After I Stood Standing There In Aw, My Mind Trying To Comprehend What

why the fuck does english have a word for

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

???

Or maybe not

David Attenborough on the harsh realities of life.

Life Story (2014)

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?

Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?

Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.

Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?

Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.

Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.

Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.

Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.

Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.

Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.

Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.

Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.

Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*

Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.

Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...

Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.

Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.

Dad: Fuck the government.

Dad: Fuck the school board.

Dad: Close the door.

Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.

Dad: I love puns.

Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.

Dad: Please shut up.

Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.

Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.

Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.

Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.

Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.

Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.

Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.

Dad: They act like I care what they think.

Dad: I hate homework.

Dad: I have decided to become a politician.

Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

Thomas P Trump obituary

oh, man… it’s a hoax… http://www.snopes.com/trumps-cousins-obituary/

shrugs… good advice, anyway

I think he's mad at you! He looks like wtf. You got a dog right here

i was taking pictures of the new puppy

when i look out the window to see the older dog just

GUYS

I’m a panromantic asexual. Do you know what that means?

I’m a pancake.

My Home Can Be Your Home Too

These people

it always really bothered me when wait staff ignored me + my friends just because we were young bc we are all really respectful people but the assumption was that we wouldn’t tip

anyway so fast fowards to when i became a waitress and one day this group of scrubbyass kids came in and i had 8 other tables with other people to look to but i overheard that one kid wanted a milkshake but he couldn’t afford it and the other kids offered to pay but he was like “nonono it’s fine” and i looked over and he just looked real run down and sad and stuff —- later it just so happened that our kitchen had a mixup so we had an extra shake and since it would just be dumped otherwise, i snuck it out to their table and gave it to him for free

and his friends were so fucking impressed by this they pooled every fucking cent they had i got a $50 tip and later his friend’s mom came in and said “i heard what you did for that boy” and gave me another 20 and offered me a better job working with her

and meanwhile at my other table a rich white guy i was serving complained bc he didn’t want to pay the 15% tip on a $8.90 bill and when his wife said “she’s been a good waitress, though,” he said, “but just plain good isn’t worth 15%”

I'm Erza! Woo

Anime Archetypes Horoscope

Please read this, my partner is in need.

my gf, @peppermint-kel, REALLY needs help (and some kind words of encouragement) with donations right now.

Kel’s parental units are extremely toxic, especially the step parents, the home they live in relies on DIAL-UP (which tells you how terrible the Internet is), and ontop of a shitty management where they work at up there, it’s getting to he unbearable. Especially after the event today that happened in Orlando, they’ve been even more verbal and aggressive and basically mentally unhealthier for Kel than usual.

Kel moved in with the ‘rents to try and save up a lot of money to actually move down HERE, into my and my mom’s apartment until a job is settled here and can move into a different apartment in the area, etc, has been applying to places already, has been looking up apartments, storage units for holding things until moving, etc, and the wait till before September is such a large strech now it’s not even funny anymore.

It is so toxic, manipulative, and not only are the ‘rents skeptic of our relationship, but are skeptic (primarily the mom and sister of Kels) of moving down here and telling Kel that it’s basically not happening.

If I weren’t so backlogged in commissions, I’d do what I did for a friend a while back and do commissions for their donations, but I literally cannot do that as I’m starting my first job tomorrow and already have nearly 20 commissions logged from when I needed help a while ago and before then.

Please, if you can toss a few bucks toward @peppermint-kel, that would mean the world to us, but mostly them.

The paypal email to send money too would be found @ kaymon79@hotmail.com.

Thank you for your time, any reblogs or donations appreciated.