Just Sorted Through My Drafts

wish you were gay | b.eilish

billie eilish x fem!reader

context. billie’s feelings towards your friendship changes as you battle the question of your own sexuality.

warnings. angst kinda, making out, fluff.

masterlist

your sexuality had always been a lingering question throughout your friendship with billie. you found yourself thinking about certain interactions more than you’d like to admit. and despite her own sexuality, you’d always chalked it up to being platonic.

however, recently you’d seen a change in her behavior. she wouldn’t touch you like she used to. she wouldn’t say the same things, call you the affectionate names she usually would. and you found yourself missing it more than a friend should. it was confusing to say the least.

“hey, is everything okay?” you set down the glasses of water you’d gotten for the both of you, and sat next to her on the couch as her gaze lifted from her phone and she took the glass of water to her lips.

“what do you mean?” she cleared her throat, her phone still capturing most of her attention. it was hard to express your current emotions through words, especially when you felt like the topic might be too heavy to discuss.

“i mean you’ve been acting different recently.” you told her as she looked up from her phone again, biting the inside of her lip slightly before speaking.

“what do you mean different?” she was now aware of what you were getting at but didn’t have the courage to speak on it, and neither did you.

“come on bils.” the nickname stung her heart with the recent switch in your friendship. but she kept up the dumb act, out of fear that if the truth came out, it could mean something worse than different.

“what do you mean by different?” she asked again, this time urging a real answer. you pondered on how to say it without really saying it. the avoidance of the real question between you, palpable.

“you’ve been so distant, like somethings bothering you.” you admitted truthfully. you began to wonder if you had something to do with her sudden change. and when she didn’t reply, you voiced this, “have i done something?” her eyes widened slightly, her expression still somewhat sorrow.

“no, baby, of course not.” there it is. that nickname you’d missed so much these past few weeks. she cursed herself silently as she realised she’d let the name slip, but you’d caught it all the same.

“then what is it bils?” you asked, a feeling of helplessness washing over you as she refused to open up. the silence between you was deafening and made you grow worried.

“has it really affected you?” she asked after some time. the doubt evident in her expression as she put her phone to the side, giving this conversation her full attention.

“of course it has, you’re my best friend billie, how could it not.” she looked down, a heavy sigh following shortly after. her hesitance to speak her truth almost took over completely.

“i thought that’s how best friends should act. i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” she admitted, her eyes now big and sincere. filled with emotions destined to break your heart.

“what do you mean?” you asked confused. it felt like a stupid excuse at first glance, but when she gave you some time to think on her words you understood. “billie, you could never make me uncomfortable.” your words were softer now.

“that’s the problem.” she sighed. closing herself off, urging you to reach for her again.

“why is it a problem?” the million dollar question with an unbelievably simple answer.

“because it means two different things to the both of us. for you it’s the way best friends act, for me-” she stopped, struggling to get the words out. she was scared and it was evident.

“for you?” you urged her to finish the sentence.

“for me it’s different.” that was all she managed to get out, and it left you with just as many questions as it did answers. “don’t pretend like you don’t know what i’m talking about, i know you do.” she said when you didn’t speak.

“billie i just don’t know if what your trying to say is coming across the way you want it to.” you replied finally, pondering your feelings and emotions.

“i can’t stand another day of me touching you the way i do, without it being something more. i just kinda wish you were gay.” you let out a small breath after her words, not having known this was how she’d been feeling these last couple months.

“bils, i don’t think i-“ you started.

“don’t say I’m not your type.” she cut in, before you could explain yourself. and she was right, of course she was. she’s undeniably attractive. but it had never crossed your mind that you could be attracted to her.

“billie, you’re so beautiful. genuinely, but i don’t know if i can love you in the way you want me to.” you told her honestly. it was just as confusing for you as it was for her.

“then why do you miss my touch. why do you blush when i call you baby. that’s not how best friends act.” she left you somewhat speechless, because it’s not like her words were untrue.

“i just. i’ve never been with a girl.” her eyes were piercing into you, her mind clinging onto the words falling from your mouth, searching for the fine print.

“i know. but i’d like to think the way you feel about me is a little more than platonic.” you nodded at her words understanding what she was saying and silently agreeing. “i’d like to think you were gay.” she continued, matching her previous words. needless to say your heart was racing.

“i don’t know,” you said honestly, “but there’s kinda only one way to find out.” you breathed, it was barely a whisper but she heard it and her senses were alert.

“yeah?” she asked if you meant what she thought you did. while her eyes were darting across your face. a soft smile creeping onto hers when you nodded.

“yeah.” you confirmed as she moved closer to you. subconsciously you felt yourself staring down at her lips in return. silently asking for something you weren’t entirely sure of.

“what if we’re wrong?” she asks, almost making you whine at the hold up, but the weight of your friendship suddenly becoming apparent when she brought it up.

“then we’re wrong, but i don’t want to miss you like i’ve had to in the past few weeks again. so i think it’s worth it.” she smiled at your words as her lips touched yours, before moving, until she was kissing you and you were kissing her back.

you’d never kissed lips this soft before. and it was addictive. and when she darted her tongue across your bottom lip, opening her mouth, letting you taste her. you’d never tasted someone so sweet before. your breaths were entangled, her strength focused on lifting yourself off the couch as her arms reached for your hips, guiding you onto her lap. As you straddled her, she broke the kiss. your eyes meeting hers to find her smiling at you.

“what?” you asked, her smile so infectious it caused your own.

“i wanna stay with you, forever.” she spoke, a flood of affection destined to drown you.

“i’ll never let you go.” you told her, holding her head in your hands as she pulled you closer by the waist.

“five words i never thought you’d say.” she replied biting her lip as she looked up at you and you reconnected your lips with hers. the moment, a haze of uncertainty. all that mattered was the moment though, emotions of fear and anxiety deafened by her presence.

*holds a g*n to ur head* FKN WRITE 😭😭😭😭

… im SO sorry i literally will rn i swear 👀

hi pookie bear, how are youuu?🫶🏾

im goood hbu 🙈

ive never gone this long without writing idk what’s wrong w me atm

but we persevere 😣

The kids miss you come back home 🤧😞

LMAOO hiiiii

stopppp i’ve missed u sm

i was gonna send you smt inappropriate watch out for it

isn’t this WILD

you’re fr getting it this week guys 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

active era or what

maybe it’s just me who’s never had 7 drafts in the queue 🤷‍♀️

number 1 supporter of this !!!

Tann × reader whennn?? 😋

I MEAN I have no idea if I'd do it bc idk I'm shy LMAOO but I'm so not against it !

im writing something FILTHY rn

I LITERALLY CANNOT

ive spent five fucking consecutive hours on this essay for my english lit course and i HATE ITTT

it’s fine deadline is friday but STILLLLL 😖

stop it right now there will be no dia x reader stories !!!

!!!!!!

aw why noooott? 🥺

soft billie smut where its a bright day and reader was cuddling with billie and then billie started leaving little kisses and marks on readers neck then they started fucking (with strap if you can.) and billie is just praising her kissing her softly softly but strongly gripping her hips while fucking her and its really vanilla and soft and sweet.

this was a draft I had that I tried to match to your request but it's a little different, hope you enjoy bby 💖

morning, baby