Thinking About How Focused And Intelligent And In-control Monoma Had To Be To Not Only Keep Dozens Of

Grace Whitney from Dance Academy needs therapy but goshdarn if she wasn't such a loyal person.

Rewatched Saltburn and I'm obsessed with Farleigh and Oliver's tutoring scene. The essay specifically. For those who don't remember: Oliver did his homework and all his assignments and genuinely gave a well thought out essay for their summer assignments. Farleigh shows up hungover and late and didn't even read the books. But the teacher immediately loves Farleigh and is chatting him up with an interest he barely tried to show Oliver. Even after Oliver gives his presentation and shows that he's clearly a much better student than Farleigh. Obviously this is the real start of their rivalry. But it's also such a beautiful look into their characters and how they mirror eachother. Farleigh understands Oliver's essay, I believe. But like the teacher he's bored by it. The knowledge and work is there, but the presentation of it is boring and strange. Academic and correct, but lacking the appeal to the audience. (Which, can we talk about the fact Farleigh was genuinely listening at all? The teacher zoned out and switched channels, but Farleigh was interested and paying enough attention to know the exact number of times Oliver used the word "thus" in his essay. They respect each other truly even if they despise eachother at this point, and refuse to acknowledge the grudging respect.) So Farleigh does what he does best, he gloats over Oliver. He picks apart the style of the essay and it's presentation rather than addressing the central argument or topic. This delights the teacher and frustrates Oliver who is like, "so you're going to critique the style of my essay rather than it's substance? Seems a bit lazy" and that's the core component of these two characters.

Farleigh is ALL about presentation. He knows how fragile his pedistal is placed up and in view for everyone to see. He's a charity project, just like every other rando of the month. Sure he has some familiar connection, and that's given him a leg up in this world. But it's still shakey at best. He always has to give the correct performance, say the right words, keep his audience on HIS side. Unless he wants to get knocked down with the rest of the common rabal that he knows he's belongs with, but can't stand the idea of. So yes, of course he picks apart the one thing he knows Oliver is failing at. He takes his one advantage over Oliver and uses it mercilessly to both entertain and secure his audience on his side. (I wonder if the positions had been different some how, if Farleigh would have had anything to say about the substance of the essay itself. He was paying attention to it, did he want to have a real academic conversation? Did he possibly want to try and connect to Oliver in that way? A real and non performative way with someone who's so similar to him?)

As for Oliver, obviously his character is intelligent. He does the readings. He does the research. He puts the time and effort in to *learn* in the way Farleigh never does. And it must infuriate him that his essay is so easily pushed to the side for a cheep critique that doesn't even address the central argument of his essay. Of course he would hate Farleigh from the start for that. It's such a quick negation of all that Oliver has to offer and give just because it's not wrapped up in a pretty bow. And that's just his character. The substance is there, the intelligence is there. But it's not enough. It will never be enough. Because Oliver doesn't know how to translate it to his audience in a way they'll care about. He learns and tries to mimic, but it always falls short because he just can't seem to figure out the way to blend in and present himself so seamlessly as Farleigh.

And that's why they're such perfect mirrors of each other. They're both intelligent and clever. But they've found different ways of getting what they want and proving themselves. Farleigh is the face and the presentation, Oliver is the substance and body. In another world imagine what these two could have done and been if they hadn't been pitted against each other for the same prize. And the fact Oliver definitely deliberately shoved Farleigh out at the perfect time so he wouldn't get hurt and killed? Oliver and Farleigh respect and admire the other. But their tragedy is they can never be on the same page or team because the world they're in says there is only room for one. And they'd both do anything to get that title.

Why is it that the people you see yourself in the future with is the one that leaves your present? But the person you couldn't foretell would stay in your future was the one who is?

Saltburn was an experience.

the guilt I feel when I’m doing something else instead of writing is there, it’s just not strong enough to make me stop doing that something else and start writing. so it’s just there; enough to make me feel guilt, but not enough to make me write. 

thus most of the times, I’m doing something else while feeling guilty knowing I should be writing.

I know I’m bout to get like, three likes but I’m just happy to be here honestly

When I lay on my soft mattress,

The crickets the only sounds

In the still night,

My mind journeys;

Regrets wash over me,

My heart aches.

