I Always Say That I Like L's Death In The Manga More, But I've Never Explained Why. It's Because It's

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helloo a friend of a friend escaped from gaza into egypt and is low on cash. his venmo is @mohammed-usruf if you have anything to spare

ok because I have wolf keum brainrot and chapter263 reconfirmed that he was practically unknown, prior to his entry to the union- i just wanna know what his backstory is (asking for the hundredth time).

like, it's so off that someone like wolf, who gets into fistfights regularly, managed to remain inconspicuous throughout middle school, enough that most people didn't even know what he looked like prior to his union debut. he has pastel purple hair.

the only plausible explanation i can think of is that he wasn't getting into fistfights regularly in middle school, which is also weird because every flashback we have of him from then is of him fighting?

I love that birds walk around sometimes...like literally so humble

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Chain of Command Chapter 5

Fuck, where is she?

She’d called him the night before to ask for the designated pick up time, but ten minutes had already passed since the agreed timing and Bambi was still nowhere to be seen.

Admittedly, Forrest felt a little embarrassed for eagerly anticipating Bambi’s arrival like she was some knight in shining armour and he was a damsel in distress, but when you were facing a real life villain that would make any fairytale antagonist piss their pants, you needed all the protection you could get. 

He’d felt relieved when she informed him that she would be tagging along to observe the pickup with Ganghak– for what reason, he didn’t know. 

He doubted that Wolf would be happy with the decision, but as long as it meant that Forrest and his friends would be free from both psychological and physical damage, he didn’t give a damn about what the boy felt,

But regardless of what she’d said the night before, Bambi was still a no-show. And Forrest Lee was paying for it big time.

“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen. And yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?” 

Wolf grabbed him by his hair, yanking his head down towards till their eyes were levelled.

“You dare do that to me? Have you forgotten who I am?”

Fuck. It became harder to evade Wolf Keum’s eyes as he leaned in closer to his face. Fuck. He was vaguely aware of Robin cowering behind him, and he was glad he left Grapes waiting downstairs. Where is Bambi? This was the exact scenario Forrest had wanted to avoid.

Where the hell is she? 

Just as Forrest was about to resign to his fate, his panicking was cut short by footsteps and a familiar voice.

“What’s going on?” 

Relief flooded his body. 

Thank fucking goodness. 

~

Bambi had never had a favourable impression of Wolf Keum, not when she first set eyes on him, not when Sam Lee recounted the days where he was bullied by Wolf, not when he and his little gang of assholes nearly ran her over with their motorbikes, and definitely not when she walked in on him about to beat the shit out of Forrest Lee.

She had been nearly ten minutes late to the pick up due to an unexpected holdup, and was not in the best of moods even before she watched as Wolf Keum entangled his fingers in Forrest's hair, pulling down on it so harshly she was worried that Forrest would go bald before he even hit twenty. 

After all the time she’d spent alongside Donald Na, she’d learnt how to keep her emotions from being public display. Despite that, she still had to physically stop her jaw from dropping at the sight in front of her. However, even if she did let it hang loose from shock, she doubted that anyone would’ve noticed it anyways. Aside from Wolf and Forrest, the only other people present were Robin Ha, and two other boys from Ganghak.

Robin stood with his back to her, his head lowered to face the ground and his shoulders slumped in what seemed like a pathetic attempt to shrink all six feet of himself to avoid looking at his fallen leader. Wolf’s two lieutenants stood at the other end of the rooftop, facing the elevator. If their eyes weren’t so glued to the scene in front of them, they probably would’ve noticed her arrival. In the centre of it all, was Wolf Keum and Forrest Lee, the former grabbing the latter by the hair as he leaned in closer to Forrest’s face. 

Her first reaction was to butt in and stop Wolf (an impulse that EMBARRASSED her)– what overwhelmed her shock at his actions was her worry for Forrest Lee. It was pitiful watching the school head be reduced to a mere ragdoll in front of Wolf Keum, especially since she knew of his assaulter’s formidability. The choice of action she decided to take however, was to stand by and watch silently, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Just like how she’d learned to control her facial expressions, she’d learnt how to control the way she acted too. Rushing into a fight to stop it just reeked of desperation, which was the last thing she wanted to show around delinquents, or anyone, really. Observing silently and collecting information was the smart thing to do. An uncaring, cool and collected image had already been built for the higher ups of the Union, and she’d be an idiot to not utilise it.

