be able to just. Say whats hurting them right off the bat. The biggest problem I had at therapy was I became so conditioned to not talk about my issues that nothing was able to get done. So please, ‘traumadump’ to your therapist. Its what they’re paid for. They are trained to decompress, you don’t have to worry about them.

Somebody shared the following today saying: "I found this video on tiktok and it explains m.e so well" and "I saw it and thought to myself I relate so much" Here's the TikTok link: https://www.tiktok.com/@jeremyandrewdavis/video/7135061608316833070

Hey guys, IRL Autumn here. As much as I'd love to be here with my usual jokes, This is something much more serious.

For those who don't know, the UK government has recently announced plans to cut Disabled benefits by 4.6K a year if a person isn't or won't find a work from home position.

To massively simplify the current system, Disabled benefits have 2 levels of pay, depending on your capacity for work. Those who are deemed fully incapable of work get full pay, and those who can work part time, or in a select few low impact workplaces get half pay.

The new system would require everyone no matter where they lay on that scale to find employment. For the thousands, if not millions of people that have been declared fully incapable of work, this means bending over backwards for an impossible task.

And the pay cut for those who "refuse" to comply (which in reality is the vast majority being completely unable to comply to impossible demands) is not an insignificant amount.

That is a payment reduction of over half of what that person currently recieves. An amount that already is barely sufficient to survive on.

Being disabled is inherently expensive, be it due to needing specialized equipment, specific transport needs or even specific needs in general day-to-day living.

This is not a scheme to help the current system which is admittedly underfunded. This is a system designed to force disabled people to sacrifice themselves for an unsustainable system, or die trying.

And believe me, there will be death.

This is a deliberate target of some of the most vulnerable people in our society.

This is not "toughing through the hard times for the good of the country"

This is a slaughter.

can we like…get rid of the so-called leather and rubber “pride flags” ? it’s honestly ridiculous and offensive to the lgbtq community. those aren’t pride flags.