The moon shines beyond my ceiling,

And I curl up in despair.

Six feet below the ground,

Someone rests for eternity.

Then I begin to wonder,

What of their last moments?

I wonder,

Was it loneliness they had to bear?

Paralyzed on the bed

Yearning to join the chorus of laughter outside?

Did they lie on the bed,

Hearing joyous melodies

And having no ability to join?

Was it unbearable?

Did they watch everyone walk pass

Not giving them a single glance?

Those moments that would be the last,

Was it filled with all-consuming hurt?

Had we been kinder,

Better,

Nicer,

Could it have been alleviated?

It's midnight,

I lie awake,

Thinking,

Hating myself.

I lie awake in wonder,

Did they loathe me?

That in their death bed,

I had abandoned them.

In their final minutes,

Did they cry silently?

Fully awake,

Yet unable to move an inch?

In the quiet night,

Everyone peacefully sleeping,

Did they weep

And give up?

Thinking that they will not be missed?

Thinking of their own regrets?

Thinking of what-ifs?

Thinking if they were good enough?

Were their last moments filled

With the same pain I share only a quarter of?

Or was it a peaceful goodbye

With silent wishes of a happy life?

A tear slips down my cheek,

Apologies resting on my tongue,

For only spirits to hear.

I cry regrets.

I should have done more.

Should have been better.

Selfish and cruel I am, so,

Perhaps it should have been me.

I think,

As I see pieces of you in strangers,

And fragments of happiness in my memories,

Yes, perhaps it should have been me.

I lay on my bed,

Thoughts chasing sleep away,

I dig my fingers on my scalp,

My eyes shut tight.

I writhe

To shoo the thoughts away.

Maybe it's your spirit,

Wishing vengeance upon me.

But I desperately hope,

You wear white,

And watch over me

With the same gentle embrace as I grew up in.

I love you,

That much is true.

I'm sorry,

I couldn't show it enough.

I love you,

You might doubt it.

I'm sorry,

It wasn't enough for me.

Self-Protection or Self-Sabotage?

Red Flag Culture as a Reflection of Gen Z’s Avoidant Behaviour

From 'icks' to instant cut-offs, from ghosting to job-hopping—Gen Z is a master of raising a red flag and disappearing. Red flag culture is a trendy social practice wherein people actively identify traits from others that could be a warning sign of potential problems, and they then either proceed with caution or disengage entirely. This is essentially the practice of being wary of “red flags” to avoid a toxic situation. However, with its widespread practice through social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram, red flag culture has evolved from a tool for identifying genuinely toxic situations to a justification for disengagement at the slightest discomfort. Rather than fostering open communication or conflict resolution, it often encourages avoidance—an instinct deeply linked to avoidant behavioral patterns. This tendency to cut ties at the first sign of imperfection reflects a broader psychological inclination: the preference to withdraw rather than confront challenges, a hallmark of avoidant behavior. This trend of instant labeling of red flags reflects a broader shift in how Gen Z interacts with relationships, workplaces, and social connections, where digital culture normalizes avoidance over confrontation. Red flag culture, then, is not just a trend—it is a reflection of the avoidant behaviors and tendencies Gen Z has developed.

Avoidance behaviour refers to the actions people undertake to cope with uncomfortable or distressing situations, thoughts, or feelings. This can take the form of ignoring calls or messages, avoiding conflict, or cancelling plans at the last minute (Saxena, 2024). In 2024, Powers discussed with clinical psychologist and attachment styles expert, Dr. Morgan Anderson, about attachment styles and discovered that avoidant attachment style is on the rise, particularly with the younger generation. Avoidance behaviour is often attributed to be a sign of avoidant attachment style. An avoidant attachment style is characterized by strong discomfort with emotions, emotional intimacy, and a strong desire for independence (Cleveland Clinic, 2024)(Gould, 2024). Signs of an avoidant attachment style includes: an avoidance of complaining and preferring to sulk or give hints as to the problem, having feelings of high self-esteem while having a negative view of others, being overly focused on their own needs and comforts, feeling as though their partners are being clingy when they simply want to get emotionally closer, having a strong sense of independence, and withdrawing, or tuning out, from unpleasant conversations or sights (Haghighi, 2023).