Not that she wasn’t entirely unaffected by the violence that had become her everyday life– contrary to the opinions of many Union members, she wasn’t totally callous and apathetic (or in their words, a “stuck up bitch”). She wasn’t Kingsley. She had loads of empathy. She just found it easy for her to watch delinquents that weren’t her friends get beat up since she knew better than to waste her empathy on them. 

Asides from worry, another emotion that had wormed her way into her heart while she watched the scene in front of her was anger, something she was much more familiar with.

What does he think he’s doing?

Was Wolf really stupid enough to attack another executive? Perhaps stupid had been the wrong word, Wolf had brains after all. Crazy would’ve worked much better.

She knew she should’ve known better than to let Wolf’s actions shock her, but she couldn’t help but feel surprised at the boy’s brazenness. Not that they weren’t perfectly in character for the bastard. 

The boy hadn’t been branded as the Union wildcard for no good reason– the big, bad, Wolf with sharp teeth and large claws. A powerful and scary delinquent, no doubt, but still a delinquent, who probably only started smoking because they thought it looked cool, and thought every little insult had to be resolved with violence. At the end of the day, he was just a teenage boy who thought he was hot shit just because he had a couple of wins under his belt.

Wolf was saying something else now, and she turned her attention towards him. She raised an eyebrow. The boy was still unaware of her presence, moving so close to Forrest’s face she might’ve thought that he was going in for a kiss. 

“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen, yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?”

Stolen money? Her anger on Forrest’s behalf had been forgotten, her body temperature rising significantly before dropping again. An unpleasant chill ran through her body, like someone had dumped a bucket of ice over her head. 

Wolf was now saying something about his name, but she tuned it out. Stolen money? That explained why she hadn’t seen any bags on the rooftop.

In the Union, it wasn’t rare to see members fuck up their missions. Sure, maybe it'd get them a slap or two from their assigned executive, or a lecture from Donald Na himself, depending on the importance of the task, but it was rarely that serious. Losing money, however, was practically a death penalty.

She exhaled, marching towards the two boys in front of her. She’d seen enough.

“What’s going on?”

Every head turned at the sound of her voice, all with varying reactions, though shock seemed to be a common factor in all of them. 

Robin and Forrest’s faces leaned more towards relief, albeit mixed with humiliation. Hayden and Hwangmo, on the other hand, seemed to physically freeze up as her gaze swept over them and onto Wolf Keum, whose face had hardened at the sight of her with obvious unhappiness. Reluctantly, he let go of Forrest Lee.

If it wasn’t for the sense of foreboding descending unto her, she would’ve rolled her eyes.

She didn’t stop walking forward until she was a short distance away from Wolf. He’d switched most of his scowl out with the blank stare he kept on while around Donald Na, though there was still a hint of petulance in it that Bambi didn’t like.

“What stolen money?” The sharp edge in her voice went unnoticed by none.

“...I didn’t know you were coming.”

An eyebrow shot up. 

“Clearly.” She scoffed. “Now answer my question.”

“What stolen money?”

This time, Wolf didn’t bother to hide his anger, letting it seep into his voice as he replied, though he at least had the sense to lower his gaze.

“The expenditure payment got stolen by a bunch of guys from Eunjang. We’re looking for them right now.” 

She didn’t know whether to be shocked or infuriated. She settled for a mix of both. “You lost the money?” 

Wolf opened his mouth, but she cut in before he could speak. “No wait, you let it get stolen?” Wolf tensed, but she paid no mind to it, thinking about how she would break the news to Donald. He would not be happy.

All the money, and some important files too, were kept in a big locked bag for safekeeping while it was being transported. Though it was an inconvenient method when compared to digital transactions, it made sure the money- and the Union- never left a trace. However, its weakness was that it also opened up the possibility of intervention from outside sources, which meant that it was the responsibility of the members of the Union to keep it safe.

That obviously hadn’t worked. 

“Who lost it?” Narrowing her eyes, she glanced at two boys behind Wolf, who flinched in return.

“It wasn’t them.” Wolf said sharply, though Bambi noted that unlike how other leaders in the Union might’ve reacted, he sounded more annoyed than defensive. “It was two other guys. I’ve already punished them, so relax.”

For the second time that day, she had to stop her jaw from hanging open at his stunning display of audacity. Relax. He really was a peculiar bastard, wasn’t he? First, he’d grabbed another executive by the hair. Then he’d lost the expenditure payment. And now he was telling her to relax. 

She released a massive frustration filled sigh.

“Wolf.”

A heavy silence rested on the rooftop as she paused. When she finally spoke again, her voice was dangerously low.

“It’s a simple job. Donald Na entrusted you with this himself, and he doesn’t have time for incompetency, so fix this quickly.” She practically spat out the last part, voice full of venom. “Get the money back by tomorrow or I’ll be telling him about your mistake.” 

She started to turn, motioning towards Forrest and Robin to follow her as she made her way to the elevator. “We’re done here for now.”

“Oh, right,” She paused suddenly, swivelling her head to look at him again. “I’m sure you know the rules on attacking another Union member well enough, so keep your hands to yourself next time, yeah?” She sent him a scathing look. “Try to get your shit together now.” 

As she entered the lift, she had the distinct feeling that Wolf was glaring holes through her back. She frowned. She had a suspicion neither of them particularly liked each other.

What self-diagnosis ISN'T:

I'm so awkward and I saw a TikTok that says being cute is autism!

I want to prove to everyone that self-diagnosis is fake so I'm going to say I'm autistic just to prove to everyone they're stupid.

I'm bored so I'm going to take up "autistic space" so that people pay attention to me and I get lots of autistic stuff and take it all away from real Autistics.

What self-diagnosis IS:

I've been struggling for a long time with social interaction and communication and I'm really tired and anxious and standard therapy isn't helping and I'm scared and tired but I've been doing a LOT of research and taken a lot of online tests repeatedly because I'm scared I'm faking it but I really really really identify with autism and I find that treating myself as autistic and taking care of my sensory needs and relearning social interaction has really helped and the community is helpful and I am finally less afraid but I can't get an official diagnosis because it's expensive/no one around me does them/my family won't let me/doctors are gatekeeping/insert other valid reason and I just want help.

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

in short, think self diagnosis, after extensive research, is valid.

not everyone have access to medical professionals. not everyone have access to competent quality medical professionals. not everyone can afford. medical trauma & medical neglect exist. misdiagnosis exist. medical racism sexism misogyny. etc.

though. to add some nuance: (i am specifically addressing autism but probably applies to most self diagnosis)

1. sites like tiktok and tumblr provide important lived experience lens that hard to find any other place. often play huge part in journey! but tiktok and tumblr should not be only place you do research for self diagnosis.

further, watching one tiktok or one tumblr post is not enough for self diagnosis. know most people who self diagnose isn’t doing this, but do see some people do this.

2. there are late diagnosed autistic people with higher support needs. there are late diagnosed autistic people who are visibly developmentally disabled but their other I/DD diagnosis covered over their autism. etc.

having said that though. overwhelming majority of autistic who self diagnose who are late diagnosed. have lower support needs, are high masking, less visibly autistic. most of them lived their life in nondisabled neurotypical society, mainstreamed, go to typical school, get job, maybe job after job after job fired quit fired again—often forced to be this way, not given choice. which is all distressing. have grief about not being noticed as autistic earlier.

but. you need to know that there are early diagnosed autistic folks, some of them high support needs and/or nonspeaking minimally speaking, some of them who put in special ed, go to “special” schools, who have high support needs, who can’t or not allowed to live independently, who needs full physical assistance with bADLs, who can’t keep own basic safety, who will never able to hold typical job, etc etc… they are still autistic. just because you have trauma about being late diagnosed late identified doesn’t mean for them early diagnosis is a abuse free blessing.

early diagnosed, visibly developmentally disabled people like these often face the blunt of the violence. they are one of the most marginalized groups in our community.

some late diagnosed autistics hold privilege over some early diagnosed autistics. (note i say some—late diagnosis early diagnosis not monolith experiences.)

3. just because you are, say, autistic, doesn’t mean right this second you should be an autistic advocate, or right this second you’re qualified to. i believe all autistic people have important meaningful thing to say about own experience with autism. but being an advocate involves so much more than that.

being advocate involves constant learning, especially from people more marginalized than you and people not similar to you.

being advocate means constant self reflection, means reflect on own privilege and oppression, means reflect on own internalized ableism internalized racism, etc.

being advocate means learning to decenter self, learning how to hold space for others, learning how to apologize and take accountability.

being advocate means learning how to listen.

being advocate means learning how to take responsibility.

being an advocate means addressing own trauma and not project trauma onto others, especially other more marginalized groups.

being an advocate means acknowledging nuance.

newly realized autistics, newly self diagnosed autistics, newly professionally diagnosed autistics (who didn’t know they autistic before professional diagnosis), they all have important place in autistic community and autistic conversations. but being new to this means you have so much more to learn. and you need to learn how to do more good than harm when share own experience and do own advocacy.

4. there is a world of autism experiences beyond your own. listen to them, too.

with all that said. self diagnosis, after extensive research, is valid.