This tendency toward avoidance is not just limited to attachment styles but is also closely linked to mental health concerns. Research by Struijs et al. (2017) indicates that increased avoidance is prevalent in people with anxiety disorders and depression, conditions that have been rising among Gen Z. As anxiety and depression become more widespread, many young people may adopt avoidance behaviors as a coping mechanism, steering clear of situations that could trigger distressing emotions and exacerbate their symptoms. A 2019 study conducted by Twenge et al. found that depression rates increased significantly among adolescents and young adults, highlighting a possible link between declining mental health and the rise of avoidant tendencies within this generation. Moreover, anxiety creates heightened sensitivity to stress and uncertainty, leading Gen Z to avoid situations that may trigger emotional discomfort. Due to this, Gen Z seems to struggle with presentations and job interviews—A New York Post divulges that one in five employers that are hiring Gen Z found Gen Z to be unprepared, facing issues with making eye contact, dressing inappropriately, and demands of unreasonable salaries. This could cause them to exhibit avoidance behaviour such as procrastination and dropping commitments. 

Beyond individual mental health struggles, social media plays a critical role in reinforcing avoidance behaviors among Gen Z. Online platforms encourage quick judgments and disengagement through red flag culture, where individuals are more likely to immediately cut off relationships instead of working through conflicts. The emphasis on identifying ‘toxic’ traits, while sometimes necessary, has also led to an increased tendency to avoid uncomfortable but necessary conversations, mirroring the avoidant behaviors shaped by anxiety and attachment styles. Furthermore, social media has made avoidance more effortless than ever. Cutting people off no longer requires confrontation—it is as simple as clicking the “block” or “unfollow” button. The rise of ghosting culture reflects this shift, as individuals can now disengage from relationships by simply ignoring messages or calls, avoiding uncomfortable conversations altogether. Further, the rise of the red flag culture has also evolved to a tool of avoidance.

With the popularization of the term “red flag” through platforms such as TikTok and Twitter, the overuse of the term started to encourage avoidance rather than open communication. From minor flaws to valid red flags—the line starts to blur as people start labeling minor incompatibilities as dealbreakers. There becomes this fine line between healthy-boundary setting and avoidance disguised as self-protection. While recognizing red flags is crucial for one’s mental and emotional wellbeing, however, red flag culture sometimes exaggerates these red flags—often as an excuse to avoid emotional effort. Valid red flags are based on consistent patterns of behaviour that indicate potential harm, toxicity, or disrespect. Frequently, they involve violations of boundaries, displaying manipulative behaviour, dishonesty, infidelity, etc. 

But calling red flags becomes avoidance when people: overgeneralize past negative experience and believe that people who exhibit the same tendencies will be exactly like their past experience; b.) hold their partners at impossibly high standards wherein any imperfections are deal-breakers; c.) use red flags as an excuse to avoid emotional intimacy and possible hurt; d.) project their own flaws or red flag traits on others and pin the blame on them. An example of an exaggerated red flag is “he/she texts dry.” People may end a relationship over dry texting, stating that their partner lacks communication skills and/or they need better communication; rather than genuinely and effectively communicating their needs to their partner, they choose to end it to avoid putting in the emotional effort. 

Of course, this extends beyond romantic relationships. It affects even the workplace and platonic relationships. In friendships, a single perceived red flag can justify cutting someone off immediately. Likewise, red flags can be spotted in the workplace in co-workers or employers. They may quit at the first sight of a pet peeve in a coworker or their employer. Instead of working through workplace struggles, Gen Z could opt to disengage fully. Employees could quit via emails or ghost employers, as long as they can avoid confrontation and in-person conversations. Due to this trend of disengaging and identifying red flags, some members of the Gen Z may forever seek out the perfect job, never settling for anything as they view every hurdle as a deal-breaker. This pattern of premature disengagement fuels job-hopping, workplace instability, and weaker conflict resolution skills, as every hurdle is seen as a deal-breaker rather than an opportunity for growth.

At its core, red flag culture serves a protective purpose—raising awareness of genuine toxic behaviors and rejecting the tolerance of unhealthy dynamics that past generations often endured. Gen Z, with its heightened focus on mental health, may have embraced this mindset as a way to break the cycle of normalized toxicity. However, in prioritizing self-protection, they risk self-sabotage, disengaging from situations that require emotional effort and resilience. In some cases, avoidance serves as a necessary mechanism to protect individuals from harm. For example, young people may choose to distance themselves from family members exhibiting abusive or toxic behavior to safeguard their mental health. Conversely, the normalization and glamorization of toxic relationships in media consumed by Gen Z can lead to the acceptance of unhealthy behaviors, potentially perpetuating a cycle of maladaptive coping strategies.

In an era where red flag culture dominates online discourse, Gen Z has embraced avoidance as both a protective mechanism and a social norm. While the practice of identifying red flags initially aimed to safeguard individuals from toxic relationships and unhealthy environments, its widespread use—especially through social media—has blurred the line between valid caution and excessive disengagement. Social media platforms amplify this tendency, making avoidance effortless through ghosting, blocking, and instant cut-offs. Consequently, what once served as a means of self-preservation has evolved into a habit of sidestepping discomfort, emotional effort, and conflict resolution.  

This avoidance pattern is deeply rooted in broader psychological and societal trends. Rising levels of anxiety, attachment insecurities, and workplace dissatisfaction contribute to Gen Z’s reluctance to engage in difficult but necessary conversations. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or professional settings, the impulse to disengage at the first sign of imperfection fosters instability, weakens resilience, and hinders personal and emotional growth. The normalization of avoidance, while sometimes a justified reaction to past generations’ tolerance of toxicity, also risks promoting unrealistic expectations and an inability to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.  

Moving forward, Gen Z can benefit from shifting red flag culture toward a more balanced approach—one that distinguishes between legitimate boundaries and avoidance disguised as self-protection. Media literacy and emotional intelligence play crucial roles in fostering this shift, encouraging individuals to engage in open conversations, practice constructive confrontation, and critically assess whether disengagement is truly necessary or simply a reflexive response to discomfort. Red flag culture, when wielded thoughtfully, can serve as a tool for empowerment rather than an excuse for avoidance. By embracing a mindset of growth rather than retreat, Gen Z can transform avoidance into an opportunity for deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and lasting resilience.

Cleveland Clinic. (2024, December 13). Is Avoidant Attachment Style Getting in the Way of Your Relationships?. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/avoidant-attachment-style.

Gould, W.R. (2024, September 19). What Avoidant Attachment Looks Like in a Relationship. Verywell Mind. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-avoidant-attachment-in-relationships-8600201.

Haghighi, A.S. (2023, November 16). What is avoidant attachment?. Medical News Today. Retrieved February 22, 2025, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/avoidant-attachment. 

Power, C. (2024, October 16). The attachment style that's growing faster than all the others. Mamamia. Retrieved February 22, 2025, from https://www.mamamia.com.au/attachment-styles-dr-morgan-anderson/. 

Saxena, S. (2024, September 20). Avoidance Behavior: Examples, Impacts, & How to Overcome. Choosing Therapy. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/avoidance-behavior/. 

Stabile, A. (2024, January 6). Gen Z grads are tanking job interviews, struggling to find full time positions: study. New York Post. Retrieved on February 22, 2025, from https://nypost.com/2024/01/06/lifestyle/gen-z-grads-are-tanking-job-interviews-struggling-to-find-full-time-positions-study/. 

Struijs, S.Y. et al. (2017, October). Approach and avoidance tendencies in depression and anxiety disorders. Psychiatry Research, 256, 475-481. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178116309003. 

Twenge, J.M. et al. (2019). Age, Period, and Cohort Trends in Mood Disorder Indicators and SuicideRelated Outcomes in a Nationally Representative Dataset, 2005–2017. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(3), 185–199. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/abn-abn0000410.pdf. 

Dabi: What's up, guys? I'm back. The Todorokis: . . . tf??? Enji: What the—how? We saw your jaw. Dabi: yeah, I miss that thing Fuyumi & Natsuo: YOU DIED! Dabi: **shrugs** death is a social construct.